FabSwingers.com forum: What surprised you most about swinging?

Northampton

So here’s a question what’s something that totally caught you off guard when you got into the lifestyle?

Could be something you loved that you didn’t expect… or something a bit weird or awkward that threw you off at first.

Maybe it changed how you see sex or relationships. Maybe it was just a funny night you still laugh about.

Whatever it is, drop it below. Curious to see what’s surprised other people especially the stuff no one really tells you at the start.

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By *etitesaraTV/TS
9 hours ago

rochdale

Honestly?

How mundane it all is.

You have all these ideas about how it's going to be, and when you get in a club & relax it's just super normal & with normal everyday people.

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By *issmorganWoman
9 hours ago

Calderdale innit

When I met my other half and made a couple profile, I was suprised by how many couples were looking for unicorns and how many only displayed pics of the lady on their profiles.

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
9 hours ago

Altrincham

How watching other people have sex live in front of you in a club wasn’t as erotic as watching porn.

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By *aomilatteCouple
8 hours ago

Midlands

The high percentage of people into watersports has shocked us, so different to most vanilla sex lives.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 hours ago

East Sussex

The negative judgement towards other swingers

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By *ustBoWoman
8 hours ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

The background drama that goes with it at times.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
8 hours ago

Manchester

How much I enjoy being watched when I'm horny

How "normal" so many people who go to swingers clubs are

How many genuine great friends I would make

How judgemental people in the swinger community can be

How hypocritical some people are

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By *heVikingJarlMan
8 hours ago

behind you

How many single men set up couples accounts.

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By *partharmonyCouple
8 hours ago

Ruislip

To be honest, the thing that most surprised me when I first started was how many women wanted to have sex with me.

Now the thing that surprises me is that I have a romantic partner who is on this journey with me.

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By *Clem-Fandango-Woman
8 hours ago

Yarm

I'm surprised by the level of risk people are happy to take.

The amount of unsafe sex, the amount of people who are married, the wife doesn't know yet they send a local person a photo of themselves in the first message.

I'm surprised at how hard it is to organise anything ( mmf threesome)

I'm surprised by the difference between kink events and swing events.

Also find that swingers don't seem to stock to etiquette in the clubs either. Where as kink events they are very big on protocol, boundaries and etiquette.

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By *eardedguy83Man
7 hours ago

Kidderminster

"How many single men set up couples accounts. "

Too true.

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By *egnMaxCouple
7 hours ago

Nottingham

The fakes, frauds and bad manners were definitely eye openers.

This site particularly brought home how difficult it is to find the right person but how easy it is to share intimate information with a total stranger.

The intelligence, humour wit and downright absurdity on the forum was also a total (and welcome) surprise.

Mr.

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By *idssissyTV/TS
7 hours ago

Nr cricket ground birm

The assumptions people make

That anyone on here is always horny and always up for it

That if you are a sissy you are gagging for it

That if you are a sissy you sit around dressed waiting to be used

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By *he Ring WraithMan
7 hours ago

Bradford

How judgemental people can be whilst claiming tolerance !

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By *fffunCouple
7 hours ago

Somewhere just outside London

How difficult it is to find an female to join our dynamic for a threesome

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
7 hours ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

"How judgemental people can be whilst claiming tolerance !"

Took the words out of my mouth.

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By *aul12369Man
7 hours ago

neath

Shocked to see how many men with Straight and married on their profile message for sex it was an eye openerfor me .not complaining just saying x

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By *ellinever70Woman
7 hours ago

Ayrshire

How utterly devoid of joy some of it sounds

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
6 hours ago

Coleraine

Our biggest surprise by a long way is how closed minded and judgemental many swingers are.

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By *etflixAndWhoMan
6 hours ago

Nottingham

How nice and accepting everyone is!

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By *heGateKeeperMan
6 hours ago

Stratford

At my first social I was genuinely surprised at how ‘normal’ everyone was

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
6 hours ago

Wolverhampton

How many married women are doing it behind their husbands back.

It's not just men!

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By *antricSeeker60Man
6 hours ago

Durham

I was surprised at the diversity of sexual desires and kinks.

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By *xfordjohnMan
6 hours ago

Oxford

Having started a long time ago, before the internet, I think I am most surprised by, in my experience, meeting not getting any easier. There are apparently zillions more people in the scene but also a huge amount of frauds, timewasters and bad mannered people with unreasonable expectations. And lots of lovely people too, but then there always have been.

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By *oelMan
5 hours ago

Midlands, London, Brussels

How much men are out numbered and flakey we are, and hiw this causes so many issues

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By *TRAY-CATMan
5 hours ago

To be quite frank ,I assumed that swingers were all about the mystery of being with different people ..

But turns out a large majority want a small regular group of friends ..or even some who are here to find a relationship..

Perhaps I've been watching too many movies and a warped imagination. 😂🤣

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By * Jason -Man
5 hours ago

Hounslow

"How much men are out numbered and flakey we are, and hiw this causes so many issues"

What he said! /|\

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By *rinceless PrincessWoman
5 hours ago

Gloucester

How many people think cheating is swinging!

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By *smith87Man
5 hours ago

totton

By how many people physically live close to me. There is people like so near me like less than 100 meters it's crazy.

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By *TRAY-CATMan
5 hours ago

"How many people think cheating is swinging! "
.. ..

Cheating is cheating and has no place in a swinging scenario.. if the partner knows but isn't interested but allows it then that's ok ..

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By *Silver-Man
5 hours ago

North Wales

How judgemental a lot of swingers are

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By * Jason -Man
5 hours ago

Hounslow

[Removed by poster at 22/06/25 14:18:44]

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By * Jason -Man
5 hours ago

Hounslow

How it seems that almost everyone I am interested in are not looking for men.

And how most of those that interest me and 'are' looking for men, don't read my detailed messages, (which are always accompanied by clear recent face photo and the test word at the top of the message to prove that I read their entire and very very lengthy profile).

And how the very, very few that have read my message don't delete it and never get back to me.

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By *egnMaxCouple
5 hours ago

Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 22/06/25 14:30:04]

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By *egnMaxCouple
5 hours ago

Nottingham

"How it seems that almost everyone I am interested in are not looking for men.

And how the very, very few that have read my message don't delete it and never get back to me. "

We feel your pain.

We get a lot of that as a couple - though what we are asking for is very niche.

But hope springs eternal my friend.

And where there’s a Willy, there’s a way.

Max

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By *carlettsWoman
5 hours ago

Harpenden

How much hard work it can be at times but that said been very luck met some wonderful people.

It does still amaze me how rude and hurtful people can be and those who take some proper risks sexually.

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By * Jason -Man
5 hours ago

Hounslow

hope springs eternal my friend.

And where there’s a Willy, there’s a way.

Max

Thank you 😊

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By *inkyropecoupleCouple
4 hours ago

carluke

The sheer volume of people who are on swinging websites, but aren’t actually swingers

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By *heitaliandreamer OP Man
4 hours ago

Northampton

For me, the biggest surprise was how badly single men are treated both on here and in clubs.

I knew it wouldn’t always be easy as a single guy, but I didn’t expect the level of discrimination to be so open and accepted. Clubs openly charge single men way more, ban them on certain nights, or don’t let them in at all. On here, it often feels like you're judged before you even say a word.

What really gets me is how normalised it is. If this kind of thing was directed at any other gender, people would be up in arms. But when it’s single men? Somehow it’s fine.

From a legal point of view, it goes completely against the Equality Act 2010 yet it seems to just slip under the radar.

I get that not everyone’s into the same things, and everyone should feel safe and comfortable, but there has to be a better balance than this.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 hours ago

Crumpet Castle

What surprised me the most was I expected people to be open , honest and free......

Instead I found jealousy, bitching, comparison and cliquiness and the women were even worse.

I soon learned that you still have to sort folk into groups to find / form that group you enjoy being with n that's what I did n do.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 hours ago

Crumpet Castle

"For me, the biggest surprise was how badly single men are treated both on here and in clubs.

What really gets me is how normalised it is. If this kind of thing was directed at any other gender, people would be up in arms. But when it’s single men? Somehow it’s fine.

From a legal point of view, it goes completely against the Equality Act 2010 yet it seems to just slip under the radar.

I get that not everyone’s into the same things, and everyone should feel safe and comfortable, but there has to be a better balance than this.

Why ?

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By *ools and the brainCouple
3 hours ago

couple, us we him her.

What surprised us the most after attending numerous parties, club's and social events and just messaging in general how so many of them can't grasp the simple task of etiquette, respecting boundaries and just acting normal not some mindless wanking dead.

Just from our experiences, zero concept on how to approach and talk engaging in a conversation, hunting in packs ready to prey on their unsuspecting victim's

Wankers alley at Eureka's.

And the other thing is:

People getting absolutely passing out drxnk at parties and clubs, not being in control of decision making and faculties in THIS environment is really a huge error in judgment,but the amount of time's we've witnessed women hardly able to speak is just really worrying considering our first point ^ .

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