FabSwingers.com forum: Judgement time...

By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

Do you judge people? When is judging bad? When is it a good thing?

Judgy judge judgy, had to get the judgy out of my system. Fin.

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

That word looks weird now.

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By *hickthighs26Woman
7 days ago

funky town

[Removed by poster at 06/06/26 13:37:17]

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By *hickthighs26Woman
7 days ago

funky town

I think we all judge people. There is research that says within seconds of meeting someone we pass judgments in our mind.

I think when it becomes wrong is when people feel the need to publicly declare it repeatedly or attempt to force their opinions on others.

Or use there judgement to belittle others, i think its fine when it is used as part of a healthy debate or holds some substenance to the conversation.

When it's just to be bitchy to pull others down then not so much

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By *oxy-RedWoman
7 days ago

pink panther territory

Yes we are all guilty of judging people,often wrongly in my experience

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By *izandpaulCouple
7 days ago

merseyside

"Do you judge people? When is judging bad? When is it a good thing?

Judgy judge judgy, had to get the judgy out of my system. Fin."

Of course I do.

Everyone does, its very natural but also understand what you see initially may not be real.

Book, cover and all that.

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By *ibesAndVarietyCouple
7 days ago

Edinburgh

100% it’s natural.

Seeing past my initial judgement is something I’m working on and have proven myself wrong on numerous times.

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By *actile TensionMan
7 days ago

Sussex

Judging people is fine. But remain impartial.

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By *hatsthemattayouMan
7 days ago

Warsash

I love to boo people

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By *ysteriousGirlOGWoman
7 days ago

Birmingham

I think we all judge people who dont align with our standards or morals subconsciously, its human nature. But vocalising it or going out of your way to belittle someone because of it is a different story.

Also, a lot of things we judge other people for trigger something within ourselves that needs working on. Self reflection is better in these moments instead of projecting that onto others.

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"I think we all judge people. There is research that says within seconds of meeting someone we pass judgments in our mind.

I think when it becomes wrong is when people feel the need to publicly declare it repeatedly or attempt to force their opinions on others.

Or use there judgement to belittle others, i think its fine when it is used as part of a healthy debate or holds some substenance to the conversation.

When it's just to be bitchy to pull others down then not so much"

I'd agree with we all judge - sometimes I'm a bit irritated when people say don't judge because it's not what they actually mean. What they mean is don't share negative judgements.

I think when people ask for opinions some will agree, others won't. As long as you're not an utter dick about it, it's fine.

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By *cott45hullMan
7 days ago

Hull

Absolutely I judge people, first impressions count. That said, I will temper that though in that I am very comfortable to change and adjust my judgment as I get to know someone better

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By *atty CoramWoman
7 days ago

Wimbledon

Everything we do is based on judgement: crossing the road, taking a sip of tea...

The word gets a bad rap but it is an essential part of survival.. if your judgement is fucked - so are you.

A man *shudder* will send a message judging my body to be bla bla bla and when I send a polite no thanks, I am accused of judgement which is exactly what was done in the opening message.

Some people have an issue with judgement but only when it doesnt benefit them...

Discernment is a super power - especially on here.

If you are going to be inside me - you need to be the human equivalent of organic food.. no toxicity.

In the world outside of fab, I judge people but only inwardly.. then I interrogate the judgement and where it has come from... and I am always happy for my judgement to be disproved

Critical thinking is key.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
7 days ago

London

"Do you judge people? When is judging bad? When is it a good thing?

Judgy judge judgy, had to get the judgy out of my system. Fin."

Yes. I think it's natural. We are assessing the people around us, deciding if their behaviour/actions are something we agree with or not.

It's bad when we try to force others to behave like us because we think we are superior to them.

It's good when we are trying to prevent harm or danger in some way. Or if there's a better way to do something.

People get judged harshly on social media. In real life it's not as harsh.

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"I love to boo people "

Ooo, nice. Not tried that before. I shake my head. Maybe the odd "shame" thrown in for good measure.

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By *sWyldWoman
7 days ago

Edinburgh

I judge all the time. I fully expect I'm being judged too. Thats just life.

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By *Effy-Woman
7 days ago

Scotland

Yes. We all do and the ones that say they don't are liars.

I think keeping an open mind and allowing yourself to actually get to know that person, might just change your original thoughts, sometimes.

On here, the forums, it's so easy to have preconceived notions about people from the things the write.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
7 days ago

London

Bring back shame. Or at least a heckler to follow people and ring a bell. "Shame. Shame. Shame"

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By *cott45hullMan
7 days ago

Hull

"Bring back shame. Or at least a heckler to follow people and ring a bell. "Shame. Shame. Shame""

Whilst walking g naked down the streets?

