FabSwingers.com forum: best joke!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'll start!

Why did the hipster burn his tounge?

He drank his coffee before it was cool!

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By *cottishrichMan
over a year ago

Here and there

Two nuns in the bath,

One says "Where's the soap?"

The other says "It does, doesn't it."

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday

Never again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My grandad had his tongue shot off in the 2nd world war

He never talked about it

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By *cottishrichMan
over a year ago

Here and there

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

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By *pen2offersxCouple
over a year ago

kettering

What's E.T. Short for ?

Cos he's got little legs !

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By *pen2offersxCouple
over a year ago

kettering

"Two nuns in the bath,

One says "Where's the soap?"

The other says "It does, doesn't it.""

Two nuns riding bikes down a cobbled path.

One says 'I've never cum this way before'

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By *livia_KWoman
over a year ago

South London

How many mice does it take to screw in a lighbulb?

At least two, but how did they get in there in the first place?

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By *pen2offersxCouple
over a year ago

kettering

What's the ultimate Jewish Dilema ?

Half price pork !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?

WIFE: That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Went to the doctors and he told me I needed a pacemaker, so now I've got this annoying kenyan c--- two yards in front of me everywhere I go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the definition of agony

"An elephant sliding down a giant razor blade using his balls as brakes"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick of course

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By *aula.ceciliaWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

What is brown, steamy and comes out of cows????

the isle of Wight ferry!!!

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By *aula.ceciliaWoman
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I have some friends who are into Flagellation, necrophilia and bestiality,,,, do you think they ae flogging a dead horse????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make a hormone ???

Tell her your not gonna pay her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a bunny with a bent dick ?

fucks funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man with a pig on his head ??

Hammed

What do you call a man with a pig and a cow on his head ?

MooHammed

What do you call a man with a pig and a cow on his head and a vibrator up his ass ??

Sheik MooHammed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wife refuses to give me titty wanks these days, says she cant be fucked cleaning the skid marks of her stomach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and my girlfriend were sitting relaxed, having a chat when I accidently shit myself.

I'd hoped she wouldn't notice, but then it floated to the top of the bath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman threw eggs at Simon Cowell.

When asked why she did it, she replied "because I couldn't find any dog shit."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The wife refuses to give me titty wanks these days, says she cant be fucked cleaning the skid marks of her stomach"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've ended the friendship between my mate and I because I suspect he might be gay.

Last week when he fell asleep,I sucked his cock and he got an erection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The wife refuses to give me titty wanks these days, says she cant be fucked cleaning the skid marks of her stomach

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'hey why such a long face'

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By *ondafirestormMan
over a year ago

heckington

"This horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'hey why such a long face'

because im a horse lol

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By *ickloverMan
over a year ago

Devizes

"Why the fuck do you have to have your cunt on show every time a picture is taken?" I asked

"Thank you for your email. He is the leader of the Conservative party and the country, and as such he needs to be in the pictures" Came the reply.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

I stayed at a hotel in London and took a card from a phone box on Oxford St offering 'sorid sex and other pleasures'

Back at the hotel I rang the number.

A lady with a silky voice asks if she could be of any help.

I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal and finish with a tit wank. Is that ok?"

The lady replied, "Sounds fun sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?""
LMFAO

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's got an hazel nut in every bite,,

Squirrel shit

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By *ust_for_laughsCouple
over a year ago

Hinckley

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other, 'can you smell fish ?'...

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By *ilverMedalWinnerMan
over a year ago

North Lakes

Two snowmen in a field; one says to the other, "Can you smell carrots?"

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By *limBobStretchedPantsMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

Apparently Pouring water straight from the kettle over your girlfriend's stomach when she's complaining of period pains, doesn't help nor does it produce hard boiled eggs.

Well I learn something new everyday.

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By *limBobStretchedPantsMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

At the pub, James orders 10 pints of lager. An hour later, he orders 10 more.

What does he have?

A wife and 4 fucking kids.

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By *limBobStretchedPantsMan
over a year ago

Newcastle

People are always making horrible comments and remarks about my body, especially my dick.

If it carries on, I'm gonna start wearing clothes when I go out.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

I've got my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting tommorow.

I rang them to check the time.

Fucking ten to one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats the difference between like & love?

Spit & swallow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A grizzly bear walks into a bar and says to the barman,

A pint.......................................................................of lager please.

And the barman says, why the big pause???!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbit's feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill.

I thought, he's pushing his luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

why did Lucy fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms

.................

Knock knock

Whose there?

Not lucy!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make a hormone ???

Tell her your not gonna pay her

put sand in her lube xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

knock knock

who's there

AVON , your bells not working

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

Whats the difference between kinky and perverse?

If you're kinky you might use feathers, if you're perverse you use the whole chicken!

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By *heScotandthegirlCouple
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

Whats the best thing about a blow job?

Ten minutes peace

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.

If only there was an olympic event for being a lazy bastard.

That bronze medal would be mine.

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By *rs and mr sanddancerCouple
over a year ago

Boldon

"Whats the difference between like & love?

Spit & swallow.

What's the difference between like, love and showing off?

Spit, swallow and gargling the National Anthem!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Nobel Prize?

He was out standing in his field.

Do you know what he said in his acceptance speech?

"Hay, it's in my jeans"

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Hear about the psychic dwarf escapee?

Police are looking for a small medium at large.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw my dwarf neighbour standing at the bus stop today, so I stopped and said "jump in, I'll take you home". "Fuck off ya prick!" he replied. I said "fine, suit yourself you ungrateful little bastard!". So I zipped up my rucksack and kept on walking !

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

My friend Gavin has recently died from severe heartburn.

I can't believe Gav is gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fwd:

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Saw a dwarf carrying a TV back to his car earlier. "Jesus," I said, "Can you manage that plasma Telly ok on yer own mate?"

"Ha fucking ha, you cheeky twat!"

he exclaimed, "It's a fucking Kindle!"

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By *hyllyphyllyMan
over a year ago

Bradford

2 ducks in a pond, 1 says "quack". Other one says "you bastard, I was going to say that"

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

I was working in Tesco, re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7, when in walks the girl I'd scored with last night.

She said "Oi.! You told me you were a stunt pilot.... you lying bastard!"

I replied "No, I told you I was part of the Ariel display team....!"

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