FabSwingers.com forum: Post your dad jokes

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

I was walking past my fridge last night and thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song.

But when I opened the door, it was just chives talking.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

I know it's a long shot, but do any of you know what a trebuchet is?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

"I know it's a long shot, but do any of you know what a trebuchet is?"

no what's a trebuchet ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ooLou89Woman
50 weeks ago

Nottinghamshire

I bet my wife I could make a car out of spaghetti… should’ve seen her face as I drove pasta

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wo 4 fun with womenCouple
50 weeks ago

Aldershot

[Removed by poster at 25/06/25 17:54:08]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wo 4 fun with womenCouple
50 weeks ago

Aldershot

Why did the Avon lady walk funny?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

"Why did the Avon lady walk funny?"

I don't know, why did the Avon lady walk funny?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *agic.MMan
50 weeks ago

Kent/London

I woke up this morning and my wife was gone...went down to the kitchen and all I found was this note with her handwriting on the fridge, saying "this isn't working anymore "...opened the fridge and it was working fine ... 👀

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wo 4 fun with womenCouple
50 weeks ago

Aldershot

"Why did the Avon lady walk funny?

I don't know, why did the Avon lady walk funny? "

Because of her lipstick

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ldbutable1Man
50 weeks ago

hewish

how do you make a nun pregnant ???

FUCK HER

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

I have 2 dogs called Calvin and Klein …. They’re both boxers.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfullsamMan
50 weeks ago

Solihull

Mickey Mouse goes to his lawyer to divorce Minnie Mouse. The lawyer says, "You can't divorce Minnie Mouse just because you say she's crazy!"

Mickey says, "I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ony 2016Man
50 weeks ago

lincs /Hudd & Derby cinema

Friend of mine had to pack his job in as a RAC patrolman , when I asked "why?" He said it was because of all the anxiety,stress and worry , apparently every time he got a call out he felt like he was on his way to another breakdown

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *olf-of-OdinMan
50 weeks ago

Winchester

I had a date with a woman who works at the Zoo.

She's a keeper.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

2 guys walk into a bar the third 1 ducks

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

I always wondered what my parents did to fight the boredom before the internet….

I asked my 18 siblings but they didn’t know either.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rostgiantMan
50 weeks ago

Wilts

What do you do when you see a space man?

You park man

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

“Dad why did you and Mum name my Sister Teresa?”.

Well son your Mum loves Easter time so Teresa is an anagram of Easter .

Oh right thanks Dad .

No problem Alan

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

Elvis Presley was once interviewed about UK supermarkets. They talked about Waitrose, Co-op, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Tesco, Asda

and Aldi.

It was a Lidl-less conversation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *vaRoseWoman
50 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

"I know it's a long shot, but do any of you know what a trebuchet is?"

🤣

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfullsamMan
50 weeks ago

Solihull

A man takes his family to the zoo and is extremely disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog

It's a Shih Tzu.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

I was invited to the Premature Ejaculation Society’s Dinner

I asked what the dress code was and told to just come in my pants

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *escourtesMan
50 weeks ago

hereford

I used to enjoy Tap dancing, until I fell in the sink

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nJayBeeMan
50 weeks ago

Pershore

I saw an office worked sitting in a tree. He told me he was a branch manager.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *allipygousMan
50 weeks ago

Leicester

"“Dad why did you and Mum name my Sister Teresa?”.

Well son your Mum loves Easter time so Teresa is an anagram of Easter .

Oh right thanks Dad .

No problem Alan

Shows my level of humour because this is the best so far for me 😁

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *imply_SensualMan
50 weeks ago

Cheshire

Met a woman called Carmen once, I said "Nice Name" and she told me it typifies what shes likes in life, cars and men.

She then asked what my name was.....

So I replied "Lagerfanny"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tar_Buck_81Man
50 weeks ago

Exeter

What do you call a magical dog?

A Labracadabrador...

Boom boom...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *tar_Buck_81Man
50 weeks ago

Exeter

I asked a German lady for her phone number, the first digit was "nein" I'm still waiting for the rest...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

Which bees make milk.................................. ...boobies

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

"“Dad why did you and Mum name my Sister Teresa?”.

Well son your Mum loves Easter time so Teresa is an anagram of Easter .

Oh right thanks Dad .

