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"When it comes to giving people chances - how many do you? Is there a standard number? On Fab are you less tolerant? Have there ever been times when you've given someone another chance and you're happy about/regret it? Warm musings aplenty. " as many as they like untill they turn up lol ![]() | |||
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"When it comes to giving people chances - how many do you? Is there a standard number? On Fab are you less tolerant? Have there ever been times when you've given someone another chance and you're happy about/regret it? Warm musings aplenty. as many as they like untill they turn up lol ![]() 🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"3 chances ... That's it no more. I understand life gets in the way at times but I'm not going to wait about while someone decides whether or not to bother meeting me. I'm worth more than that " So three is always your magic number? It's not just about on Fab, life as a whole as well. ![]() | |||
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"When it's clear that people's lives are so busy/complicated that things can change in an instant (childcare etc), then it's fine if things get scuppered a lot. As long as there's communication I don't mind. If people say they're 'free, come later tonight' or something like that, then disappear without explanation, then that's more jarring and I tend to let them get on with it. No abuse or annoyance, just move on. You can usually tell when people are on the level. Good thread. Thanks. " Can pretty much agree with this. Generally I run with “3 strikes you’re out” but it depends on the situation. Sometimes it’s straight up, I’m done/can’t be arsed. Never more than three though, no point in flogging a dead horse 🍭 | |||
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"Good question _eli, i often think about this, i feel in ny teens early 20's i could give numerous chances some that were deserved others were not and probably dimmed my own light in doing so. I find as im older my tolerance levels for people and there bullshit has reduced dramatically. I like to think im fair but i suppose it would depend on what the act id found wrong was and the circumstances are surrounding it. But i do feel i am a lot better at cutting contact and moving on from people i feel benefit negatively in my life i suppose its a level of comfortability i have with myself now. Very thought triggering post though and interested to see others answers 😘" Ah it's interesting you brought up age and increasingly losing tolerance for BS. I think I've gone the other way kind of? I'm increasingly aware that people fuck up and I'm flawed myself. So maybe I should give people a chance. It doesn't always mean immediately but a bit of time and sure. If it's absolute BS-ery that's a hard no. ![]() | |||
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"When it comes to giving people chances - how many do you? Is there a standard number? On Fab are you less tolerant? Have there ever been times when you've given someone another chance and you're happy about/regret it? Warm musings aplenty. as many as they like untill they turn up lol ![]() Never change, men of Fab. ![]() | |||
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"When I was younger and liked myself less, chances were often endless. Now, I'm much more aware of the fact I deserve more respect than that . On fab its rare I get close enough to anyone to warrant any chances. My BS detector is always on and I just walk away." Yes! You got the OP. It wasn't so much about people cancelling, it was more any situation when you give a person another chance. Do you think you're less likely to give them because you've found self respect? Is it possible to become too hardened to giving another chance? Not sure if that makes sense. | |||
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"When I was younger and liked myself less, chances were often endless. Now, I'm much more aware of the fact I deserve more respect than that . On fab its rare I get close enough to anyone to warrant any chances. My BS detector is always on and I just walk away. Yes! You got the OP. It wasn't so much about people cancelling, it was more any situation when you give a person another chance. Do you think you're less likely to give them because you've found self respect? Is it possible to become too hardened to giving another chance? Not sure if that makes sense. " I think Fab is good in teaching you to have some self respect and learn to trust your instincts. He more people ypu interact with the better insight you have into people's behaviour. It's certainly helped me in work knowing that I can judge people and their behaviour better. | |||
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"I'm deffo less tolerant on here, than I would be of say close friends in real life. It depends on the excuse and if they make an effort to meet at another time etc. If someone cancels me and I think it's genuine, I'll give one more. Chance. If they cancel me again, that would be it. In the past I've been guilty of giving people I fancy too many chances and they've just taken advantage. If I'm chatting to someone and they regularly go quiet, I'd put a private note on their profile & not take any future interactions very seriously. For example years ago I used to chat a to man, he always said he was keen to meet, but constantly left and rejoined months later. In the end I just stopped replying, as I knew he'd met others and my interest had gone. I tend to take anything said on here with a pinch of salt, unless it's someone I know fairly well. " Yeah, I understand that. The more important/stronger the relationship the more likely you are to be lenient. To forgive things. If you fancy someone sometimes it can be hard to listen to the big brain. | |||
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"I tend to go with 2 for people i haven't met yet. People I know and trust get more leeway. As a man of values, it also depends how hot they are " I respect the honesty Phil. Keeping my fingers crossed there'll be another LPP post soon. | |||
