FabSwingers.com forum: Apparently

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

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By *attykitWoman
over a year ago

leeds

Dialing the phone with the calculator doesn't work either. But maybe I should tidy my desk at work! !!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Answering an iron when it rings hurts a lot

disclaimer.. ive never done that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try beating someone with the handset until they pass you the remote- should work ok then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try beating someone with the handset until they pass you the remote- should work ok then

I'm all alone

just me and the pooch tonight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found my phone in the fridge the other day!

often turn the flat upside down looking for it...when I'm talking to someone on it!!

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By *iss__KittyWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in Cornwall

Texting a landline and wondering why the hell they havent replied.

Putting the mobile in the fridge.

Using my swinging email address instead of my real one when booking a service for the car isnt a good idea.

Throwing a stick for a Werewolf and shouting fetch doesnt work either LOL

....... Apparently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ironing your jeans whilst wearing them as you're running late, saves no time and only results in a lengthy trip to the burns unit!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deep heat doesn't work as good as dry shampooooooooooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

using a work phone to pay for your fab subscription is a no no lol

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By *heekychezzaWoman
over a year ago

warrington

"I found my phone in the fridge the other day!

often turn the flat upside down looking for it...when I'm talking to someone on it!!

"
#

lol this made me laugh - if my mum ever loses anything the first place I look is in her fridge!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found my phone in the fridge the other day!

often turn the flat upside down looking for it...when I'm talking to someone on it!!

reminds me of a story.. i lost my phone, spent about 8 hours trying to find it. gave up phoned up o2 to cancel it.. went to bed stressed out, whilst unchanging i took off my bra and there was my phone.

least i know my tits are soundproof lol

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Pouring milk into the kettle isn't a good idea

*disclaimer, I had a few sherbets that night

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Deep heat doesn't work as good as dry shampooooooooooo

nor does shoe deodorant!! It stinks to high heaven too, your head smells like a bowling alley

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Texting a landline and wondering why the hell they havent replied.

Putting the mobile in the fridge.

Using my swinging email address instead of my real one when booking a service for the car isnt a good idea.

Throwing a stick for a Werewolf and shouting fetch doesnt work either LOL

....... Apparently

Using your swinging email when sending a notice of appeal to the managing director of a company was not a good idea either

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ironing your jeans whilst wearing them as you're running late, saves no time and only results in a lengthy trip to the burns unit!!

been there! Met a hot paramedic!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I found my phone in the fridge the other day!

often turn the flat upside down looking for it...when I'm talking to someone on it!!

least i know my tits are soundproof lol

nice to know I'm not the only person who keeps their phone in their bra

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"nice to know I'm not the only person who keeps their phone in their bra

normally its just up by the strap.. but somehow it had slid down underneath..so on my initial touchy feely bit i didnt find it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Also too all those ladies who fantasies about men having big muscles in their chest/legs/arms or even dreaming about having a big knob. Just bare in mind that the tongue is a far stronger and more flexible than all of those put together.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!"

good point, well made

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

And try carrying your shopping home from Asda with your tongue!

Arms have their uses!!

Oh - and to the poster above who mentioned texting landlines! This actually does work! The line rings and Stephen Hawking reads the message out!! Honest!!

(A few years back they had Tom Baker doing it at Xmas!! Fact!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob. "

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue."

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

And try carrying your shopping home from Asda with your tongue!

Arms have their uses!!

Oh - and to the poster above who mentioned texting landlines! This actually does work! The line rings and Stephen Hawking reads the message out!! Honest!!

(A few years back they had Tom Baker doing it at Xmas!! Fact!!)

True, but its the fastest healing muscle in the whole body and it can hold 80 times its own weight. Can any muscle do that?

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

"nice to know I'm not the only person who keeps their phone in their bra

normally its just up by the strap.. but somehow it had slid down underneath..so on my initial touchy feely bit i didnt find it

Me three - amazing what you can keep in a big bra lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0"

Not a competition, lol. But before you disagree research it. Anyway another interesting fact some dull people can actually use their tongue to put out ciggerettes, etc. Do that with a penis and you wouldn't have one.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

I don't have one. I like enjoying them and the good looking, muscular man attached to them!

