FabSwingers.com forum: Nigella

By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

The People has a front page showing her being grabbed by the throat by her husband.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

Why would they publish such a picture?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

what cunts just leave people alone...

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Why would they publish such a picture?

suspect they will say 'its in the public interest'..

yeh right..

to sell more 'copy'..

they dont give a shit about the impact it may have on family etc..

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Why would they publish such a picture?

I can't see the full article - it was posted on Twittwat but it looks really shocking.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Apparently they had a row in a restaurant and he grabbed her several times.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

google it ... the mirror has them too ... looks quite inoffensive there ... shes even smiling at one point, looks quite lovey dovey in others

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I just read the article...Its quite shocking and not a story that really needed to be published...Considering there are grown up children involved who are capiable of reading this..

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

That kind of blatant ignorance and disrespect really makes me mad! One could argue that she is a public figure and that anything she does/that happens to her in public becomes public domain but there are certain limits that should never be reached in the world of indecency!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"google it ... the mirror has them too ... looks quite inoffensive there ... shes even smiling at one point, looks quite lovey dovey in others"

ok if you call someone grabbing hold of someone by the throat lovey dovey...

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

Oh I just saw that pic on People over on twitter. She actually looks a bit frightened and teary. Things like this ARE NOT in the public interest. The media has no soul sometimes.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I wonder if he is beginning to have dementia? Violence and in such a public place seems odd for an ad man so aware of public image.

I hope it's not a regular occurrence or an escalation of domestic abuse.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"That kind of blatant ignorance and disrespect really makes me mad! One could argue that she is a public figure and that anything she does/that happens to her in public becomes public domain but there are certain limits that should never be reached in the world of indecency!

whilst i fully agree i think for some of the media, 'decency' and ethical behaviour is not something they consider..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ethics, decency & media shouldn't be in the same sentence - but unfortunately alot of 'people' support that kind of trash by buying it! Sad but true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if he is beginning to have dementia? Violence and in such a public place seems odd for an ad man so aware of public image.

I hope it's not a regular occurrence or an escalation of domestic abuse."

Haven't seen the story yet. They publish every little thing these days. Madness.

I think it's a good thing they printed it. Whether it was due to dementia, domestice violence or they were just messing about... It makes people talk about it. And that's a good thing if it raises awareness.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I wonder if he is beginning to have dementia? Violence and in such a public place seems odd for an ad man so aware of public image.

I hope it's not a regular occurrence or an escalation of domestic abuse.

Haven't seen the story yet. They publish every little thing these days. Madness.

I do agree with the raising awareness issue but exposing private moments before someone is ready to talk about it doesn't sit comfortably.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if he is beginning to have dementia? Violence and in such a public place seems odd for an ad man so aware of public image.

I hope it's not a regular occurrence or an escalation of domestic abuse.

Haven't seen the story yet. They publish every little thing these days. Madness.

I do agree with the raising awareness issue but exposing private moments before someone is ready to talk about it doesn't sit comfortably."

I agree. And if it is dv it will likely cause her problems when they are home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would they publish such a picture?

suspect they will say 'its in the public interest'..

yeh right..

to sell more 'copy'..

they dont give a shit about the impact it may have on family etc.."

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Haven't seen the story yet. They publish every little thing these days. Madness.

I do agree with the raising awareness issue but exposing private moments before someone is ready to talk about it doesn't sit comfortably.

I agree. And if it is dv it will likely cause her problems when they are home.

That was my worry when I read the reports of her placating him and giving him a kiss and then walking after him wiping the tears away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

saacthi is a shrewd guy. Isn't he just opening a new gallery? And she no doubt has a new book, tv show (as always!)

No such thing as bad press

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think ill pop over and bake her a cake

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"saacthi is a shrewd guy. Isn't he just opening a new gallery? And she no doubt has a new book, tv show (as always!)

No such thing as bad press"

I think this is taking performance art or publicity seeking a tad far.

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By *on YonsonMan
over a year ago

London

Looks like Leveson had loads of effect ...

Any violence against women should never be tolerated but in the age of the internet it so easy to jump in and be self righteous [just like I am being to a degree]. You can create a narrative of pretty much anything with certain still frame shots and we don't know if it was an aggressive act [or if the hand around the throat was done in an aggressive manner].

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Looks like Leveson had loads of effect ...

I agree the press have a lot to answer for. They publish pictures that go with the story they want to tell. Sad looking couple (grimacing because the sun was in their eyes)- "couple XYZ miserable and on the verge of a break-up".

Seconds later someone else takes a pic of them smiling (sun's gone in)- "couple XYZ totally in love".

I've seen the pics now of Nigella. No way of knowing what went on. Then later pics of her leaving with a suitcase. Maybe she's lending it to a mate, maybe she's leaving him. Either way I hope she's ok.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I wonder if he is beginning to have dementia? Violence and in such a public place seems odd for an ad man so aware of public image.

...................."

Nah, he's just rich and still thinks the rules don't apply to him.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Now the police are 'examining the pictures'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But she has to make a complaint otherwise the photos don't mean a thing if they don't already - haven't seen them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

saw a fleeting shot on the tv this morning and was not impressed by the look of terror in nigellas eyes.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"what cunts just leave people alone..."

This!

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Ive just taken a peek, the look on her very pretty face says it all.....paps must be having a field day, the photographer would have been better calling the police instead of touting his pics to the highest bidder.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are folk being naieve here fact is whether it be a celeb or not fact is she was assaulted pure and simple so why not publish end of day if as he should he gets done then thats good.

No excuse for this behaviour and brushing under carpet just is not acceptable. Domestic violence is another word for assault would folk rather go back to the situation of it not being talked about because its uncomfortable.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Ive just taken a peek, the look on her very pretty face says it all.....paps must be having a field day, the photographer would have been better calling the police instead of touting his pics to the highest bidder.

That's the bit that made me really cross. If she looked like she was being abused why didn't anyone call the police or intervene? I wouldn't get involved in a row - we've all had them with partners - but physical violence I would, and have, ask if all is OK.