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"I tend to go with 2 for people i haven't met yet. People I know and trust get more leeway. As a man of values, it also depends how hot they are I respect the honesty Phil. Keeping my fingers crossed there'll be another LPP post soon. " 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"When it's clear that people's lives are so busy/complicated that things can change in an instant (childcare etc), then it's fine if things get scuppered a lot. As long as there's communication I don't mind. If people say they're 'free, come later tonight' or something like that, then disappear without explanation, then that's more jarring and I tend to let them get on with it. No abuse or annoyance, just move on. You can usually tell when people are on the level. Good thread. Thanks. " Yes, good communication makes a massive difference to how things go. Everyone has times when things don't go to plan - relaying that is important. I like the letting them get on with it approach. Do you find away from Fab you operate in the same way? | |||
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"If its someone I don't know well I go with my gut so probably one chance. Obviously the more you like and trust someone the more chances you'll give them but having had my fingers well and truly burnt after giving multiple chances I generally trust my instincts now and only one chance. Someone would have to work hard to get a second." What about you both working hard to get that second chance? Maybe things don't go as hoped so you both choose to work towards that. I understand the fingers getting burnt, I've experienced it before. But I don't want my life to be shaped by my negative experiences. Or judge people on another's mistakes. I think I'm a bit too soft at times. Maybe a balance is what to strive for. | |||
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"If its someone I don't know well I go with my gut so probably one chance. Obviously the more you like and trust someone the more chances you'll give them but having had my fingers well and truly burnt after giving multiple chances I generally trust my instincts now and only one chance. Someone would have to work hard to get a second. What about you both working hard to get that second chance? Maybe things don't go as hoped so you both choose to work towards that. I understand the fingers getting burnt, I've experienced it before. But I don't want my life to be shaped by my negative experiences. Or judge people on another's mistakes. I think I'm a bit too soft at times. Maybe a balance is what to strive for." Absolutely I'd definitely be open to second chances it'll I felt they were deserved. I do think now I judge people on others mistakes. I'm more cautious but it has to self preservation here and in real life. There was a quote someone sent me about letting people disrespect you - they will continue to do it when they know you will not walk away. They know they will always get another chance. And self respect is hard to get back once lost. But you are right - a balance is best but not easy to do. | |||
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"It depends on the person and what they did. Like my (soon to be ex) husband I gave him more chances than I care to admit after I found out he had been cheating. Never going to give anyone a second chance like that again. Someone who’s just made a little mistake then sure I’ll give a second chance to. " That sounds really awful. I hope he's an ex husband very quickly for you - more chances than you care to admit must have hurt a fair bit. I can understand why people do decide one and done is enough for them. x | |||
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"If there is an end-game, a favourable outcome or even something in it for me - then I will afford as many chances for the other person as reasonably possible. I think that's just being human and a subconscious trait (for me), as opposed to being outwardly selfish. If something is potentially detrimental to me then it's usually just once chance. Clear as mud really." Yeah, it's a human thing. If something could potentially be beneficial, bring you joy, you're more likely to hold on to it. It's not selfish, I think more of us do it than we'd like to admit. | |||
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"There’s one person I can’t stop getting excited over. I’d give her a million chances if she needed them to realise I’m a good thing for her. Will she give me a million chances though🤣" How does that change your interactions with them? And there should be a limit on what you accept to protect your own self worth. I've learned this the hard way and let someone walk all over me, and I'm still picking up the pieces from it. | |||
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"There’s one person I can’t stop getting excited over. I’d give her a million chances if she needed them to realise I’m a good thing for her. Will she give me a million chances though🤣 How does that change your interactions with them? And there should be a limit on what you accept to protect your own self worth. I've learned this the hard way and let someone walk all over me, and I'm still picking up the pieces from it." It’s hard to walk away when you like someone. I’m the kind of person who falls easily and hard. | |||
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"If someone didn’t turn up and didn’t offer a good enough explanation or apology, they wouldn’t get another chance For the rest - it’s not about numbers of chances, you have to decide whether this person is worth it or not? Do you want them in your life despite their flakiness - if they are making you happy and you can come to terms with the fact they will never change. I have a friend like this. I just accept it when we make plans. I know in the back of my mind they will likely cancel but when we do manage to catch up it is worth the wait." Ah that's fair enough. If you know someone and how they are you're more likely to accept their behaviour. What if someone is a bit of a dick? Is it one chance and you're out? | |||
