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"Is this person ‘your friend’ OP? " That's irrelevant my freind  lol | |||
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"Why should the blame be on the woman for deciding enough is enough? Doesn't mean she doesn't "give a fuck", it means a line had been crossed. I'd walk away, I don't let drugs into my life any sense." Spot on  | |||
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"Ladies... You have a partner who's a very good guy he works hard he treats you well he's always there if u need him he's a good man. But he's been in trouble once for having certain drugs in his system and now he's been caught again after getting let off last time and now he is in real trouble, off course you would give him a good pasting about why he never learned his lesson the 1st time but now he really wants to get it sorted because the 2nd time has hit him hard and now he really wants to sort himself out.... Ladies are you supporting him in his efforts or are you just blasting him and dropping him and telling him you don't give a fuck and leave him to deal with it on his own when clearly he's struggling? My opinion is any good decent woman would stick by him, just want to know what Ladies would really think Cheers " I’d probably leave and only consider returning when he’s actually got help and is sober. A good decent man doesn’t do the drugs. This isn’t on her. | |||
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"Ladies... You have a partner who's a very good guy he works hard he treats you well he's always there if u need him he's a good man. But he's been in trouble once for having certain drugs in his system and now he's been caught again after getting let off last time and now he is in real trouble, off course you would give him a good pasting about why he never learned his lesson the 1st time but now he really wants to get it sorted because the 2nd time has hit him hard and now he really wants to sort himself out.... Ladies are you supporting him in his efforts or are you just blasting him and dropping him and telling him you don't give a fuck and leave him to deal with it on his own when clearly he's struggling? My opinion is any good decent woman would stick by him, just want to know what Ladies would really think Cheers " Obviously I’m not a lady but it sounds like you’re trying to minimise and rationalise what you’ve done. You’re angry at yourself for doing it and for crossing a line with your partner but are deflecting onto her reaction. It isn’t fair to attack her as being not decent. This is on you. Own it. | |||
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"Ladies... You have a partner who's a very good guy he works hard he treats you well he's always there if u need him he's a good man. But he's been in trouble once for having certain drugs in his system and now he's been caught again after getting let off last time and now he is in real trouble, off course you would give him a good pasting about why he never learned his lesson the 1st time but now he really wants to get it sorted because the 2nd time has hit him hard and now he really wants to sort himself out.... Ladies are you supporting him in his efforts or are you just blasting him and dropping him and telling him you don't give a fuck and leave him to deal with it on his own when clearly he's struggling? My opinion is any good decent woman would stick by him, just want to know what Ladies would really think Cheers Obviously I’m not a lady but it sounds like you’re trying to minimise and rationalise what you’ve done. You’re angry at yourself for doing it and for crossing a line with your partner but are deflecting onto her reaction. It isn’t fair to attack her as being not decent. This is on you. Own it." This. Women are expected to put up with all kinds of shit that wouldn’t be tolerated the other way round. | |||
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"So the fact he's always been there for her when she's needed it when she was on her knees he was the only one who stepped up to help her in her hour of need your all still dropping the guy? Wow!! " You didn’t need to do that either 🤷🏽♀️ | |||
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"Ladies... You have a partner who's a very good guy he works hard he treats you well he's always there if u need him he's a good man. But he's been in trouble once for having certain drugs in his system and now he's been caught again after getting let off last time and now he is in real trouble, off course you would give him a good pasting about why he never learned his lesson the 1st time but now he really wants to get it sorted because the 2nd time has hit him hard and now he really wants to sort himself out.... Ladies are you supporting him in his efforts or are you just blasting him and dropping him and telling him you don't give a fuck and leave him to deal with it on his own when clearly he's struggling? My opinion is any good decent woman would stick by him, just want to know what Ladies would really think Cheers Obviously I’m not a lady but it sounds like you’re trying to minimise and rationalise what you’ve done. You’re angry at yourself for doing it and for crossing a line with your partner but are deflecting onto her reaction. It isn’t fair to attack her as being not decent. This is on you. Own it." Nothing to do with me PAL I don't have a girlfriend mate so let's get that one straight | |||
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"So the fact he's always been there for her when she's needed it when she was on her knees he was the only one who stepped up to help her in her hour of need your all still dropping the guy? Wow!! " Doesn't matter. She isn't beholden to you because you helped her. Did you help her because you are a 'good and decent' man, or did you help her knowing she would owe you in the future and you assumed she'd overlook dickish behaviour? Your drugs, your problem. | |||
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"So the fact he's always been there for her when she's needed it when she was on her knees he was the only one who stepped up to help her in her hour of need your all still dropping the guy? Wow!! " He hasn't always been there, he has twice ruined her life with these 2 drug incidents. He has no care for her to humiliate her and is manipulative if he brings out the I always support you card. He is nasty and won't change. She needs to get out now. | |||
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"So the fact he's always been there for her when she's needed it when she was on her knees he was the only one who stepped up to help her in her hour of need your all still dropping the guy? Wow!! " Yup. As a decent woman, as you've put it, I've never brought the risk of criminal liability to my family, let alone twice. Don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. | |||
