FabSwingers.com forum: things you dont want to hear right before sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Example "don't suppose you have a bigger one do you?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone fart

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

"Don't make a noise if I answer my phone during sex - it'll probably be the wife"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope the anti biotics worked ok.....

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By *andWCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd

Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee"

Could be some folks dream haha

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By *andWCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd

"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

Could be some folks dream haha

Ha very true x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry about the wet patch, don't worry it's not cum... It's pee

Could be some folks dream haha

Ha very true x"

Each to there own and all that :p

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

is that it

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Did I mention that I'm pre-op?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope I can get it up this time.

Don't worry my herpes is not at it's contagious stage...

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Oh yeah, that ooze... I'm seeing the doc tomorrow so it'll be fine.

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By *ixmaMan
over a year ago

Chester

Do you mind if my dog joins us?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh look, the window cleaner's here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From the bathroom "Arghhhh, I'm pissing fire!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did I say that my cocks only an inch erect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mum !! Wtf !

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By *uncouple31Couple
over a year ago

Walsall

I'm not using that I don't use them with anyone I sleep with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really would like a baby!! Wtf had this exact thing happen the other week aaargh !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The husbands key in the door maybe

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Oh I forgot the condom do u have one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im a virgin "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it in??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I love you...

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

Hang on, I'll just get the larger attachment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fart and give me a clue love

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By *unloversCouple
over a year ago

rotherham

Fancy a bacon sarnie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fancy a bacon sarnie"

Mmmmm yes please I'm starving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mind putting on this wig... can i call you my ex's name?

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Here put this bag on ....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh by the way...I think I'm clear now. I mean the rash is gone and I've stopped scratching since 30 minutes ago..so its ok to fuck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tickets, please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you invited our saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, into your heart?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know, it's funny, but from down here you look just like your dad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Haha its like a penis, but smaller!

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By *ancatMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Do you mind if Sidney university wach and take notes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you

Turn on the light just wanna make sure I've got the right person cos I forget.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh for fuck sake Mother Nature not now!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Turn the light off, I prefer to not see you

Turn on the light just wanna make sure I've got the right person cos I forget.

Now you have, holy fuck it's you

. Turn it back off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Move your head I can't see the telly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My axe wielding hubby is in wardrobe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have i been here before?

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

Isn't that the top gear team in that caravan

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

can we do this position? thats how my wife likes it.

funny thing is this has happened to me

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

What is your name again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is your name again"

I would hazard a guess that the majority of men wouldn't care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you got a lighter!!!

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By *ettering-couple76Couple
over a year ago

Kettering

burrrrrrp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

is that it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh shit I've cum already!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you mind if my dog joins us? "

Believe it or not, but that happened to me!

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By *K_Big_GuyMan
over a year ago

milton keynes

Sorry I can't stop all night but I've got to go to court first thing in the morning as my fella is up on charges of murder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

£500 please! Money before sex!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Example "don't suppose you have a bigger one do you?""

Ive just taken a laxative?

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By *K_Big_GuyMan
over a year ago

milton keynes

Close yer legs a minute love, you just reminded me of that hot cheese toasty I had earlier..

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By *ohneybegoodMan
over a year ago

Dublin 14

shush !! I think the baby's awake

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Can we make this quick I have to be by night fall.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mum..dads home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont worry about the cheesey smell - its my feet not my cock

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By *hybutsweetCouple
over a year ago

sweetness

"hurry up"

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

You're not a real woman are you?

(this is my nightmare, because when I'm dogging and it's dark people don't always realise at first. very embarrassing all round)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on, I need to fart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're not a real woman are you?

(this is my nightmare, because when I'm dogging and it's dark people don't always realise at first. very embarrassing all round)"

i just spat my drink out.. lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont normally have this problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you buy fish today?

You didn't, Oh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh shit I've cum already!!!"

Oh heard that one before

Grrr !