No problem Alan

Shows my level of humour because this is the best so far for me 😁"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

A British Gas repairman asked me the time. I said it’s between 8am and 5pm.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ub_boiMan
50 weeks ago

manchester

A frog had his DNA tested.

Turns out he’s part Irish, part French and just a tad Pole.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
50 weeks ago

Manchester

It's so hot right now, I wonder if chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lue MancMan
50 weeks ago

Manchester

It's a medieval sling shot

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
50 weeks ago

My partner found out i was cheating on him when he found all the letters....

He is now mad and said he will never play scrabble with me ever again

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reeneggsandsamMan
50 weeks ago

Perpignan and cap

What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?

Dunno?

Well I'm not sending you to post my letters!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aron Van WinkleMan
50 weeks ago

In fair Verona.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

- Because they don’t have the guts.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
48 weeks ago

Manchester

If anyone knows how to correct cosmetic surgery that’s gone wrong, I’m all ears...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emonochromeMan
48 weeks ago

peterborough

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday… those were the days

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *afkaMan
48 weeks ago

Nottingham

"I was walking past my fridge last night and thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song.

But when I opened the door, it was just chives talking."

🤣

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ldbutable1Man
48 weeks ago

hewish

how do you make a(add race of yr choice) woman pregnant

cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ldbutable1Man
48 weeks ago

hewish

2 flies on a fanny , which one is on drugs

the one sniffing up the crack

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eeshelleTV/TS
48 weeks ago

Marlow

"I had a date with a woman who works at the Zoo.

She's a keeper. "
the first one that made me laugh

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hGlobbitsMan
48 weeks ago

Liverpool

Hey kid, did you know I can jump higher than a house,

Whoa - really, dad?

Well, yeah - houses can't jump!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ust RachelTV/TS
48 weeks ago

Crawley Down

A joke, is not a Dad joke, until it is fully groan.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *haron StonerTV/TS
48 weeks ago

Haywards Heath

What's a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery guy got in common?

They both know if they scrape the box, they can get some tasty cheesy bits!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *haron StonerTV/TS
48 weeks ago

Haywards Heath

What do you call a lesbian with braces?

A box cutter!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

Whats the difference between a joke and three cocks?

Most women cant take a joke

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *haron StonerTV/TS
48 weeks ago

Haywards Heath

My friend is a shepherd, I asked him how many girlfriends he's had.

He fell asleep counting them...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hGlobbitsMan
48 weeks ago

Liverpool

Did you hear about the bald cat who tried to catch a bus?

The driver wouldn't let him on because he didn't have any fare (fur - geddit?)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

Got a call tonight saying "your wife's in casualty " ...

Well I sat and watched 2 full episodes and did I see her ? No

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
48 weeks ago

Manchester

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lyingsolo1000Woman
48 weeks ago

Reading

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *nJayBeeMan
48 weeks ago

Pershore

I heard this one on LOL.

I saw a man get up from behind a gravestone.

"Morning", I said.

"No, I was taking a shit"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ORDERMANMan
48 weeks ago

wrexham(south)

Got to feel for Greggs staff in this heat wave...they must be baking

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aughtynice78Man
48 weeks ago

Telford

My friend designed an invisible aeroplane...

I can't see his idea taking off

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfullsamMan
48 weeks ago

Solihull

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
48 weeks ago

Manchester

My wife will go bananas when she finds out I’ve lost her copy of Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony.

I’ll never hear the end of it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obinhood-maidmarionCouple
48 weeks ago

Showroom Fuck

I went to a Chinese restaurant the other day and it had all war memorabilia on the wall, some pictures of pilots and stuff.

I sat admiring them and the waiter came over said they were pictures of him.

He said he was a Kamakazi pilot in the war and his code name was Chow Mein

I said Bollax, Kamakazi pilots were supposed to crash planes and die

He said yes

He was Chicken Chow Mein

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eaAndBiscuit1989Man
48 weeks ago

North West

My best friend died from heart burn.

Can't believe Gav is gone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

Have you heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a dog

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
48 weeks ago

Why did the call it PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
47 weeks ago

Manchester

Got chatting to a woman in a bar last night. She said to me 'come outside and I'll show you a good time.'

