FabSwingers.com forum: It's International Joke Day

By *ickshawed OP Couple
21 hours ago

Wolverhampton

I'm tempted to tell my brother this, seeing as it's his birthday

So go on, hit me with your best ones..

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
21 hours ago

London

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
21 hours ago

London

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I don’t know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

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By *inkyandthebrain2023Couple
21 hours ago

Cheshire

A blonde is talking about her husbands dandruff problem. The pharmacist recommended head and shoulders.

She replies saying she doesn't know how to give shoulders.

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By *athomMan
21 hours ago

South Coast

My next door neighbour knocked on my door in a see through negligee and asking to borrow a cup of sugar, winked at me, and asked to come in for coffee.

I said “Fuck off Dave

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By *aygee246Man
21 hours ago

S Lanarkshire

Jack and Jill

went up the hill

cos Jill was feeling randy.

Jack got a shock

and a mouth full of cock

cos Jill's real name was Andy.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
21 hours ago

London

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegr*m."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
21 hours ago

Yorkshire

A newly wed hobbit girl that has developed a very sore fanny decides enough is enough and books an appointment with her local hobbity GP.

“Good morning.

What seems to be the problem?” He asks.

Well, my new hobbit husband and I have a small holding and ever since we’ve been married and I moved into the farming life with him my fanny has gotten worse and worse to the point I can barely walk out to feed the animals in the morning these days.

Ok, sit on the edge of the bed and lift up your skirts so I can examine you.

She does as asked and the doctor takes a few moments to look over her awfully red raw and puss soaked little fanny.

“I think I can see the problem here, I’m just going do a few small cuts with my surgical scissors and see if we can make things more comfortable.”

The doctor spends a couple of minutes chopping away and then sits up.

“How does that feel now? Stand up and see if you’re more comfortable.”

The hobbit girl hops off the bed and immediately tells him that she feels so much better and that the pain has gotten much better already, it’s amazing.

“What did you do to me doctor?” She asks.

“I took 6 inches off your wellies!” He exclaims.

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By *oveat1stfeelMan
21 hours ago

turnrightstraightahead

Ok ..see if you can get the Moral of the story...A rabbit comes to a railway track , decides wether to cross or not , decides he will but as he crosses, a train comes along & cuts off his tail , so while on the other side he looks back & sees him tail ,again deciding to go back & collect his tail or not, he decides he will & while crossing ,another train comes along & cuts off his head ....

What is the moral of the story ??

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By *uckMe12FreeMan
21 hours ago

(User no longer on site)

Told my mrs the other day that me, her and the dog were going on a fishing trip for a weekend.

"No way" she shouted

"I'm not camping in a muddy field by a river"

"Ok" I said,

"You've got a choice, you can come camping, suck my dick, or have anal sex with me"

"Fine", she says, she knelt down in front of me and starts noshing me off.

"Fucking hell"!!! She cries, "Your cock tastes like shit"!!

I said "Yeah, the dog doesn't want to go either".

(Posted this yesterday on a different thread, so apologies if you've read it already)

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By *allySlinkyWoman
21 hours ago

Leeds

What is the moral of the story ?? "

Heads or tails ?

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By *allySlinkyWoman
21 hours ago

Leeds

Tails you win, heads you loose ?

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By *athomMan
21 hours ago

South Coast

I was having a coffee this morning sitting by the village pond.

“ Kiss me and I turn into a 25 year old Nymphomaniac “ spoke a frog sitting on a leaf nearby.

I smiled picked up the frog and put it in my pocket.

“Hey !, aren’t you going to kiss me ?” Shouted the frog .

“ I’m almost 60” I replied. “ Id much rather have a talking frog “ 😊

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
21 hours ago

IPSWICH

An Essex girl has spent ages in a shoe shop looking at a pair white stiletto boots.

The assistant approaches and asks if there is a problem as shes been looking at them for so long.

The essex girl say "I really wanna try em on but I can't work out what one goes on on what foot"

The assistant tells her that the manufacturer has solved this problem with an L on the left foot and an R on the right foot.

She says "Ain't that clever.. I always wondered why I had C&A in my knickers"

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
21 hours ago

IPSWICH

A nun is having a bath in the convent.

There's a knock at the door.

"Who is it" she asks.

"It's the blind man"

She thinks its ok he's blind he can't see me.

"Come in" she says.

The man enters.

"Nice tits. Now where do you want the blind"?

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By *4bimMan
20 hours ago

Farnborough Hampshire

[Removed by poster at 01/07/26 10:10:18]

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By *4bimMan
20 hours ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Two men talking at the bar.

'i bought my wife a mercedes Benz for shopping and a rolls Royce for socialising for her birthday, what did you get yours?' he asks.

Man replies, 'a pair of slippers and a dildo, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself '

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By *WB85Man
20 hours ago

Staffordshire

A good friend on here told me this.