Have you ever heard of a tongue becoming filled with blood until erect?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

And try carrying your shopping home from Asda with your tongue!

Arms have their uses!!

Oh - and to the poster above who mentioned texting landlines! This actually does work! The line rings and Stephen Hawking reads the message out!! Honest!!

(A few years back they had Tom Baker doing it at Xmas!! Fact!!)

True, but its the fastest healing muscle in the whole body and it can hold 80 times its own weight. Can any muscle do that? "

Does a tongue really need to hold that much weight??

Most of the fun I've had with mine hasn't involved balancing my meets on it or suspending them from it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

do you have a tongue obsession? Do you receive royalties each time the word 'tongue' is mentioned?

Yes it's a fabulous muscle, very strong and resilient, but it can't do everything, in fact, it's only good for a few things, and even those often depend on the person it's attached to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

And try carrying your shopping home from Asda with your tongue!

Arms have their uses!!

Oh - and to the poster above who mentioned texting landlines! This actually does work! The line rings and Stephen Hawking reads the message out!! Honest!!

(A few years back they had Tom Baker doing it at Xmas!! Fact!!)

True, but its the fastest healing muscle in the whole body and it can hold 80 times its own weight. Can any muscle do that?

Does a tongue really need to hold that much weight??

Most of the fun I've had with mine hasn't involved balancing my meets on it or suspending them from it!!

I bet you've tried tho!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue."

Crikey Ruby, you have a penis

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

do you have a tongue obsession? Do you receive royalties each time the word 'tongue' is mentioned?

Yes it's a fabulous muscle, very strong and resilient, but it can't do everything, in fact, it's only good for a few things, and even those often depend on the person it's attached to. "

Its no good at:

urinating

face fucking

orgasming

producing cum

drawing a smiley face on

growing hair

anal sex

vaginal sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Crikey Ruby, you have a penis

Erm not last time I checked - I have however seen a fair few of them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

And try carrying your shopping home from Asda with your tongue!

Arms have their uses!!

Oh - and to the poster above who mentioned texting landlines! This actually does work! The line rings and Stephen Hawking reads the message out!! Honest!!

(A few years back they had Tom Baker doing it at Xmas!! Fact!!)

True, but its the fastest healing muscle in the whole body and it can hold 80 times its own weight. Can any muscle do that?

Does a tongue really need to hold that much weight??

Most of the fun I've had with mine hasn't involved balancing my meets on it or suspending them from it!!

Meets, don't you mean meats

or were you right the first time? Lol.

I think they say its the strongest as its the hardest one to break when bending it. I only know its true and not the reason behind it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

do you have a tongue obsession? Do you receive royalties each time the word 'tongue' is mentioned?

Yes it's a fabulous muscle, very strong and resilient, but it can't do everything, in fact, it's only good for a few things, and even those often depend on the person it's attached to.

Its no good at:

urinating

face fucking

orgasming

producing cum

drawing a smiley face on

growing hair

anal sex

vaginal sex

I met a bloke who kissed like he thought it could face fuck once

needless to say, he was wrong!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

Answering the TV remote instead of the phone doesn't work either!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

do you have a tongue obsession? Do you receive royalties each time the word 'tongue' is mentioned?

Yes it's a fabulous muscle, very strong and resilient, but it can't do everything, in fact, it's only good for a few things, and even those often depend on the person it's attached to.

Its no good at:

urinating

face fucking

orgasming

producing cum

drawing a smiley face on

growing hair

anal sex

vaginal sex

I met a bloke who kissed like he thought it could face fuck once

needless to say, he was wrong!"

Yes me too - he was quite perturbed when he didn't get any haha

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Apparently when you break your arm or leg and have it put in a cast. Once an itch starts in that area. It's a bugger trying to get rid of it.

