FabSwingers.com forum: Sub men and women

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do men and women behave differently as subs?

Women seem to need their Dom to look after them. For the Dom to have a certain fondness/ emotional connection for their sub.

Men seem able to sub to any woman/ Domme with no emotional connection, it's more just a basic sex thing.

Any thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cant submit without feelings - to me its not giving my all.

I don't need to be looked after though, for me its a release of stress when I do as I'm told or am restrained or other stuff!

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Depends on the level of involvement... by both parties.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cant submit without feelings - to me its not giving my all.

I don't need to be looked after though, for me its a release of stress when I do as I'm told or am restrained or other stuff! "

Ok maybe not looked after as such. Especially not when being spanked lol.

Trying to understand 'feelings'. Some connection between female sub and her Dom?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I cant submit without feelings - to me its not giving my all.

I don't need to be looked after though, for me its a release of stress when I do as I'm told or am restrained or other stuff!

Ok maybe not looked after as such. Especially not when being spanked lol.

Trying to understand 'feelings'. Some connection between female sub and her Dom? "

I obviously get aftercare but that works for both genders. There's a hell of a lot of connection between my Dom and i. But then I'm not a play sub, this isn't a game to me its how I choose to live my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always shocked how quick guys seem to give submission to a woman..

for me it takes time and trust.. yet so often I read things about proving themselves to a domme.. and doing stuff that to be honest I don't think I would ever let someone do to me.

humiliation is rarely if ever part of my submission.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm always shocked how quick guys seem to give submission to a woman..

for me it takes time and trust.. yet so often I read things about proving themselves to a domme.. and doing stuff that to be honest I don't think I would ever let someone do to me.

humiliation is rarely if ever part of my submission. "

I have to agree with Cali, I don't need to prove my submission to my Dominant, my submission doesn't need justification or proof. The act of submission is enough.

As for humiliation, makes me far too nervous and I freak out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other big difference I have noticed is that many dommes don't seem to have sex with their subs.. yet sex is a huge part of my submission..

there do seem to be big differences between male and female subs.. in many areas.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The other big difference I have noticed is that many dommes don't seem to have sex with their subs.. yet sex is a huge part of my submission..

there do seem to be big differences between male and female subs.. in many areas. "

Good point about the sex.

Also about 'play' subs. I wonder if guys are more play types whereas women submit fully and that's why there seems to be the connection aspect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I cant submit without feelings - to me its not giving my all.

I don't need to be looked after though, for me its a release of stress when I do as I'm told or am restrained or other stuff!

Ok maybe not looked after as such. Especially not when being spanked lol.

Trying to understand 'feelings'. Some connection between female sub and her Dom?

Aftercare? What does that mean?

Play sub vs life sub?

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"The other big difference I have noticed is that many dommes don't seem to have sex with their subs.. yet sex is a huge part of my submission..

there do seem to be big differences between male and female subs.. in many areas.

Good point about the sex.

Also about 'play' subs. I wonder if guys are more play types whereas women submit fully and that's why there seems to be the connection aspect. "

Not always. There are no hard and fast rules. At the moment because of where I am in my life, I am a play sub. I am not emotionally available to any Dom currently....

Hopefully that will change

It does not however mean that I will play with any Dom who happens to toss some attention my way...Same rules apply about connection etc....

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

I don't understand or get any of it. It's well over my head.

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By *cEvil and BlueangelCouple
over a year ago

Co Durham

I dont think it has anything to do with gender.

It depends on what type of D/s dynamic you have.

Bedroom only...TPE or whatever.

As for the bit about male D types....lots of D/s dynamics dont involve sex at all

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I dont think it has anything to do with gender.

It depends on what type of D/s dynamic you have.

Bedroom only...TPE or whatever.

As for the bit about male D types....lots of D/s dynamics dont involve sex at all"

TPE?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't understand or get any of it. It's well over my head. "

Never mind that Ryan,,,,,Just go and get me a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits and be quick about out!......

oh and bring my pink fluffy slippers,,, my feet are getting cold....

Now come on move that pretty ass of yours...chop-chop with you!

