FabSwingers.com forum: comic rhymes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you have any limericks or funny verses?

I'll kick off with-

One two three four five, once I caught a fish alive,

Six seven eight nine ten, I'm barred from Blue Planet again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb full of fun and frolics

It tried to jump a barbed wire fence and got snagged by its bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

She took it to a wedding

She put it in a corner

And kicked its fucking head in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb...

The midwife had a fit....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

She tied it to a pylon

ten thousand volts went up its arse And turned its wool to nylon

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a dry stone waller, all day I dry stone wall, and of all appalling callings dry stone wallings worst of all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little skirt

Was split right down the sides

And everywhere that Mary walked

The boys could see her thighs

Mary had a little skirt

Was split right down the front

But she diddnt wear that one very often

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This here is my penis

My penis is really big

In fact my cock's so massive

I like to call it 'pig'

'Like to call it pig?' you say

'Well that's some funny talk!'

But you certainly won't be laughing

When you're slipped this joint'o pork.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

He put his foot in soot

And everywhere the lamb went

It's sooty foot he put

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Spider spider on the wall,

You think you're smart,

you know fuck all,

You've climbed a wall that's just been plastered,

And now you're stuck you stupid bastard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a roll of cheese..jack came down with a rosey smile and his trousers round his knees

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young woman from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

In less than an hour her tits were a flower.

And her fanny was covered in s.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Spider spider on the wall,

You think you're smart,

you know fuck all,

You've climbed a wall that's just been plastered,

And now you're stuck you stupid bastard."

The version I know is:

Spider, spider

On that wall,

Haven't you any

Sense at all?

Can't you see

That wall's been plastered?

Get down you

Silly little spider.

How about:

The boy stood on the burning deck

Playing a game of cricket.

The ball rolled up his trouser leg

And stumped his middle wicket.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There once was a man from Kent, whose cock was incredibly bent, to save him the trouble he put it in double and instead of coming he went.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young man from Bombay

Who modelled a c*nt out of clay

But the heat from his prick

Turned the damn thing to brick

And he ripped all his foreskin away.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

her clothes all tattered and torn.

It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,

But Gary Glitter and his horn.

A 3d-printer that can make guns?

that's nothing!

I've had a Canon printer for years.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill

So Jack could lick her fanny

Jack got a shock

And a mouthful of cock

Cos Jill's a fucking tranny

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By * Jay69Man
over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Mary had a little lamb,

She also had a duck.

She put them on the mantelpiece

to see if they would fall off.

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By *uthTVDerbysTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

I'm Schizophrenic

And...

So am I

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

[Removed by poster at 13/05/13 23:56:02]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

The structure of the wall was incorrect,

So he got three grand from Claims Direct.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

If your body was the ocean

And I was an ocean liner

Id sail my prize between your thighs

And dock in your vagina

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

all the kings hprses and all the kings men had scrambled eggs for a fortnight

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

I eat my peas with honey

I've done it all my life

it makes the peas taste funny

but it sticks them to my knife.

Oh I do feel so sorry for my uncle Jim

for somebody threw a tomato at him

Tomatoes don't hurt you may say with a grin

but this one it did cos it came in a tin.

My cousin Billy had a six foot willy

he showed it to the girl next door.

She thought it was a snake

and hit it with a rake

and now it's only four foot four.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To market, to market, to buy her a cow.

To milk it, to milk it, she didnt know how...

She pulled on its tail, instead of it's tit...

Now poor little Mary is covered in sh*t...

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By *hynewguy2012Man
over a year ago

dartford

Roses are red

And violets are twisted

Bend over love

Your about to be fisted

Rejected from moonpig

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mary had a little lamb

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there?

Said the Pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you dickhead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men, said

"Fuck him, He's only an egg."

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Poems are hard,

Bacon.

*Him*

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Mary had a Little Lamb.

A nursery rhyme in England. A porn film in Wales.

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By *taffsfella1Man
over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a bear

I've often seen her little lamb

But I've never seen her bare!

Silence in court!

The judge is dead

Cos somebody farted

And blowed off his head!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Kermit the frog,

got smacked in the gob,

for messing around with miss piggy,

he slapped out her tits,

and pulled down her knicks,

and popped in his little green Willy!

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Ten toes up, ten toes down, watch my bum go up and down, a little bit of meat going in and out,

if that's not me I'm down and out!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

A horny young lady named Lil

Fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill

They found her vagina,in north Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Jack and Gill

Went up the hill

To have some hanky panky

Silly Gill forgot her pill

And now there's little Franky.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why haven't I read this thread before now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd love to be a glow worm

A glow worm's never glum

How can you be unhappy

When the sun shines out yer bum

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Mary Pugh was nearly two

When she went out of doors.

She went out standing up she did

But came back on all fours.

The moral of this story?

Please, meditate and pause.

Never send a baby out

With loosely-waisted drawers.

(Spike Milligan)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young lady from Ealing,

She had a funny fat feeling,

She laid on her back,

Opened her crack,

And pissed all over the ceiling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mary Pugh was nearly two

When she went out of doors.

She went out standing up she did

But came back on all fours.

The moral of this story?

Please, meditate and pause.

Never send a baby out

With loosely-waisted drawers.

(Spike Milligan)"

Love this one.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

"There was a young lady from Ealing,

She had a funny fat feeling,

She laid on her back,

Opened her crack,

And pissed all over the ceiling"

Lol

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Here are my favourite Ogden Nash ones:

Children aren't happy without something to ignore,

and that's what parents were created for.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave

when they think that their children are naive.

Celery, raw

Develops the jaw,

But celery, stewed,

Is more quietly chewed.

The cow is of the bovine ilk;

One end is moo, the other, milk.

I think that I shall never see

a billboard lovely as a tree.

Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,

I'll never see a tree at all.

The camel has a single hump;

The dromedary, two;

Or else the other way around.

I'm never sure. Are you?

The ostrich roams the great Sahara.

Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra.

It has such long and lofty legs,

I'm glad it sits to lay its eggs.

I test my bath before I sit,

And I'm always moved to wonderment

That what chills the finger not a bit

Is so frigid upon the fundament.

I've never seen an abominable snowman,

I'm hoping not to see one,

I'm also hoping, if I do,

That it will be a wee one.

Some primal termite knocked on wood

And tasted it, and found it good!

And that is why your Cousin May

Fell through the parlor floor today.

Candy is dandy

But liquor is quicker

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,

and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Bugger - the site has put them all together instead of a line between each one! PSML

Well, you'll have to work it out yourselves folks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young woman called K

Who liked to suck cock all the day

Her husband liked pussy

He's not all that fussy

That horny woman called k

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack jumped over the candlestick

Dear oh dear he should have jumped higher

Oh good gracious,

great balls of fire.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

Old Mother Hubbard

went to the cupboard

to fetch her poor dog a bone

when she bent over

Rover took over

and gave her a bone of his own.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Hickory, dickory, dock,

This witch was sucking my cock,

The clock struck two,

I dumped my goo,

And dropped her at the end of the block.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

"Hickory, dickory, dock,

This witch was sucking my cock,

The clock struck two,

I dumped my goo,

And dropped her at the end of the block.

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a young man from Bonaire

Who was doing his wife on the stair

When the banister broke

He doubled his stroke

And finished her off in mid air

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

peter peter,

pumpkin eater,

had a wife,

loved to beater,

slapped her twice,

around the head,

fucked her ass,

and went to bed!

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