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"I guess it depends how much you're invested in this "lifestyle"? For me it has nothing to do with lifestyle and more about finding someone on the right wave length to experiment with. Vanilla can be exciting to with the right person. " Totally agree. Though a little bit of whip in the vanilla never hurt too much... | |||
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"It's meant to be a recreational hobby... a bit of fun... not a behavioural disorder." More many the former, for a few, definitely the latter! | |||
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"It's meant to be a recreational hobby... a bit of fun... not a behavioural disorder." You make it sound like knitting lol | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... " thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually.. Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference. if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together. | |||
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"It's meant to be a recreational hobby... a bit of fun... not a behavioural disorder. You make it sound like knitting lol" If you think knitting is a bit of fun... yep , I may well have. | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... " i met the 'right' guy 22 years ago, we dont 'need' anyone else, we choose to explore with other people because we love each other enough to not want to limit our experience x | |||
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed!" | |||
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed! " Agree totally | |||
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"Look at it this way... if swinging (whatever you believe that to be) is more important than your relationship, you haven't got a relationship worth keeping - it's fucking doomed!" Exactly. Yes, of course I could switch to Vanilla for the right person. | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... i met the 'right' guy 22 years ago, we dont 'need' anyone else, we choose to explore with other people because we love each other enough to not want to limit our experience x" | |||
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"Yes, I'd delete my profile and give it up in an instant if I met the man of my dreams! This is my life as a single woman. I'm not really a Swinger either as CutenSassy said - I think someone in another Thread called us Swingles. If I met someone in the 'real' world I'd devote my time and energy on that relationship. AND before any of you have a go at me for saying this isn't real for me it's my secret fantasy world! I know some couples on here swing together and I'm not judging that in any way. I just know it wouldn't be for me if. " What she said | |||
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... " You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious. | |||
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious." i guess that must be a very touchy subject, if i was deeply in love with a guy and he said to me 'i want to swing' i would take it very personal that i wasnt pleasing him sexually and was no longer enough, | |||
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious." I suppose that they feel that they can talk about anything and everything....I don't think it is a case of them not finding each other attractive...I suppose it's how you bring it up x | |||
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"I guess it depends how much you're invested in this "lifestyle"? For me it has nothing to do with lifestyle and more about finding someone on the right wave length to experiment with. Vanilla can be exciting to with the right person. " | |||
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious. i guess that must be a very touchy subject, if i was deeply in love with a guy and he said to me 'i want to swing' i would take it very personal that i wasnt pleasing him sexually and was no longer enough, " That's how I would take it too. | |||
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"Yes, I'd delete my profile and give it up in an instant if I met the man of my dreams! This is my life as a single woman. I'm not really a Swinger either as CutenSassy said - I think someone in another Thread called us Swingles. If I met someone in the 'real' world I'd devote my time and energy on that relationship. AND before any of you have a go at me for saying this isn't real for me it's my secret fantasy world! I know some couples on here swing together and I'm not judging that in any way. I just know it wouldn't be for me if. " Plus 1 | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... " see I don't subscribe to that.. and I'm sure every couple on here reads that and finds it insulting... It's not about not making your partner happy.. to answer your question.. I don't think I could ever give it up as it's part of who I am. | |||
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"I would build up a relationship with the person and discuss with each other if we want to go into it as a couple... You know I have always wondered - HOW do committed couples actually bring up the topic of swinging? I mean, if they got together before they ever started swinging and had never discussed it before? I'm curious." We were together for eighteen years before we started swinging. We always talked about our fantasies and they gradually got more about involving other people in our sex life. First it was only a fantasy but then we decided to do something about it. It took us a couple of years to meet anyone but we knew if it didn't work that there would be no problem between us. At the moment we are thoroughly enjoying ourselves but we could give it up in an instant if one of us decided to call it a day. | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... " Ju makes me very happy and I don't need anyone else at all. It's just a bit of fun , nothing more nothing less. | |||
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"you give up pretty much everything for the right person don't you ?" I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything. | |||
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" I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything." this is how I feel xxx | |||
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"Would you give up this lifestyle if you met some one who blew your mind or would you try and convert them to have your fill?? I Have said vinalla with some one could feel like every flavour under the sun " I would well I have given up on seeing men, I am bi so I want to try with women but haven't had much luck lol | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually.. Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference. if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together. " exactly how feel x | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... thats how i would view it from my point of view being a female I know im a one man woman and that if i give myself to someone then id not want to be with anyone else sexually.. Im not a swinger and never had the desire to sleep with a lot of men though, id rather learn and experiment with one person. its my preference. if in time i had urges or fantasies that involved others id have no issues with talking things through with the partner and providing he was comfortable then explore those together. exactly how feel x" Yes exactly, we had been together for 4yrs before I brooches the subject... Previously I had been in a shitty marriage very vanilla very boring... And would never have dared or dreamt of broaching the subject! | |||
