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stay or go ???

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Would u stay in a relationship JUST for the sake of the kids ???

If yr in a totally stale loveless marraige/relationship, dont have sex , argue a lot etc etc ... u just plod along for the sake of the kids......u split up, but decide to go back and try to make it work for the kids....

would you try and make it work ?????

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By *leasureDomeMan
over a year ago

all over the place


"Would u stay in a relationship JUST for the sake of the kids ???

If yr in a totally stale loveless marraige/relationship, dont have sex , argue a lot etc etc ... u just plod along for the sake of the kids......u split up, but decide to go back and try to make it work for the kids....

would you try and make it work ?????

"

no ...kids are like sponges and soak up all that agro ..better to bring em up in a happy safe environment rather than the sham of a marriage i reckon

mr x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

better for kids if u split i did and it never did them any harm better to have 2 seperate happy parents than 2 unhappy ones

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No way, surely the kids would pick up on that?

Had friends who have said/done that, and in all honesty wondered if they were actually being honest with us, surely if it was as bad as they first described things wouldn’t change.

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

.

I agree, I was brought up by parents who continually argued and even know I can vividly remember the atmosphere.

People say 'we don't argue in front of the the kids, but they aren't stupid and can sense atmospheres.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people under estimate children all the time they do soak up atmospheres, and mine for one was releived when i made the break... anyway she now has two rooms, two parents that actually spk to each other, and is much happier n content xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there, done that, it's heartbreaking, still don't know if I did the right thing, but felt I had to try, didn't work, I live alone.

THE END

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree with what you all said the kids see and hear a lot more than some parents think, and deffo a bad idea to go back just for the sake of the kids. Bad move harms the kids!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

me and my ex stayed together for the sake of the kids for a while, but it was such the wrong thing to do, the kids picked up on everything and even today can remember some of the rows we had and me and their father feel so guilty about it,

my eldest has said that she is happy me and her daddy are happy now. never stay for the sake of the kids. its the kids u will only be hurting. as long as the kids know u both still love them things will be a lot happier all round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its just hard for the kids at first and for you guys, fielding all the questions about why you are not together anymore, plus the questions from extended family, people saying try for the kids ect.....at the end of the day you know what is best for your kids.

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Two happy homes is much better than one not happy one.

Agree with above comments about kids knowing - i remember lots of arguements with my own parents and was gutted when dad left home, but he is still me bst buddy now.

So long as the parent the kids stay with dont slag off the other parent to the kids.... you need to maintain a decent relationship with that person so that the child/ren have a chance of two happy homes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Causes more harm than good

However people who do split should communicate and watch that the kids dont play one parent against another

Because thats worse for them in the long run

Craig x

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london

I basically echo what most people above have already said.

I had to step through this process a year ago. Went through all the options, trying and retrying, living the lie, separate rooms, etc.

It was a crash happening!

Fortunately we got to the point of separation before it got nasty in front of the child, and we where able to work a (semi) calm separation for the child’s sake.

But by god it hurt to leave my girl, I cried the night I left, and haven’t stopped missing her.

We are sill close and I see a lot of her, but the pain of living together was starting to show on her before I left, (by mutual agreement) and the damage I have seen done in the past in my family made the choice clear.

Children know when there’s a problem, don’t rub them in it day after day, living in fear of the raised voice or the cutting words. Talk to them; explain it’s not their fault!!

Make lots of plans with them to see them, or to see the Ex if they are staying with you.

Staying together for the children’s sake does not work, staying civil and working for the children’s benefit but living separately does work.

Separating CAN be putting the children first!

That’s my 2c worth, it different for everyone I’m sure, but I wish you the best whatever happens.

OKC

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yup the pain never goes mate does it, I see my two lots, but it always hurts when they have go back, I do tend to cry a bit for a bigfella lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yup the pain never goes mate does it, I see my two lots, but it always hurts when they have go back, I do tend to cry a bit for a bigfella lol"

I know what you mean kingcole and bigfella. I been there too. and its heartbreaking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope - definately not.

I'm not the worlds biggest fan of kids in the 1st place ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when i split from my ex wife i knew it affected my 2 kids quite bad cos not only had their mum and dad separated they now had a weekend dad who was struggling to accept it was over and struggled even worse gettin used to seeing them as a single dad.3 yrs on and for the first time they now have a very happy mum n dad rather than a very unhappy hubby n wife.once its gone its gone forever so its best for them if you call it a day and separate even though it will hurt all concerned for a good while after and make you doubt youre actions but if ur wanting to hear others opinions well mine is you should call it a day and wait for the one thing that seems to be able to make it better for everyone, which is time, and as much as we all hate the old cliches, time is the greatest healer. well it worked for me anyway but whatever you decide to do i hope theres a happy ending for all of you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i personally can't see how staying in a marrage your not happy in will be better for the kids, if you don't want to be with someone your not going to get on and children don't want to see and hear mum and dad at each others throats all the time, we only human you can't hide it from the kids forever, i personally think children are better off with two happy parents living apart and than unhappy ones together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I COULDNT STAY 4 THE SAKE OF THE KIDS..I THINK ITS THE KIDS THAT PAY 4 IT IN THE LONG RUN..BEST 4 THE KIDS 2 SPLIT AN KEEP IT AS NORMAL AS POSSABLE xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

thanks everyone for yr comments, ...

this wasnt a question for myself but for some one i care about, and has yet again gone back to his partner JUST for the sake of his kids, its sad rally, but, only he can decide

thanx again xx

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By *ebzStarWoman
over a year ago

Notting

Hope it all works out in the end - it usually does xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

bump..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

i know its an old post, ive bumped it for someone to read xx

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By *resh freddieMan
over a year ago

Penistone

The Clash innit????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yup it's clash freddie

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By *1dKingColeMan
over a year ago

east london


"i know its an old post, ive bumped it for someone to read xx"

Was that a random 'someone', or did you have 'someone' in mind?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Would u stay in a relationship JUST for the sake of the kids ???

If yr in a totally stale loveless marraige/relationship, dont have sex , argue a lot etc etc ... u just plod along for the sake of the kids......u split up, but decide to go back and try to make it work for the kids....

would you try and make it work ?????

"

Personally - no....kids aren't daft they know when something isn't right and they pick up on it.....they soak up the atmosphere surrounding the relationsip.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i know its an old post, ive bumped it for someone to read xx

Was that a random 'someone', or did you have 'someone' in mind?

"

no i bumped it for a certain person to read

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