FabSwingers.com forum: Depression

By *Olliex OP Man
over a year ago

Lichfield

I've been on here for a while but now considering meeting seriously. I have been in a relationship for 5 years but she has an ongoing issue with depression. We don't have much of a sex life anymore due to her insecurities and I find this difficult as I have such a high sex drive. Feel free to message me .... I'm not a dick btw I just find it's going to be easier like this as I don't want to cause her upset by breaking her heart and leaving her.

Does doing this make me a bad person?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been on here for a while but now considering meeting seriously. I have been in a relationship for 5 years but she has an ongoing issue with depression. We don't have much of a sex life anymore due to her insecurities and I find this difficult as I have such a high sex drive. Feel free to message me .... I'm not a dick btw I just find it's going to be easier like this as I don't want to cause her upset by breaking her heart and leaving her.

Does doing this make me a bad person?

It's a can of worms I think if you do. I can understand what you mean, but you need to think of the consequences if she finds out, which surely wont help her depression.

I feel for you.

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By *win PeaksCouple
over a year ago

Northamptonshire

May the Lord have mercy upon your soul.

They are going to skin you alive.

Dave

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Been there an done it mate theres only gona be 1 looser you

my advice talk to her if you really do love her tel her you understand her depression but she has to under you to

best of luck if its ment to be it will be

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

OP no doubt some people on here will understand where you are coming from. Others will feel very strongly that what you are doing is completely wrong and will not hesitate to tell you.

At the end of the day you can only do what you think is best for you but experience tells me that a public forum is not the best place to get impartial advice on something like this.

Hope it work out for you whatever you decide.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

It doesn't make you a bad person and her depression doesn't make her a bad person. What it does is make a complex and difficult situation potentially much worse. Good luck.

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By *ire_bladeMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"OP no doubt some people on here will understand where you are coming from. Others will feel very strongly that what you are doing is completely wrong and will not hesitate to tell you.

At the end of the day you can only do what you think is best for you but experience tells me that a public forum is not the best place to get impartial advice on something like this.

Hope it work out for you whatever you decide.

got to agree this really isent the place

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

cheating is still cheating if your doing it without her knowledge and if she finds out you will just make her feel even more insecure. As a long term sufferer of depression and having had someone cheat on me it made me feel even worse as i was convinced my depression was the reason even tho i would offer it to him on a plate. I think you need to talk to her and if your so unhappy with your relationship leave let her have some dignity left instead of feeling useless and worthless because you blamed her depression on the reason your cheating on her.

I think its an excuse and you just want to have your cake and eat it if your a cheater your a cheater no excuse why not spend time with her building up her self esteem and making her feel special instead of being on here chasing other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does doing this make me a bad person?

Presumably, as you know that leaving her will break her heart, you have no similar concerns regarding what will happen if/when she discovers that you are cheating?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"cheating is still cheating if your doing it without her knowledge and if she finds out you will just make her feel even more insecure. As a long term sufferer of depression and having had someone cheat on me it made me feel even worse as i was convinced my depression was the reason even tho i would offer it to him on a plate. I think you need to talk to her and if your so unhappy with your relationship leave let her have some dignity left instead of feeling useless and worthless because you blamed her depression on the reason your cheating on her.

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

As somebody who suffers with depression (not that it makes any difference), it would hurt me a lot more to find out you were cheating on me rather than you leaving me...

Just saying.

- Amy. x

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By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

"Why not spend time with her building up her self esteem and making her feel special instead of being on here chasing other women. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As somebody who suffers with depression (not that it makes any difference), it would hurt me a lot more to find out you were cheating on me rather than you leaving me...

Just saying.

- Amy. x"

personally I don't care what the OP does and im not going to judge him either

But I can honestly say if someone didn't want to be with me anymore id sooner them have the balls to come out and say it rather than pat me on the head and lead a double life behind my back, I cant think of anything more hurtful that being lied to in this way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is plenty of support for people with depression. Not so much for partners but there is help out there. Look for a support group. It helps to talk, just talk not even about the problems. You have a problem, hopefully you can get some advice in here without being shot down in flames

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By * n zCouple
over a year ago

leamington spa

If you love her then you'd want to stick it out with her and try and sort things out.......if your relationship is at the end of the line your best of ending it for both your sakes, you can't be there worrying that you ending it will make her worse, as long as she's got a network of close friends and family to help her through, no one is going to thank you staying with her cos you feel sorry for her ........