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"There’s one person I can’t stop getting excited over. I’d give her a million chances if she needed them to realise I’m a good thing for her. Will she give me a million chances though🤣 How does that change your interactions with them? And there should be a limit on what you accept to protect your own self worth. I've learned this the hard way and let someone walk all over me, and I'm still picking up the pieces from it. It’s hard to walk away when you like someone. I’m the kind of person who falls easily and hard. " I’ve totally been there and it took someone asking me the hard question and not letting me dismiss it to see what I was doing. And now a shit load of therapy to understand why I let them walk all over me for so long. Good friends ask those questions but still hold your hand whilst you work out the answers and have your back regardless of the outcome. | |||
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"You get one. And by that I mean I’ll forgive you, but the second time you fuck up and take the piss - it’s over. I treat people the way I want to be treated, and I know not everyone is not me, but I stand by the notion of - if I wouldn’t do that to you, why would you do it to me, twice? " Would you hope to be given more than one chance? Sometimes I think the same way as you. But for me, I'm not sure it really serves me. I can get upset if people don't place the same value on things as I do, not treat me as I do them. Isn't that me holding them to my way of living though? Actively trying to change that so this is more a stream of consciousness than directed at you! | |||
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"There’s one person I can’t stop getting excited over. I’d give her a million chances if she needed them to realise I’m a good thing for her. Will she give me a million chances though🤣 How does that change your interactions with them? And there should be a limit on what you accept to protect your own self worth. I've learned this the hard way and let someone walk all over me, and I'm still picking up the pieces from it. It’s hard to walk away when you like someone. I’m the kind of person who falls easily and hard. I’ve totally been there and it took someone asking me the hard question and not letting me dismiss it to see what I was doing. And now a shit load of therapy to understand why I let them walk all over me for so long. Good friends ask those questions but still hold your hand whilst you work out the answers and have your back regardless of the outcome. " This is hard but true. I think we all get to those points. But I think it sometimes takes something, I can’t put my finger on it but something just changes sometimes. I think it’s a classic case of you can take a horse to water | |||
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"When it comes to giving people chances - how many do you? Is there a standard number? On Fab are you less tolerant? Have there ever been times when you've given someone another chance and you're happy about/regret it? Warm musings aplenty. " I'm oddly sensitive when it comes to friends either breaking trust, or being disrespectful. I don't cry or yell, I just start to do less and less, and then cut people off. The last was someone I believed was very close, went through college, saw each through breakups and then marriages, went to see his first child in Wales. But after having my first child, he made no effort to come over. I would invite him over with his missus but they just never made the effort or appeared to want to make it, with the compromise being for me to visit them instead. I just stopped messaging after I invited him to her 1st birthday (with his kids), he didn't message reply. Easier for me to cut people off then to process emotions properly I guess. 😅 If he reached out, and I'm being honest, I'd probably be amicable, as I'd like to be close friends again. So who knows OP haha | |||
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"In real life i've given people plenty of chances and most times it's been thrown back in my face by another betrayal.... im a bit guarded now because of it. I haven't met anyone from this site yet so can't comment on that.... most people ive chatted to so far seem decent enough so far. " Absolutely this I guess if someone is into you (LS or otherwise) they should only need one right? | |||
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"Too many for my own good sometimes." How did you find this a day later? Indulge my curiosity, Bugs. 🐞 ![]() | |||
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"Too many for my own good sometimes. How did you find this a day later? Indulge my curiosity, Bugs. 🐞 ![]() Green button rabbit holes. I think you were the 3rd profile I clicked on and then I nosey to threads I might find interesting. Bypassed the songs ones because all I’m listening to is the noise of two fans swishing moist air around 🥵 | |||
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"I tend to go with 2 for people i haven't met yet. People I know and trust get more leeway. As a man of values, it also depends how hot they are I respect the honesty Phil. Keeping my fingers crossed there'll be another LPP post soon. " Good to know you're down with LPP Meli. However I'm not sure the rest of the forum have forgiven me for the last one yet. | |||
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"I tend to go with 2 for people i haven't met yet. People I know and trust get more leeway. As a man of values, it also depends how hot they are I respect the honesty Phil. Keeping my fingers crossed there'll be another LPP post soon. Good to know you're down with LPP Meli. However I'm not sure the rest of the forum have forgiven me for the last one yet." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"Depends how nice her tits are. You get as many chances as it takes op. Great tits on you. " Have I ever told you you're my favourite couple? | |||
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"Depends how nice her tits are. You get as many chances as it takes op. Great tits on you. Have I ever told you you're my favourite couple?" What a coincidence… you’re my favourite pair. | |||
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