FabSwingers.com forum: Discretion...

By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

With the new addition to the verification system... I'm curious, do people not favour discretion any more or is that part of old school swinging times?

When I found my first swinging site in 2006 it was a pretty massive part of how things worked. There was flirting on the forums and reading between lines you kinda knew who was being naughty with who or at least you could speculate quite successfully. These days everyone seems to be obsessed with verifications. Back then there wasn't a system at all, everyone went to munches and socials and it just seemed different somehow. People were real because you met them socially.

Maybe I'm just really old!

Is it essential that someone has a verification before you'd even consider meeting them or do people still trust their instincts?

Discretion doesn't seem to factor so much these days. I remember people being really protective over their personal details and we never knew who was fucking who most of the time. Does anyone still care about that now or is it acceptable for everyone to be able to follow the six degrees of separation with the verification trail?

/curious

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By *adja_lazloCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

We don't put our veris on our page, as long as its shows up as verified that suits us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My veris arent on my profile. Prefer to meet others who are verified though

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

warrington

Unfortunately, I think it is more a legacy of the number of fake profiles or time wasters that have emerged into the scene.

A site like this, free or relatively cheap to be a paying member will attract any Tom, Dick or Harry to either try and booth their own ego or just play games with people. You will also get those in a relationship that will chance their arm, then realise how difficult it is to actually meet when they are married.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't show mine and very rarely give them. It for me just saves the hassle I have had in the past of people think because I have met someone I will meet them. I can decide for myself who I want to meet and don't need the recommendations of a stranger to help. Besides that its my life and I don't need everyone knowing what I'm doing.

Obviously there is the flirting on here and people will take what they want about me from that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We didn't display them on our previous profiles on here and won't be doing so again.

Won't be chasing down previous meets to beg for a verification in the desperate hope it might convince people to fuck us either. Although it does seem that there's a pressure on now to do exactly that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I miss a lot of the social aspects of swinging which seem to have died a quiet death through the 'Instant Gratification' opportunities provided by the proliferation of the Internet within the scene.

...and yes, I am well aware of the irony of posting the above on an internet swinging site.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't tend to put veris up only some so people can see that I am who I am. I have incidents in the past where women have contacted me asking me info regarding a meet...I don't like to be questioned as to my motive in meeting someone...and had the odd green eyed comments etc... This has happened on numerous occasions so now I don't bother giving anyone a veri and don't expect one in return...That way i won't have the snide messages and 20 questions situation...this really does boil my piss

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

I treat the verification system more like a review on a movie poster.

All we needed now are some stars...

"Great time, would recommend *****"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is a very good point OP, people do seemed to be into others having veri's. Why does it matter? Ok it can be said that for some it is a matter of safety but surely a social meet in a public place will give you an insight into that, others look for them to confirm that the other person/persons are not time wasters however how many threads do we see regularly complaining about time wasters, these people (time wasters) can't all be un verified? It does appear that discretion is some times a one way street, expectation of the need to know how, who with and when but not happy if the same is asked back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've known of people getting really bent out of shape about verifications - showing them, not showing them, writing them, not writing them etc,etc. There are good aspects to them - some are funny, some are very complimentary without being cloying. Sadly others are not.

I think there are some n this site who gather them as evidence for some kind of whacked out 'Detective work' or try to draw up some sort of 'shagging lineage'. I know it goes on, because its been talked about in forum posts - typically on the same few emotive subjects which crop up time and time again.

Verifications serve a purpose, but I think some put far too much stock in them. Just because 15 verifications say they were a great shag, doesn't mean they will be with you. Neither do they mean they will turn up to your arranged meet.

Now sadly, it seems they also come with an optional 'Scoreboard' facility, which is sure to generate more negatives than positives for some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now sadly, it seems they also come with an optional 'Scoreboard' facility, which is sure to generate more negatives than positives for some people. "

This and it has become a stalkers paradise!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With the new addition to the verification system... I'm curious, do people not favour discretion any more or is that part of old school swinging times?

You know what..

I don't publish mine.

Sure I'll leave em for others.

I don't ask for em either.

The people I've met know I've met em..let's just say that.

Dick waving aint my thing.

Like a meet saturday night I had.

She asked me why I don't publish em.

I said. .it makes me look easy..and I aint.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I prefer to show social veris - in fact my most recent ones are mainly from women!

So if I get a veri which goes in to detail about sexual exploits it won't get displayed.

What I want from veris is is he like his pics, was he on time, was he pleasant, decent manners and discreet in a public place. Whether I have a sexual spark is not something anyone but me can determine so all that detail is no use to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont show all of mine and dont feel the need to....ive one between me and someone that was very much tongue in cheek and that one i dont mind having a sexual reference in.

But normally if its about sex or has a sexual reference i dont show it....also dont show them off social meets from people i didnt click with or have no intention of meeting again.

I didnt want loads so even some of the people i got along with they are there but not published.

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Interesting... am glad it's not just me. I figure the system is there to verify someone as genuine rather than actual an actual reference to what went on. I don't feel the need to continue to add to it but I guess some want recent verifications. The new system shows too many details for me, my verifications are ancient cause I've been here a long time but I'm still real.

I don't pay any attention to film reviews either. What one person likes isn't necessarily what I like and vice versa. Why would I treat sex reviews any differently?