Maybe it's a careful edit of a sequence showing an innocent event. The 'tears' were just hayfever, the strangulation the a demonstration...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

If it was in the privacy of their home yeah, in a public restaurant...

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

I've just seen the pics having heard about this on the news.

We can all speculate as to what was going on during the meal but only two people know what was actually said...

I happen to be aware that there are women who actually enjoy being dominated in public, they do not consider it abuse in fact they actually love it...especially being grabbed by the throat...

They weren't sat on display, looking at some of the pics they were tucked behind some trees and perhaps stupidly thought they had a little privacy.

Just before anyone jumps on me for this comment, I absolutely abhor violence against women but as I said above, nobody knows what that was all about...

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"But she has to make a complaint otherwise the photos don't mean a thing if they don't already - haven't seen them."

That is not so. The police can charge on the recommendation of CPS on the evidence they have. Doesn't have to stem from a complaint from the aggrieved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find violence against women grotesque & cowardly (though the latter could be construed as sexist in this PC age) *treads the eggshell path

If she doesn't register a complaint to the police then there is no story - simples. How do we know that it wasn't Nigella dishing out the heftier blows previous to the tog snapping away?

I'd say she could definitely pack one!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The restaurant table is in a very public place in Mayfair. Sitting where they were sitting they could not expect not to have been photographed. If they had wanted privacy they could have sat inside.

It is easy to interpret the hand on throat as either a playful gesture or something more sinister. No doubt the paper has many more pics of lesser quality which no doubt tell a fuller story. We can all argue about press intrusion but realistically a 70 year old billionaire allegedly assaulting an attractive tv celebrity will always be headline news. The moral here is that domestic violence can happen to anyone.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

It is easy to interpret the hand on throat as either a playful gesture or something more sinister. "
I agree , but the look on her face tells us it was not playful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've just seen the pics having heard about this on the news.

We can all speculate as to what was going on during the meal but only two people know what was actually said...

I happen to be aware that there are women who actually enjoy being dominated in public, they do not consider it abuse in fact they actually love it...especially being grabbed by the throat...

They weren't sat on display, looking at some of the pics they were tucked behind some trees and perhaps stupidly thought they had a little privacy.

Just before anyone jumps on me for this comment, I absolutely abhor violence against women but as I said above, nobody knows what that was all about..."

i do not think that a kinky fantasy applys here,nigella is a national treasure and her fella needs a good smack. i'm not saying i have done this but in clubs lads i know work in when they see this sort of thing happen they make sure the guy gets told its out of order.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think he could of been play acting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that the 'C' word has absolutely nothing to do with it (celeb) apart from the obvious value of the togs pics.

Those pics shouldn't be allowed to be printed unless she registers a complaint, - for the kids' sake if nothing else!

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"I've just seen the pics having heard about this on the news.

We can all speculate as to what was going on during the meal but only two people know what was actually said...

I happen to be aware that there are women who actually enjoy being dominated in public, they do not consider it abuse in fact they actually love it...especially being grabbed by the throat...

They weren't sat on display, looking at some of the pics they were tucked behind some trees and perhaps stupidly thought they had a little privacy.

Just before anyone jumps on me for this comment, I absolutely abhor violence against women but as I said above, nobody knows what that was all about...

Do you know her personally then? To make those judgements?

National treasure or not, leery old fecker or not nobody knows...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Playful tiff

So he says

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

It is easy to interpret the hand on throat as either a playful gesture or something more sinister. I agree , but the look on her face tells us it was not playful."

that look was one of fear..

and his other hand looked clenched..

not an expert on body language but it looks terrible..

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Only ageing folkies will get this but maybe she threatened to sing 'Streets of London'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are folk being naieve here fact is whether it be a celeb or not fact is she was assaulted pure and simple so why not publish end of day if as he should he gets done then thats good.

The police can review the evidence and press charges even if she doesn't want to. Pretty sure the law was changed to protect women that were too scared to press charges.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

A picture might very well speak a thousand words but, as we've seen from pics on Fabster's profiles, not all can be believed.

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"google it ... the mirror has them too ... looks quite inoffensive there ... shes even smiling at one point, looks quite lovey dovey in others

ok if you call someone grabbing hold of someone by the throat lovey dovey...

ok, i didnt call anyone or anything, just mentioned how ALL the pics appeared, not just the one that is being commented on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's he worth? 70 million?

He must feel really secure in himself and manly to grab his woman by the throat.

Moron.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

"What's he worth? 70 million?

He must feel really secure in himself and manly to grab his woman by the throat.

Moron.

Quite how his personal worth has anything to do with him assaulting his wife totally evades me.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Quite how his personal worth has anything to do with him assaulting his wife totally evades me....."

Well..he's got a pile of dough..£12 million house and a gorgeous wife but he is still fucking insecure enough to throttle his wife?

That's what I'm saying.

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

He is no different from the humble road sweeper who lives in a council flat.....money has nothing to do with what makes him assault his wife.

Not every violent man (or woman) is insecure, many simply have anger and jealousy issues.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They have both admitted in the past to fiery passionate arguments. The difference is this time it was in a public place for all to see

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

Saatchi has reportedly accepted a police caution for assault....

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Saatchi has reportedly accepted a police caution for assault...."

Where did you hear that? I was just on the BBC site and didn't see anything.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"Saatchi has reportedly accepted a police caution for assault....

Where did you hear that? I was just on the BBC site and didn't see anything."

Radio 5 live.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apparently this happened over s week ago & they've been to that same restaurant TOGETHER SINCE!!!

......I feel that there's a little more to this than a few 1/500th of a second time lapses!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would they publish such a picture?

Hear hear. Its much better to keep spousal abuse behind closed doors!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if he does that in a restaurant,imagine what he does to her when she's not expecting it in the privacy of there home. Just because you have money and are well known does not stop you being a pathetic arsehole.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Legally, accepting a caution means he has accepted that an assault took place. So why just a caution for this "playful tiff" of an assault?

