FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy🤓

By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

Your views on it

Is it healthy? Is it not?

What do you warrant to be behaviours of jealousy?

Is it ever valid?

Are some perhaps, hypocritical in their actions when it comes to jealousy?

Let’s talk experiences.

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

It very much depends on how the jealouse manifests and what the resulting behaviour is of the person who is jealous. At its worse it can be toxic coercive control.

Jealous partners trying to control what their partner wears, who they see and talk to etc and can result in violent behaviour.

I think jealousy comes from low self confidence and insecurity.

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By *r Man45Man
9 weeks ago

North West

A little Jealousy in relationships can be a good thing. It keeps you on your toes and makes uiu appreciate what you have. To much Jealousy can also have an adverse affect in a relationship, can lead to Controlling and abusive behaviour of ot overwhelms you. You gotta to be careful , always good to talk if it starts getting out of hand.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"It very much depends on how the jealouse manifests and what the resulting behaviour is of the person who is jealous. At its worse it can be toxic coercive control.

Jealous partners trying to control what their partner wears, who they see and talk to etc and can result in violent behaviour.

I think jealousy comes from low self confidence and insecurity. "

See to me, that’s an extreme level of jealous; which essentially is abuse.

I would agree in a lot of contexts; jealousy is due to low confidence, but not always.

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By *rHotNottsMan
9 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It totally baffles me because I felt jealousy with a couple of people and typically at the beginning of the relationships. Mostly, I don’t I’m happy to share and more likely to stay with someone if she’s seeing other people.

When I have felt it, it’s a horrible feeling they say you shouldn’t feel jealous because you get what no one else gets - my time, attention, love , meet my family, add on Insta/ Facebook etc they just get my body - that really doesn’t make me feel any better, in my mind they are undeserving.

I typically come to conclusion the relationship is wrong and won’t end well so get out fast to save myself !

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
9 weeks ago

Reading

Jealousy often comes from fear of loss. So yes can be very valid. I am enm but I don't fall for any of my partners so I'm not sure what it would feel like to be in an open marriage with someone I love.

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By *nnocentsecret66Woman
9 weeks ago

birmingham

Never valid .. it’s a weakness.

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By *eordieJeansCouple
9 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I’m not a jealous person at all. There is literally nothing that anyone can do that would make me jealous.

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By *parkle1974Woman
9 weeks ago

Leeds

The only thing I'm jealous of is women having longer legs than me

Jealous is such a toxic trait.... I had someone once make up some awful lies about another friend, things that could have had severe repercussions all because of jealousy (they admitted to the fact)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"The only thing I'm jealous of is women having longer legs than me

Jealous is such a toxic trait.... I had someone once make up some awful lies about another friend, things that could have had severe repercussions all because of jealousy (they admitted to the fact)"

Jealousy of someone or something that person has, is surely slightly different to the feeling of jealousy a partner is making you feel, less about the other person and more about how they are behaving? Potentially all relevant.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

I’d like to point out that this is JUST a thread.. I know how people like to gossip🤭😇😜

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By *ools and the brainCouple
9 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

It's a natural human emotion that happens and like other human emotions it's important to not let them dominate us.

Take anger for example:

We all get angry from time to time, however if you are angry all the time and can't control it then it's a problem.

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By *rHotNottsMan
9 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

[Removed by poster at 28/05/25 19:52:15]

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
9 weeks ago

In fair Verona.

Jealousy is horrible, and not a great thing for me to have experienced. I don’t do jealous now, I realise it’s more of admiration if I like someone and see their success, happiness or popularity.

They inspire me to try to find my own way to have that in my own life.

Jelousy in a swinging life is poison.

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By *rHotNottsMan
9 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"It's a natural human emotion that happens and like other human emotions it's important to not let them dominate us.

Take anger for example:

We all get angry from time to time, however if you are angry all the time and can't control it then it's a problem."

Yeah, I think so too it’s how you channel that emotion that matters and that may be based on your instincts, I think for me is just get out fast I don’t like how it makes me feel

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By *ayPrimeMan
9 weeks ago

Leeds

Jealousy is never a good thing, in the purest sense. It’s a facet of insecurity which is equally poisonous to relationships.