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"I dont think it has anything to do with gender.

It depends on what type of D/s dynamic you have.

Bedroom only...TPE or whatever.

As for the bit about male D types....lots of D/s dynamics dont involve sex at all

TPE?"

Total Power Exchange

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

"I don't understand or get any of it. It's well over my head.

Never mind that Ryan,,,,,Just go and get me a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits and be quick about out!......

oh and bring my pink fluffy slippers,,, my feet are getting cold....

Now come on move that pretty ass of yours...chop-chop with you!

You got it boss

do I have to keep this satsuma in my mouth though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't understand or get any of it. It's well over my head.

Never mind that Ryan,,,,,Just go and get me a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits and be quick about out!......

oh and bring my pink fluffy slippers,,, my feet are getting cold....

Now come on move that pretty ass of yours...chop-chop with you!

You got it boss

do I have to keep this satsuma in my mouth though? "

Your not really getting how this works are you?

I never told you to take it out..... did I ?...... sheeeeesh

When I want you to remove it, I'll tell you to remove it.........

Now go cover yourself up....your todger keeps swinging about all over the place as your doing the dusting,,,,,

tuh,,,,,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't understand or get any of it. It's well over my head.

Never mind that Ryan,,,,,Just go and get me a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits and be quick about out!......

oh and bring my pink fluffy slippers,,, my feet are getting cold....

Now come on move that pretty ass of yours...chop-chop with you!

You got it boss

do I have to keep this satsuma in my mouth though? "

Satsuma????

Who said you could take the pineapple out?

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

Hahaha it's laughing Thursday today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think the dynamics do make a difference... But I do find talking to dominants and Dommes, I find a huge difference.. and my sub male friends seem to have very different wants and needs to my female sub friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its important for each D/s couple to have their own dynamic. Things my Dominant and i get off on may be totally different from others. Communication really is key with D/s.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you Ruby and Cali, you've really helped. Many questions in my head but you've given me lots to think of.

Definitely best to find someone where you both have the same wants and needs.

You've actually cheered me up loads. X

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By *cEvil and BlueangelCouple
over a year ago

Co Durham

"Thank you Ruby and Cali, you've really helped. Many questions in my head but you've given me lots to think of.

Definitely best to find someone where you both have the same wants and needs.

You've actually cheered me up loads. X

Your middle sentence is the thing.

Compatability.....without it ....D/s aint going to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are plenty of Dominants out there. Some know what they're talking about some don't. But if you find one who you click with and can trust then the sky is the limit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Thank you Ruby and Cali, you've really helped. Many questions in my head but you've given me lots to think of.

Definitely best to find someone where you both have the same wants and needs.

You've actually cheered me up loads. X

Your middle sentence is the thing.

Compatability.....without it ....D/s aint going to work

They said it, I can't take credit for it.

Absolutely true though. And thank you for the replies from other posters too. Even Ryan.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried being a sub for someone once, couldn't stop giggling and winding her up

.....its like trying to ask a cat to bark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried being a sub for someone once, couldn't stop giggling and winding her up

.....its like trying to ask a cat to bark

I am like that if I try and Domme, I laugh too much and cant take myself seriously!!

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

"Thank you Ruby and Cali, you've really helped. Many questions in my head but you've given me lots to think of.

Definitely best to find someone where you both have the same wants and needs.

You've actually cheered me up loads. X

Your middle sentence is the thing.

Compatability.....without it ....D/s aint going to work

They said it, I can't take credit for it.

Absolutely true though. And thank you for the replies from other posters too. Even Ryan.

Always happy to help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tried being a sub for someone once, couldn't stop giggling and winding her up

.....its like trying to ask a cat to bark

I am like that if I try and Domme, I laugh too much and cant take myself seriously!! "

Best to stick to what you're good at

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By *cEvil and BlueangelCouple
over a year ago

Co Durham

For some its a game

For others its not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For some its a game

For others its not

this is something I think many don't understand..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For some its a game

For others its not

I see it as a game.

There are two or more players, you have your rules (hard/soft/must limits) and both/all players need to play their part.