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

"Legally, accepting a caution means he has accepted that an assault took place. So why just a caution for this "playful tiff" of an assault?"

because Nigella does not want to press charges or file a report i understand

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"if he does that in a restaurant,imagine what he does to her when she's not expecting it in the privacy of there home. Just because you have money and are well known does not stop you being a pathetic arsehole."

Yep!

My thoughts exactly but I stepped out.

Nobody in this ENTIRE thread said that.

If the guy is doing that in a restaurant, what's he like at home?..

My parent's have been married for 27 years and I can honestly say my Dad has never even laid a violent finger on my mum.

My best friends dad did. He threw his wife down the stairs while I was in the house.

Domestic violence, especially those that hit women make me sick.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

"Are folk being naieve here fact is whether it be a celeb or not fact is she was assaulted pure and simple so why not publish end of day if as he should he gets done then thats good.

Its been all over the news. She was seen leaving in tears and has moved out of their home for a while. He said he was being playful. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of posts on here saying it should be private but she could be like millions of women around the world and to scared to do anything about it let the papers print the pics to show what a coward he is and if i was walking past some one and saw what he was doing to her I wouldn't think about pulling my phone out of pocket to take pics I'd pull him of his chair by his throte to see how that prick likes it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My personal opinion is.. It happened in a public place, the public that were present saw, now more public have seen.

Domestic abuse effects about 1:4 of us and those statistics are deemed to be pretty conservative due to the number if people who never make it known. We are all well and good at hising these things behind the closed doors and "walking into wardrobes". There are women everywhere suffering in this way and, if for them, seeing it from outside their own perspective, looking at it from a viewer angle, can see the distruction it causes and on the back of that seek help and support then I'm all for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Legally, accepting a caution means he has accepted that an assault took place. So why just a caution for this "playful tiff" of an assault?

because Nigella does not want to press charges or file a report i understand"

Without knowing the full facts of the matter I would imagine he has no previous convictions, admitted the offence and accepted a caution.

Probably the first time an incident had been reported to the police but as others have said probably not the first time it has happened.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"Legally, accepting a caution means he has accepted that an assault took place. So why just a caution for this "playful tiff" of an assault?

because Nigella does not want to press charges or file a report i understand"

A prosecution can proceed without the 'victim' making a complaint.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would they publish such a picture?

Hear hear. Its much better to keep spousal abuse behind closed doors!

Totally agree its like some here want it brushed under carpet like it used to be in light of fact it tends to ve females being the victims some attitudes here suprise me.

End of day violence is unacceptable and to give a title of domestic violence in my view makes it seem different which it is not.

By accepting a caution its admittance it took place and he does not have a criminal conviction bear that in mind he knew this was his best option.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"Lots of posts on here saying it should be private but she could be like millions of women around the world and to scared to do anything about it let the papers print the pics to show what a coward he is and if i was walking past some one and saw what he was doing to her I wouldn't think about pulling my phone out of pocket to take pics I'd pull him of his chair by his throte to see how that prick likes it"

Errrr yeah..ok!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal"

Wrong wrong wrong.....

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Are folk being naieve here fact is whether it be a celeb or not fact is she was assaulted pure and simple so why not publish end of day if as he should he gets done then thats good.

Its been all over the news. She was seen leaving in tears and has moved out of their home for a while. He said he was being playful. Lol"

Some people carry on with behaviour which they believe to be acceptable/jokey/lighthearted/a bit of fun until they finally see it through the eyes of others.

I have been on the receiving end of comments and when complained have been told i can't take a joke - perhaps he genuinely did not see how out of order his behaviour was.

I am not excusing him but I do understand how we make allowances for the behaviour of those we care for.

It is easy to judge, and yes I do think he has a lesson to learn, bit hopefully he is beginning to learn that a jokey tiff can be humiliating and degrading for the other person.

There have been threads recently on here which have decried feminism and women who can't take things with a pinch of salt. This culture is what contributes to women not feeling they can complain or express how horrible it is to be on the receiving end of this kind of non-violent (as in no pain/marks) behaviour when the perpetrator rebukes them for not having a sense of humour.

Abuse takes many forms, humiliation often goes on for longer and is less reported because it is harder to define.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

Wrong wrong wrong.....

By accepting A caution you are pleading guilty to a crime. A caution technically is a criminal conviction without having to go to court.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 18/06/13 09:35:44]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep reading the posts on here and I can't understand why some ppl are sympathetic toward him at the end of the day he had her crying in public he's a woman beater end of, take a big man to hit a woman

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Keep reading posts and I can't underwear and why some people are sympathetic towards him ant the end of the day he's a woman beater and he even does it in public which just shows he's not bothered about it"

As I tried to explain in my previous post he may never have regarded his behaviour as beating - there are no marks or broken bones, it all took place with no raised voices the wait staff didn't realise it was going on.

Without the clarity of these pics and the furore he could have spent the rest of his life thinking that his jokey tiff was just that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been following this story since it broke on radio 4 news. They said he writes a column in the Evening Standard n commented his action was somewhat in jest n he had suggested nigella take the kids away till media brouhaha died down. This bit of news predated the police caution bit.

I am now somewhat confused which story is correct.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without the clarity of these pics and the furore he could have spent the rest of his life thinking that his jokey tiff was just that."

Well from what I read in the paper they were arguing and he grabbed her on several occasions by the neck and had her in tears but I understand it could be all paper talk but If she left in tears I'm sure she didn't think it was a joke

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Without the clarity of these pics and the furore he could have spent the rest of his life thinking that his jokey tiff was just that.

She may not have done. But until the perpetrator begins to see that it's not acceptable when is he/she ever going to change?

Humiliation and manipulation are pernicious and soul destroying forms of abuse. The victim loses self esteem and confidence and the perpetrator often doesn't see any fault in what they are doing. This kind of abuse often takes place in public and in front of others - how many times has the behaviour of one half of a couple towards the other made you squirm and yet people say nothing.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

[Removed by poster at 18/06/13 09:54:17]

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

Wrong wrong wrong.....

By accepting A caution you are pleading guilty to a crime. A caution technically is a criminal conviction without having to go to court. "

From the Government website:

"Cautions

Cautions are given to adults aged 18 or over for minor crimes - eg writing graffiti on a bus shelter.