If you mean the response to being actively and deliberately made to feel jealous, that doesn’t count.

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By *iss.BellaWoman
9 weeks ago

"I’d like to point out that this is JUST a thread.. I know how people like to gossip🤭😇😜"

Gossip?! On fab?!

Good question though.

You know I'd never experienced jealousy in relationships until my later on with my ex. We were so open about everything and everything with each other, I'd never even comprehended that I'd ever have to be. Towards the end of the relationship though he started acting cagey, his phone was tucked away or face down constantly all of a sudden. He'd walk away to take phone calls. I found myself being jealous of the stupidest things.

A bit off topic what I'm trying to say is I think jealousy and trust (or rather lack of it) go hand in hand.

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By *vaRoseWoman
9 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

Jealousy is complex and often misunderstood, and let’s be fair, anyone who claims they’ve never felt it is probably lying.

It’s a natural response that can arise even in the most secure of people, but it isn’t automatically toxic. When jealousy is handled with emotional maturity, empathy and honest communication, it can help reinforce relationships. It gives people the chance to talk openly about their needs, set or review boundaries, offer reassurance and or focus on what matters most in the partnership. Handled well, jealousy can become a tool for growth rather than destruction.

But when it’s brushed aside, ignored or dealt with poorly, it can turn ugly very quickly. Whether it’s the person feeling jealous or the one responding to it, immaturity on either side can lead to insecurity, controlling behaviour, manipulation, threats and emotional coercion. Instead of building trust, it starts to erode it.

Like any powerful feeling, it’s not the emption itself that’s the problem, but how it’s managed. Handled with care, jealousy can bring people closer. Handled badly, it drives them apart.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"I’d like to point out that this is JUST a thread.. I know how people like to gossip🤭😇😜

Gossip?! On fab?!

Good question though.

A bit off topic what I'm trying to say is I think jealousy and trust (or rather lack of it) go hand in hand.

You’d be surprised to hear it.. but yeah… gossip happens on fab!🤭😇🤣

Jealousy and trust are probably very aligned.

I think where I find difficulty in understanding the feeling is where their actions don’t mix their feelings.

I.e they’re jealous of something doing something with another, that they’re evidently doing themselves 🤭🤣!

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By *eliWoman
9 weeks ago

I don't think it's unhealthy, no. It's a natural emotion that some feel more readily than others. There's nothing wrong with people feeling it - there's an incredibly unhealthy narrative that floats about that says if someone feels jealousy they aren't really a swinger or poly. Utter bollocks. You can feel an emotion, find out where it's coming from and work from there. Sometimes it's a sign that you don't feel like you're seen in a dynamic. Other times it's because you don't feel good in yourself. That's not to say it's always healthy. Of course not. It's nuanced like any emotion.

I think if it's weaponised then it becomes incredibly unhealthy. I don't have time for that kind of thing. Or when people say they're very jealous if you have the audacity to even look at their "person" and yet it's fine for them to carry on doing whatever. Neither are behaviours I'm compatible with.

I don't like when people try and present it as sexy. I had a lover who was insanely jealousy and apparently it's because I stirred that emotion in him, all *insert country name* are like that.

And also... people have a tendency to say it's jealousy and really they're using it as an umbrella term. Or they'll say someone's jealous because they're unhappy with a person's crappy behaviour.

Yeah all of that can get in the bin. But people feeling it? It's fine, it happens.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
9 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Usually, I only real get the lighthearted FOMO kind of jealousy. If I know a partner is out doing something fun I know I'd enjoy and I'm stuck doing something tedious I'll get the odd little pang for sure.

It's rare I feel that horrible encompassing kind of jealousy. And it's only really been with the people it turned out were manipulative deceitful little shits just out to provoke a reaction. So if I get really jealous now, I start looking for the red flags 💜

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

I've recently found myself single due to my ex partners jealousy, im training to become a PT and my client is a female (not the first person she was jealous of) but it got really bad, of course there was no chance of me cheating on her as I wouldn't do that but nothing I said could convince her that it wouldn't happen, she had no trust in me and it certainly wasn't based on anything in our relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"Jealousy is complex and often misunderstood, and let’s be fair, anyone who claims they’ve never felt it is probably lying.

