FabSwingers.com forum: Reading Vs Deleting

By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?

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By *asygoingcouple1000Couple
1 week ago

North Manchester

1. Hardly any, either im on the wind up or they are extremely courteous or intriguing in their reauest. Or im bored.

2. 99%

3. Delete and block the disgusting ones. Rude or crude or illegal or disrespectful.

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By *aFemmeCoquetteWoman
1 week ago

somewhere, someplace

Straight answer, content... is it interesting, is it vile, is it some fantasist blurb of what they want to do to me 🤷‍♀️

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By *midnight-Woman
1 week ago

...

[Removed by poster at 29/07/25 22:10:53]

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By *oredmum1982Woman
1 week ago

E.Mids

1. Respond - they’re from someone I’d like to

Talk to or they’ve made me laugh and caught me at a good moment.

2. Read (but don’t respond to) - Original but not interested

3. & Delete - fuckwits who say something stupid or aggressive.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
1 week ago

Trowbridge

I read the profile, if they aren’t what I’m looking for, then I delete the message.

If they catch my attention & send pics, then I’ll reply

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By *punk n gushCouple
1 week ago

deal

1. Respond - they’re from someone I’d like to

Talk to or they’ve made me laugh and caught me at a good moment.

2. Read (but don’t respond to) - Original but not interested

3. & Delete - fuckwits who say something stupid or aggressive. "

Totally agree with this

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By *midnight-Woman
1 week ago

...

"This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?"

It's all in the 'tone' of the preview sentence... Then the username+ profile pic... Then the profile text/photos/veris...

Definitely makes or breaks the process flow!

I don't just open/read out of curiosity.

I don't delete (unless it's an obscene message/ illegal activity)

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By *a LunaWoman
1 week ago

o o OO o o

To be honest? It depends on me.

How I’m feeling. Do I have the energy for chit chat? Do I want to spend the time on chit chat that will inevitably not go anywhere because I can’t be arsed to meet?

The answer is usually no. So I leave unread.

It’s not always you OP, sometimes it’s them.

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By *vaRoseWoman
1 week ago

Ankh-Morpork

Depends on my mood at any given time

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By *issmorganWoman
1 week ago

Calderdale innit

Any that I can see they've not read my profile, are miles away or attached cock pics in, instant delete.

Same with silhouettes.

I tend to respond, even with a no thanks, if they've sent a decent message. Also I reply If I like their pics /text on their profile.

I leave read but not deleted if I'm unsure about replying to a message.

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By *urls and DressesWoman
1 week ago

Somewhere near here

1. Respond - people that have clearly read my profile and wrote something interesting. Not a copy and paste.

2. Read - something interesting or just that intend on responding but never get round to it.

3. Delete - dick pics, copy and paste messages, sexting, text speak, clearly not read my profile, asking for photos, very uninteresting. Basically about 99% of messages

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By *ark742024Man
1 week ago

Cheshire

I’ve been to Reading but never to Deleting - where is it?

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By *J_SpiceyCouple
1 week ago

King's Lynn Norfolk, not -

"This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?"

1) Respond if message is relevant, intriguing or enticing (or I feel in a polite mood)

2) if it’s longer than a few words, but don’t respond if it’s waffle, appears a cut and paste, irrelevant, simply no connection or interest (or in a bad mood)

3) delete if one word, one sentence, no thought or effort.

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By *urvyLady4BlackMenWoman
1 week ago

Norwich

If they're not my preference I delete.

Anything other than that I will consider on an individual basis. I don't get lots of messages so it's easy for me.

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By *tlanshiaWoman
1 week ago

Chatham

1. I respond if someone's profile or pictures interest me.

2. I read if I'm bored.

3. I delete if it is rude or vulgar.

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

Thanks for this everyone, this was super insightful

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

"I’ve been to Reading but never to Deleting - where is it? "

Apparently very far south

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

Okay, for the ones “left on read” have you ever come back to a message like weeks or months later?

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

AAAND another question, how do you feel about people sending staggered messages?

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By *ittleLiaisonsWoman
1 week ago

Birmingham

I fancy the ones I respond to pretty much.

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By *sWyldWoman
1 week ago

Edinburgh

I don't have a set system. It depends on my mood at the time .

If they have a profile picture that I like the look of and the first two lines catch my attention, I'll open it or check their profile.

I may reply or I may not.

Eventually I bulk delete.

I really don't get why anyone focuses so much on what happens to their sent messages.

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By *tarcrossed_SwingersCouple
1 week ago

Loughborough

99% we delete because they are boring, uninspired and signals the lack of effort we ask for. There's no way we reply to 20 'How are you?' each day!

We look for people who make an effort and try to stand out above the crowd or relate to our interests x

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
1 week ago

Basingstoke

How do I decide? It depends on a number of factors.