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

It doesn't taste like Angel Delight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you defrost my sausages please

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

"Can you defrost my sausages please

You're disgusting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Can you defrost my sausages please

You're disgusting

I'm wovely weally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ahhhhh better out than in!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hey! No queue jumping...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice your mum doesn't shave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bend over so I can't see your face

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By *ancatMan
over a year ago

Norwich

You have the numder for the local cave rescue ? And were do I put the safety line?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your kids mooching about!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

You don't have aids do you ? because I'd hate to get that again.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Before we get down to it, can we agree a price?

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

You're not as nimble as your mother

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just a minute - let me take my teeth out. Blow jobs are better that way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahahahahahahahaha to all of the posts in this thread.

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

"I'm a Tranny by the way ...."

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind putting this fake beard on before you give me a bj?

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

What that smell

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By *az1312Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near Coventry

"Sorry, I have only got 5 minutes because my wife is waiting outside in the car"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry about the rash, Its clearing u p.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dad does it better

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Can the homey get some too

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I don't believe in showers - it washes away the natural juices.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Their not real scars,thats where they burnt the warts off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's funny that's just how your brother does it to

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind putting this cream on for me? I can't quite reach.

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Do you mind if you strap your chest and I call you Richard?

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just put these handcuffs on - ignore the scalpels. They're just for show.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My IBS is playing up today I'll put a towel down just to be on the safe side

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By *urvywelshCouple
over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

NEXT!!!

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

"Just put these handcuffs on - ignore the scalpels. They're just for show."

You have some imagination miss. I love it!

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I believe in safe sex. Would you mind wearing this crash helmet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Don't you worry your pretty little head off, its definitely curable

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Oh no! That's my waters broken!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

u cant touch this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hurry up I've ordered a Dominos Meat feast

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Just move those used condoms off the bed and brush the pizza crumbs on the floor - it'll be alright.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just move those used condoms off the bed and brush the pizza crumbs on the floor - it'll be alright."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh....go on then.....if you must.

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Don't worry I'm on the pill

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By *taffsfella1Man
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

Do you mind if I cover you in marmite?

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So, when are you moving in?

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

I love you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on, that curry I had last night is repeating on me....

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Omg! How did you know I love anal?

So what size strap on can you take? Oh, but I'm out of lube - that won't be a problem will it.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Do you mind if I put Corrie/football on? I don't want to miss it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you have any flour so I can find the wet patch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't believe its not butter... Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oppsss hold on u need to take me tampax out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I'm not a lesbian I wanted a man with a cock lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry emmerdale has just started

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Would you mind helping me cut my toenails? I find it hard to bend down with this backbrace on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But this is how we did it prison

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

You like role play? OK I am a fairy princess and you are the handsome prince come to sweep me off my feet. Would you put these tights on and this tunic?

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

Just use this condom. It's only been used once or twice.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

can we go to a wedding fair tomorrow

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Did we do it before I can't remember

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I have to be sure it's safe play so I will wear a femidom, you can put on these two condoms and we can both wear gloves.

Now, where did I put that dental dam?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry for crying

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I think the bailiffs are due round - would you mind answering the door and putting them off while I hide behind the sofa?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You look familiar - are you one of my dads mates

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I love a white wedding. What about you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought you said you looked like Simon Cowell

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue."

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Tights on or off, do you think?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing!

Off-putting.....? But..... did ya...???

ted.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"I know I said I was dom but actually I want you to strap me down and punch my testicles till they're blue.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago - very off-putting if you are not into that kind of thing!

Off-putting.....? But..... did ya...???

ted."

No. He wanted me to pull them - which I did but then asked for it harder and harder - and then to punch them and slap his dick really hard. Nice guy - but it all made me queasy. Chose not to see him again.

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By *az1312Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere near Coventry

I just need to put on my Hannibal Lector mask and....

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By *arry50Man
over a year ago

northern jersey

Don't worry it go away in a couples of day.

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