As a Dom I see my part of the game to build my sub's trust to enable me to achieve a level to do what I want, while always making sure my sub is happy and getting the pleasure she desires. I take the game very seriously, but when the time is over its put back in the box until next time and its back to real life.

Maybe its different to those that want to live it 24/7?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See for me it's not a game.. and even now that I don't live it 24/7 it is a part of me always.

I am always at the command of my dominant.. and while he may not always choose to command me there is never a time I am not ready to serve.

I however spent a lot of time as a tpe slave.. so I have had to make adjustments.. but I am happiest when my place is clear to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"See for me it's not a game.. and even now that I don't live it 24/7 it is a part of me always.

I am always at the command of my dominant.. and while he may not always choose to command me there is never a time I am not ready to serve.

I however spent a lot of time as a tpe slave.. so I have had to make adjustments.. but I am happiest when my place is clear to me. "

But that doesn't make either preference more valid than the other.

There are people who will put on cuffs and a blindfold, say "yes Sir' and have a little light spanking but is that D/s? where does the line start and as long as its enjoyed does it matter that much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I think if you don't 'get it' it's not something you learn as such. It's either in you or it's not. Not easy to explain. If you get it, you'll know what I mean. If you don't, you'll think I'm talking out if the hole in my arse.

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

"I do think the dynamics do make a difference... But I do find talking to dominants and Dommes, I find a huge difference.. and my sub male friends seem to have very different wants and needs to my female sub friends. "

This is my experience as well

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

*of* grrrr friggin typos!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

it's something that can properly annoy me when you get people just putting a collar on someone.. or those that seem to swap owners often.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

[Removed by poster at 30/05/13 17:43:05]

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

it's something that can properly annoy me when you get people just putting a collar on someone.. or those that seem to swap owners often. "

sometimes it can take time to find the right Dom or sub, that doesn't necessarily make them any less valid...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

it's something that can properly annoy me when you get people just putting a collar on someone.. or those that seem to swap owners often.

sometimes it can take time to find the right Dom or sub, that doesn't necessarily make them any less valid..."

it does to me if they accept a collar straight away. It says as much about the dominant offering too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if you don't 'get it' it's not something you learn as such. It's either in you or it's not. Not easy to explain. If you get it, you'll know what I mean. If you don't, you'll think I'm talking out if the hole in my arse. "

Got it!

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

it's something that can properly annoy me when you get people just putting a collar on someone.. or those that seem to swap owners often.

sometimes it can take time to find the right Dom or sub, that doesn't necessarily make them any less valid...

it does to me if they accept a collar straight away. It says as much about the dominant offering too. "

Time doesn't necessarily have a bearing.. I have known subs accept a collar in a very short time but it to work....and others to take longer and it doesn't..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't but I do find the Velcro collar subs annoy me..

Strong stuff that velcro if you pull it in certain directions

it's something that can properly annoy me when you get people just putting a collar on someone.. or those that seem to swap owners often.

sometimes it can take time to find the right Dom or sub, that doesn't necessarily make them any less valid...

it does to me if they accept a collar straight away. It says as much about the dominant offering too.

Time doesn't necessarily have a bearing.. I have known subs accept a collar in a very short time but it to work....and others to take longer and it doesn't.."

for me if it was even mentioned early on I would decide that dominant hadn't a clue.. and would swiftly cease communication. It's something that I was always taught needed to be earned.. something of importance . But guess it means different things to different people but for me it annoys me when you see people jumping from dominant to dominant taking collars.

I don't see how they can submit to someone like that so soon. But guess it's same as love.

For me it takes time.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

From observation how much of the male subs attitude is driven by the competative aspect as in lots of male subs fewer dommes so the male subs have to stand out and prove themselves quickley or the domme will choose someone else . Where as the female sub has a whole army of male doms to choose from and can pick and choose before commiting . This is from the last five years of being active on the scene it was completley doifferent in times past before the interweb .find many males are desperate to serve lily constantly gets pestered at munches and online from males wanting to serve her even tho she clearly states she is not interested ,

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