Before I even open the message I'll look at the profile. If there's nothing appealing about the profile, and the part of the message I can see without opening it doesn't grab my attention I delete without opening.

If the profile holds some interest I'll open and read the message. It depends on the content of the message whether I reply or not. It's as simple as that for me.

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By *hechonkyduoCouple
1 week ago

Café Leblanc, Stourbridge

"This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?"

1: Effort, politeness, have a profile with pictures or sent a pic with the message, have a bio that at least has something about them.

2: Guys who aren't what I look for but message anyways because "It doesnt hurt to try"

3: One word messages, dick pics, pictures that have others in them.

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By *rinceless PrincessWoman
1 week ago

Gloucester

I read all my messages. If they are rude, contain a cock pic, are generic or shoe they clearly haven’t read my profile I’ll delete.

If they are none of those I’ll look at she profile before deciding to message back,

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By *rinceless PrincessWoman
1 week ago

Gloucester

Oh forgot to say I block rude, graphic and those with cock pics

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By *eliWoman
1 week ago

My mood.

If I'm ovulating.

If they're interested in me as a person or they're looking for a vagina, owner unimportant.

How much headspace I have to engage.

Does it contain a haiku.

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By *evil-AngelWoman
1 week ago

...

I read them all, then check out the profile. An interesting profile, nearby with some good photos will get a reply.

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By *r Mrs FuckableCouple
1 week ago

Stoke

No profile picture goes straight in the bin. Other than that it's read.

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By *ove2LurveCouple
1 week ago

Dartford

This thread makes very interesting reading for the 'bloke half'. We are a couple who play with couples, but we both also play separately with singles of the opposite sex from time to time; we don't have 'singles' profiles on here for reasons of transparency. These days I meet singles at parties or clubs and don't usually bother contacting single females on here, as getting a reply is a such a rare thing; 'no replies' outnumber straight off deletions about 3:1 And no, I haven't been sending dick pics, or writing (IMO) drivel, or contacting those where my age 'doesn't fit'. I've just put that down to the fact that reputedly, women get hundreds of messages every day, so loads must get binned.

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By *acey_RedWoman
1 week ago

Liverpool

1. It's interesting, respectful and I think there's potential between us. Being funny helps.

2. It's a few words and an attached dick pic, they're entitled, demanding, fantasy pushing or treating me like a free sex worker. They're too far away and want to meet. They're interested in me but for whatever reason, that isn't mutual.

3. I don't tend to delete but I'll block if they're particularly creepy or hound me with messages.

I don't tend to do any of these anymore though as I have all the flters on so I don't really get messages.

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By *rackOfDawnWoman
1 week ago

Northamptonshire

"This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?"

1- makes an effort to read my profile, fits my criteria and lets face it… I’m horny 😂

2- I don’t

3- clearly doesn’t fit my criteria (as listed in my profile!!) or makes no effort … “nice ass” “meet now” etc

For added bonus points option 4 is straight block for rogue friends requests or being down right rude

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By *inger_SnapWoman
1 week ago

Hampshire

"This questing is particularly for the ladies.

What’s the difference between the messages you:

1. Respond to

2. Read (but don’t respond to)

3. & Delete

How do you decide which you’ll do?"

1. I like the look of them and they've read my profile

2/3 I always delete. If it's obvious they haven't read my profile, if they've sent a dick pic, if I don't like the look/sound of them.

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

I really don't get why anyone focuses so much on what happens to their sent messages.

Well if you were sending out hundreds of job applications, you’d want to understand why none of them were calling you for an interview

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By *sWyldWoman
1 week ago

Edinburgh

I really don't get why anyone focuses so much on what happens to their sent messages.

Well if you were sending out hundreds of job applications, you’d want to understand why none of them were calling you for an interview "

But this is just strangers on the Internet. Not that important..

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

If I'm ovulating."

My biggest fear, knowing how quick the attraction can dissipate because of this

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

[Removed by poster at 31/07/25 22:28:44]

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

But this is just strangers on the Internet. Not that important.."

Well it takes quite a bit of effort, and as such, quite a lot of time & mental energy.

Can leave you quite drained after a while.

Surely you can see it from the other person’s perspective?

If each woman is getting dozens of messages a day, you have to imagine that men are crafting dozens of messages a day, having to curate them for each person as if they were job applications

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

"I've just put that down to the fact that reputedly, women get hundreds of messages every day, so loads must get binned."

Yeah this is my general understating. The whole having to “stand out” makes it feel like you’re applying for a job XD.

Also, hard to know if you “stand out” when you don’t even know what other people are sending in.

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By *sWyldWoman
1 week ago

Edinburgh

But this is just strangers on the Internet. Not that important..

Well it takes quite a bit of effort, and as such, quite a lot of time & mental energy.

