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Meeting the kids

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Somethings slightly boiled my blood on another thread so rather than ruin that one id start a seperate one.

What stage would you think its ever acceptable to introduce your partner to the children?

I have male friends and my daughter knows them, so why should i never introduce a male 'partner' to that child. Never in a million years would i do the whole kissing/cuddling thing in front of her, but i'll be dammed if i will keep all men out of my daughters life just because they are a man. I am responsible and providing both adults are happy with meeting the child i truly can not see the harm in mummy just having a male friend. After all if you are dating someone with a child its vital that all parties will get on.

Perhaps im being daft

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would only introduce someone to mine if i knew whole heartedly it was going to go somewhere i was seeing someone for 18 months and he never met my kids but i knew it wasnt the long haul for me.

You will know yourself when your'e ready and how comfy you feel with it everyone is different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will not introduce my children to anyone I am more than friends too..

I would have to be pretty certain of someone before they would meet my children..

Even my last long term relationship was kept separate from my kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somethings slightly boiled my blood on another thread so rather than ruin that one id start a seperate one.

What stage would you think its ever acceptable to introduce your partner to the children?

I have male friends and my daughter knows them, so why should i never introduce a male 'partner' to that child. Never in a million years would i do the whole kissing/cuddling thing in front of her, but i'll be dammed if i will keep all men out of my daughters life just because they are a man. I am responsible and providing both adults are happy with meeting the child i truly can not see the harm in mummy just having a male friend. After all if you are dating someone with a child its vital that all parties will get on.

Perhaps im being daft "

or sensitive ?

i think it depends on the number of men and how they are introduced + what goes on around the child / children

my colleague is a single parent. she only sees guys when her child is not in the house.

if she is 'seeing' someone then he is introduced to the child as and when she sees fit.

i think that is a good approach

her friend on the other hand is also a single parent and her children have been sent out to play when they find mum in bed with another strange man after a night out

that, i don't like as an approach

but again, it comes down to personal choice and what you feel comfortable with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's your child so you can introduce her to whoever you want. It's nobody else's business.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She's your child so you can introduce her to whoever you want. It's nobody else's business. "

this is the only real answer. I won't ever have a live in partner again.. because my ex husband did so much damage when he left to the children. So while my children live at home, I will never have someone move in or meet my kids... So anyone I met would have to accept that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She's your child so you can introduce her to whoever you want. It's nobody else's business. "

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

I think the answer to this question will vary from person to person as it very much depends on individual choice.

I suppose the simple answer though would be when you feel comfortable and feel its appropriate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you don't introduce someone to your child you don't have some indepth knowledge of. If its a long standing friend who you have known for years then its not something you would question as you have a a history of long standing interaction. But someone you have met on here with a view to play with and no strings? Well the no strings says it all to us and if you don't know someone's background you have met recently on line why would anyone even contemplate the risk is beyond me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/05/13 16:40:16]

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

ive only ever introduced a 'partner' once and it was just 2 hours bowling. Took a lot of consideration to do that and when things went wrong i did regret it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just on the news , You here all sorts and so you have to take care . And I am sure people do .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm happy to introduce both male and female friends to my son. But I would only introduce someone as my partner when I knew there was a long term relationship ahead.

Everyone is different and each child is different so you can only go on what feels right for you and your child/children x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you know what's best for your daughter cutie, if these people are just friends and nothing more just explain that she as friends and you have friends too, play it up a bit so she knows its just friends only if they are to be a boyfriend etc then explain it

Not sure how old she is but they do pick up on things whatever age they are xxxx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"Somethings slightly boiled my blood on another thread so rather than ruin that one id start a seperate one.

What stage would you think its ever acceptable to introduce your partner to the children?

I have male friends and my daughter knows them, so why should i never introduce a male 'partner' to that child. Never in a million years would i do the whole kissing/cuddling thing in front of her, but i'll be dammed if i will keep all men out of my daughters life just because they are a man. I am responsible and providing both adults are happy with meeting the child i truly can not see the harm in mummy just having a male friend. After all if you are dating someone with a child its vital that all parties will get on.

Perhaps im being daft

or sensitive ?

"

To be fair, I don't think she is being, I saw the post as a dig at anyone who had let their children meet a playmate and the post wasn't relevant to the post that was quoted so it looked odd.

To the original question.....if I was a single mum with youngsters then I wouldn't have been introducing a man to them until I knew things were serious enough to last....but obviously everyone is different.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

You do what you feel is right for your child. Just make sure it is right for your child and not right for just you.