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"I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to drugs. I've seen first hand what they do to someone and how that in turn affects the people around them. Jeopardising your relationship by making the same mistake isn't something a good partner would do. Choosing to protect yourself and walk away from someone making terrible life choices doesn't make them a bad person at all. Your "friend" is the only one who can help himself if thats what he truly wants. No one can put their recovery on the shoulders of someone else. " Agreed. Enabling someone in their addiction might make things worse in the long run. | |||
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"So if it's not you, why ask? Do you think this is an ethics class?" 😂 | |||
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"I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to drugs. I've seen first hand what they do to someone and how that in turn affects the people around them. Jeopardising your relationship by making the same mistake isn't something a good partner would do. Choosing to protect yourself and walk away from someone making terrible life choices doesn't make them a bad person at all. Your "friend" is the only one who can help himself if thats what he truly wants. No one can put their recovery on the shoulders of someone else. Agreed. Enabling someone in their addiction might make things worse in the long run." 100% and that's why people shouldn't be made to feel guilty for distancing themselves from it. You can care about someone and still recognise that their choices aren't something you have to live with or support. | |||
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"He sounds like a fucking loser. Drop-kick him off a cliff." •  My dear Ele', your eloquence sometimes disappears, never to be seen again, like Edmond Dantès' dispatch to the Château d'If ! | |||
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"Relationships are complicated. Drugs are a dangerous game, whatever type they may be. The person with the addiction should take accountability and get themselves the help they need. As for the other person in the relationship, it's their choice to stay or go. And that choice has to be respected. Even if it's the choice your friend doesn't want/like. Some people are ride or die. Everyone has a line that they won't tolerate being crossed. If this is one of them, it's been crossed twice. Support is important in every relationship, so are healthy boundaries. It's up to the two adults in the relationship to make a decision and go from there." she knew of his problem when they got together and never had a problem then!! All of a sudden it is now? Never has she said he needs to give up or she's off she never had no problem with it at the beginning he never lied to her or hid it | |||
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"So if it's not you, why ask? Do you think this is an ethics class?" Because it's a public(ish) forum, the lounge is specifically to talk about all kinds of shit. Regardless of the content of the post it's actually a refreshing change of thread to the usual crop of threads. Again, somebody makes a somewhat unique thread/topic and it's shit on for being just that. Far better than the "user above" slop repeated for the endless time. | |||
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"Relationships are complicated. Drugs are a dangerous game, whatever type they may be. The person with the addiction should take accountability and get themselves the help they need. As for the other person in the relationship, it's their choice to stay or go. And that choice has to be respected. Even if it's the choice your friend doesn't want/like. Some people are ride or die. Everyone has a line that they won't tolerate being crossed. If this is one of them, it's been crossed twice. Support is important in every relationship, so are healthy boundaries. It's up to the two adults in the relationship to make a decision and go from there. she knew of his problem when they got together and never had a problem then!! All of a sudden it is now? Never has she said he needs to give up or she's off she never had no problem with it at the beginning he never lied to her or hid it" You're adding information we didn't have. Assuming what you're saying is true - you've got a lot of information for someone who isn't in the relationship - someone is entitled to change their mind and decide that enough is enough. Particularly for a problem that could result in criminal liability and serious health consequences. | |||
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"Thanks for all of your input people, I just wanted to get opinions and iv got that now thanks all have a good evening " I'm quite invested in this. Is it real, or just a hypothetical question? | |||
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"So if it's not you, why ask? Do you think this is an ethics class? Because it's a public(ish) forum, the lounge is specifically to talk about all kinds of shit. Regardless of the content of the post it's actually a refreshing change of thread to the usual crop of threads. Again, somebody makes a somewhat unique thread/topic and it's shit on for being just that. Far better than the "user above" slop repeated for the endless time. " Exactly this thank you my friend | |||
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"Relationships are complicated. Drugs are a dangerous game, whatever type they may be. The person with the addiction should take accountability and get themselves the help they need. As for the other person in the relationship, it's their choice to stay or go. And that choice has to be respected. Even if it's the choice your friend doesn't want/like. Some people are ride or die. Everyone has a line that they won't tolerate being crossed. If this is one of them, it's been crossed twice. Support is important in every relationship, so are healthy boundaries. It's up to the two adults in the relationship to make a decision and go from there. she knew of his problem when they got together and never had a problem then!! All of a sudden it is now? Never has she said he needs to give up or she's off she never had no problem with it at the beginning he never lied to her or hid it" Ah, the slow drip feed of information. It doesn’t make people’s earlier opinions based on what you originally said wrong. | |||