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"100% it’s natural.

Seeing past my initial judgement is something I’m working on and have proven myself wrong on numerous times.

Really like this - our first reactions aren't always the most accurate. I don't see myself as being very flirty so can judge unfairly. Once I get the stick out of my arse 9/10 I like them.

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
7 days ago

Round the bend

I judge arseholes.

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By *WB85Man
7 days ago

Staffordshire

I prefer to judge myself.

I judge myself as a suitable or unsuitable match on here.

I often dont know enough about others to pass judgement.

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"Bring back shame. Or at least a heckler to follow people and ring a bell. "Shame. Shame. Shame""

Or a scarlet A, that could be cute.

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By *avexxMan
7 days ago

cheshire

yes i have miss judged people in the past and ive learned from it.

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By *hromakeyDreamcoatMan
7 days ago

Carlisle

Everyone judges, but sadly not everyone can keep their judgements to themselves.

The issue with judging people is when you do it with a complete lack of of evidence and then not change what you think when evidence presents itself. Or judging a whole group based on the actions of one or two members, it’s utterly ridiculous but it’s something people seem very inclined to do.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
7 days ago

London

"Bring back shame. Or at least a heckler to follow people and ring a bell. "Shame. Shame. Shame"

Or a scarlet A, that could be cute."

Emma Stone pulled it off in Easy A. 👍🏾😊

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By *hatboy40Man
7 days ago

glos

I think in reality we all judge. I prefer to think of it as going on gut instinct… which is rarely wrong !

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By *91kMan
7 days ago

Maidstone

"I judge arseholes. "

Based on the colour, or tightness?

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
7 days ago

Round the bend

"I judge arseholes.

Based on the colour, or tightness?"

Definitely the tightness. Nobody likes a gaping one.

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"Also, a lot of things we judge other people for trigger something within ourselves that needs working on. Self reflection is better in these moments instead of projecting that onto others."

Maybe not a lot but definitely some of the things. A forum user introduced me to shadow work and it's been fantastic for understanding why I react to and view certain things.

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By *hatsthemattayouMan
7 days ago

Warsash

"I love to boo people

Ooo, nice. Not tried that before. I shake my head. Maybe the odd "shame" thrown in for good measure."

Booing when it’s justified is fun I.e. someone not wiping down gym equipment after they’ve used it, someone on their phone in the cinema, queue jumpers

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

Tatty!

"Everything we do is based on judgement: crossing the road, taking a sip of tea...

The word gets a bad rap but it is an essential part of survival.. if your judgement is fucked - so are you. "
That's very true. We judge things positively but it's only really called judging if negative.

"A man *shudder* will send a message judging my body to be bla bla bla and when I send a polite no thanks, I am accused of judgement which is exactly what was done in the opening message.

Some people have an issue with judgement but only when it doesnt benefit them... "
👏🏼

"In the world outside of fab, I judge people but only inwardly.. then I interrogate the judgement and where it has come from... and I am always happy for my judgement to be disproved

Critical thinking is key."

It's always a delight to read your posts. People are fluid, aren't they? How they view things, people can change. It's good to be open to it.

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By *91kMan
7 days ago

Maidstone

"I judge arseholes.

Based on the colour, or tightness?

Definitely the tightness. Nobody likes a gaping one."

True. What about a bleached one? 😮

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By *ose_and_OakCouple
7 days ago

Tamworth

As others have said, I believe we’re all constantly judging.

When’s it bad? When you inflict your judgements on others, acting as if they’re facts. Also when we refuse to be curious and learn about others and their stories.

When’s it good? There are times snap judgements save us from unpleasant situations or just getting stuck with the opinionated big mouth at a party.

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By *YDB75Man
7 days ago

East Yorks/ Castle Donnington

Think everyone gets judged…one reason i struggle with eye contact with new people. Always think im being assessed

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By *issmorganWoman
7 days ago

Calderdale innit

Yep I judge, it's human nature and we will all judge others, against our own standards I think.

All the people who say don't judge in bios or threads, will have also judged other people at one time or another in their lives.

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By *rHotNottsMan
7 days ago

Dubai & Nottingham

No. Those saying everyone does, are you judging others ? You don't need to answer on my behalf! I've no need to judge strangers on the internet for my survival

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
7 days ago

SW1A1AA

I think judging can be the same as instint

If a guy is coming down an alley towards me with a knife ive got a split decision to judge whether hes going to attack me and im not hanging around to find out

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By *eli OP Woman
7 days ago

"Yes. We all do and the ones that say they don't are liars.