Like any powerful feeling, it’s not the emption itself that’s the problem, but how it’s managed. Handled with care, jealousy can bring people closer. Handled badly, it drives them apart.

I think it’s possible for ridiculously laid back people, who generally just don’t think that way, to never have felt an urge of jealousy in their life. Potentially the situation has not arisen yet. But I agree, it’s very likely the majority of individuals have experienced it to certain levels, whether they are acutely aware of the feeling or choose to deny such, we will never know!😆

I guess there is a fine line between setting boundaries and giving ultimatums.. I think the best relationships evidently have that down to a tee and that’s why they work.

Then comes the other levels of deliberate game playing and pettiness, which brings a whole different perspective to the jealousy thing.

It’s all relative, which is why I find the different responses so interesting 😅

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"I don't think it's unhealthy, no. It's a natural emotion that some feel more readily than others. There's nothing wrong with people feeling it - there's an incredibly unhealthy narrative that floats about that says if someone feels jealousy they aren't really a swinger or poly. Utter bollocks. You can feel an emotion, find out where it's coming from and work from there. Sometimes it's a sign that you don't feel like you're seen in a dynamic. Other times it's because you don't feel good in yourself. That's not to say it's always healthy. Of course not. It's nuanced like any emotion.

I don't like when people try and present it as sexy. I had a lover who was insanely jealousy and apparently it's because I stirred that emotion in him, all *insert country name* are like that.

And also... people have a tendency to say it's jealousy and really they're using it as an umbrella term. Or they'll say someone's jealous because they're unhappy with a person's crappy behaviour.

Yeah all of that can get in the bin. But people feeling it? It's fine, it happens."

You’ve nailed it in a lot of what you say! The whole hypocritical aspect in jealousy; is one of the most difficult to reflect on. The whole ‘do as I say and not as I do’ mentality. Which I think some of us, do without even intentionally trying. Self awareness, reflection and growth is incredibly important especially when it comes to this natural feeling I think.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"Usually, I only real get the lighthearted FOMO kind of jealousy. If I know a partner is out doing something fun I know I'd enjoy and I'm stuck doing something tedious I'll get the odd little pang for sure.

Yeah, that’s horrible, intentionally making you feel like shit.🥺 glad you’re out of that scenario now and realise your true worth❤️

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

Jealousy is a perfectly normal feeling. We all feel it. How we handle it is the key. I don't run away from it. I try to rationalise why I'm feeling it. That helps. Menopause is a bitch though as I currently feel jealous of everyone and everything. That's hard to cope with and deal with rationally. I think I'm doing OK though😊

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By *oveat1stfeelMan
9 weeks ago

around here somewhere

"Your views on it

Is it healthy? Is it not?

What do you warrant to be behaviours of jealousy?

Is it ever valid?

Are some perhaps, hypocritical in their actions when it comes to jealousy?

Let’s talk experiences.

Ahh... Jealousy...the green eyed Monster..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"Jealousy is a perfectly normal feeling. We all feel it. How we handle it is the key. I don't run away from it. I try to rationalise why I'm feeling it. That helps. Menopause is a bitch though as I currently feel jealous of everyone and everything. That's hard to cope with and deal with rationally. I think I'm doing OK though😊"

I can’t even begin to imagine, thank fuck.. dreading it, however hormone imbalance and genuine things like that can excuse elements of behaviour, especially when you’re as self aware as you are.. ❤️ hugs and a Dyson fan on full blast for those hot moments 🔥

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
9 weeks ago

Reading

I think jealousy stems from insecurity whether that's an insecurity in yourself or an insecurity you're feeling in a relationship.

I definitely feel a lot of jealousy but I've got an insecure attachment style and any partner of mine would (usually) know that about me and the amount of reassurance I need that goes along with that to help work through that feeling.

I had an ex that never experienced jealousy when we were together (ENM relationship) and it almost pissed me off most times that he'd just never expressed any kind of jealousy no matter who I was meeting or what I was doing. ...Except it's been more than a year since we've broken up and only now is he getting in touch with his jealousy over me and what I've been up to. And -- it's pretty much ended our friendship. I thought I wanted his jealousy and it ended up being too much.