You have to admit an offence and agree to be cautioned. If you don’t agree, you can be arrested and charged.

A caution is not a criminal conviction, but it could be used as evidence of bad character if you go to court for another crime."

A caution is not a criminal conviction and therefore he is not a 'criminal.'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

Wrong wrong wrong.....

By accepting A caution you are pleading guilty to a crime. A caution technically is a criminal conviction without having to go to court.

From the Government website:

"Cautions

Cautions are given to adults aged 18 or over for minor crimes - eg writing graffiti on a bus shelter.

You have to admit an offence and agree to be cautioned. If you don’t agree, you can be arrested and charged.

A caution is not a criminal conviction, but it could be used as evidence of bad character if you go to court for another crime."

A caution is not a criminal conviction and therefore he is not a 'criminal.'

Part of My work involves occasionally having to advise colleagues with problems that lead to the police offering them a caution instead of going to court. The most recent was an assault charge. Accepting a caution is an admission of guilt. It counts a a conviction.

I am glad you are not my lawyer

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

Wrong wrong wrong.....

By accepting A caution you are pleading guilty to a crime. A caution technically is a criminal conviction without having to go to court.

From the Government website:

"Cautions

Cautions are given to adults aged 18 or over for minor crimes - eg writing graffiti on a bus shelter.

You have to admit an offence and agree to be cautioned. If you don’t agree, you can be arrested and charged.

A caution is not a criminal conviction, but it could be used as evidence of bad character if you go to court for another crime."

A caution is not a criminal conviction and therefore he is not a 'criminal.'

I am glad you are not my lawyer"

You clearly do not understand the law and the definition of a criminal.

A caution doesn't count as a criminal conviction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep!

My thoughts exactly but I stepped out.

Nobody in this ENTIRE thread said that.

If the guy is doing that in a restaurant, what's he like at home?..

My parent's have been married for 27 years and I can honestly say my Dad has never even laid a violent finger on my mum.

My best friends dad did. He threw his wife down the stairs while I was in the house.

Domestic violence, especially those that hit women make me sick.

I'm glad i said what i did but i have my reasons and they are much the same as yours but i had to remove it as talking about it makes me feel like crying, a friend with serious problems once told me you don't know what goes on behind closed doors but theres always tell tale signs when somthings not right and choking your Lady in public is certainly one of them.

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By *occosboysCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Manchester

Probably just a bit if fun games before they went home for a kinky time...

Quite a few years back I saw something similar in a posh London hotel, when I mentioned to my colleague he said it was the same every evening with them. I didn't really understand but after seeing the sort of kinky fun people get up to over the years it's probably a build up to a sex game...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The posh and the rich so it grabs headlines, if it had been a couple of chavs in mcdonalds no one would have given it a second glance

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

We can never know what goes on behind closed doors. Some of the worst physical abuse happens in private and in public he treats her as though she is a princess - till they get home...

But abuse is more than violence. It is control be it physical or mental or,as most often, both.

The way forward is never through more violence. Again I am not an apologist for Saatchi but as a successful man I doubt anyone has told him that he's out of order for a long time. So this could be a turning point.

Abuse is far more complicated than a man getting fisty.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"He has accepted a caution, he is now officially a criminal

Wrong wrong wrong.....

By accepting A caution you are pleading guilty to a crime. A caution technically is a criminal conviction without having to go to court.

From the Government website:

"Cautions

Cautions are given to adults aged 18 or over for minor crimes - eg writing graffiti on a bus shelter.

You have to admit an offence and agree to be cautioned. If you don’t agree, you can be arrested and charged.

A caution is not a criminal conviction, but it could be used as evidence of bad character if you go to court for another crime."

A caution is not a criminal conviction and therefore he is not a 'criminal.'

I am glad you are not my lawyer

You clearly do not understand the law and the definition of a criminal.

A caution doesn't count as a criminal conviction."
a caution shows up on a crb check as a criminal offence. Assault is not a minor crime. Your facts are wrong.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

"a caution shows up on a crb check as a criminal offence. Assault is not a minor crime. Your facts are wrong.

A caution will show up on a CRB check as a caution not a criminal conviction.

In order to be a criminal you have to be convicted of a criminal offence.

Ergo...Saatchi would not be classed as a criminal which is what you are asserting.

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By *kywatcherMan
over a year ago

Southwick

I might add legally he's not a criminal but morally he quite clearly is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless he only accepted the caution for the children's sake - not wanting the 'truth' to be made public.

Only the two of them know the truth.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Unless he only accepted the caution for the children's sake - not wanting the 'truth' to be made public.

Only the two of them know the truth."
Interestingly she is not pressing charges - well she has not so far.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The whole scenario is s big woolly ball of conjecture from where we are sitting! We just DON'T know do we!?!?

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"The whole scenario is s big woolly ball of conjecture from where we are sitting! We just DON'T know do we!?!? "
Exactly! And is all too often the case when everybody jumps to conclusions and in reality nobody knows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unless he only accepted the caution for the children's sake - not wanting the 'truth' to be made public.

Only the two of them know the truth.Interestingly she is not pressing charges - well she has not so far. "

That doesn't prove anything either way. It might not be as it appeared, she may be in denial, she may be too scared, lots of reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are folk being naieve here fact is whether it be a celeb or not fact is she was assaulted pure and simple so why not publish end of day if as he should he gets done then thats good.

Its been all over the news. She was seen leaving in tears and has moved out of their home for a while. He said he was being playful. Lol

Some people carry on with behaviour which they believe to be acceptable/jokey/lighthearted/a bit of fun until they finally see it through the eyes of others.

I have been on the receiving end of comments and when complained have been told i can't take a joke - perhaps he genuinely did not see how out of order his behaviour was.

I am not excusing him but I do understand how we make allowances for the behaviour of those we care for.

It is easy to judge, and yes I do think he has a lesson to learn, bit hopefully he is beginning to learn that a jokey tiff can be humiliating and degrading for the other person.

Abuse takes many forms, humiliation often goes on for longer and is less reported because it is harder to define."

