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What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Virgin Mobile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/08/13 00:45:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what do you call a sleep walking nun

romin catholic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of fun does a priest have?

Nun.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hehehehe

Ohhhh you guyyyys

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How do you make a comedian cry?

Kill his family!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the definition of suspicion?

A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What's the definition of suspicion?

A nun doing squats in a cucumber field. "

LOOOOOOOOL

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What's Michelle Obama's favourite vegetable?

BARACKOLI!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Russian with three testicles?

Whodyanickabolockoff

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So a gay deer walks out of a bar and says, 'wow, I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A lickolotapuss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So a gay deer walks out of a bar and says, 'wow, I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!'"

Pmsl.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Heard about the two Scottish queers?

Ben Doun and Phil McCavity

Heard about the two Irish queers?

John Fizpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A lickolotapuss. "

Hahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How did the Hipster burn his tongue?

Apparently he was drinking coffee before it was cool!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

How do you tell the tribe of a Scotsman?

Look up his kilt, if its a quarter pounder then he's a McDonald.

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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago

wolverhampton

what do you call a box of fannys , clitrus all sorts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two nuns cycling along a cobbled street,,,,,, one nun says “I’ve never come this way before”,,,, the other replies “it must be the cobbles”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "

The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "

Golden oldie lol

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By *lentyoffun40Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire

A fish swimming upstream to spawn

Bumps into a wall

Damn!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A nun is in the bath when a blind man knocked on the bathroom door.

Nun said "Who's there?"

The man said "It's the blind man!"

Relieved, the nun said "Oh, come in then"

The man said "Nice tits, now, which window should I fit the blind on?"

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and he smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty well...

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey you were right! All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened".

"But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lmao off here thats a classic thanks for that i needed a laugh this morning

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

Glad I could help. X

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "

The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "

Golden oldie lol "

Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man walked into a bar....

What did he say?

.

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Ouch!!!!

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"

Heard about the two Scottish queers?

Ben Doun and Phil McCavity

Heard about the two Irish queers?

John Fizpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn"

can't believe I'm laughing so hard at that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "

The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "

Golden oldie lol

Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke "

Where's the soap? And it wears (down) the soap. I think!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Two nuns cycling along a cobbled street,,,,,, one nun says “I’ve never come this way before”,,,, the other replies “it must be the cobbles”

"

great one soxy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and he smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Sunday morning as she was preparing the chicken for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of chicken guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty well...

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey you were right! All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you".

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened".

"But by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in"."

That really got me chuckling thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two nuns walking through a park.

A flasher jumps out and shows his all, The head nun say's dont worry show him your cross, the second nun kicks him in the balls and say's is that cross enough for you sister

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant

Angus makiltup

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A one eyed dinosaur

yathinkhesaurus

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 nuns sat on a bench when a flasher walks up and exposes himself....

1 nun had a stroke, but the other couldn't reach.

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By *oole2010Couple
over a year ago

southampto


"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "

The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "

Golden oldie lol

Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke "

neither have i (rick)

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge


"2 Nuns in the bath one says " wheres the soap "

The other replies " Yes it does doesnt it "

Golden oldie lol

Sorry, but I've never gotten that joke

neither have i (rick)"
should say

two nuns in a bath one says "wears the soap " the other with a satisfied smile on her face says " yes it does doesent it ? "

geddit now ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?

Ones got hope in her soul the others got soap in her hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A nun goes into confessional and says to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

"How can this happen?" asked the priest.

"I think it must be the second coming," she replies.

The priest, shocked by this reply asks, "What makes you think it's the second coming?"

The nun answered, "Because I swallowed the first."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two nuns driving down the road when the devil jumps out of nowhere and lands on their bonnet. They screech to a halt and one nun turns to the other and says "quick jump out and show him ur cross". The nun jumps out and screams get off my bleedin' car you....

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By *amslam1000Man
over a year ago

willenhall

what's black and white with brown on top?