Whats the difference between me and Superman?

Superman has super vision. I require supervision.

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By *hinstrapMan
20 hours ago

sheffield

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story.

I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.

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By *oveat1stfeelMan
19 hours ago

turnrightstraightahead

What is the moral of the story ??

Heads or tails ?"

Sent you the Moral. 💋

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By *enuine_J87Man
19 hours ago

Eastleigh

My love life

Ba dum dum tsschh!

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By *erdyHollyTV/TS
19 hours ago

In a galaxy far far away

I quit my job in the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!

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By *issy LanaTV/TS
18 hours ago

Slough

Why don't scientists trust atoms anymore?

Because they make up literally everything!

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By *imon_hydeMan
17 hours ago

Stockport

Oh no it isnt!

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By *actile TensionMan
17 hours ago

Sussex

Man asks his wife to tell him something that'll make him both happy and sad simultaneously.

Wife says "your dick's bigger than your brothers"

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By *ANiCURETV/TS
17 hours ago

Winchester

"Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I don’t know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!""

😆

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By *umbleweed.Man
16 hours ago

Naas

Met two Thai girls and got invited back to their place, thought I'd won the lottery ,I hadn't, even though we had six matching balls 🥴

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By *obilebottomMan
16 hours ago

All over

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife, but she completely brushes him off."What's wrong?" he asks.She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
16 hours ago

IPSWICH

Two nuns in a bath.

One says where's the soap.

The other replies. Yes it does doesn't it.

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
16 hours ago

Manchester

According to a recent survey carried out by NHS England: women who are carrying a little extra weight, tend to live longer than men, who happen to mention it.

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By *obilebottomMan
15 hours ago

All over

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.He told me to stop going to those places.

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By *issy LanaTV/TS
15 hours ago

Slough

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotapuss.

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By *obilebottomMan
15 hours ago

All over

There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
15 hours ago

Crumpet Castle

A man is on his way into a pub when a nun stops him. She scolds him for entering a "den of iniquity" and warns about the brain damage alcohol will cause.The man fires back, asking if she has ever even had a drink herself. When she admits she hasn't, he tells her it's foolish to criticize something she has never experienced.

He offers to buy her a drink so she can try it for herself.The nun cautiously agrees, but insists it be done discreetly:

Nun: "I don't know, what do ladies generally drink?"Man: "Gin.

"Nun: "Alright, I'll have a gin. But get it in a cup so nobody will notice."

The man heads into the bar and says to the bartender, "Give us a pint of beer and a double gin in a cup."The bartender looks at him, sighs, and asks: "Is that bloody nun out there again?"

RIP Dave Allen

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
9 hours ago

Wolverhampton

I shall add my childhood favourite

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To visit his flat mate

🦔

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By *oeBeansMan
9 hours ago

Derby

A Priest, a Pastor, and Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit.

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By *onderWomanWlvWoman
9 hours ago

Wolverhampton

How do you crush an orange?

Tell it you don't love it any more.

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By *obilebottomMan
9 hours ago

All over

A couple is on a train sharing a compartment.

The man is in the upper bunk, the woman is below.

At 2 AM, he leans down and says, "Ma'am, I'm freezing. Could you grab me another blanket?"

She smiles up at him and says, "I have a better idea. Let's pretend we're married.""Wow, really?" he beams.

She replies, "Yep. Now get your own damn blanket."

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By *elvet RopeMan
9 hours ago

by the big field

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you £100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the £100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you £100?"

Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me £100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the £100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
9 hours ago

IPSWICH

"I shall add my childhood favourite

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To visit his flat mate

🦔"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because thats where all the cocks hang out. 🐓🐓

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By *xSirenaxxWoman
7 hours ago

Gloucestershire

The other day was driving along and at the traffic lights a guy with road rage yelled "I am going to make your life a living hell"

I yelled back "thanks but I am not looking for a relationship right now"

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By *oeBeansMan
7 hours ago

Derby

I once went to an archaeology party where everyone was looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig.

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By *eather_uktvTV/TS
4 hours ago

Manchester

"A Priest, a Pastor, and Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit."

It took me a couple of minutes to get that one.

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By *oujustneverknowMan
4 hours ago

Norwich

[Removed by poster at 02/07/26 02:21:51]

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By *oujustneverknowMan
4 hours ago

Norwich

"Ok ..see if you can get the Moral of the story...A rabbit comes to a railway track , decides wether to cross or not , decides he will but as he crosses, a train comes along & cuts off his tail , so while on the other side he looks back & sees him tail ,again deciding to go back & collect his tail or not, he decides he will & while crossing ,another train comes along & cuts off his head ....

What is the moral of the story ?? "
it's not worth losing ya head chasing a piece of tail ??

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