FabSwingers.com forum: Dominant

Erdington

Oh no, not another middle aged man who has watched 50 shades of grey and now thinks he’s a Dom I hear you cry.

And yes, there is a lot of that about, but since I have been exploring some of my kinks with my FWB I must say I really enjoy being dominant, but I’m not sure calling myself a Dom is the best description.

My FWB likes to be manhandled, pinned down, and taken, I feel like my role is to do all the things she likes so that she can just enjoy without thinking, so I’m wondering, is the real role of a Dom to offer a safe space for a submissive to explore their needs without fear of things going further than they would like, and without fear of judgement?

What do you think, am I a Dom or a servant to her sexual desires, I’m good with it either way.

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By *rightonsteveMan
3 weeks ago

Hove, mainly…

In a Dom/sub relationship….guess who is in charge?

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By *he MinionMan
3 weeks ago

Surrey

A servant to her sexual desires.

Which, as you say, isnt a bad thing

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By *orphia2003Woman
3 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

Both. It's about taking from someone willing to give, and giving to someone who wants to receive. About consent between parties.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
3 weeks ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

From experience, it is a little bit of both.

A discussion and agreement to set ground rules between dom and sub, this includes acceptable behaviour and activities, hard limits on both sides and expectations whether it be a full time D/s or service topping.

It keeps both parties safe as there are clear defined boundaries.

Negotiations are the key, aligniwhat the sub wants and what the Dom wants

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By *ookAndDorkCouple
3 weeks ago

The West

You can be dominant without turning your whole identity into 'A Dom'.

It can be a role play without having to be your whole sexual lifestyle.

And naturally you can be a Dom and someone can be your Sub but we would venture that's quite a bit more than a rough fuck.

We would echo what's written above. You can only take what's freely given.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

You are a human dildo.

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By *ensualMan
3 weeks ago

Sutton

TBH, it is a really old discussion, with the answer depending on how you define dominance.

Personally, I exclude hedonism and sexual adventurism from my definition of dominance, and describe a dominant as someone willing to take the lead in an ongoing D/s relationship.

I am the Dominant of my submissive, as we have a committed ongoing relationship. However, I am a Rope Top and Scene Top to other people that I play with.

There are no established definitions of "Dominant" but because it sounds masterly people like to apply to themselves without doing the research.

Dominance has its obligations as well as its selfish enjoyment part.

However, with all things kink and fetish these days people self describe, and it is about fun and floating each other boats.

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By *ate2theparty808 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Erdington

"Both. It's about taking from someone willing to give, and giving to someone who wants to receive. About consent between parties."

That, is possibly the most beautiful piece of writing I have ever seen on fab so far.

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By *ate2theparty808 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Erdington

"You can be dominant without turning your whole identity into 'A Dom'.

It can be a role play without having to be your whole sexual lifestyle.

And naturally you can be a Dom and someone can be your Sub but we would venture that's quite a bit more than a rough fuck.

We would echo what's written above. You can only take what's freely given. "

This

I hate the idea that to become a Dom I have to put on a suit and be serious all the time.

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By *hunkymonkey81Man
3 weeks ago

Sheffield

I m always a,sub

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By *ate2theparty808 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Erdington

"I m always a,sub"

So you would be well placed to weigh in on what a sub expects from a Dom/Domme

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By *gent CoulsonMan
3 weeks ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"You can be dominant without turning your whole identity into 'A Dom'.

It can be a role play without having to be your whole sexual lifestyle.

And naturally you can be a Dom and someone can be your Sub but we would venture that's quite a bit more than a rough fuck.

We would echo what's written above. You can only take what's freely given.

This

I hate the idea that to become a Dom I have to put on a suit and be serious all the time.

"
only time I have worn a suit was at my sisters funeral.

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By *arc PolarisMan
3 weeks ago

Birmingham

I’m an alpha dom

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By *ate2theparty808 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Erdington

"I’m an alpha dom"

A Furry?

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By *hromakeyDreamcoatMan
3 weeks ago

Carlisle

‘Dom’ is just a silly title people give themselves. Nobody is a Dom, there are people who like to take the dominant role but it’s not about that, it’s about how they make the other person feel.

One person’s ’Dom’ is another person’s ’bloke who takes himself far too seriously.’

Like most things, it’s not simple.

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By *arc PolarisMan
3 weeks ago

Birmingham

"I’m an alpha dom

A Furry?"

I honestly don’t know what that is

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
3 weeks ago

Reading

Completely agree. Youngsters often don't get it.

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By *etmeMan
3 weeks ago

Dorchester

My wife is the dominant one

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By *ensualMan
3 weeks ago

Sutton

"Completely agree. Youngsters often don't get it."

Because most people have their own definition of dominant, and because there is no official definition of a dominant, most dominants will fall outside other people's definition of dominant, and therefore will not have got it.

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By *earditallWoman
3 weeks ago

Lancaster

The submissive is always in charge of the situation and that's why we have safe words.

Also just being manhandled and taken is rough sex not really a Dom/sub relationship the dominance starts in the mind

You like a bit of kink

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By *earditallWoman
3 weeks ago

Lancaster

Oh and lots of communication and talking is key

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By *ensualMan
3 weeks ago

Sutton

"The submissive is always in charge of the situation and that's why we have safe words.

Also just being manhandled and taken is rough sex not really a Dom/sub relationship the dominance starts in the mind

You like a bit of kink"

The alternative view is that both are in charge of the situation. The principle being everyone is in control of their own body or actions. As a Top, I will stop a scene if I think the bottom/sub is struggling. It is also not unusual for a bottom/sub to want intensity beyond what they can take e.g a whipping, I can refuse.

Also, the sub is in control is based on an idea of empowering the sub (similar to the statement "submission is a gift") in fact neither is empowering and both are now seen as a misunderstanding of modern D/s dynamics.

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