At the beginning of this year I took some children to the cinema. One of them told me that she was really sad that mummy's friend wouldn't be visiting any more. Her children had liked him. I asked her why she was sad about it and her response made me sad. She said that all mummy's friends stop visiting just when she got used to them and started liking them.

It's not just your relationship with the male friend that matters but the relationship the child has with that male friend and the life lesson they learn about relationships.

My little 9 year old friend believes all male/female friendships are temporary and they leave when you get to like them. She hasn't been able to express that to her mother as it would hurt her but at nine she shouldn't feel that she has to parent her own mother and wonder if it's because her little nine year old self drove another friend away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only if I ever knew it was going to go someplace, in 5 years of being separated from my sons dad I've never introduced anyone as a boyfriend/partner to my son.

If I actually thought I'd want to settle down with someone long term then that would be the right time to introduce them to one another.

He did ask me recently if I was a lesbian now cause he only sees me with girls that are friends, lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somethings slightly boiled my blood on another thread so rather than ruin that one id start a seperate one.

What stage would you think its ever acceptable to introduce your partner to the children?

I have male friends and my daughter knows them, so why should i never introduce a male 'partner' to that child. Never in a million years would i do the whole kissing/cuddling thing in front of her, but i'll be dammed if i will keep all men out of my daughters life just because they are a man. I am responsible and providing both adults are happy with meeting the child i truly can not see the harm in mummy just having a male friend. After all if you are dating someone with a child its vital that all parties will get on.

Perhaps im being daft

or sensitive ?

To be fair, I don't think she is being, I saw the post as a dig at anyone who had let their children meet a playmate and the post wasn't relevant to the post that was quoted so it looked odd.

To the original question.....if I was a single mum with youngsters then I wouldn't have been introducing a man to them until I knew things were serious enough to last....but obviously everyone is different. "

Guess this may relate to a post I made, quoting a previous post but referencing a couple of others made during the thread!

Wasn't a 'dig' - but an opinion. Apologies for any confusion - didn't want to post several consecutive responses to separate comments but guess that would have been clearer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I don't have kids this will never happen to me

Still don't let anyone meet my dogs!!!! As they get very attracted to people lol

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"You do what you feel is right for your child. Just make sure it is right for your child and not right for just you.

At the beginning of this year I took some children to the cinema. One of them told me that she was really sad that mummy's friend wouldn't be visiting any more. Her children had liked him. I asked her why she was sad about it and her response made me sad. She said that all mummy's friends stop visiting just when she got used to them and started liking them.

It's not just your relationship with the male friend that matters but the relationship the child has with that male friend and the life lesson they learn about relationships.

My little 9 year old friend believes all male/female friendships are temporary and they leave when you get to like them. She hasn't been able to express that to her mother as it would hurt her but at nine she shouldn't feel that she has to parent her own mother and wonder if it's because her little nine year old self drove another friend away."

You see this is the reason why I would never have had men being introduced to my kids if I was in that situation.

But, I suppose you have to look at it on the other foot too...how do you know if things are going to last anyway? So I think I have changed my mind and say I probably wouldn't get into a relationship if I had small kids.

I might hav joined a site like this though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So whose got the crystal ball that's says all relationships are going to last and then you can introduce your children to them...we never know what the future holds and we all bring our children up differently. To the OP she's your daughter, its your life and sod all to do with anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As I don't have kids this will never happen to me

Still don't let anyone meet my dogs!!!! As they get very attracted to people lol "

**off topic**

NOM NOM nice boobage!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

None of my short term relationships (3-5 months) over past 2 years have met my boys. Maybe 50% protecting them and 50% me avoiding comitment.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Only you can decide who is right to meet your kids...As long as you are happy to introduce them to someone then that is all that matters... However airing on the side of caution is always the best bet..

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By *picenicelyCouple
over a year ago

third star on the right


"You do what you feel is right for your child. Just make sure it is right for your child and not right for just you.

At the beginning of this year I took some children to the cinema. One of them told me that she was really sad that mummy's friend wouldn't be visiting any more. Her children had liked him. I asked her why she was sad about it and her response made me sad. She said that all mummy's friends stop visiting just when she got used to them and started liking them.

It's not just your relationship with the male friend that matters but the relationship the child has with that male friend and the life lesson they learn about relationships.