So I went outside with her, and she ran 100 metres in 9.98 seconds.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ty31Man
47 weeks ago

NW London

A couple from Tommy Cooper:

___

A cop arrested two kids yesterday - one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks

He charged one and let the other one off

___

Sad day today, my father passed away this morning.

He drowned in a bowl of museli.

A strong currant pulled him in

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uperSalopian7Man
47 weeks ago

Parts Unknown

I've got a great job working in a helium factory.

I can't speak highly enough of the place

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uperSalopian7Man
47 weeks ago

Parts Unknown

I gave my handyman a to do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3 and 5.

Turns out he only does odd jobs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *azmar62Couple
47 weeks ago

Hinckley

Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom boom

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
47 weeks ago

Manchester

My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl and has started making all my decisions for me.

She's been given power of a tawny.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *estinysswingersCouple
47 weeks ago

Worsley

What do you call a couple who have sex in a hammock?

Swingers.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *injasparrowMan
47 weeks ago

Woking

My brother bought home a goldfish he won at the fair but the next morning we found him dead in the pond. Now I have to look after the bloody goldfish

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *emonochromeMan
47 weeks ago

peterborough

Did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? Runs in the jeans.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I make a point of saying "mucho" as often as possible when I'm with my Spanish friends as it means alot to them

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
47 weeks ago

Manchester

I keep having a recurring dream that I’m a horse.

That’s five nights on the trot now.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *exyInLatinMan
47 weeks ago

Warsop

How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down a hill

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oeBeansMan
47 weeks ago

Derby

To whoever stole my wig... There will be hell toupee!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oeBeansMan
47 weeks ago

Derby

My wife kicked me out the house because I kept incorrectly quoting the Terminator films but don't worry, I'll return

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oeBeansMan
47 weeks ago

Derby

Where does a General keep his armies? In his sleevies

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *estmids71Man
47 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

An old married couple are in church service on sunday. The elderly lady leans over to her husband and whispers “I just let go a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband looks back at her and says "change the battery on your hearing aid".

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I made a chicken salad yesterday…..

Turns out they prefer grains.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I was having a wank the other night, just about to cum when my bedroom door opened and my gran walked in. She had a stroke. I was in shock. I can't believe how soft her hands are

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oeBeansMan
47 weeks ago

Derby

I once went to an archaeology party where everyone was looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hat.coupleCouple
47 weeks ago

Kent

This thread is dangerous 😳

Mrs x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oeBeansMan
47 weeks ago

Derby

A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks the Rabbit "What blood type are you?"

"I think I'm a Type-O", replied the Rabbit.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lirtyVampireBellaCouple
47 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"I once went to an archaeology party where everyone was looking for the remains of a lower leg. It was quite the shindig."

That actually made me chuckle

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cLovin2Man
47 weeks ago

London

Ok not a 'safe' dad joke but a more filthy joke.

Two gay men are travelling on a plane. Let's call them Steve and Bill.

"Dude, what if we had sex?" asks Steve.

"You crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..."

"Man, nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!"

Steve stands up and asks loudly:

"Could I have a napkin, please?"

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc.

"They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill.

So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.

"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!"

"I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a napkin and he got fucked in the ass…”

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ryingitout19Man
47 weeks ago

Wales

Knock knock,

Who’s there?

The interrupting cow.

The interrupting cow wh…….MOO!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *luelion73Man
47 weeks ago

Wimbledon

Why did the Oyster leave the party early ?

Because it pulled a Mussel

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ottsladredMan
47 weeks ago

Hucknall

What do you call a man with no shins?....Tony

What was his brothers name?....Neil

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What did the fish say when it swam in2 the wall?

Dam

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *erdyGuy42Man
47 weeks ago

Ask

There are two fish in a tank one turns to the other and asks do you know how to drive this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What does a drummer call his twin baby girls?

Anna 1 Anna 2

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

Where do you find a cat with no legs???

Where you left it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

How do you make a cat go woof???

Douse it in pertrol. Strike the match....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ottsladredMan
47 weeks ago

Hucknall

Far too risky for most of my jokes, would guarantee me being banned

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ottsladredMan
47 weeks ago

Hucknall

My family got upset cause I slept with my 3rd cousin....I don't see the issue cause they didn't care about the 1st 2

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
47 weeks ago

Willenhall

Has anyone seen my pet potato? It got out when I left the kitchen door open.

It's small, round, slightly red and has 6 eyes.

