FabSwingers.com forum: Rejection Protection

By *BWHunter OP Man
26 weeks ago

Central Bedfordshire

LADS! (Stay with me for this)

It’s probably just me but when I send a message to a woman that I believe is out of my league I always put a caveat in the message. This caveat is almost to protect myself from rejection or a none response.

For example “I doubt I’m your type” or “I doubt you’ll see this”. It’s pathetic really but just wondered if anyone else did this?

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By *uckMe12FreeMan
26 weeks ago

(User no longer on site)

Nope. It sounds too negative, you should be more confident in your approach.

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
26 weeks ago

Swansea

Hi OP,

I actually don't like seeing those caveats on messages. It indicates to me low self esteem, and this is not what I'm seeking from a potential lover.

Mrs S&N

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By *YDB75Man
26 weeks ago

Walkington ish

The sympathy hook wont get you anywhere. You’ll either get a delete or “ yep your right “ your giving the person an easy way out.

Trying being a little more positive without being pushy or rude or even drop a compliment without being cheesy.

Also read the persons profile fully it will help as you maybe flogging a dead horse.

What have you got so offer that thousands of others dont.

Its not an exact science and the goal post change constantly. Its a bit like a job interview. Oh and dont send a dick pic it very rarely works

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
26 weeks ago

Reading

If I see those caveats in messages I usually delete them. If YOU think you're not good enough for me I'm not going to be the one to convince you otherwise.

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By *emorefridaCouple
26 weeks ago

La la land

"Hi OP,

I actually don't like seeing those caveats on messages. It indicates to me low self esteem, and this is not what I'm seeking from a potential lover.

Mrs S&N "

^this totally

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
26 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I don't recommend it.

I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I don't want a simp. I don't think many women do.

💜

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By *naswingdressWoman
26 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's a self fulfilling prophecy, OP.

I can understand thinking it - I've thought it myself - but it's better as an inside thought. (And don't dwell on it, it's corrosive)

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By *kphooey43Man
26 weeks ago

Barnet

"I don't recommend it.

I don't want to be put on a pedestal. I don't want a simp. I don't think many women do.

💜"

Bugger, how tall would you be on a pedestal, thinking well over 7ft given your height, 6inch heels and all

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
26 weeks ago

Cheshire

I get the ‘sorry to bother you’ messages or ‘I’m sure you won’t be interested’ messages, then they surely will understand why I don’t message back then.

I think you have to be quite bold on here, but read the profile of the person you’re interested in first as whatever they’re looking for, is surely what you’re offering.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
26 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

"LADS! (Stay with me for this)

For example “I doubt I’m your type” or “I doubt you’ll see this”. It’s pathetic really but just wondered if anyone else did this? "

No 🤨

I’ve been rejected by some beautiful women, who have Meet Verifications from some total munters 😆

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By *earditallWoman
26 weeks ago

Lancaster

I dont like seeing this how does anyone know if they are someone else's type until they speak to them.

Unless it clearly states so in the profile.

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By *om_38Man
26 weeks ago

stoke

Just send a clear message and hope for the best…

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Nobody is "out of your league" especially on here. Thats a negative way of thinking.

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By *ovelyDayXXXWoman
26 weeks ago

Niche

There are different ways to word a phrase like this to suit your purpose, ways that don't read quite so low-confidence.

I don't usually read past that if I see it.

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By *cherryblossom-Woman
26 weeks ago

South glos

The irony is this approach is more likely to get you rejected 😭

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By *naswingdressWoman
26 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"There are different ways to word a phrase like this to suit your purpose, ways that don't read quite so low-confidence.

I don't usually read past that if I see it."

I wouldn't say it at all. Think it if you must, but don't say it.

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By *radually_RetiringMan
26 weeks ago

Bury

Tried that matey. Nothing works.

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By *ib.Man
26 weeks ago

Hampshire

Yeah, I wouldn't - it doesn't send positivity even if your intention is to be polite.

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By *oeBeansMan
26 weeks ago

Derby

Personally, I would try to avoid phrases that put yourself down. It's something I've learned over the years that women really like confidence and there's a fine line between self-deprecation and self-loathing and phrases like the ones mentioned tend to lean towards the latter.