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Unless he only accepted the caution for the children's sake - not wanting the 'truth' to be made public.

Only the two of them know the truth.Interestingly she is not pressing charges - well she has not so far.

That doesn't prove anything either way. It might not be as it appeared, she may be in denial, she may be too scared, lots of reasons."
Exactly again - and we do not know one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe I am not the only one who is cynical in thinking it is all a big publicity stunt for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe I am not the only one who is cynical in thinking it is all a big publicity stunt for her.

Perhaps he was demonstrating a new recipe to her 'neck of nigella ' ????

(yes tasteless comment I know but we just going round in circles now on the specifics

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unless he only accepted the caution for the children's sake - not wanting the 'truth' to be made public.

Only the two of them know the truth.Interestingly she is not pressing charges - well she has not so far.

That doesn't prove anything either way. It might not be as it appeared, she may be in denial, she may be too scared, lots of reasons.Exactly again - and we do not know one way or another.

.........or he could have accepted the caution as to not jeopardize her career, or................!!! We, alongside the snapping tog, just don't know!!!

Do either of them really need that kind of publicity though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it matters either way.

If someone reading this thread or seeing the newspaper has realised that they or someone they know is suffereing from domestic violence... and it helps them... then I'm very happy. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

seems fairly obvious to me, cruel twat chokes his mrs in public and police deal with him.

anyone who thinks it was some sort of sick game needs to have a word with themselves, its a clear case of abuse and the public now know what nigellas fella is like.

why would you try saying it was playing around and accept a police caution ? theres public figures who go to court over much more trivial things when they feel wronged so in my eyes acting fast in this case softens the backlash.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think it matters either way.

If someone reading this thread or seeing the newspaper has realised that they or someone they know is suffereing from domestic violence... and it helps them... then I'm very happy. x"

Unless you happen to be one of their children ..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think it matters either way.

If someone reading this thread or seeing the newspaper has realised that they or someone they know is suffereing from domestic violence... and it helps them... then I'm very happy. x

Unless you happen to be one of their children .........."

Now don't shoot me up in flames cos I may have this info wrong BUT I believe her children are from her previous marriage to the journalist guy who died quite young of cancer and they made a tv documentary of his decline. I don't THINK she has any birth children with Saatchi. Not, of course that this has any particular reference to the general context of the thread!

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I don't think it matters either way.

If someone reading this thread or seeing the newspaper has realised that they or someone they know is suffereing from domestic violence... and it helps them... then I'm very happy. x"
Absolutely agree with that- the stats on DV are pretty awful with DV against men largely underreported

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think it matters either way.

If someone reading this thread or seeing the newspaper has realised that they or someone they know is suffereing from domestic violence... and it helps them... then I'm very happy. xAbsolutely agree with that- the stats on DV are pretty awful with DV against men largely underreported

Massively underreported....

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So it's an invasion of privacy if a pic of a man with his hands round a woman's throat is published but no one would say a thing if it was a kiss?

Is the message that domestic violence should be kept behind closed doors.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour."

Whoa, i was in a newspapers office and saw massive campaign to end domestic violence towards women,i also pointed out that cheshire police had the campaign on police cars and corporation buses. I piped up to the office girl that it makes my piss boil that people do not see that domestic violence can be aimed at men too and after a bit of tooing and frowing i had the editor come out asking to interview me and stick it in the paper.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

"
perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against men . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a gf's hand around my throat in public also, but if it had been snapped in rapid multiple exposure mode, then I'm sure there'd be a few shots of it looking realistic.

The paps & tabloids have given themselves such a grotesque name that I personally take this story with the proverbial pinch of salt.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

Violence and abuse is always appalling not matter who is the perpetrator and who the victim. Domestic violence against men is underreported often due to embarrassment and fear of derision.

But the statistic which I still can't get out of my head is that two women EVERY WEEK die at the hands of a partner.

Anything which opens a discussion on the wide variety of forms of abuse and violence in relationships has to be positive.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I have fled an abusive relationship and had to flee to so many different places because the relentless fucker kept finding me. (through my so called best mate).

Its hard and sometimes you think it is your fault and that they will change but in reality they don't.. Its difficult I left with fuck all and still building up what I left behind. Its horrible I now whince if someone touches my face too quickly and I am always catious of men..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The People has a front page showing her being grabbed by the throat by her husband.

i wonder what she did to deserve it though.

i think they are making it out to be something more than it is.

michael winner said he thought nigela was a right snob, when he first met her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have fled an abusive relationship and had to flee to so many different places because the relentless fucker kept finding me. (through my so called best mate).

'''poor thing.

I dumped an ex & it took ages for me to realise that I was actually in a verbal/physically abusive relationship. Love can make it invisible!!

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Unless you happen to be one of their children ..........

They have three teenage children living with them. Her daughter and son from her marriage to John Diamond, who died of throat cancer twelve years ago. His teenage daughter from his previous relationship also lives with them.

As to the posts above about this being a publicity stunt for her work all I will say is she only has to have photo of her licking a spoon to get publicity for that.

Posts about her attitude causing it beggar belief. As with any of us who have experienced DV we were always made to feel it was something we had done. It's not. It's the aggressor's inability to behave as an adult.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

agreed, staggering that anyone would tbh..

No one deserves to live in a violent relationship..

it may be 'just a slap' to some but it sometimes ends up in murder..

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

Unless you happen to be one of their children ..........

As to the posts above about this being a publicity stunt for her work all I will say is she only has to have photo of her licking a spoon to get publicity for that.

Seconded 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i was abused at school by a nun,i was 5 years old and was shook leaving terrible bruises and screamed at for making the sign of the cross wrong,i was made to do it again and did it wrong and i never ever will forget the face of that fucking bitch screaming at me shaking me and the effects to this day have fucked me up.

i got the same treatment for not counting correctly and even now i count things over and over to make sure i got it right and people have joked i can't count because i'm making them wait but its like i can't make a mistake because the feeling is always there.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"i was abused at school by a nun,i was 5 years old and was shook leaving terrible bruises and screamed at for making the sign of the cross wrong,i was made to do it again and did it wrong and i never ever will forget the face of that fucking bitch screaming at me shaking me and the effects to this day have fucked me up.

