FabSwingers.com forum: Men humans only .........

By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

This is the thread where you all share your pearls of wisdom about the female body , arousal and orgasm .....

It's nice to share. Let us all know how womens bits work and what it is that women want.

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By *eroLondonMan
4 weeks ago

Mayfair

Their forked tongues work perfectly fine. Sharp enough to burst my bubble often.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

My entire knowledge of the female orgasm derives from the famous Chelsea football song:

'Celery, Celery!

If she don't come

I'll tickle her bum

With a bunch of Celery!'

🎶

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

"what it is that women want."

Now genuinely if I truly knew the answer to that wouldn’t I be on a book tour or presenting my own podcast 😳

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"Their forked tongues work perfectly fine. Sharp enough to burst my bubble often."

That's whut you git whun you fall in love......

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"My entire knowledge of the female orgasm derives from the famous Chelsea football song:

'Celery, Celery!

If she don't come

I'll tickle her bum

With a bunch of Celery!'

🎶"

How does the tune go ?

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"what it is that women want.

Now genuinely if I truly knew the answer to that wouldn’t I be on a book tour or presenting my own podcast 😳"

No. You'd be on This Morning telling everyone that the fallopians isn't a mountain range in Italy

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By *kphooey43Man
4 weeks ago

Barnet

I have learnt from the ancient Greek theories, that the uterus is a small, separate animal with a mind of its own that moves around the body, causing chaos by pressing on the liver or spleen. If the uterus gets too stressed, it can wander up to the neck to cause a headache. Such an occurrence then inevitably results in the male penis wondering away from home

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton

Slim white young lad with dreads between my thighs .. tongue on my clit and 2 or 3 fingers hard up me like I'm a heavy hand puppet and he's about to put me on for a show at the seaside.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

Thanks Phooey. I knew you'd know. P.S.Which city is your penis in now ?

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By *kphooey43Man
4 weeks ago

Barnet

Moving on from my pearls of wisdom about human anatomy, I now offer my understanding of what women want.

Contrary to popular belief, women do not want to communicate their needs. They want men to possess the telepathic ability to know exactly what they want without speaking, while also being angry that the poor sap doesn't know.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

The most effective method of clitoral stimulation is with two fingers, or the offer of a Greggs Steak Bake.

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton

FFS.. just re-read, and sorry ..

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By *kphooey43Man
4 weeks ago

Barnet

"Thanks Phooey. I knew you'd know. P.S.Which city is your penis in now ?"

Last seen in Bournemouth, but that was over 18 months ago

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

"FFS.. just re-read, and sorry .. "

🤭🤭

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By *onko the SaneMan
4 weeks ago

3rd rock from the sun

I don't have any

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"Moving on from my pearls of wisdom about human anatomy, I now offer my understanding of what women want.

Phooey .......... correct absolutely correct .. with that woman you know.

I have the opposite. Men taking umbrage when I tactfully point out room for improvements...... what is the matter with them ?

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By *awtybutnice75Man
4 weeks ago

belfast

Hmmmm, I've always started with lots of sensual kisses... around neck, ear lobs, down arms and wrists.. then back to neck.... would slowly work my down and kiss/lick breasts, under the crease.... then kiss down to thighs, licking and kissing inside the thigh area.... then gently kiss her pussy, treating as if gently kissing her on the facial lips.... anything after that is dependent on reaction ....

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"FFS.. just re-read, and sorry .. "

Shortie .... you are my favourite FAB man human puppet on a fist. xx

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"The most effective method of clitoral stimulation is with two fingers, or the offer of a Greggs Steak Bake."

I'm not being judgey but they are a bit flakey for a clit session doncha think... crumbs everywhere and the grease .....

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

Women actually have four holes providing sexual arousal.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"Women actually have four holes providing sexual arousal."

Are you looking at my nostrils ?

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

"Women actually have four holes providing sexual arousal.

Are you looking at my nostrils ?"

Who nose ?