Can leave you quite drained after a while.

Surely you can see it from the other person’s perspective?

If each woman is getting dozens of messages a day, you have to imagine that men are crafting dozens of messages a day, having to curate them for each person as if they were job applications "

The majority of the messages in my inbox are far from 'crafted ' they spark very little interest.

Good messages stand out

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

Good messages stand out "

I’ve spoken privately to a few guys on here and pull from my own experience, it seems that bombardment really raises the bar.

I’ve sent out hundreds of messages, well curates, confiscating our similarities of interest, and other factors, always respectful, always human, never copy paste, but almost never getting a reply.

It’s an experience you probably won’t ever have as a woman, but it’s a very common experience the men face on here.

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By *iss.BellaWoman
1 week ago

No profile pic or username that suggest we wouldn't be compatible.. ie daddy dom.. instant delete.

Cock pics as profile pic, next to be deleted.

"Hey you OK?" - delete

An OK profile pic.. torso, face I'll then click on the profile. Check status if it says meet now or its a moan about that site.. delete.

A decent profile pic, well thought out, particularly teasing and captures my eye, I will then click the profile, read the status, read the bio, check the pictures and verifications. If I've read to the end of the verifications without feeling queasy, then I'll reply.. maybe.

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By *eroLondonMan
1 week ago

Covent Garden

"I really don't get why anyone focuses so much on what happens to their sent messages.

Well if you were sending out hundreds of job applications, you’d want to understand why none of them were calling you for an interview "

•

I would question the rationale of any man who sends messages to hundreds of women, which is what I suspect you're inferring? Surely there needs to be a level of discernment?

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By *sWyldWoman
1 week ago

Edinburgh

Good messages stand out

I’ve spoken privately to a few guys on here and pull from my own experience, it seems that bombardment really raises the bar.

I’ve sent out hundreds of messages, well curates, confiscating our similarities of interest, and other factors, always respectful, always human, never copy paste, but almost never getting a reply.

It’s an experience you probably won’t ever have as a woman, but it’s a very common experience the men face on here."

Women( most women) want to feel desired. Feeling like one of hundreds, doesn't make us feel that way.

Be a bit more fussy. Desperation is a huge turn off

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By *ilyandronCouple
1 week ago

Bristol

If they send face pic read, if they don’t it’s deleted. Handsome guys usually get a reply.

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By *ealitybitesMan
1 week ago

Belfast

I haven't sent a first contact message on fab since the beginning of 2020 but when I was sending them I had a 50 percent success rate with replies.

Every conversation I've had in the last 5 years has been started by a woman making contact and most of those have been started in exactly the same way I used to start them.

The best messages are conversational, jumping in almost mid conversation without a long introduction and aren't sexual at all.

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

I would question the rationale of any man who sends messages to hundreds of women, which is what I suspect you're inferring? Surely there needs to be a level of discernment?"

I mean I’ve been on and off the site for years

Even if you sent out just 1 message a day, that’s still 365 messages a year. There seem to be plenty of women who match my “types”, have profiles that are interesting etc,

I’m sure I average a little bit more than 1 message a day.

It’s not that difficult to reach hundreds if you’ve been on that long.

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By *ealitybitesMan
1 week ago

Belfast

I would question the rationale of any man who sends messages to hundreds of women, which is what I suspect you're inferring? Surely there needs to be a level of discernment?

I mean I’ve been on and off the site for years

Even if you sent out just 1 message a day, that’s still 365 messages a year. There seem to be plenty of women who match my “types”, have profiles that are interesting etc,

I’m sure I average a little bit more than 1 message a day.

It’s not that difficult to reach hundreds if you’ve been on that long."

I've been here 9 years and I haven't sent 100 messages in that time.

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

" .

Women( most women) want to feel desired. Feeling like one of hundreds, doesn't make us feel that way.

Be a bit more fussy. Desperation is a huge turn off "

Well I’m not desperate, so I assume I don’t sound desperate, and make efforts not to sound that way just in case, I’m usually starting with a very casual topic, often (but not always) not related to sex. I’m not pushy, I’m not demanding anything, usually just making a comment on a photo or something they said in their profile (and usually avoid messaging people with blank profiles and no photos)

Like I said, I curate messages for each person, paying attention to their profile, I sometimes spend like 15 minutes just trying to make sure I say what seems “just right” for the person, and isn’t inappropriate, isn’t too pushy, but also isn’t too boring etc

All I want is to understand how to waste less time; that’s all, I’m not like sad, I just want to see what I’m missing from the puzzle. Thankfully a lot of people have been kind enough to elaborate quite well, and I’m noticing the trends

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By *ankay49 OP Man
1 week ago

Bermondsey

"'ve been here 9 years and I haven't sent 100 messages in that time."

So how do I get like you

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