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"He sounds like a fucking loser. Drop-kick him off a cliff. • My dear Ele', your eloquence sometimes disappears, never to be seen again, like Edmond Dantès' dispatch to the Château d'If ! "Eventually it will reappear then. | |||
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"He sounds like a fucking loser. Drop-kick him off a cliff. • My dear Ele', your eloquence sometimes disappears, never to be seen again, like Edmond Dantès' dispatch to the Château d'If ! "He deserves no eloquence, no regard, and no respect. It's the behaviour of a weak man with no self-control. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?" Did he say first time it wouldn’t happen again? And then it did….. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?" He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance | |||
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"Relationships are complicated. Drugs are a dangerous game, whatever type they may be. The person with the addiction should take accountability and get themselves the help they need. As for the other person in the relationship, it's their choice to stay or go. And that choice has to be respected. Even if it's the choice your friend doesn't want/like. Some people are ride or die. Everyone has a line that they won't tolerate being crossed. If this is one of them, it's been crossed twice. Support is important in every relationship, so are healthy boundaries. It's up to the two adults in the relationship to make a decision and go from there. she knew of his problem when they got together and never had a problem then!! All of a sudden it is now? Never has she said he needs to give up or she's off she never had no problem with it at the beginning he never lied to her or hid it" From the information given, it sounds like the drug taking is becoming a bigger issue than it once was. Possibly interfering with work or something similar. Everyone has a breaking point. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?" He's only making these huge efforts because he got caught again. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?" This is more new information. If true - it might be too little, too late. People have breaking points, and "partner being caught with drugs twice" is eminently reasonable. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability? He's only making these huge efforts because he got caught again." Right?! Fuck that | |||
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"Relationships are complicated. Drugs are a dangerous game, whatever type they may be. The person with the addiction should take accountability and get themselves the help they need. As for the other person in the relationship, it's their choice to stay or go. And that choice has to be respected. Even if it's the choice your friend doesn't want/like. Some people are ride or die. Everyone has a line that they won't tolerate being crossed. If this is one of them, it's been crossed twice. Support is important in every relationship, so are healthy boundaries. It's up to the two adults in the relationship to make a decision and go from there. she knew of his problem when they got together and never had a problem then!! All of a sudden it is now? Never has she said he needs to give up or she's off she never had no problem with it at the beginning he never lied to her or hid it Ah, the slow drip feed of information. It doesn’t make people’s earlier opinions based on what you originally said wrong." OP your words are coming across as very angry/emotional. I suggest taking a few deep breaths. It's not you, it's your friend, remember? It's up to your friend and his partner to make a decision together. If they disagree, then they part ways. That's a part of life. Sometimes a peron has had enough and wants to walk away. The other party has to respect that. Life is complicated and we as humans change our opinions/minds throughout our lives. They need to have a serious conversation about this. Maybe even seek professional help as others have suggested. Maybe couples therapy too as well as private help for your friend to overcome his addiction.You can support your friend by being there for him. If you want to. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance" But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " You're not wrong for needing support, but the other person isn't obliged to provide it. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " And what happens when the drugs cause a further problem, a medical episode, and he ends up needing care for life. She would be trapped because if she ever left she'd be 'cruel', but he would have shit on her future for being an idiot drug user. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " No one is acting perfect. But people are allowed to draw boundaries - she didn’t need to warn him beforehand. She has drawn a boundary due to his behaviour. She’s entitled to do that. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " Nobody is perfect. Everyone has weaknesses, flaws and issues. It's how we deal with them that counts. Supporting someone through a difficult time is a noble thing. However, it's not obligatory. Loyalty is not a given these days. Addiction is a dangerous game. Everyone has a breaking point. Be there for your friend and support him. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " Why should she warn him? Did he not think taking dru*s was a stupid thing to do that might jeopardise his relationship? You seem very invested in this hypothetical situation. I'm sorry the hypothetical person is struggling. I'd suggest they seek professional help if they really want to get clean, but not look to pass the blame to their ex girlfriend for making what seems like a sensible choice for her. It's her life, she can choose to live it however she wants, with whoever she wants. She owes the hypothetical person nothing, I'm afraid. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " He's been caught with drugs in his system twice, putting his health at risk and himself at risk of prosecution and all the problems that come with that. By definition, he has not done everything a man should do for their partner - keeping themselves safe and out of legal trouble is an important thing a person should do for their partner. I agree people should have support in hard times. Support does not mean a guaranteed relationship. I hope he gets the rehabilitative help he needs, and she has support from the hard time of discovering that her ex isn't getting his shit together. