FabSwingers.com forum: Swinging and BDSM

By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

FFS are there ANY swingers who aren’t into BDSM? Seems like it has to be a compulsory part of the lifestyle and the fact that it’s really not for me is just going to continue stop people being interested in us.

Yes there are those who say “we don’t have to do that stuff and will always respect your boundaries” but that’s bullshit. It’s always just a line and they always try pushing because that’s what gets them off.

Sorry rant over

Fyre

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
7 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

As a kink person who has an entirely vanilla partner, I don't think being into BDSM has any relation to how I interact with them 💜

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By *estructionDollyWoman
7 weeks ago

Manchester

I enjoy both and I never push my kink side onto someone who isn't into it. I've had plenty of vanilla only partners and know plenty of vanilla swingers.

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

We’ve not been doing this long and it’s not been our experience. BDSM seem to be the prevalent want and I feel like I let Violet down all the time because it makes me want to run a mile

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
7 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Just make sure it's clear on your profile that you don't want that and actively avoid and block the people who have it front and centre or try to push it at you at any stage.

A lot of people who claim to be kinky are actually just arseholes who wouldn't be welcome in the community anyway 💜

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By *naswingdressWoman
7 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Just make sure it's clear on your profile that you don't want that and actively avoid and block the people who have it front and centre or try to push it at you at any stage.

A lot of people who claim to be kinky are actually just arseholes who wouldn't be welcome in the community anyway 💜"

Agreed.

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

It is clear on our profile, but seems to be the only types we attract

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
7 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Then you're attracting arseholes.

Don't feel bad though, my inbox is a testament to how many people don't actually read a profile before shooting their shot 💜

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By *naswingdressWoman
7 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Then you're attracting arseholes.

Don't feel bad though, my inbox is a testament to how many people don't actually read a profile before shooting their shot 💜"

Yeah, unfortunately arseholes are very common.

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By *ellinever70Woman
7 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"We’ve not been doing this long and it’s not been our experience. BDSM seem to be the prevalent want and I feel like I let Violet down all the time because it makes me want to run a mile"

Why would you feel you're letting Violet down?

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By *ever2old4toysCouple
7 weeks ago

Abingdon

We dip into a bit of rope work as a sometimes snack but our core is good regular sex.

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By *adyJayneWoman
7 weeks ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"Then you're attracting arseholes.

Don't feel bad though, my inbox is a testament to how many people don't actually read a profile before shooting their shot 💜

Yeah, unfortunately arseholes are very common. "

And most seem to either be incapable or unwilling of reading.

Honestly OP as someone very much into BDSM but also poly and having a completly vanilla husband... I can promise that it is perfectly possible to not involve bdsm in vanilla encounters.

Mind you I would also say that those idiots wouldnt be welcome because being able to stick to negotiated terms and respecting boundaries are integral to BDSM.

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

"We’ve not been doing this long and it’s not been our experience. BDSM seem to be the prevalent want and I feel like I let Violet down all the time because it makes me want to run a mile

Why would you feel you're letting Violet down?"

Because she’s missing out on the rare few people that show an interest in us because I’m completely turned off by their interest in BDSM

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By *vaRoseWoman
7 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

A lot of people who claim to be kinky are actually just arseholes who wouldn't be welcome in the community anyway 💜"

This

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By *ellinever70Woman
7 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"We’ve not been doing this long and it’s not been our experience. BDSM seem to be the prevalent want and I feel like I let Violet down all the time because it makes me want to run a mile

Why would you feel you're letting Violet down?

Because she’s missing out on the rare few people that show an interest in us because I’m completely turned off by their interest in BDSM"

I'm not sure how she can be missing out on something neither of you are into

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
7 weeks ago

North West

As others have said. The non-arseholes who enjoy BDSM are all about enthusiastic consent and negotiated boundaries.

I would say that your photo gallery does suggest an interest in kink and BDSM. The nipple clamps and Wartenberg pinwheel in particular. Perhaps you could consider “vanillafying” your gallery to appeal to the sort of profile you wish to attract.

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By *ensualMan
7 weeks ago

Sutton

People who are seriously into BDSM understand the concept of consent being at the centre of any interaction. To engage people into BDSM who did not want it would breach that. It could also be illegal.

I know a number of people who are seriously into BDSM but also enjoy swinging. It is not an alternative just a position along a spectrum.

However, I cannot speak for the hedonist BDSM/kink people who focus on sex and seem to have little understanding of concepts classic BDSM.

If you are ignoring people simply because they are also into BDSM, then (subject to my comments below) my view would be is that you are unreasonably reducing the number of potential partners.

However, I don't have your lived experience and maybe you have had people mid play wanting to do impact or tie you to the bed.

I know in the BDSM scene it's common for men to present themselves as dominants to women submissives, only to switch and ask to be dominated.

Also, meeting people on Fab, is a long game and for some it is about the people they meer are right, rather than available. Preferences are preferences and you are entitled to your preferences.

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By *asha86Couple
7 weeks ago

walsall

We're into BDSM but thats in our relationship and between us. When playing with others we always go with what everyone is comfortable with no matter what and would never force things we like onto others. No means No. xT

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By *tyoursecretserviceMan
7 weeks ago

his Birthday suit x

What is Kink ?

At what point does kink become BDSM ?

Think these are two questions a person should ask themselves before any judgement is passed or offered.

My simple thoughts is, kinky is only kinky if you've never tried it.

Either you like the added extra in a sexual relationship or you don't.

If you do then that starts your exploration into a much more open minded freedom as normal sex becomes your everyday adventure with a twist.