It hasn't been chipped.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *litterbabeWoman
47 weeks ago

hiding from cock pics

Everyone said " you just have to swim with the dolphins..it's so great"...long story short, this is my second day in the tuna net...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uke-de-PleasureMan
47 weeks ago

Leeds

A bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head and the landlord says "That's a funny thing to have!" and the frog says "Yeah I know, it started off as a boil on me arse"

Charles

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *elshlad85Man
47 weeks ago

Wrexham

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rown.studMan
47 weeks ago

Eccles

My dad got fired as a Road worker for theft…….

Couldn’t believe it

but when I got home all the signs were there

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *apt peteMan
47 weeks ago

Peterborough

A man was hospitalised with 6 horses inside him.

Doctors say he's now stable.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What did the fish say when it swam in2 the wall ?

Damm

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ORDERMANMan
47 weeks ago

wrexham(south)

"Everyone said " you just have to swim with the dolphins..it's so great"...long story short, this is my second day in the tuna net..."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ay6eeMan
47 weeks ago

South Wales

I can't post my Dad... the urn won't fit in the postbox!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
47 weeks ago

Willenhall

My grandfather couldn't bear to throw anything away.

Which is probably why he died during WWII holding a hand grenade.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ictoria_1976TV/TS
47 weeks ago

Truro

I actually quite like telling Dad jokes

.... sometimes he even laughs at them

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *enlikesbothMan
47 weeks ago

york or visiting

You’re only as old as you feel…. Said my dad with his 26 year old new girlfriend

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oonbath89Man
47 weeks ago

radstock

Velcro …..rip off

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ery kinky gentMan
47 weeks ago

essex

What do you call a bullet proof Irish man ?

Rick oshea

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *echnosonic_BrummieMan
47 weeks ago

Willenhall

What is it called when a chameleon can't change it's colours?

A reptile dysfunction.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ommeLadyWoman
47 weeks ago

yeovil

What do you call a magician who’s lost their magic?

Ian.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
47 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

What’s the difference between Bird Flu & Swine Flu?

One requires OINKment. The other requires TWEETment

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rthur30Man
47 weeks ago

Warrington

"What do you call a magician who’s lost their magic?

Ian. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inister_SpinsterWoman
47 weeks ago

Manchester(ish).

What do you call a septic cat?

Pus.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lymanMan
47 weeks ago

PLYMOUTH

My wife phoned me to say she saw a fox on the way to work

I said how do you know he was on the way to work

She hung up

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ermite12ukMan
47 weeks ago

Solihull and Romford

Pinched this off the net:

An Englishman, Welsh man, and a Pakistani gentleman, walk into the maternity wing reception, of their local hospital.

One by one, they say they've all arrived to collect their newborn sons.

A Doctor was summoned and informed them that there had been a bit of a mix-up, and can't with any certainty say, whose is who's.

Now you or I in this situation would probably return home and inform our legal representative. But this being a joke, the three men agree, to sort it out, between them.

As is the English man's right. (Alphabetically speaking anyway.

) He goes in first and emerges quite clearly even to the medically untrained eye. With the Pakistani child. Everyone agrees, and the agrieved Pakistani gentleman, says as much.

The Englisman replied: Sorry, mate. But one of those two in there is Welsh, and I, for one, aren't taking any chances.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ORDERMANMan
47 weeks ago

wrexham(south)

"Pinched this off the net:

An Englishman, Welsh man, and a Pakistani gentleman, walk into the maternity wing reception, of their local hospital.

One by one, they say they've all arrived to collect their newborn sons.

A Doctor was summoned and informed them that there had been a bit of a mix-up, and can't with any certainty say, whose is who's.

Now you or I in this situation would probably return home and inform our legal representative. But this being a joke, the three men agree, to sort it out, between them.

As is the English man's right. (Alphabetically speaking anyway.

) He goes in first and emerges quite clearly even to the medically untrained eye. With the Pakistani child. Everyone agrees, and the agrieved Pakistani gentleman, says as much.

The Englisman replied: Sorry, mate. But one of those two in there is Welsh, and I, for one, aren't taking any chances.

That is one of my favorite Simon Evans jokes...and I'm Welsh..!!

My other favorite anti Welsh is as follows..

A travelling salesman is returning home to england through the hills of mid Wales one evening and is need of a comfort stop...