Also, you never know if someone is out of your league unless you take that chance!

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
26 weeks ago

Carlisle

"Nobody is "out of your league" especially on here. Thats a negative way of thinking."

That was just what I was about to say.

Everybody fart, shits and pisses. This includes the person you are fancying at the moment. No one is better than others no matter how much they try to show or say that they are.

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By *parkle1974Woman
26 weeks ago

Leeds

"If I see those caveats in messages I usually delete them. If YOU think you're not good enough for me I'm not going to be the one to convince you otherwise."

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By *2thomMan
26 weeks ago

I think at the same time a but of confidence goes a long way. Although not to stray into cockiness

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
26 weeks ago

Herts/Leeds

So you reject yourself to protect you from being rejected by someone exponentially less important in your life?

Make it make sense.

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By *parkle1974Woman
26 weeks ago

Leeds

"Nobody is "out of your league" especially on here. Thats a negative way of thinking."

Exactly....

Only those shallow enough would think they are above anyone else....

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By *yantico86Man
26 weeks ago

drumchapel

"LADS! (Stay with me for this)

For example “I doubt I’m your type” or “I doubt you’ll see this”. It’s pathetic really but just wondered if anyone else did this? "

Yeah I’m guilty of this

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By *eroLondonMan
26 weeks ago

Mayfair

I would cease and desist in this foolhardy approach, OP. Women aren't stupid: they can sense meekness and sympathy-laden caveats a mile off. I would sooner leave Fab altogether if I lowered myself to this type of existence on here.

I've never done it, obviously. I doubt many other men have too. It's enough to make a woman's quim shrivel up.

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By *eroLondonMan
26 weeks ago

Mayfair

"LADS! (Stay with me for this)

For example “I doubt I’m your type” or “I doubt you’ll see this”. It’s pathetic really but just wondered if anyone else did this?

Yeah I’m guilty of this "

•

Fuck me. 🤦🏻

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By *kphooey43Man
26 weeks ago

Barnet

"I would cease and desist in this foolhardy approach, OP. Women aren't stupid: they can sense meekness and sympathy-laden caveats a mile off. I would sooner leave Fab altogether if I lowered myself to this type of existence on here.

I've never done it, obviously. I doubt many other men have too. It's enough to make a woman's quim shrivel up."

Shrivelled quim is quite a delicacy amongst the Iban of Kalimantan

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By *naswingdressWoman
26 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"So you reject yourself to protect you from being rejected by someone exponentially less important in your life?

Make it make sense. "

I think the logic is "I don't think I have a chance, so I won't invest a lot emotionally. That way, when I'm inevitably disappointed, it won't hurt as much."

I've been there. I don't think it's wise to say it out loud, though. It doesn't look good.

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By *rikAndFreyjaCouple
26 weeks ago

Staffordshire

I always cringe at messages with those caveats in truth. I'm not gonna think "aww bless him, I'll shag him for the weak compliment/line he just used".

Be confident or don't bother! 😉

Freyja x

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By *aughtyPumpkinWoman
26 weeks ago

between Donny/Scunny/Gainsborough

"If I see those caveats in messages I usually delete them. If YOU think you're not good enough for me I'm not going to be the one to convince you otherwise."

Absolutely

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By *oeBeansMan
26 weeks ago

Derby

"So you reject yourself to protect you from being rejected by someone exponentially less important in your life?

Make it make sense.

I think the logic is "I don't think I have a chance, so I won't invest a lot emotionally. That way, when I'm inevitably disappointed, it won't hurt as much."

I've been there. I don't think it's wise to say it out loud, though. It doesn't look good."

Yeah, it's definitely a defence mechanism but if you already feel on the back foot, you'll only end up blowing it if you do somehow get a chance to chat to them.

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
26 weeks ago

Round the bend

Don't do it, OP.

I think one of the biggest attractions is confidence, not to be confused with arrogance. Know your worth and don't sell yourself short. We cant be everyone's cup of tea. Such is life.

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By *uckMe12FreeMan
26 weeks ago

(User no longer on site)

OP, try being arrogant, cocky, up yourself etc, with a bit of tongue-in-cheek humour added. It works for me 4.65% of the time. 🥉

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By *ellhungvweMan
26 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I would say that was a very good way to get a rejection. Don’t put anything you don’t believe in a message but also don’t put everything you believe in it.