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion " Is his partner a professional addiction counsellor? Is she qualified in any way to deal with what he's been doing? Your friend needs specialist support. You are not in their relationship. You don't know whether he was all the things you say he was/is. Are you sure his actions have not had a negative effect? Until you get her side of the story, this is coming across as very biased. | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight "Good for him. I wish him well. Tell him to let his ex go and get himself sorted. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion Is his partner a professional addiction counsellor? Is she qualified in any way to deal with what he's been doing? Your friend needs specialist support. You are not in their relationship. You don't know whether he was all the things you say he was/is. Are you sure his actions have not had a negative effect? Until you get her side of the story, this is coming across as very biased. " Even if his partner is an addiction counsellor, there are usually pretty strict rules saying you shouldn't get involved with people you're close to, because you can't be objective. She can't possibly have signed up for this - and even if she did, there's no way to sign up permanently. She could well have had enough. I'm stunned that "serious health consequences" and "potential prosecution" are made ok by... kindness? I don't care how kind someone has been - risking the kinds of things drugs risks, no kindness overrides that. | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight "You keep saying goodnight. You can put your phone down if you want to, you don't need our permission. | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight "Try 'reply and quote' so it's clear as to which post you are responding. | |||
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"Is not him making huge efforts to now get himself sorted not taking accountability?He should of got sorted the first time, she gave him one chance But she never warned him if he got caught again she's off she just went along with him carrying on and never batted an eyelid still took all his kindness and love and support she always gets from him.... what he does never had a negative impact he works he does all the things he should do as a man should for his woman, everyone on here acting like their perfect is a joke no one is and I belive ppl need support when their in tough times that's my opinion Is his partner a professional addiction counsellor? Is she qualified in any way to deal with what he's been doing? Your friend needs specialist support. You are not in their relationship. You don't know whether he was all the things you say he was/is. Are you sure his actions have not had a negative effect? Until you get her side of the story, this is coming across as very biased. Even if his partner is an addiction counsellor, there are usually pretty strict rules saying you shouldn't get involved with people you're close to, because you can't be objective. She can't possibly have signed up for this - and even if she did, there's no way to sign up permanently. She could well have had enough. I'm stunned that "serious health consequences" and "potential prosecution" are made ok by... kindness? I don't care how kind someone has been - risking the kinds of things drugs risks, no kindness overrides that." I agree, it would be unethical to support someone known to us in a professional capacity. It was more to make the point that none of us are equipped to deal with situations of this nature in our private lives. | |||
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"I know both of them very very well they're both my freinds so not biased at all iv known them both same amount of time so he's no more a mate of mine than she is.... Need to go bed now gotta stop coming back to read more comments haha" So why only present his side? What's her perspective on the whole situation? | |||
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"Ladies... You have a partner who's a very good guy he works hard he treats you well he's always there if u need him he's a good man. But he's been in trouble once for having certain drugs in his system and now he's been caught again after getting let off last time and now he is in real trouble, off course you would give him a good pasting about why he never learned his lesson the 1st time but now he really wants to get it sorted because the 2nd time has hit him hard and now he really wants to sort himself out.... Ladies are you supporting him in his efforts or are you just blasting him and dropping him and telling him you don't give a fuck and leave him to deal with it on his own when clearly he's struggling? My opinion is any good decent woman would stick by him, just want to know what Ladies would really think Cheers " A 'decent woman' would stick by him but a 'decent man' wouldn't mess around with drugs in the first place surely? I guess I'm indecent cause I wouldn't be involved with someone who took drugs in the first place never mind put my life on hold while he goes to prison for it Eff that | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight
You keep saying goodnight. You can put your phone down if you want to, you don't need our permission.
"Bore off please you obviously don't know how to comment respectfully We can all have our views without getting rude | |||
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"I know both of them very very well they're both my freinds so not biased at all iv known them both same amount of time so he's no more a mate of mine than she is.... Need to go bed now gotta stop coming back to read more comments haha" If you aren't biased can we please have her side of the story? | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight
You keep saying goodnight. You can put your phone down if you want to, you don't need our permission.
Bore off please you obviously don't know how to comment respectfully
We can all have our views without getting rude "I'm not being rude. If you want to go to bed, go to bed. No one is stopping you. I've presented my view perfectly politely. | |||
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"Ahh but he is he's taken steps already to sort himself out i personally think that is him taking accountability and doing something about it... But that's my opinion Goodnight
You keep saying goodnight. You can put your phone down if you want to, you don't need our permission.
Bore off please you obviously don't know how to comment respectfully
We can all have our views without getting rude
I'm not being rude.
If you want to go to bed, go to bed. No one is stopping you.
I've presented my view perfectly politely."If that's your polite wow!! Don't come across very polite to me tbh Listen im gonna leave u all to debate amongst yourselves now I'm up at 3am for work if I could close the thread I would but I can't Good luck all | |||
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