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Children of people adopted

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Should they have rights to know and access their birth grandparents and other family. Or should it be left to the adopted person to call all the shots?

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

I think it very much depends upon the circumstances under which they were adopted

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

we have first hand experiance of this, and no it should be up to the adopted person, but medical records should be available, so you know if you might have inherited an illness

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

It depends foe me personally I would not open up old wounds....However if I was adamant that is what I wanted to do is to have full support of my parent as it might be they don't want to know...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

From birth reason unknown

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't ever wanted to contact my parents but have a great desire to know my grandparents and extended family. They are part of a history I won't ever know and hold the key to my past my heritage

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

We see the tv show long lost families I just think they are the fairy tales of this....in a lot of circumstances it is heart ache...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The child is 13 and does not know the parent is adopted so assumes the grandparents to be birth grandparents. My worry is the child will find out and be angry at being lied to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We see the tv show long lost families I just think they are the fairy tales of this....in a lot of circumstances it is heart ache..."

That show has made me think if the child is kept in the dark for too long they may never get to meet their birth family...

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"The child is 13 and does not know the parent is adopted so assumes the grandparents to be birth grandparents. My worry is the child will find out and be angry at being lied to. "

It's up to the parent to find the right time/age to explain and to them their parents are their parents and not the one that gave them up at birth...so the grand parents are the child's grandparents

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh


"The child is 13 and does not know the parent is adopted so assumes the grandparents to be birth grandparents. My worry is the child will find out and be angry at being lied to. "

thats true but we have always been honest, but in reality it doesnt really matter, and this is something ive agonised over for 30 years or more, nurture is way more important than nature, if you see them as grandparents then they are

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well that's a reassuring answer thank you

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

however honesty is key, and the younger they know the better

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"however honesty is key, and the younger they know the better"

That's what I'd hoped for and indeed what the adopted person experienced. I imagine if you find out things like this as a teenager or older you'd feel a bit ....not sure what word is best, but betrayed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest, I've never really given this much thought but maybe I should. My husband is adopted but has never wanted to contact his biological father (he did find his mother years ago but she died). It's never occurred to me that our kids might want to find him. I don't think they even realise that their dad was adopted but maybe that's a conversation we need to have.

I can understand why the kids might want to know their biological grandparents but this could be a really damaging process within the family if the adopted person didn't want to know. It's also worth considering that a lot of biological parents don't want to know either so as a previous poster said, these fairytale stories are often a long way from the reality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Your story is similar to mine ish!

The birth mother did try to make contact with the adopted person about 14 years ago.

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

pm sent bicouple

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By *d_deeTV/TS
over a year ago

cheshire

I've known I was adopted since a very early age and never had any desire to find my real parent. My Mum(RIP) and Dad have been so good to me I have never seen any reason to. Every woman I have been with has wanted to search for me but as a lad on that programme last week said, It feels like betrayal. My daughter doesn't care either, but then again she doesn't care about anything

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