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A nun with a monk on!!

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Dishevelled guy bursts into a pub and asks "does anyone round here keep giant penguins?"

Blank looks from people in pub and murmurs of "no" and "don't think so".

"Shit" he says, "I've run over a Nun"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whats the difference between a policeman's truncheon and a magicians wand?

ones for cunning stunts and the other is for stunning cunts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"whats the difference between a policeman's truncheon and a magicians wand?

ones for cunning stunts and the other is for stunning cunts.

"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Blonde sitting at the kitchen table when her boyfriend walks in.

She says, 'This jigsaw's shite, I've been here for three hours already!'

Boyfriend says, 'put the fuckin Frosties back in the box!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Blonde sitting at the kitchen table when her boyfriend walks in.

She says, 'This jigsaw's shite, I've been here for three hours already!'

Boyfriend says, 'put the fuckin Frosties back in the box!'"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Virgin Mobile"

Did she buy it from Habitat

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Virgin Mobile

Did she buy it from Habitat "

Hahaha dunno

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm hoping to watch a porn movie, Sister act 2

doesnt look like what I thought itd be

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a man with no arms and legs sitting in your living room?

Whatever his name happens to be...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Mormons have moved into film making and have made an updated version of the old Hollywood blockbuster "Seven brides for seven brothers".

Except that there version is "Seven brides for two brothers".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

The Mormons have moved into film making and have made an updated version of the old Hollywood blockbuster "Seven brides for seven brothers".

Except that there version is "Seven brides for two brothers". "

LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call someone whos deaf dumb and mute?

Anything you want.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

An ambulance, that's a really serious headwound and needs medical attention...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A scouse woman in the latter stages of labour rings her mother up.

"Mam, me waters have broke."

"Where are you ringing from?"

"From my fanny to my feet"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates. "

Classic LOL

What did one droopy tit say to the other?

'We really need to get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

A scouse woman in the latter stages of labour rings her mother up.

"Mam, me waters have broke."

"Where are you ringing from?"

"From my fanny to my feet" "

Eww but still good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And the classic, two budgies sat on a perch.

"Here, can you smell fish?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Three Nuns died and were up at outside the gates of Heaven. St. Peter was there with them. St. Peter decided he needed to quiz each nun with a different question to see if they really deserved to go to Heaven.St. Peter asked the first nun, "Nun, Who was the first man on earth?" She replied, "That would be Adam." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the second nun and asked her, "Nun, Who was the first woman on earth?" She replied, "That would be Eve." St. Peter let her through the gates.St. Peter walked up to the third nun and asked her, "What was the last thing that Eve told Adam before they left Paradise?" The nun was puzzled. She thought about it for a long time." HHHHMMMM," she said aloud, "Thats a hard one." St. Peter let her through the gates.

Classic LOL

What did one droopy tit say to the other?

'We really need to get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!'"

Ha thats what mine say to one another.

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By *lentyoffun40Couple
over a year ago

Lancashire

3 guys in a pub

One guy bragging about his new watch . Swiss , silver . 3 grands worth .yells time in 3 different countries

Second guy shows his watch. Rolex . Gold , 13 grands worth . Tells time in all the worlds locations

3rd guy says .. That's nowt . I paid for a clock at home that talks the time to you ! I only paid a Quid for it

Not believing it they go around to his house

After half hour nothing happens ...

The guys say .. Your a liar

At which point the guy gets up with a hammer and proceeds to smash it in with a hammer

A voice from next door shouts " for fuck sake . It's 2 25 in a fucking morning !"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I threw a party at the weekend for all family and friends, and put on a lavish full spread.

Someone said, here, what are those crinkly things on sticks.

Oh i said, thats my aunties, Beryl and Edna.

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By *hmeohmyMan
over a year ago

UK

A white horse walks into a bar.

Barman says," we have a whisky here named after you".

Horse says "what, Eric"

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