I think keeping an open mind and allowing yourself to actually get to know that person, might just change your original thoughts, sometimes.

On here, the forums, it's so easy to have preconceived notions about people from the things the write. "

Oh definitely. It wasn't about the forums specifically but yes, we judge. Form opinions of people we don't really know.

Judging doesn't mean in a negative light necessarily but because it's more widely used to mean so, some people might be more inclined to say they don't.

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By *agic.MMan
7 days ago

Kent/London

"I think judging can be the same as instint

If a guy is coming down an alley towards me with a knife ive got a split decision to judge whether hes going to attack me and im not hanging around to find out"

That's intuition...judgement is a calculated thought process, intuition is more like a gut feeling

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By *layfullsamMan
7 days ago

Solihull

Not my circus not my monkeys until they impact on my life then I might

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By *heJam84Man
7 days ago

Manchester

i try not to judge, i'm open to finding out why someone is how they are and if i dont like, i avoid, if i like then i see what i have incommon. not judging, just assessing.

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By *urry BlokeMan
7 days ago

I'm bad for internally judging passing strangers for the slightest reason

Outfit choice, general demeanour, just their overall look, the way they address others or how they communicate, where they drink, how they are in drink, those they mix with

A lot of it is petty snobbery and expectation of others on my part

It's rare that the judgement is verbalised - I'm not bitchy judgey, more snap judgey - I just judge and quietly move along

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By *inkShyWoman
7 days ago

near Windsor

I do, but to my myself. Not always negatively though, I may judge that someone looks good, has nice hair, seems friendly.

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By (user no longer on site)
7 days ago

Surely everyone on here judges others in one way or another. We read a profile, view pictures and judge them based on what we are after from the site. Do we get the judgement correct, who knows, but if no attraction then chances are we won’t meet despite how nice they may be or how good a personality they have

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By *ovelyDayXXXWoman
7 days ago

Niche

A judgement that is a perspective or an opinion is as reliable as the information it is built on.

That doesn't mean it's wrong.

It's simply a work in progress.

Given more information, generally a perspective will evolve.

If a judgement is a prejudice, that's built on values and all the 'ists' often come in to it. Along with other negative things like insecurity or past history or environment.

No one is born judgy. Nature gives out personality traits for sure but we also can evolve in response to lived experience and choose to lean in to it or away.

But I think things can be misinterpreted as judgy. We need to assess our read of things sometimes. We can see what we expect to see rather than what is there or intended.

Sometimes the lens needs a wipe and polish

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By *rWolf619Man
7 days ago

Derbyshire

To me judgement is that first gut reaction you get to something. Sometimes it's bang on, sometimes it's overly judgemental and sometimes it undershoots.

The thing is it's a reflex. I try to both sides most of what my brain tells me because sometimes it's just being an arsehole.

At the end of the day, the simplest rule to follow is Wheaton's Law: "Don't be a dick"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
7 days ago

Central

I think we all assess people but it certainly does not have to include judging, which has negative connotations.

I'd imagine that as long as we feel safe, that the first process that occurs is not judging

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
7 days ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

Live and let live is my moto most of the time but if someone responds abuse to me because I rejected them then hell yeah I’m going to judge them.

If someone has been murdered or other things then yes I’m going to judge the person that is the perpetrator.

Married people or cheaters playing away, I secretly judge but it’s their life and nothing to do with me but I just won’t entertain it.

I think anyone who says they don’t secretly or even subconsciously judge someone on their appearance is not true to them selfs , I don’t care what someone looks like but if they have catfished and turned up looking nothing like their pictures with no teeth and smelling of BO then I’m not able to stop my self judging even though it’s not a nice thing to do.

How many times have you in the past judged someone and realised they are actually nothing like you thought and either pleasantly surprised or unpleasantly horrified.

They say don’t judge a book by its cover for a reason.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
7 days ago

Carlisle usually

Oh all the time. That's how the human brain works.

If I catch myself making judgements on generalisations I consider unfair with my rational brain I will endeavour to not let those judgements rule the interaction. But 💜

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By *atty CoramWoman
7 days ago

Wimbledon

judgement = reviewing of evidence + sound use of reasoning and objective evaluation

prejudice = opinion formed without reason based on preconceived notions and/or stereotypes.

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By *ou only live onceMan
7 days ago

London

The two posts above sum it up for me.

We make judgements all the time, positive and negative. Sometimes quickly and others over time. Be weird if we didn't.

I'll try to keep an open mind about people for as long as possible - the prejudice point above - but sometimes the evidence is irrefutable 🤣

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By *a LunaWoman
7 days ago

Wales

I do.

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