It's hard to lose the effects of having been abused. I think it is even harder if the abuse happens in those formative childhood years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you happen to be one of their children ..........

As to the posts above about this being a publicity stunt for her work all I will say is she only has to have photo of her licking a spoon to get publicity for that.

Ah! Thanks for that - it's been driving me NUTS trying remember name of her first husband oh n thanks for clarifying the children issue too. I hadn't realized one was his

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

"
Its suprising how many men suffer from abuse, the said thing is a lot won't open up about it which is a shame.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

Its suprising how many men suffer from abuse, the said thing is a lot won't open up about it which is a shame. "
Sadly a lot of men still feel it is "their" fault and a a sign of weakness to admit they are being bullied and experience DV.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

"perhaps this will act as a deterent against violence against women . there is no excuse for this sort of behaviour.

In cheshire 1 in 5 cases of domestic violence is a male victim,thats a national statistic too.

Its suprising how many men suffer from abuse, the said thing is a lot won't open up about it which is a shame. Sadly a lot of men still feel it is "their" fault and a a sign of weakness to admit they are being bullied and experience DV."

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"The People has a front page showing her being grabbed by the throat by her husband.

i wonder what she did to deserve it though.

i think they are making it out to be something more than it is.

michael winner said he thought nigela was a right snob, when he first met her."

So being a snob, according to famous misogynist Michael Winner, means she deserves it? No one DESERVES to be abused!

I suppose my mum deserved to be slapped around for being a nag - at least that's what my dad would have said. So that's ok then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

michael winner a mysogonist, thats the first iv heard, i think he was just joking about things and some people took him too seriously.

a bit like this story, nobody knows if he abuses his wife just because he had his hands around her neck, i think he was just messing about, also a lot of men get rough when they are having sex, lots of seemingly nice people can get nasty and everyone has a sadistic side to their personality.

i dont aprove of men who beat their wives or partners and i dont think much of the women who stay with them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You people do realise that Michael winner is dead, don't you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You people do realise that Michael winner is dead, don't you?"

yes i do.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Fecks sake Winner was a gobby shite when alive..

dont tell me we have to put up with his rantings from the other side also..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fecks sake Winner was a gobby shite when alive..

dont tell me we have to put up with his rantings from the other side also..

calm down dear.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Fecks sake Winner was a gobby shite when alive..

dont tell me we have to put up with his rantings from the other side also..

calm down dear.

was it just me who wanted to slap him when he said that..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had the good fortune to have met nigella on a couple of occasions. I found her very down to earth and good company.

I have no doubt that if Michael winner did say it, it was in jest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have had the good fortune to have met nigella on a couple of occasions. I found her very down to earth and good company.

I have no doubt that if Michael winner did say it, it was in jest. "

no i think he was being serious, that time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have had the good fortune to have met nigella on a couple of occasions. I found her very down to earth and good company.

I have no doubt that if Michael winner did say it, it was in jest.

no i think he was being serious, that time."

He probably meant to say she was 'posh' compared to him cos he was a bit rough round the edges!!!!!! Some folks have accused me of being 'a bit posh' cos I went to a (very) small public school n no one could be much less posh than me for that. Often I think it's a perception people get about yr style of speech n general demeanor etc rather than you actually being a 'snob'

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I have had the good fortune to have met nigella on a couple of occasions. I found her very down to earth and good company.

I have no doubt that if Michael winner did say it, it was in jest.

no i think he was being serious, that time."

Whether he said it as a joke or if he was being serious, she didn't /doesn't deserve to have a man's hand round her throat!

There is an Australian DJ who has told her listeners to boycott any Nigella books/television shows because she is condoning DV because she hasn't reported it herself

I really don't know how some peoples mind work sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It says a lot more about Aussie dj's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It says a lot more about Aussie dj's"

If they aren't happy dragging poor nurses through the shit for wills and Kate pranks, they are shitting on the livlihood of poor nigella and her income. As if her life doesn't look shirty enough

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It says a lot more about Aussie dj's

If they aren't happy dragging poor nurses through the shit for wills and Kate pranks, they are shitting on the livlihood of poor nigella and her income. As if her life doesn't look shirty enough"
another one was sacked last week for saying the Aussie pm's boyfriend must be gay because he was a hairdresser in an interview with her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I read it in michael winners memoirs, he said he was on a tv program with nigela lawson and that she treated him as someone who wasnt worthy of being on tv with her, he said he remained polite and before he left the studio he went over to her and said, bye nigela nice to have met you and she just looked at him as though he was total rubish and said nothing. Fat cow with the mixing bowl he called her.

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

"I read it in michael winners memoirs, he said he was on a tv program with nigela lawson and that she treated him as someone who wasnt worthy of being on tv with her, he said he remained polite and before he left the studio he went over to her and said, bye nigela nice to have met you and she just looked at him as though he was total rubish and said nothing. Fat cow with the mixing bowl he called her.

Can see what a charmer he was

No wonder she looked down her nose at him!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can see what a charmer he was

No wonder she looked down her nose at him!"

yes a bit cheeky but very funny and interesting as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The People has a front page showing her being grabbed by the throat by her husband.

i wonder what she did to deserve it though.

i think they are making it out to be something more than it is.

michael winner said he thought nigela was a right snob, when he first met her."

You wonder what she did to deserve it?????

are you for real!

oh sorry, some idiot thought she was a snob, so she MUST have deserved it!

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So referring to a woman as a fat 'cow' is not misogynistic? And Michael Winner, being the fount of all knowledge, is to be believed.

And, regardless of all that, NO woman should be grabbed by the throat like that (unless it is part of some kind of kinky play where it has been agreed). NO woman, EVER! She can be the snottiest person around but it just shouldn't happen.

Nothing says 'I love you' like a smack in the face????