That probably didn't help.

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

It's certainly an adjustment you have to make. My current state of mind is alien to me. I'm constantly apologising for acting out of character. Maybe this is the new me. I fucking hope not!!🤣

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By *hickthighs25Woman
9 weeks ago

Stockton

I am guilty of being a little jealous in certain situations but never to the extreme.

Sometimes i feel a little jealousy is healthy its when it moves over to being toxic that the problem lies.

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By *oeBeansMan
9 weeks ago

Derby

I think others have probably already shared the opinion I have on it but I think it's totally natural to feel jealousy similar to how you experience other emotions, but it's how you react and handle it to the person causing it that can make that trait toxic.

I've felt it in the past if I felt like I haven't been given the attention I wanted and saw theirs going towards someone else and hated feeling like less of a priority but hated it even more that I didn't know how to move past it if they couldn't give me what I wanted. To an extent, I probably still don't know and will most likely let time pass to dull that emotion.

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By *eve500Man
9 weeks ago

Leeds

Jealousy is a reflection of your own lack of self esteme. The more jealous you are, the more insecure you are. Better to think, if it ends tomorrow its been good fun than feel any jealousy. Marrying a cheat tought me that much...

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By *ear NecessitiesMan
9 weeks ago

The woods

A little jealousy can be very natural, letting it control you or your actions much more negative.

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By *vaRoseWoman
9 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

There are other forms of jealousy though. Sometimes I get a smile at those

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"Jealousy is a reflection of your own lack of self esteme. The more jealous you are, the more insecure you are. Better to think, if it ends tomorrow its been good fun than feel any jealousy. Marrying a cheat tought me that much... "

I think this is a very narrow minded mindset😆! But each opinion is valid in their own right

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By *exyScientistsCouple
9 weeks ago

Castlebar

"There are other forms of jealousy though. Sometimes I get a smile at those"

💯

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By (user no longer on site) OP
9 weeks ago

"There are other forms of jealousy though. Sometimes I get a smile at those"

As in innocent forms? Or petty? I’m lost and clearly a cynic if it’s not negative 😅🤓

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By *sStephenPickleMan
9 weeks ago

Ends

I dunno. I experience it. It’s an emotion I don’t enjoy. I work through it.

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

No emotion is bad, only the way we react to them.

Any emotion can be a mean to motivate until it reaches a threshold and then it can become destructive.

Jealousy below threshold can be teasing and arousing.

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By (user no longer on site)
9 weeks ago

I am always reminded of Love and Jealousy a poem by William Walsh

"How much are they deceived who vainly strive,

By jealous fears, to keep our flames alive?

Love's like a torch, which if secured from blasts,

Will faintlier burn; but then it longer lasts.

Exposed to storms of jealousy and doubt,

The blaze grows greater, but 'tis sooner out."

A favourite of mine since I learnt some hard lessons about negative impact of jealousy driven behaviour in my teen years.

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By *ensualDivaWoman
9 weeks ago

Galway, Some sensual out West

Some people like to pretend they don't feel it when it controls them from inside. Denying it makes it worse unless you confront why but people need a level of emotional maturity for that.

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By *electableicecreamMan
9 weeks ago

The West

[Removed by poster at 28/05/25 21:24:03]

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By *electableicecreamMan
9 weeks ago

The West

There's often confusion between feelings and behavior.

Jealousy is a feeling. It's information. It's pointing at something and coming from somewhere.

I believe all feelings are valid. Jealousy doesn't automatically mean we are insecure no more than a person not feeling compersion means we missing something.

Those kind of sweeping statements lack context and compassion.

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By *verageHoesCouple
9 weeks ago

Leeds

I don't think low levels of it on occasion is necessarily a bad thing. It's a normal emotion, just like any other. Usually, in well-adjusted people, it's a signal that something isn't quite right, whether that's within yourself, or your needs not getting met in a relationship. If it's explored and worked on with compassion and maturity it can lead to personal or relational growth.

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By *ansoffateMan
9 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Jealousy is an emotion, all emotions are valid. How we deal with it, the subsequent behaviours can be healthy or toxic. E.g. an expressing it openly with a partner, if there are underlying causes: insecurity, resentment etc. Work through that stuff openly and for some people it can become compersion.