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

I think veris are like fleabay feedback from a seller, you can't leave a negative so what's the point?

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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago

Rockford

I have not decided... I like and loathe them at the same time...

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

It's interesting to see how many people are saying how brilliant the new system is, but not showing it on their own profile.

Brilliant to read others I guess

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

I used veris to establish the accuacy and validity of profiles and pictures. But you can amend your profile and pics whenever you like so veris have now become redundant for me.

When I displayed them, I would be asked for tips on how to get a meet with some of my verifiers or I would be asked to be the go-between if somebody had been ignored/blocked. Fortunately I never received any abuse about any of them.

On a few occassions, the veris describe people who I subsequently met and who were nothing like their veris.

So now I make up my own mind through fab messaging, phone calls etc. Sure I've encountered timewasters and made a few mistakes but I've also discovered some reals gems.

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By *unPeteMan
over a year ago

Near Bristol

Sorry I really didn't answer the op.

I know we're all here for the same reason but I still like a little discretion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 16/07/13 12:26:21]

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Sorry I really didn't answer the op.

I know we're all here for the same reason but I still like a little discretion.

That's cool... I like a varied discussion!

I notice some people are suggesting the new system shouldn't be opt out. I'm not sure why people insist on relying on other people's opinions as to who they're going to have sex with. It makes me chuckle cause I just don't get it. Why would you eat marmite just because Mr Jones down the road is eating marmite? You'd surely decide for yourself if you liked marmite rather than taking his word for it right?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I really didn't answer the op.

I know we're all here for the same reason but I still like a little discretion.

That's cool... I like a varied discussion!

I agree 100% with you, however looking through people's profiles, some have clearly stated, that they will only meet people that are verified.

Guess you can't win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have only once, stupidly, met someone on the deciding factor on what their veri's have said about them and yep you guessed it, it left me thinking just who were they on about lol! As you say marmite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I really didn't answer the op.

I know we're all here for the same reason but I still like a little discretion.

That's cool... I like a varied discussion!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

We have veri's displayed on our couple profile but I never do on mine. I leave veri's for other people and I can tell when people have found me from reading those veri's. It's quite amusing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

Wot he said.

Discretion is much more fun and have always felt a bit odd on the few times people have been less than discreet about an encounter

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

We have veri's displayed on our couple profile but I never do on mine. I leave veri's for other people and I can tell when people have found me from reading those veri's. It's quite amusing."

so what are you up to now???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

We have veri's displayed on our couple profile but I never do on mine. I leave veri's for other people and I can tell when people have found me from reading those veri's. It's quite amusing.

so what are you up to now???

Yeah go on tell us you know you wanna

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quite like the new veri summary tbh. It allows you to show that you actually meet with giving the females names away! And that way they don't get inundated with mail from the sad sacks saying "you met him, why not me me cos im bigger n better"! Lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the reasons we 'come and go' is to retain discretion. With the odd exception we don't want to be pestered by previous meets.

Of course the site owners want to try and get people to stay for the long term by building up their 'CV' and 'rep' that's just sensible business. But we're only here for a bit of fun from time to time, not to win the league table (even in the lower divisions).

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

This is the only site I use with a verification system. Even after five years I'm surprised people put such store in verifications.

I find it alien using what a stranger says about another stranger to decide who to take to my bed. The initial message gets my attention, the social meet sets the scene for me.

Whilst I've never used verifications in deciding who to meet I've used it in deciding NOT to meet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

We have veri's displayed on our couple profile but I never do on mine. I leave veri's for other people and I can tell when people have found me from reading those veri's. It's quite amusing.

so what are you up to now???

Yeah go on tell us you know you wanna

I am reading this thread and scratching my bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't give much information away, and when I do it's usually contradictary. (is that a word?!)

I like discreet people. I don't like people knowing my business and asking what I'm up to.

We have veri's displayed on our couple profile but I never do on mine. I leave veri's for other people and I can tell when people have found me from reading those veri's. It's quite amusing.

so what are you up to now???

Yeah go on tell us you know you wanna

I am reading this thread and scratching my bollocks.

Ahh maybe you can help out then, which one hangs lower please

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

I think discretion along with bonafide respect has dissipated in the swinging scene over the last few years, which is sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I also don't display my verifications...

I would tho.. If I had any

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I think discretion along with bonafide respect has dissipated in the swinging scene over the last few years, which is sad.

That's exactly what I think. I read a post elsewhere about the same topic and someone said that the scene hasn't changed, the people have.

I wonder if its because its so much more mainstream now. It appears to be much more socially acceptable, less taboo and people are less concerned about being found out.

I think I liked the old days better when discretion was valued, verifications were gut instincts and not everyone needs to know every detail.

The admin post on the new verification summary made my eyes pop out that people think it's okay to take recommendations from other Fab users. Recommendations? Like you're a book worth a read? FFS! If I caught someone discussing me in such a way there's no danger they'd get anywhere near me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think discretion along with bonafide respect has dissipated in the swinging scene over the last few years, which is sad.

I'm proud to be old skool!

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I think discretion along with bonafide respect has dissipated in the swinging scene over the last few years, which is sad.

I'm proud to be old skool!

Does 2006 count as old skool?! If yes, I'm with you. If no, I'm gatecrashing!

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