Nah, a tongue can't fuck me hard!

good point, well made

Only because its not long enough. A tongue would be harder to damage than a knob.

Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Ruby - 1

Crazed - 0

I don't have one. I like enjoying them and the good looking, muscular man attached to them!

Have you ever heard of a tongue becoming filled with blood until erect?"

Technically a tongue is already full of blood and can be tensed to become erect. It's good for a bit of penetration but as the external part of the tonghe is often only a few inches it doesn't go deep enough for full fucking.

Also I'd be wary of breaking a guy's nose once he gets a good thrust on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also I'd be wary of breaking a guy's nose once he gets a good thrust on

You just need to be at the right angle and concentrate on not farting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pouring diet instead of milk in2 my cuppa tea hasn't been one of my better ideas - it tasted rank

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My other great moment was when I had long hair n it was raining

I had to take bin out in2 street so lobbed spotted pink Ted baker girly shower cap on me head.

Struggled pull heavy full bin out n totally forgotten shower cap

A woman from coupla streets away I know only to say hello to, stopped to chat n blithely I'm gossiping away running everyone down totally oblivious to my head gear.

It wasn't til I came inside I realized about the shower cap, Altho I did wonder WHY she kept giving me quizzical looks

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Trying to make a phone call from your remote doesnt seem to work either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taking your house phone to work with you in your bag isn't a good idea either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you know...

If you put AA batteries in the microwave it recharges them?

...well it doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

ha ha.. so how long did it take you to realise. X btw my mobile phone does control my t.v.. xxx

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

Silly bint, everyone knows you have to try your mobile first!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Also I'd be wary of breaking a guy's nose once he gets a good thrust on

You just need to be at the right angle and concentrate on not farting

I don't fart thank you very much

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol and apparently the train station cash machine doesn't accept tesco club card!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently there's a thread already like this one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

ha ha.. so how long did it take you to realise. X btw my mobile phone does control my t.v.. xxx"

A good few seconds!!

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Biology disagrees - a penis becomes erect because it fills with blood. This does not occur with a tongue.

Crikey Ruby, you have a penis

Erm not last time I checked - I have however seen a fair few of them!

Mine is available for erection, errr sorry, inspection at any time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

Like this - in the same way that both a smart car and a Audi R8 V10 Spyder are both in fact cars - but one will always be superior!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

Like this - in the same way that both a smart car and a Audi R8 V10 Spyder are both in fact cars - but one will always be superior!!

Is that like defining men and women. Both are human, yet one will always will be superior? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

Like this - in the same way that both a smart car and a Audi R8 V10 Spyder are both in fact cars - but one will always be superior!!

Is that like defining men and women. Both are human, yet one will always will be superior? Lol"

Yes n no doubt on here the overwhelming vote will b WOMAN lol

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"Trying to change the television channel with the house phone doesn't work!

OMG! and I thought I was bad moving the mouse flat on the computer screen to access menus!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

Like this - in the same way that both a smart car and a Audi R8 V10 Spyder are both in fact cars - but one will always be superior!!

Is that like defining men and women. Both are human, yet one will always will be superior? Lol

Yes n no doubt on here the overwhelming vote will b WOMAN lol

When saying stuff like this. You have to keep in mind. What bigger. Your fear of them or your loyalties? Lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

There are many threads that are similar - if you're still here at Christmas I'm sure there'll be a thread about changing usernames to Christmas ones!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

There are many threads that are similar - if you're still here at Christmas I'm sure there'll be a thread about changing usernames to Christmas ones!

After last year???

Never again!!! I'd have to start a "Think of a new username for me" thread again!!

Just doing festive status updates this year!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Apparently there's a thread already like this one

There are many threads that are similar - if you're still here at Christmas I'm sure there'll be a thread about changing usernames to Christmas ones!

After last year???

Never again!!! I'd have to start a "Think of a new username for me" thread again!!

Just doing festive status updates this year!!

Haha I was Miss L Toe! That was fun, except for the people who messaged asking to suck my toes - no one (well only you) has done that!

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