Enjoy press your limits and boundaries and keep exploring.

After all, that's why we are all on this site not dating apps x

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By *iss DevilWoman
7 weeks ago

Hiding

OP, stick to your guns, and don't worry about other people ignoring your boundaries. Meets are supposed to be fun for all involved and if they aren't, what's the point of having them?

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By *aandLoCouple
7 weeks ago

Southampton

I enjoy a bit of BDSM from Mr. I don't allow a stranger to engage in BDSM with me though. Any impact play would only be with people we have played with a few times, and trust.

Just because it's shown as an interest on a profile does not mean it is always part of a meet. We've met a few people now and we've not engaged in BDSM with any of them.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
7 weeks ago

Markfield

"As others have said. The non-arseholes who enjoy BDSM are all about enthusiastic consent and negotiated boundaries.

Yes, agree, make the public pics less goth. I get approached a lot about BDSM and domme stuff as a couple of my pics suggest I’m that way inclined but as it’s not a hard no for me it’s less of an issue so I don’t change the pics. However some of my interests attract unwelcome attention from people wanting kink dispensers so I’ve removed all those for now as it’s tiresome x

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

[Removed by poster at 01/03/26 19:34:12]

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

"As others have said. The non-arseholes who enjoy BDSM are all about enthusiastic consent and negotiated boundaries.

I don’t think suggesting to Violet that she presents as less goth would go down well, it’s a fundamental part of who she is

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By *iss DevilWoman
7 weeks ago

Hiding

Sorry, guys, I have just had a look at your profile photos and I think I know where your issues are coming from. You have a couple of photos with nipple clams, a photo with a pinwheel, and a photo of her hair being pulled. As most men tend not to read profiles, those photos suggest you are into BDSM. Either change your photos or be prepared for having to explain to people you're not into BDSM.

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By *iss DevilWoman
7 weeks ago

Hiding

"Sorry, guys, I have just had a look at your profile photos and I think I know where your issues are coming from. You have a couple of photos with nipple clams, a photo with a pinwheel, and a photo of her hair being pulled. As most men tend not to read profiles, those photos suggest you are into BDSM. Either change your photos or be prepared for having to explain to people you're not into BDSM. "

Ooops, someone already mentioned it!

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
7 weeks ago

Markfield

"As others have said. The non-arseholes who enjoy BDSM are all about enthusiastic consent and negotiated boundaries.

I don’t think suggesting to Violet that she presents as less goth would go down well, it’s a fundamental part of who she is"

I just meant select the pics for the public part of your profile that are the ones that are less goth looking, then those who only look at the pictures and don’t read the words may not be as drawn to messaging about BDSM as the two are often aligned (often erroneously). Pop the more goth type pics in friends only so that once contact has been established, those pics can be shared with like minded individuals.

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By *orphia2003Woman
7 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

I do swing and I am into BDSM, but I find I very often keep them very separate.

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By *iolet_Fyre OP Couple
7 weeks ago

Yateley

"I do swing and I am into BDSM, but I find I very often keep them very separate."

That’s fine, but the problem I have is that as soon as I find out someone is into that hardcore stuff, it’s a deal breaker for me, I’m totally turned off by it and therefore Violet misses out

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By *ust_us999Couple
7 weeks ago

Somewhere

We are (into both), but usually don't include it (seriously) into our play sessions.

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By *ear_TinkerbellCouple
7 weeks ago

The lost village

"I do swing and I am into BDSM, but I find I very often keep them very separate.

That’s fine, but the problem I have is that as soon as I find out someone is into that hardcore stuff, it’s a deal breaker for me, I’m totally turned off by it and therefore Violet misses out"

What do you mean by "hardcore stuff"? Asking because everyone's definition is different t so it might be worth giving an example or stating on your profile. Might help with who contacts you.

Tink

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By *eyond PurityCouple
7 weeks ago

East Lincs

It’s a red flag if someone’s going straight into BDSM chat and/or saying what they are going to do to you/your partner.

However I think some of your pics suggest that pain is part of your play…so I would hide them or make them friends and you may see less BDSM types messaging.

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By *inkyropecoupleCouple
7 weeks ago

carluke

We are in very much into BDSM - but only between us, anyone asking to engage in BDSM play with us is told that is something for us and us alone. We will play with others in a “vanilla”way.

It takes a long time to build up the relationship and trust with someone for any BDSM practice to be safe (for both parties) and that isn’t practical for the occasional meets.

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By *entlemanFoxMan
7 weeks ago

North East / London

"As others have said. The non-arseholes who enjoy BDSM are all about enthusiastic consent and negotiated boundaries.

💯

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By *oubleswing2019Man
7 weeks ago

Colchester

Sorry OP, but were it not for your text itself, several of the pics showcase BDSM-related activities. That creates a disconnect between what is read and what is seen.

I think it's also fair to say there is also a high prevalence in cross-over between the goth and the BDSM scene.

Certainly my delvings to Club AC or TG, or others would support that observation quite comfortably.

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By *tyoursecretserviceMan
6 weeks ago

his Birthday suit x

Mmmmmm, sounds like my kinda fun xxx

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By *inkycreamCouple
4 weeks ago

manchester

We make it clear which way we go in pictures, but still had lots of vanilla fun without it.

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By *ustFunUKMan
3 weeks ago

London (Any)

I'm a bi guy. Bottom.

I'm keen to explore bdsm fun as a sub.

Anyone interested or care to point me to how I can get started on my journey please x

🙏 Thank you

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