My little 9 year old friend believes all male/female friendships are temporary and they leave when you get to like them. She hasn't been able to express that to her mother as it would hurt her but at nine she shouldn't feel that she has to parent her own mother and wonder if it's because her little nine year old self drove another friend away."

I have a similar experience, a child I work with has the same problem. Mum split up with her boyfriend a month ago and since then he has battered me black and blue countless times, attacked me with a chair, tried to stab me and the situation has become so serious we have had to involve the police twice.

Why?

A guy he likes has gone from his life and he feels powerless to stop people he feels are friends going away. Mum is to blame but obviously he cant beat the sh*t out of her so I'm his target.

I would have male friends in my childrens lives but I think it would take a very special circumstance to introduce the two.

Mrs

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By *uxtapositionMan
over a year ago

CARDIFF

I think if the person you are seeing is a long term, intended to be permanant relationship, then introduce them to your child, but if it is a parade of one offs, then keep them private

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

When I left my husband my daughters were 11, 15 and 19. My eldest was at uni and never moved with me. I made a conscious decision not to have a parade of uncles coming into my home, and I certainly wasn't going to let men any where near my girls.

If I was seeing someone exclusively that would be different.

My friend invites all sorts into her home, she shows her kids the profiles of the men she meets. Ok, she's on eharmony et al, it's not something I'd do.

At the end of the day it's no one elses business if your child is introduced to numerous uncles, if you trust these men around your child go for it, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone on here and if it goes tits up, c'est la vie!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"Just on the news , You here all sorts and so you have to take care . And I am sure people do . "

It's on the news because people DON'T take care Jo.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I don't have kids so will look at this from a different perspective. My parents divorced when I was 11 band my sister's and I lived with my mum for a while. Over the time I livedwith her iI met several guys that she was seeing. None of them lasted, they all moved on For various reasons.

Do I feel affected by the experience, not really.

If I were to meet a 'friends' child on a first meet let's say I would feel very uncomfortable as I don't really know the person well yet and now I'm meeting their kid?!?!

I do think introducing partners to children is something that needs to be managed correctly and you are the only one to know what works fir you. If possible I would involve the other parent, maybe meet with them first to make sure everyone knows the deal and is happy etc.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

For me personally...

Yes I have male friends and they've been round during the day with my lad her for a cuppa and a matter. These are guys I've known a long time.

As for new partners or people i see casually obviously they could do the same but I wouldn't want anyone staying the night until it had become more serious.

Everyone has their own opinion on this tho and does what they think is best for them, their kids and their situation.

I know some parents who have different guys in and out of their kids lives every other month. Call them daddy within a few weeks and then they're gone again. I think that's shocking x

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I've had to meet all my daughters boyfriends so....

I've not really thought about it. When she was smaller then she only met the guys who lasted a while. Now she's older I don't think it affects her. But then I don't bring that many men home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on age and relationship. When my daughter was 14 she often came into the bedroom first thing in the morning to embarrass whoever was in my bed at the time, almost all were one night only appearances.

But when she was 9 I would never bring a woman home if she was not with her grandparents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm lucky enough to have kids there is no way (if I was a single mum) that they would meet my partner until I knew it was a long term relationship. Not on first meet, not on skype and not for at least a year.

J has kids and there's no way after nearly 4 months either of us are contemplating us meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite interested how people can ever know something is going to be 'long term'. A relationship can end at any time!

I never have mates round so blokes wouldn't be round here either. I'd treat a bloke the same way as my mates- I'd only ever introduce him as a friend. I certainly wouldn't have anyone sleep over when the kids were home. That goes for anyone- friends or blokes.

Op a couple of hours bowling sounds like fun. As long as you and your little girl were happy that's all that matters. Friendships can fail the same as relationships can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You do what you feel is right for your child. Just make sure it is right for your child and not right for just you.

At the beginning of this year I took some children to the cinema. One of them told me that she was really sad that mummy's friend wouldn't be visiting any more. Her children had liked him. I asked her why she was sad about it and her response made me sad. She said that all mummy's friends stop visiting just when she got used to them and started liking them.

It's not just your relationship with the male friend that matters but the relationship the child has with that male friend and the life lesson they learn about relationships.

My little 9 year old friend believes all male/female friendships are temporary and they leave when you get to like them. She hasn't been able to express that to her mother as it would hurt her but at nine she shouldn't feel that she has to parent her own mother and wonder if it's because her little nine year old self drove another friend away."

I'm going to remember this. X

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