When it's denied and expressed through passive aggression that can get toxic.

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By *eliWoman
9 weeks ago

"Yeah all of that can get in the bin. But people feeling it? It's fine, it happens.

Oh definitely. I can be an utter 'mare for doing that at times - not surrounding jealousy but yes. Still do it.

A friend from here who was on a few years ago now really believed in the shadow self theory and utilising some of that has helped me address certain areas of my behaviour. Work in progress!

I do think being able to reflect is important. Rationalising. Communicating but without the negative biases in place. I also think changing the narrative surrounding it is as well. I'm certain I'm not the only one who has been told they're "jealous" when they're upset about something. It's too often seen as a bad thing, some failing on the person who feels it part.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
9 weeks ago

Brum

Well, tell me, do you think it'd be all right

If I could just crash here tonight?

You can see I'm in no shape for driving

And anyway, I've got no place to go

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By *ittlebirdWoman
9 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

Jealousy is an emotion - can be quite natural for some people. But it is extremely negative in all of its forms.

It’s not an emotion I want to be on the receiving end of ever again though. If someone expresses it in relation to me in any form, they can literally go fuck themselves 😘

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By *ariaxxxxWoman
9 weeks ago

Kent/London/Greater London

Jealousy is a terrible personality trait & it can create havoc, I call it the Green Eyed Monster, thankfully I don't have it because I know people who have it & they can be quiet dangerous, there's nothing worse than a jealous woman who is jealous of another.....

I experienced it & omg the lies she made up about me were horrendous & no matter who I was dating she'd come-on to them, thankfully none of my bfs took the bait & they told me

Some men do turn violent, I witnessed it one night when out, he just couldn't stand it when other men were chatting to his GF, even though he knew them, he actually punched one guy & knocked him to the ground

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
9 weeks ago

North West

"Well, tell me, do you think it'd be all right

If I could just crash here tonight?

You can see I'm in no shape for driving

And anyway, I've got no place to go

I’ve not heard that song in ages! ❤️

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
9 weeks ago

North West

Bookmarking to come back tomorrow. It’s a useful emotion and very, very human.

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By *a LunaWoman
9 weeks ago

o o OO o o

I would say that jealousy has its place. In small doses.

For me I found my past jealousy was exacerbated by how secure I felt within a dynamic, but that is due to past trust issues. Also my anxiety made it worse. I would constantly go over things in my head and drive myself nuts due to being hyper vigilant about all sorts of stuff. Now my anxiety is medicated I am much more chilled out so I discovered my feelings weren’t a personality flaw, they were a symptom.

Apologies for the waffle.

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By *ynamite500Man
9 weeks ago

Angus

Jealousy doesn't do no harm, it's how much of it you can handle because it can only come from within ones mind. Me personally... I'm a single Pringle, I stay sigma. Therefore I do not and cannot get, or be jealous.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan
9 weeks ago

Sheffield

"Your views on it

Is it healthy? Is it not?

What do you warrant to be behaviours of jealousy?

Is it ever valid?

Are some perhaps, hypocritical in their actions when it comes to jealousy?

Let’s talk experiences.

I'm poly so jealousy is generally an indication that something is wrong and I need to communicate better with my partners.

I don't necessarily see it as a positive. In most poly relationships isn't love. It's not an indication that your partner has done something wrong. It's an indication that you feel bad and need to talk to your partners to find out what isn't working.

That said, there are a lot of couples in swinging who enjoy the 'stag/vixen' dynamic or 'positive jealousy' and enjoy the passion of reconnecting.

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By *EAT..85Woman
9 weeks ago

Nottingham

It's a basic human emotion and how you react/act upon it is the important part.

I don't use hormonal contraception, but when I trialled it for 6 months I became incredibly jealous and unable to rationalise my feelings. It was a horrible few months.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
9 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity

God knows i ain't perfect but luckily jealousy on here isn't a thing for me ..

Share and share alike for me .

I also think it depends on the dynamics of the 2 people involved and what agreements/ boundaries were set initially

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
9 weeks ago

Leeds

It's a natural human emotion, it's how it's dealt with that makes a difference.