When he comes across a pub in the middle of nowhere with suprisingly a pretty full car park. Pulling in he parks the car and approaches the pub where he can hear the hum of conversation. As he enters a deathly silence ensues and all eyes are on him..he goes to the toilet and returning to the bar he orders a shandy...

The silence continues as the landlord pulls his pint and engages in conversation with the salesman having picked up his english accent.asks

"Where you be from"

I'm on my way to england I've been selling my goods"

"Oh" enquires the landlord "what goods would they be ?"

"Well I'm a taxidermist" replies the salesman..

The whole pub is in silence listening to this conversation

"Taxidermist..?" "What would that be then" asks the landlord

The salesman has had a long day and decides that instead of explaining the intricacies of his occupTion he decided that he'd keep things simple as the landlord wasn't familiar with his occupation..

"Well" says salesman "to put things simply...I stuff dead animals"

Looking up the landlord shouts to the rest of the pub

"It's OK boys he's one of us"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *layfullsamMan
47 weeks ago

Solihull

What do you call a guy with a small co.k

Just-in

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *omwinchesterMan
47 weeks ago

Romsey

What does a horny frog say?

Rubbit

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

There was two fish in a tank,

One said to the other: "can I drive this time"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ena AmourTV/TS
47 weeks ago

Chard

Did you hear the one about a magic tractor?

Probably not because it turned into a field.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
47 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

A tractor drove by.

The driver was shouting,

‘Beware ye sinners the end is nigh’

I guess it was Farmer Gedden.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
47 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
47 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

Why does a dog wear a fur coat?

Cos he would silly in an anorak.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i in BedfordMan
47 weeks ago

South east

Why can't you wear a thong in Ukraine? Chernobyl fallout

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i in BedfordMan
47 weeks ago

South east

Two elderly ladies meet for coffee. One asks the other "did you come on the bus?" To which the other replies "yes, but I made it look like a sneezing fit"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uck soupMan
47 weeks ago

Portsmouth

Frog goes to doctors for a DNA test, a week later he hops back for results, doctor tells him, he is a little bit English, a wee bit Scottish and a tad pole

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i in BedfordMan
47 weeks ago

South east

A German walks in to a pub and asks for a bottle of white wine, the barman says "dry?" The German replies "no, only one"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *vonne5exMan
47 weeks ago

Doncaster

What's big and red and eats rocks?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *i in BedfordMan
47 weeks ago

South east

Not so much a joke as an anecdote. At the 1953 coronation the late Queen climbed in to the gold state coach wearing the imperial state crown. Prince Philip apparently sent the Queen in to fits of giggles by asking her "where on earth did you get that hat?"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *adagastMan
47 weeks ago

Rotherham

The publishing house wouldn't touch the book I wrote on penguins. I suppose I really should have used paper.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aFemmeCoquetteWoman
47 weeks ago

Somewhere in the middle not the.....

Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties......

Because he's a Funghi

Badoom tisch

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

Why can't you believe anything atoms say?

Because they make up everything

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *INKYLOVE69Couple
47 weeks ago

Chesterfield

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender if his brother had been in and the bartender replies I don't know what does he look like

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *exyInLatinMan
47 weeks ago

Warsop

I went to buy camouflage trousers but couldn’t find any anywhere

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

What’s a pirates favourite shop…

Aaarrrgos xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

A classic in our house is when the oldest will say, "I'm Hungry/I'm Thirsty".

The only reply is, "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad". 😅

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *exyInLatinMan
47 weeks ago

Warsop

"A classic in our house is when the oldest will say, "I'm Hungry/I'm Thirsty".

The only reply is, "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad". 😅"

Yeah my son gets very annoyed at this!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

If my son says he’s thirsty I say im Friday nice to meet u lol.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
47 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

A man walks into a pub.

He gets a black eye and a broken nose.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
47 weeks ago

I worked with a guy who loved to sit on the outside of a window.

What a ledge

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

My mate had an addiction to drinking brake fluid …. reckoned he could stop anytime.

Another mate always wanted to be run over by a steam train ….

When it happened he was chuffed to bits

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *he National ThrustMan
46 weeks ago

Near Battle for the week

A plane just crashed into my bedroom...

I think I left the landing light on.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
46 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

Preserve wild life - pickle a traffic warden.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

Where do bees go when they want to travel?