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By *kphooey43Man
4 weeks ago

Barnet

I have the opposite. Men taking umbrage when I tactfully point out room for improvements...... what is the matter with them ?"

LET ME EXPLAIN, your problem is that you have misunderstood 'mansplaining' - you have it arse over face.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

I have the opposite. Men taking umbrage when I tactfully point out room for improvements...... what is the matter with them ?

LET ME EXPLAIN, your problem is that you have misunderstood 'mansplaining' - you have it arse over face.

The audacity of me ...... the very cheek of me..... pfffft

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By *ensuallover1000Man
4 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

All wimmin’ can be placated via the medium of cake; it’s a scientifically irrefutable fact.

Therefore by logic, gently rubbing said cake over her erogenous zones will cause her to have the world’s most powerful orgasm 👍🏻

Use caution when utilising this magical technique on a woman though, for too much cake can cause an orgasm so powerful that she may spontaneously combust.

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP Woman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"All wimmin’ can be placated via the medium of cake; it’s a scientifically irrefutable fact.

Therefore by logic, gently rubbing said cake over her erogenous zones will cause her to have the world’s most powerful orgasm 👍🏻

Use caution when utilising this magical technique on a woman though, for too much cake can cause an orgasm so powerful that she may spontaneously combust."

You've totally ignored flavour and size........ not one mention of cream

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By *ensuallover1000Man
4 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"All wimmin’ can be placated via the medium of cake; it’s a scientifically irrefutable fact.

Therefore by logic, gently rubbing said cake over her erogenous zones will cause her to have the world’s most powerful orgasm 👍🏻

Use caution when utilising this magical technique on a woman though, for too much cake can cause an orgasm so powerful that she may spontaneously combust.

You've totally ignored flavour and size........ not one mention of cream"

My goodness! Added cream is akin to unstable Sentex explosives when rubbing it over a woman’s bits and bobs. I’m just not that brave, Granny! 😜

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 26/03/26 18:35:27]

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By *lessandra_BWoman
4 weeks ago

Here, There & Everywhere

What Women Want...

For a man to actually listen when a woman is making the effort to tell him what she wants and needs; instead of pretending to listen, and thinking he knows better!

[Thankfully, this is no longer an issue in my life 😊]

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By *ortheastFarmerMan
4 weeks ago

Northumberland

A wise uncle told me to always go 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink.

Trust uncle buzzcocks, hes smashing pasties daily 🤣

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By *rightonsteveMan
4 weeks ago

Brighton - even Hove!

My friends father said: use the 5 F’s

Find ‘em

Feel ‘em

Finger ‘em

Fuck ‘em

Forget ‘em

His wife left him.

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By *hisIsMe58Man
4 weeks ago

Winchester

Women are a complete mystery, you think you know them, only to have your confidence shattered once more. But we keep coming back.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
4 weeks ago

Liverpool

"Women never just let you have a bite of ham. They always make you sit down for spinach".

Martin Crane, Frasier.

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By *onin25Man
4 weeks ago

Durham

Fingerblast for a bit before sticking it in, works every time 😉

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By *lynJMan
4 weeks ago

Morden

"The most effective method of clitoral stimulation is with two fingers, or the offer of a Greggs Steak Bake.

I'm not being judgey but they are a bit flakey for a clit session doncha think... crumbs everywhere and the grease ....."

But what about the steak bake?

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By *ex HolesMan
4 weeks ago

Up North

Chewing on a woman’s giblets (with your back teeth) always gets them to squirt piss

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By *reative-mindMan
4 weeks ago

Exeter

Women always find it really sexy if you cum quickly

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By *oeBeansMan
4 weeks ago

Derby

When they're really angry, just tell them to calm down and that they're being hysterical. That right now they're up here 🫳 but they need to bring it

Down here 🫳

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By *eroLondonMan
4 weeks ago

Mayfair

"...what it is that women want."

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They want to be...

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...kept in suspense.

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By *olvoGentMan
4 weeks ago

Purgatory

Their body is easy... it's their brains (thoughts) that a complete mystery

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