I, for one, will never accept any excuses from one person as a reason to harm another - whether that actually causes a mark or not - it is totally unacceptable behaviour, unless it is in genuine self-defence.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Now in mitigation his ex wife is saying he was difficult but never violent with her. I don't like the way the narrative is being presented as 'it must be Nigella's fault'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Poor Nigella. I cant believe how people are criticising her for not speaking out earlier and setting an example for women just because she is a celebrity.

Are people forgetting the fact that although she is a celebrity, she is still human and a woman going through abuse?

Its not a stunt now is it!!

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Apparently it was just Saatchi's way of pressing home his point and was quite none violent.

I think the next time they have a Tête à Tête Nigella should accentuate her side of the argument with a knife to his testicles. Fair's fair.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Apparently it was just Saatchi's way of pressing home his point and was quite none violent.

I think the next time they have a Tête à Tête Nigella should accentuate her side of the argument with a knife to his testicles. Fair's fair."

She doesn't use many knives, doesn't she favour those curvy rocking blade thingies? She'll have to chop them off if she's using one of them.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Apparently it was just Saatchi's way of pressing home his point and was quite none violent.

I think the next time they have a Tête à Tête Nigella should accentuate her side of the argument with a knife to his testicles. Fair's fair.

She doesn't use many knives, doesn't she favour those curvy rocking blade thingies? She'll have to chop them off if she's using one of them."

Violence is never the answer! Even when provoked.

And a mezza luna is tricky to wield unless it's against a board.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"Apparently it was just Saatchi's way of pressing home his point and was quite none violent.

I think the next time they have a Tête à Tête Nigella should accentuate her side of the argument with a knife to his testicles. Fair's fair.

She doesn't use many knives, doesn't she favour those curvy rocking blade thingies? She'll have to chop them off if she's using one of them."

Well like I say fair's fair!

I do find those rocky things quite something now you have brought my attention to them. Excellent for skinning.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Now in mitigation his ex wife is saying he was difficult but never violent with her. I don't like the way the narrative is being presented as 'it must be Nigella's fault'.

hardly surprising though given his position and background..

still think the picture shows the look of a scared person who has seen the look on his face before and sadly knew what may follow..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Poor Nigella. I cant believe how people are criticising her for not speaking out earlier and setting an example for women just because she is a celebrity.

Are people forgetting the fact that although she is a celebrity, she is still human and a woman going through abuse?

Its not a stunt now is it!!"

Surely those in the public eye are even less likely to want to rock the boat and won't dare speak out. When someone has belittled you for so long and made you think that it's all your fault you just want to keep your head down and try to keep the peace.

If it is as it seems then it will be a good thing in the long run. It won't seem like it now, but she has in effect been rescued.

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By *rica77Couple
over a year ago

Norwich

A picture tells a thousand words. Some men think that they can get away with violence toward women, its often the rich and powerful who abuse their position. Although he's still claiming innocence in the matter he took a police caution. A telling act me thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Poor Nigella. I cant believe how people are criticising her for not speaking out earlier and setting an example for women just because she is a celebrity.

Are people forgetting the fact that although she is a celebrity, she is still human and a woman going through abuse?

Its not a stunt now is it!!

If it is as it seems then it will be a good thing in the long run. It won't seem like it now, but she has in effect been rescued. "

You are right,someone high profile i know was raped by 2 guys who also are high profile with a very famous football club,she felt she could not say anything as it would ruin her career so has kept quiet.

its sad people have to accept bad things that happen along lifes journey and in my case i was offered help by a local doctor who asked me a few questions once and i replied honestly and he said i should contact victim support for advice, they were ok i suppose but what got me and still does was they suggested i seek professional counselling help me and i would of done only i had to pay for it.

Marvelous,the School was funded by the Goverment,i was abused physically and mentally by Nuns who taught me and put me off trying at school to the point i fell behind and that i'm certain has meant i never fullfilled my potential and i had to pay myself to talk to someone .... fucking great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Poor Nigella. I cant believe how people are criticising her for not speaking out earlier and setting an example for women just because she is a celebrity.

Are people forgetting the fact that although she is a celebrity, she is still human and a woman going through abuse?

Its not a stunt now is it!!"

If, poor nigela was that miserable then why did she stay with him, probably because he is very wealthy.

its not as if she is that stupid

and its not as if she hasnt got any money of her own.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Poor Nigella. I cant believe how people are criticising her for not speaking out earlier and setting an example for women just because she is a celebrity.

Are people forgetting the fact that although she is a celebrity, she is still human and a woman going through abuse?

Its not a stunt now is it!!

If, poor nigela was that miserable then why did she stay with him, probably because he is very wealthy.

its not as if she is that stupid

and its not as if she hasnt got any money of her own.

No-one knows how they will behave/respond to abuse until it happens to them.

A victim is a just that, the victim. Money, power or influence do not alter the complicated human reactions to being treated badly by the person who is.supposed to cherish and care for you. And until the victim is ready to leave then no amount of telling them they should will help.

I have never been abused or received violence but I have been the friend who picks someone up from the side of the road in the middle of nowhere when their partner threw them (physically) out of the car. I have been the one collecting a friend from A&E after a late night argument got violent and then listened to how it was an accident. I have been the one getting hit on by the man who my friend believes worships her and then getting threatened that she wouldn't believe me and anyway she won't be hanging round with me for much longer because she doesn't need anyone but him now.

In all of these situations I have had to bite my tongue and just be there till my friends were ready to face the facts themselves and be ready to act.

The abuser belittles and knocks self esteem and confidence and judgement as a way to control and manipulate their victim. To try to bully a victim into action never works.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i can understand that, but i havnt got much sympathy for women who stay with men like that, not unless they have nowhere else to go and very little money.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"i can understand that, but i havnt got much sympathy for women who stay with men like that, not unless they have nowhere else to go and very little money."

Men like that pick their victims carefully, a woman who would say "fuck this for a game of soldiers I'm calling the police and you're moving out" would be of no interest to them.