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"I've had my fill of vanilla, including marriage - and have no intentions of ever going back. Guess I'm too selfish, have never had any interest in kids, am comfortable in my own company and don't subscribe to the bullshit my siblings tell me that 'one day you'll die sad and alone'. I won't. I'll probably die of a heart attack 'on the job' - but even if I end up a rambling old fool in a nursing home - at least I'll have some interesting tales to tell the staff! " similar outlook to mine, and I have barely scratched the surface of what this lifestyle has to offer! | |||
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"I've had my fill of vanilla, including marriage - and have no intentions of ever going back. Guess I'm too selfish, have never had any interest in kids, am comfortable in my own company and don't subscribe to the bullshit my siblings tell me that 'one day you'll die sad and alone'. I won't. I'll probably die of a heart attack 'on the job' - but even if I end up a rambling old fool in a nursing home - at least I'll have some interesting tales to tell the staff! " This is my outlook as well. I think I am eternally single. I don't want kids and don't think I'm the marrying kind. I like my own company and really don't like sharing my space. Singledom works for me and I get to choose when I have my naughty fun and who with. Suits me just fine | |||
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"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything." Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ? | |||
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"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything. Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ?" if I ever met someone and it became more, they would know this is who I am... So why would they want to change me. if they were unhappy it was obviously not the one. | |||
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"if I ever met someone and it became more, they would know this is who I am... So why would they want to change me. if they were unhappy it was obviously not the one. " You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ? I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws. [not really flaws but you know what I mean] Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop. Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop. I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart | |||
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"I would actually give up very few things to be honest. The right person wouldn't expect you to give up anything. Suppose you know that he'd prefer you to give it up, even though he tolerates it. He's the right person - nobody ever has/will come close, in or out of the bedroom. Are you going to voluntarily change or are you going to let him be unhappy with this side of your life ?" Like I said earlier, I don't see this scene as a part of my life like some others do. For me it's just a bit of fun for now and not something I see myself doing for the long term anyway. And I could give this up quite easily for the right person. If you love someone and want to be with them then you should want to be with them warts and all (I am not just talking about swinging here). You shouldn't be with someone if you expect them to change something about themselves in order to make you happy. And if I met someone who would only be happy being with me if I changed something about myself, then that is't the kind of relationship I would want anyway. | |||
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" You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ? I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws. [not really flaws but you know what I mean] Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop. Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop. I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart " sadly it's thinking like that which leads to most of the relationships I deal with in therapy breaking down.. Thing is that is okay In the beginning.. but people become resentful when they try to be something they are not. | |||
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"If he was the right guy he would not need any one else as you would just make him happy ... " with the greatest of respect what a load of tosh nobody NEEDS anyone else, couple swing because they want to not because they need to | |||
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" You mean he has to love every little thing about you to be "the one" ? I take a different viewpoint - for me, it's a case of loving the other person despite their flaws. [not really flaws but you know what I mean] Under my definition, she'd put up with it, but would prefer me to stop. Understanding her point-of-view, I'd stop. I'm just an old-fashioned romantic at heart sadly it's thinking like that which leads to most of the relationships I deal with in therapy breaking down.. Thing is that is okay In the beginning.. but people become resentful when they try to be something they are not. " But the majority of people who hold on to such seemingly archaic views don't require therapy - you only see the tip of the iceberg. | |||
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"there seems to be 2 very distinct points of view being offered here - either you would or you wouldn't. but then i guess that vanilla is like marmite - either you . . . here we go again - do you like marmite ???" In fairness they are the only views you'd get from this question , either yes or no. People enter this lifestyle for lots of different reasons and there is a lot of different relationship make ups on here. Singles , couples , couples who play separately, couple who have met in this lifestyle , couples who after some time together have drifted into this lifestyle and many many more. The answer to will you give it up for the right person will differ greatly depending on their relationship status. As for us we were already with the right person before we started swinging. Our marriage was great before we started and if one of us decided to stop we would still have a great marriage. | |||
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"No is the honest answer. Its something in my life that I enjoy and I couldn't and wouldn't give it up. However swinging could be described as vanilla to some people. The one thing I really wouldn't be able to give up is BDSM - I couldn't and won't give that up. Limits my potential partners but hey ho! " same here waiting for the right partner is hard cause for me women come along and claim to be into bdsm it turns out from the of they aren't really and I get caught up in vanilla world | |||
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