FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Neurospicy awkwardness with sex

Jump to newest
 

By *aughty40sRugby OP   Couple
5 weeks ago

Rugby

Hi I'm Shelly , I have ADHD/ASD and was wondering if other people find sex can be daunting and sometimes awkward due to sensory issues , mind racing and being able to be spontaneous in the moment ? If so do you have any advice or strategies to help ? T.i.a

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he OpalsnakeMan
5 weeks ago

Thirsk

Funnily enough I was just asking about this on another thread. I go with no zones, areas of the body that are too sensitive, if you turn it into a yes/no game it informs your partner of what works. You can red, Amber, green as you explore what is OK for you. Your partner gets to learn your body as you go. It needs trust of course but I find it helps.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *hechonkyduoCouple
5 weeks ago

Café Leblanc, Stourbridge

I have ASD being spontaneous is sonething I struggle with and I absolutely cannot pickup in signals.

It helps that hubby and people I play with will be direct in telling me what they would want and like to do which helps alot.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellinever70Woman
5 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"Hi I'm Shelly , I have ADHD/ASD and was wondering if other people find sex can be daunting and sometimes awkward due to sensory issues , mind racing and being able to be spontaneous in the moment ? If so do you have any advice or strategies to help ? T.i.a"

Do you mean sex with your partner or only daunting when others are involved?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he OpalsnakeMan
5 weeks ago

Thirsk


"I have ASD being spontaneous is sonething I struggle with and I absolutely cannot pickup in signals.

It helps that hubby and people I play with will be direct in telling me what they would want and like to do which helps alot."

I also struggle with signals, direct communication is important. RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) is always moments away. We need all the information to inform our decision making comfortably, otherwise we mask, people please and end up in difficulty.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughty40sRugby OP   Couple
5 weeks ago

Rugby

Sex as a whole because I have both my brain races meaning I often can't focus fully and make it awkward ( hubby is amazing he understands but if there is a way I can improve I'm always open) and he loves spontaneous acts but I genuinely get mental block or routine stuck 😂 I do have sex trauma ( not my husband) which doesn't help and sometimes the obvious signals and ideas evade me 😂

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aughty40sRugby OP   Couple
5 weeks ago

Rugby

This is really helpful thank you 😊 I also struggle with the exact same things and having the Adhd side I hyper over thinking and focus on the wrong thing , I'm pretty bad at making jokes at all the wrong times

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *asterAndFuckToyCouple
5 weeks ago

Newport


"This is really helpful thank you 😊 I also struggle with the exact same things and having the Adhd side I hyper over thinking and focus on the wrong thing , I'm pretty bad at making jokes at all the wrong times "

I think the best thing to do in this situation is make anyone your interested in aware of what your like if they are decent people they will understand and help you to have a good time, take it slow at first and see how you go we like your profile

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
5 weeks ago

Central

As much as we are going to be increasing our excitement, I find it helpful to do what I can, to keep as relaxed as possible. The more we establish and strengthen that ability, the easier it can be to slip more into that state of mind, when we can need it.

Having some roadmaps as others highlight, can be helpful. It may still be good for us to have our flexibility and control.

Being with the right partner is important. I take my time, to be selective and prepare the right foundations. If it's wrong, I learn and move on

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andaloriansCouple
5 weeks ago

Malvern

Im neurospicy and i find(much to Cs annoyance) that it affects my drive! One moment im a horndog for a few weeks, the next, im a monk:/ its annoying! My "broken brain" dictates when my body is up for the naughtiness while still being sexually active in my head!

S

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
5 weeks ago

Coventry

Yep it's like swinging in hard mode (no euphemism). There's different aspects of difficultly that come from different (and sometimes totally juxtaposed) positions. Which is a nightmare to navigate.

I struggle a lot with my head not being able to be quiet or focus. I have to combat intrusive or not situation related thoughts and sometimes things going on around me can throw me off course. Which can be particularly tricky in group and open area situations due to extra stimuli and the unpredictability of other people. I find with this part of its just out of my hands. Sometimes I'm in the right mindset sometimes I'm not. I find what really help is simply how much chemistry, attraction and how at ease I'm feeling with someone/s. Because when I'm with someone I can totally let go with and feel comfortable there is less background worries and thoughts and just more focused intrest. So chemistry is massively important for me. And dare I say drink helps. Which I get is not necessarily something that is advised or approved of but it does help me quiet down my brain and allows me to focus. However I myself recognise this is not an entirely healthy aproach and I'm currently removing this crutch.

Social anxiety and being overwhelmed for me is common. Often it's just being overwhelmed by the noises, all the stuff going on around me and the social environment as a whole. I love being social and yet at the same time it's hard work and daunting. Sometimes leading to a mini melt down. However this is something I'm quite comfortable with dealing with and have a plan of action for. Which genrally involves just removing myself from the situation and having a time out to collect myself. For example in a club I'll make a polite excuse and escape to the smoking area (even though I don't smoke). I find it tends to be chilled space and being outside tends to be cool too. I just normally need a few minutes to collect myself and then I can return to the party. Mrs Misfit is very atuned to me and can see when im struggling underneath when others can't, which helps. Also (and again not recommended) I find having a couple of drinks helps too with avoiding being overwhelmed.

Things not going to my preconceived plan, massive kryptonite for me. In my head I often have a plan. Or more accurately a plan A, B and C. Be that in terms of social interaction or how I see things going down. I can really struggle when thing go off script and again it can also send my thought processes going wild. This is not something I have much advise over because I've not cracked it yet. I try to tell myself just roll with it but sometimes it's not just as easy as saying that. I guess a big part of it is not trying to think too much prior (although consequently this risks you being caught short with no blue print for the prevailing situation). And sometimes things not going to plan don't just cause me anxiety they sometimes make me unrationally and uncontrollably gumpy. This is probably the aspect I struggle with most.

As to social environments and picking up on social cues this is just a matter of exposure and practice makes perfect. Not just for perfecting masking but also for starting to get it, understand it. I do miss out on bits and am terrible at knowing when someone is flirting we me. But I'm getting better because I keep getting stuck in to social situations. Which I guess is pretty logical that practice and exposure makes better. Also I have Mrs Misfit to give me a nudge when someone's coming on to me or check my understanding of a social situation with.

Also MASSIVELY important note on the social side is to take it easy on yourself when you drop a social clanger. It will always happen when you don't read the world the same a neurotypical people. I know sometimes it's confusing and sometimes it dam right mortifying. But don't be down on yourself and try not to get flustered over sometimes that just happens you can't help it. And often I think we think it's more of a thing than it actually is to others (because we are super sensitive to not fucking up). So if you drop a social clanger just try and move swiftly on. Seriously it no big deal and if someone's into you I doubt it'll change their calculus on you.

It's nails and I must sound mental. However for all the mental gymnastics going on below the waterline one surface I think I hold my own ok and I love this life style. And once I'm turely comfortable with people and relaxed them get fans only me. I'm so glad I didn't allow my neurospicy side to keep me out of the game (which would have been the easy route).

I think in summary of above practice makes perfect, have a few coping strategies up your sleeve (maybe not include booze as one) and things always work out better when there's serious chemistry going on.

Mr

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top