Bullies are very good at working out who they can bully and get away with it. And people in love will often give someone another chance - especially when they persuade the victim that they are complicit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

fear is a awful thing,you don't know what its like to hate to have to do somthing or go somewhere, i remember waiting at the bus stop with my mum and she would put me on the school bus and i'd have to go there and sit in fear all day,she was pushing me to get on the bus and leant down to kiss me and i bit her as hard as i could on the cheek crying because i didn't want to go and she was making me.

anyway fear makes you do stuff other people would never put up with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i can understand that, but i havnt got much sympathy for women who stay with men like that, not unless they have nowhere else to go and very little money."

I certainly DON'T want to side with any 'perps' , however, I guess there are many more factors involved in these situations. For example if dv is a rare occurrence (altho NEVER to b condoned) maybe 99 per cent of the time the relationship may seem great n the person focuses on the good side of their partner

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

there is no excuse for saachis behaviour... nigella is easily recognised and she will be pestered by the media , well wishers, people who may think she deserved it and general on lookers... saachi just looks like any other wrinkled weasel man of a certain age and can blend into the background easier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i can understand that, but i havnt got much sympathy for women who stay with men like that, not unless they have nowhere else to go and very little money.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

A really good discussion on This Week about domestic violence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An incredibly long thread considering that no one apart from them actually knows the truth about what happened!!

I wonder if the thread would have been as long if the tog snapped his pics three minutes earlier - only to show Nigella having hubby by the throat???

I guess we'll never know.

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"An incredibly long thread considering that no one apart from them actually knows the truth about what happened!!

I wonder if the thread would have been as long if the tog snapped his pics three minutes earlier - only to show Nigella having hubby by the throat???

I guess we'll never know."

Your post adds to the thread. It has meandered to cover other bullying, abuse and harassment.

I don't want anyone abused, harassed or bullied but the photo has given air time to raising and discussing the issue and THAT is a good thing.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

The problem, as has been said, with photographs is that no one other than the subjects has any idea what was actually going on.

Anyone who remembers Informed Consent will recall a number of the pics in people's galleries were much more 'violent' than the Nigella pics seem to be (there may even be some Fab pics in the same category).

Is it only a matter of time before some underemployed polis or journalist does a trawl and reports them to CPS/ COPFS?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The People has a front page showing her being grabbed by the throat by her husband.

"
Well I cant help feeling there's a lot more to come. Its maybe a power war ? He is the Dom maybe? and cant stand her doing her own thing and doing well . Life is not that simple even with all that money thay have and being in the public eye its was going to make the papers. I see pics of her today and she looked like she had aged 20 years ...looked worried . You never know it may have been going on years him doing this ... and feel its normal .. But its not in a public place and only when both players know its a game .. in privet there fetish there kinky thing but if not she needs to sort this out .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An incredibly long thread considering that no one apart from them actually knows the truth about what happened!!

I wonder if the thread would have been as long if the tog snapped his pics three minutes earlier - only to show Nigella having hubby by the throat???

I guess we'll never know.

Your post adds to the thread. It has meandered to cover other bullying, abuse and harassment.

I don't want anyone abused, harassed or bullied but the photo has given air time to raising and discussing the issue and THAT is a good thing."

Okay, but if the tables were turned, do you think this thread would be as long?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"An incredibly long thread considering that no one apart from them actually knows the truth about what happened!!

I wonder if the thread would have been as long if the tog snapped his pics three minutes earlier - only to show Nigella having hubby by the throat???

I guess we'll never know.

Your post adds to the thread. It has meandered to cover other bullying, abuse and harassment.

I don't want anyone abused, harassed or bullied but the photo has given air time to raising and discussing the issue and THAT is a good thing.

Okay, but if the tables were turned, do you think this thread would be as long?

"
If she was doing it to him and he looked worried upset yes ...... we would still have it in the news as people would never think she could be like it in a pubic place... In her cooking show on tv its all about family and friends and how well thay live .... and how happy loving life is ... well you and I know its a show and all for TV to look good. Now people are looking in thinking whats going on really in there life .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree - that's what I thought - it would still be about Nigella & not the victim.

The public photos only amount to a fraction of a second- you'd literally need thousands of them to get a true/r picture.

But personally, I don't believe that they should have been published in the absence of a complaint to the police - for the children's sake.

But that, I'm afraid is the celebrity culture - as boring as it may seem to some.

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

There is a big difference between a Dom/Sub relationship and abuse.

If they had an established Dom/Sub relationship the look in her eyes when he had his hand on her throat would be very different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is a big difference between a Dom/Sub relationship and abuse.

If they had an established Dom/Sub relationship the look in her eyes when he had his hand on her throat would be very different."

that's the thing about still photography - you can take about 12 shots in 4 seconds (more depending on the camera) so facial expressions can change rapidly in just a few seconds. I haven't seen the photos (due to finding celeb culture so damn boring) but people on this thread have said that on some of them she's actually smiling!!!

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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

So her sister has moved her things out of the marital home. Maybe the public nature of this has meant that whatever was going on is finally over for her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So her sister has moved her things out of the marital home. Maybe the public nature of this has meant that whatever was going on is finally over for her."
yes looks as theres a lot more to this and she has left . Good for her .

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"There is a big difference between a Dom/Sub relationship and abuse.

If they had an established Dom/Sub relationship the look in her eyes when he had his hand on her throat would be very different.

They were in public. People who are embarrassed by others' behaviour often try to smile or laugh it off.

Also abused women often try to hide or minimise the abuse out of shame so that may account of her smiling.

Smiling does not denote an absence of abuse. I speak from experience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is a big difference between a Dom/Sub relationship and abuse.

If they had an established Dom/Sub relationship the look in her eyes when he had his hand on her throat would be very different.

They were in public. People who are embarrassed by others' behaviour often try to smile or laugh it off.

Also abused women often try to hide or minimise the abuse out of shame so that may account of her smiling.

Smiling does not denote an absence of abuse. I speak from experience."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So her sister has moved her things out of the marital home. Maybe the public nature of this has meant that whatever was going on is finally over for her."
She has reportedly moved into a £10,000-a-week apartment in Mayfair she has the money so why not.. I say. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and the fact nigellas stuff is being moved out the marital home means anyone trying to explain why nigella may of liked being throttled and explaining it to the point of nausea was talking complete bollocks.

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