Best of luck x

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Have you considered the potential consequences of her catching you out when she's on a real low?

Still think it's worth it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does doing this make me a bad person?

Having read your post more than once. No where have you stated that you actually have any feeling for her !!! All you have said is how your missing out and how you feel about it !!!! Have you considered thinking about how your partner feels. Maybe she is just as upset as you about it. If you feel sex is far more important to you than trying to help each other through the difficulties then you are doing her no favors at all. To stay just out of sympathy is wrong, which i'm sure she would not want.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had severe depression and I went off sex as I felt so useless, worthless, unsexy, ugly and fat. I found out my then boyfriend who I was living with and had been with for 6 years was using a website to meet up with other women and have sex with them.

It was the best thing he did-I made my own profile, messaged him and arranged a meet. When he turned up, I was there with all his friends. The ultimate humiliation. He emigrated shortly after and I am now a stronger woman for it. If it wasn't for that experience, I would still be in that relationship not getting any attention or emotional support through the darkest times I was suffering through.

OP, I hope if your partner finds this out she has the strength to continue and grow stronger from it like I did.

crystal

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By *e nicerWoman
over a year ago

Costa del Medway

"I have had severe depression and I went off sex as I felt so useless, worthless, unsexy, ugly and fat. I found out my then boyfriend who I was living with and had been with for 6 years was using a website to meet up with other women and have sex with them.

OP, I hope if your partner finds this out she has the strength to continue and grow stronger from it like I did.

crystal"

a salutory tale

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn't be with someone just cos you feel sorry for them. You should be with them cos you want to be.

Do you not the the consequences of her finding out you have cheated and your only with her cos you feel sorry for her will be better than you being honest and leaving?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you considered the potential consequences of her catching you out when she's on a real low?

Still think it's worth it?"
If her condition is, she developes her own all time low points no matter how loving and caring he is, thats the pattern of behaviour with the condition.

Love does NOT conquer all, sometimes no matter what you do, the devotion, the care you show, the condition batters both people into a corner, suddenly though, what he does will make it worse? He will feel extra guilty, she might feel better if blame him,,,,,,for a while? Then what ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs has a ongoing battle with the big D.

Sometimes she's in control and lots of sex sometimes she not in control of it so I have to wank a lot.

If it starts getting to the point where it's been a while we will always talk and see what's going on.

Depression can be very hard to 'cope' with for both prople

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you considered the potential consequences of her catching you out when she's on a real low?

Still think it's worth it?If her condition is, she developes her own all time low points no matter how loving and caring he is, thats the pattern of behaviour with the condition.

its part of making that commitment though.. if you choose to commit to someone then you have to deal with whatever life throws at you.. so if someone isnt prepared to deal with anything then they should ask whether they should be committed?

its called living up to your responsibilities..

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By *Olliex OP Man
over a year ago

Lichfield

Thanks for all your advice. I've read every single comment and decided this is not the route I'll be taking. I think I just needed to be told. It is tough but I'm sure we can get through it.

Thanks again

Ollie x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

lots of advice already most of it really good.

If there is a problem between two people, the people best suited to sorting it out are those two people usually. However depressed people don't think in the same way as people who aren't depressed and approaching them to discuss something like this is probably not going to end well and as someone else said there is little in the way of help for partners. Having said that if you need to involve a third party better its a mental health professional or someone from a charity such as MIND than people on an internet forum who might correctly or otherwise interpret your post as asking permission to play away.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Thanks for all your advice. I've read every single comment and decided this is not the route I'll be taking. I think I just needed to be told. It is tough but I'm sure we can get through it.

Thanks again

Ollie x"

good luck OP xx

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