The Buzz stop!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

Breaking News:

Cannibals have raided a Midlands Convent.

Nuneaton.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ony 2016Man
46 weeks ago

lincs /Hudd & Derby cinema

My wife left me , she said I cared more about football than her , , I was quite upset, after all we had been married for 7 seasons

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rown.studMan
46 weeks ago

Eccles

Whats the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman

One is a super hero and other is a simple command

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

I've hired an Eastern European woman to clean my house, and I don't mind telling you she's an absolute nightmare.

It's taken her a whole day to hoover the house. That's the last time I hire a Slovac.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

"I've hired an Eastern European woman to clean my house, and I don't mind telling you she's an absolute nightmare.

It's taken her a whole day to hoover the house. That's the last time I hire a Slovac. "

I'm the opposite, mine misses bits all over the place and doesn't pay close enough attention. She's Russian.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *uckyNineMan
46 weeks ago

prescot

2 snowmen, one says to the other can you smell carrots

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unninglinguist1986Man
46 weeks ago

todmorden

What do you call a swimmer with no arms or legs?

Bob

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *estinysswingersCouple
46 weeks ago

Worsley

Fill the missing word.

There was a young lady from Venus

Whose body was shaped like a …..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ovetolick78Man
46 weeks ago

The Shire

[Removed by poster at 23/07/25 19:08:07]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ingh89Man
46 weeks ago

Birmingham

What did the policeman say to his stomach?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ovetolick78Man
46 weeks ago

The Shire

"Price for 1 slice off apple pie in different countries …..

Jamaica $3

Aruba $5

Dominican Republic $8

Bermuda $4

These are the Pie rates of the Caribbean!"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
46 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? "

You are under a vest.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
46 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

Fill in the missing words

There was a young lady from Venus

Whose body was shaped like an anus

The butt of all jokes

She had plenty of blokes,

But none had a big enough penis

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
46 weeks ago

I asked my

daughter to pass me the phone book.

She laughed & and passed her phone to me.

Now the spider is dead, her phone Is broken and she isn't talking to me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *obilebottomMan
46 weeks ago

All over

"I asked my

daughter to pass me the phone book.

She laughed & and passed her phone to me.

Now the spider is dead, her phone Is broken and she isn't talking to me"

Hahaha

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
46 weeks ago

Manchester

I grilled a chicken for two hours

It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

What do you call a lesbian on fire?

An LGBBQ.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *issmequicklyMan
45 weeks ago

Rossendale

I got some new specs the other day and my wife said Are they thick Lens?'

I said 'No they're mine'

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

Im writing a book on glue but I'm stuck on the first chapter

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
45 weeks ago

Manchester

My wife is furious at our neighbour who sunbathes naked in her back garden.

Personally, I'm on the fence.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ambi4uMan
45 weeks ago

Saint Helens

There was a young mouse called Keith

Who circumcised boys with his teeth

It wasn't for leisure

Or sexual pleasure

But to get to the cheese underneath.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ogostick72Man
45 weeks ago

Scotland

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet - i don't know y

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hristianGray2005Man
45 weeks ago

Galway Mayo Clare Roscommon

Scientists have successfully created an artificial voice box in their labs.

The results are amazing. They speak for themselves.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
45 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

Thanks to all, they makes I smile, and we all need a smile.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago

"There was a young mouse called Keith

Who circumcised boys with his teeth

It wasn't for leisure

Or sexual pleasure

But to get to the cheese underneath."

And...there goes my appetite for tonight

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
45 weeks ago

Manchester

Ever since my girlfriend started working at the grease factory, it's been really difficult to get hold of her.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
45 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

There was a young lady called Hannah

Who could do many things for a tanner

With a flick of her wrist

She would have you in bliss

And tighten your nuts with her spanner

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *entleman_of_pleasure OP Man
45 weeks ago

Manchester

Just to let you all know, I won’t be posting any more dad jokes on here for a while, as the police are looking for me.

I stole an inflatable from a swimming pool and now I gotta lilo...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eorge1949Man
45 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

"Just to let you all know, I won’t be posting any more dad jokes on here for a while, as the police are looking for me.

I stole an inflatable from a swimming pool and now I gotta lilo..."

Sorry to hear that inflation has beaten you

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately