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"I ask because I've had some weird ones. 'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets?? A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. " That does seem a bit of a weird assumption. I think for some people it’s so much a part of their life and sharing wine together has that hearts and flowers romantic association. If it’s a dealbreaker for someone then that’s not gonna work for me. | |||
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"I ask because I've had some weird ones. 'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets?? A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. " I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free. I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me. When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though. A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options. | |||
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"I've never tasted alcohol in my life. Over the years I've had stupid comments that I'm not a real man because I don't drink and been told a couple of times that I can't be a true Irishman for that reason also. It has never had any effect on my fab meets and every social has been in a coffee shop or restaurant. Some people have been surprised at group socials and I've had stupid comments such as ,fair play for having the will power but how do you have fun? I have no issue with others drinking but if I thought for a second that someone needed a drink before meeting me I wouldn't meet them at all." Thank you. This specifically is the experience I've been looking for with this thread. I've had 'You can't be truly British without drinking' too as well as 'You've not lived until you've ...' whatever experience people think being d*unk is necessary to be alive. A lot of offers to get me d*unk so I change my mind. Even some really old fashioned all the cool kids are doing it type comments. I didn't date for years because of a LTR and when I got back into dating I'd hoped things had changed. And they have. But not as much as I'd hoped they'd had. | |||
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" I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free. I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me. When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though. A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options. " I appreciate the response but I'm not actually looking for alternatives for socials away from a pub or a bar. I'm not allergic to establishments that serve alcohol or people who drink alcohol even when they're meeting me! I only used that as an example of the weird comments I receive. | |||
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink. I also pace myself. I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward. If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way. I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy." Fair enough on your opinion. However that doesn't capture those where sobriety is in relation to recovery, those where abstaining from alcohol is due to religious or medical reasons or people like me that just choose not to drink alcohol. We're still part of the social life in the UK. | |||
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink. I also pace myself. I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward. If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way. I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy." I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all. I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done. Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place? I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most. I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol. | |||
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" Fair enough on your opinion. However that doesn't capture those where sobriety is in relation to recovery, those where abstaining from alcohol is due to religious or medical reasons or people like me that just choose not to drink alcohol. We're still part of the social life in the UK." I can't imagine wanting to be around d*unks when you are not d*unk. | |||
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink. I also pace myself. I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward. If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way. I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy. I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all. I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done. Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place? I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most. I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol. " We live in a culture where alcohol use is heavily promoted. I don't even like alcohol but I go to pubs and have a few pints on days out with my friends because without doing so I would be lonely or have no reason to visit random towns for something to do. | |||
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"Before last year, I was completely teetotal and while I feel more socially involved since I started drinking, it's still not some I do often or feel like I need to do to have a good time at a club or a social or even just with friends as I already know how to navigate them without drinking. The funniest is when I was asked if I didn't drink for religious reasons at a literal swinger's club 😂" Of course. Drinking alcohol? Haram. Railing someone else's wife in public with her husband watching. Perfectly okay, obviously. | |||
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"I don't drink unless I'm meeting other people who drink. I also pace myself. I'm of the opinion that teetotal is a bad idea in UK culture. Self control and responsible drinking is the way forward. If you quit outright you miss out on social life in UK. Also you can end up falling off the wagon and relapsing in an extreme way. I just ban myself drinking spirits. I try to aim for 1 pint of been an hour. On hot days I drink shandy. I'm curious why you think it's a bad idea because the rest of what you said doesn't add up at all and doesn't reflect my experience at all. I said in my comment above that I've been commended on my willpower which is bullshit as it hasn't taken any willpower at all and been the easiest thing I've ever done. Are you suggesting that those of us who are teetotal should start drinking just in case we fall off a wagon we weren't on in the first place? I go away often with hiking groups of 15-20 people, most of whom rarely drink or might have a couple of pints at most. I don't feel like an outcast or antisocial just because I don't drink but some people seem to struggle with the idea of people being able to enjoy themselves fully without alcohol. We live in a culture where alcohol use is heavily promoted. I don't even like alcohol but I go to pubs and have a few pints on days out with my friends because without doing so I would be lonely or have no reason to visit random towns for something to do." I live in a country where the stereotype is that the Irish are all hard drinkers and yet I could easily lost more people I know who don't drink than those who do. None of us who don't drink have chosen not to because of a previous relationship with it. It's as simple as saying we have no interest. I don't seek out people who don't drink. My siblings and my kids all drink alcohol but I've never felt any pressure to do so. If you don't like it and feel you have to drink to save face in front of your friends that's a bigger issue but it's wrong to say that being teetotal is antisocial. | |||