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By *ealitybitesMan
26 weeks ago

Belfast

I don't send messages but if I doubted I was someones type I wouldn't be messaging them in the first place.

I'm not out of anyone's league on fab either because I don't put collections of 2D images on a pedestal and fab isn't a competition or a system of leagues.

Self perpetuating comments or messages will only ever lead to disappointment.

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By *LiamMan
26 weeks ago

Midlands

Think higher of yourself fella

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By *aisyMayStarWoman
26 weeks ago

Brighton

I find it really off-putting, and at times manipulative (not saying that is always the intention).

Why not work to see what’s underneath that, where’s the lack of confidence coming from?

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

"Nobody is "out of your league" especially on here. Thats a negative way of thinking.

That was just what I was about to say.

Everybody fart, shits and pisses. This includes the person you are fancying at the moment. No one is better than others no matter how much they try to show or say that they are."

Now I can't stop thinking about you squatting and taking a piss.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

It's a fine line...confidence/arrogance. What works with some, fails elsewhere. In life, some would say you make your own luck. He who dares, wins.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

"LADS! (Stay with me for this)

For example “I doubt I’m your type” or “I doubt you’ll see this”. It’s pathetic really but just wondered if anyone else did this? "

OP be positive in your approach, if you’re doubting you’re my type why are you messaging me ?

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By *radually_RetiringMan
26 weeks ago

Bury

Love the platitudes. Yeah just conjure up sexual confidence based on nothing and from absolutely nowhere

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By *naswingdressWoman
26 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Love the platitudes. Yeah just conjure up sexual confidence based on nothing and from absolutely nowhere

Maybe just don't say the negative thing.

I've had crippling anxiety and self doubt throughout my life.

You just keep the "yeah but I suck so you're probably not interested" as an inside thought, because people don't react well to it.

Or fail to apply a filter to what you say, and don't achieve whatever you're trying to. You do you, boo.

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By *vaRoseWoman
26 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

You’re not the only one who does it OP. I see a fair few messages that begin or end with “I’m probably not your type” “you are a goddess out of my league but…” and I delete them all.

Why would I choose to engage with a man whose own self image is so low that even he doesn’t think he’s worth my attention?

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By *ir and GoddessCouple
26 weeks ago

Frodsham

Always wonder why people write things like “sorry to bother you” or “I’m not your type” etc.

We just assume they aren’t for us and don’t even engage as they’ve already qualified themselves out so to speak. It’s hard enough to keep up with people we might match with, never mind someone lacking confidence or telling us they’re not what we’re looking for

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By *enshun4Man
26 weeks ago

Lancs

Nope 99.99% get ignored anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Never lower yourself for anybody. In anything. Ever.

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By *vonne5exMan
26 weeks ago

Doncaster

I never come onto anyone aggressively, I try to make basic contact the way you would in a pub with a simpli "Hi" or " Your photos look wonderful" I know a lot want an essay but if someone came up to you in real life and started talking for 10 minutes who'd think "Who the fucknis this"

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

"I never come onto anyone aggressively, I try to make basic contact the way you would in a pub with a simpli "Hi" or " Your photos look wonderful" I know a lot want an essay but if someone came up to you in real life and started talking for 10 minutes who'd think "Who the fucknis this""

Facts 😂

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By *oongel2760Couple
26 weeks ago

Preston

You would be much better off reading the person's profile properly and looking to build off something from there.

Showing early doors you've read the profile and are respecting their preferences instantly puts you in the top 5% of people who will be messaging them.

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By *laytime_13Woman
26 weeks ago

Lincs

Yeah, instant ick on that one. Always feels slightly manipulative tbh.

And I get it OP, I do. I gained some weight this year, objectively I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it's still not a nice feeling.

But me being anxious and shy is going to be more off putting than styling it out, fake it till you make it as they say.

We all (ok, maybe not all,but most) have our insecurities, just no need to put them on display.

Far better to read profiles, think about what you have to offer/have in common and just send a relevant but light first message. I like the point made about what would you say to someone if you met them in a pub - and you're already one step ahead here because you have some starting info on their profile to go by.

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