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" I'm not sober but with certain groups of friends and family I tend to go sober. Or when I just don't fancy drinking. I think the non alcoholic beers now are really good. I like the Erdinger alcohol free. I really don't like soft drinks. They are too sweet for me. When I have a social I do drink but each to their own. I have been asked on a walk on a social or to go to a coffee shop so I wouldn't be worried about finding a place that suits you both. The walks I like tend do to be in quiet peaceful places so I have said no to that as I like to meet in busy places. A coffee shop is great though. A busy park would be a good place to meet too. I think there are lots of options. I appreciate the response but I'm not actually looking for alternatives for socials away from a pub or a bar. I'm not allergic to establishments that serve alcohol or people who drink alcohol even when they're meeting me! I only used that as an example of the weird comments I receive." I have never received a weird comment. In what context do you receive weird comments? It's a person's choice whether they do or don't drink and it's nobodies business but their own. I cannot imagine a scenario where my friends or family would comment. | |||
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? " Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition. What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed. It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it? So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way. | |||
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" Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition. What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed. It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it? So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way." Thank you for this comment. | |||
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"I ask because I've had some weird ones. 'As you don't drink, I figured meeting in a pub/bar wouldn't be your scene' thus limiting availability for meets?? A lot of talk of drinking wine or whatever in the run up to sex. Feels like a relaxant in this image but also building some kind of romantic vibe that my still water seems to break. " That's a bit odd you certainly can .eet in a bar and you could have a soft drink some bars do coffee etc unless you were totally against ghe idea of meeting in a bar of course ![]() | |||
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"I've cut alcohol way down these days but that at first that was due to health reasons. I still enjoy a couple every now and again or for a first social." Also, it doesn't bother me at all if people drink or not. | |||
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? Interesting thread. I’m not teetotal myself, though I drink less than I used to. But I do admire those who make that choice—particularly when it’s for reasons of clarity, health, or principle. I think it takes a certain quiet strength to go against the social grain, especially in environments where alcohol is expected or woven into tradition. What’s striking is how any decision—whether to forgo alcohol or meat—seems to provoke strong reactions. I say that having recently contributed to a veganism thread, where I shared my own quiet shift over the past few years. I didn’t preach or judge, just expressed personal regret over eating meat for so long. But even that drew fire. Accusations of moral grandstanding, hypocrisy, patronising tone—when none was intended or, I’d argue, expressed. It’s made me reflect on how uncomfortable some people get when faced with choices that, by their nature, challenge the status quo. Even a softly spoken personal change can feel like a confrontation to someone who’s not ready to hear it. But to live and let live cuts both ways, doesn’t it? So yes—teetotalers, like vegans, often have to “navigate” social terrain others don’t even notice. And I think that deserves more respect than ridicule. There’s courage in quietly going your own way." Great reply ![]() | |||
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"Before last year, I was completely teetotal and while I feel more socially involved since I started drinking, it's still not some I do often or feel like I need to do to have a good time at a club or a social or even just with friends as I already know how to navigate them without drinking. The funniest is when I was asked if I didn't drink for religious reasons at a literal swinger's club 😂 Of course. Drinking alcohol? Haram. Railing someone else's wife in public with her husband watching. Perfectly okay, obviously. " Sounds like my kinda night! 😁 Personally I don't like the taste of alcohol at all, it's vile. So I tend to stick to soft drinks, add to that I'm usually driving, so I tend to stay sober. But I do have a lady friend who has an alcohol problem, she feels the need to drink even after work pretty much every weekday. I've tried to get her to go to a doctor as she admits she has a problem abusing alcohol, but she's in a bit of denial. | |||
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? " I can't say that I've ever experienced a problem with it. I almost always drive whenever I meet, so it's not 'expected' to have a drink in those circumstances. But if someone does have a problem with me not drinking then I know they're probably not 'my people' - if they find it odd or unsociable to not drink are they really as open-minded/liberal as they potentially need to be for this kind of activity? I also prefer to be sober (at least until I've built up trust in the other party/parties) as I'm the only one that can be responsible for my own safety, and again, anyone who doesn't respect that doesn't deserve my time or attention. | |||
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? " I'd obviously notice what was being d*unk, but it'd be a non-issue for me and had to navigate or have any awkward moments. A pub is an obvious meeting place, I'd normally opt for a drink drink, but likely driving, so only one. A drink can be a relaxant, help improve confidence, lower inhibitions which might help embolden one person, but if another doesn't want or need that then they're should be no pressure to drink. In fact a nice cheap date 🙂 As someone else said, I'd be impressed with the will power, restraint or whatever the driving reason... | |||
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"How do you navigate not drinking alcohol with meeting others? Is it something that you notice or have to navigate? Do people care? Does it make a difference? Have there ever been awkward moments? " Britain very much has a drinking culture and if you're not a drinker it can be awkward because you're in a very different mindset to someone who is d*unk. If someone can't respect my choice of whether to drink or not then I'm not going to want to be around that person. The obvious time it caused a problem was when I once went on a date with a very hot woman and we were getting on well. She was drinking a lot and made it obvious that she wanted to make out (and I suspect more) with me but she was *so* d*unk that there was a massive consent issue, so I ended the evening there. | |||
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