People who say they've never felt it, I don't believe, I'm sure we all have at times, we aren't robots.

The whole you can't be on fab if your jealous etc is another load of bull people spout, some of the best couples on here have had bouts of jealousy and talked through it & it's those couples I admire, the ones that can speak about the good, bad and the ugly side to all this because there always is good and bad.

Mrs

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By *eliWoman
9 weeks ago

"Jealousy doesn't do no harm, it's how much of it you can handle because it can only come from within ones mind. "

Not quite true. It definitely does. I've been on the receiving end of when it's become weaponised. When I was dating someone - one woman being jealous of photos taken together, subsequently lying to me. Another being upset because we went to a social together and then screaming at the person I was dating. I could carry on...

I don't think someone being poly, a swinger, all of that... it doesn’t exempt you from feeling things. But if you're making life for others unpleasant because of it, maybe take a step back and reflect on why.

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
9 weeks ago

Preston

By default, if you are an active account on this site I’d say a prerequisite is you probably need to be less jealous in sexual situations than most people typically are, or you need at least be able to recognise jealousy & deal with it in a manner where it is neutralised or even channeled to become a positive.

I’d say I’m less jealous than most. My wife by contrast is more jealous than I am, hence we opt for a hotwife lifestyle. Seems completely logical.

I’ll go out on a limb here & say women are probably *generally* more jealous than men hence for example in one sided non-monogamy arrangements you have a lot more cuckolds than cuckqueans, who to me seem a rare breed.

In the Fab arena, I would only become jealous if I feel my partner is showing signs of becoming too emotionally attached to a third. Otherwise, I’m cool.

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By *aomilatteCouple
9 weeks ago

Midlands

Neither of us have jealousy as an emotion and would hope others on here don't either.

Jealousy in normal life = unhappiness.

Jealousy and swinging = drama

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By * aime la biteWoman
9 weeks ago

wonderland

It's an emotion that we all feel from time to time, it's part of being human.

As many have said, it's how we deal with it that counts.

For the most part, I feel it is a waste of emotion, especially in a relationship situation. If someone is doing something to deliberately make you jealous then just walk away, you can't change what they are doing.

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By *ingle ex cuckMan
9 weeks ago

chester

Real jealousy gives you butterflies and emotional pain

When you love a woman and do absolutely everything for her but can't give her that sexual satisfaction she needs . And then to watch another man whisper to her make her smile and laugh , kiss her passionately and lift her up with his strong arms and carry her to the bedroom and shut the door for 8 hours.

That's jealousy

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
9 weeks ago

East Sussex

Jealousy in adults isn't an attractive trait.

Jealousy if people's lifestyle and possessions makes people bitter.

Jealousy towards partners is (to me) a sign that there's a problem somewhere that needs sorting or one person is controlling.

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By *ansoffateMan
9 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I also think it depends on the dynamics of the 2 people involved and what agreements/ boundaries were set initially

💯. My daughter came to me recently with: 'Dad you understand women, I've fucked up with my gf, nothing happened, I don't understand why she's pissed off'.

My response was: 'Hun it's 3am... put the kettle on. Firstly, I don't understand women, I know a bit about relationships. Secondly, Have you guys talked about your boundaries?'

'No not really.' Then that's probably what you have done wrong. The more important something is, the more important it is to talk about it with a partner and that's on both of you.

I think it helped, she's all smiles again and she bought me a maccies breakfast, to say thank you. At least she understands men 😆.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
9 weeks ago

North West

Jealousy is horrible to feel, particularly physically, that twisting in your stomach and heaviness in your chest. I think anyone who says they don’t get jealous isn’t being honest with themselves.

Despite that I’ve found jealousy really useful. Why am I feeling jealous? Am I feeling insecure? Do I need more time with someone? Is something missing that I can do something about?

Seeing B with NRE recently made me realise that while I was happy for him, I needed to make more effort to pursue new connections myself. There have been other situations that I started to type about but decided not to over share 😅 but yes, jealousy has its place. Will you use what it’s telling you or just get bitter? 🤷‍♀️

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By *ansoffateMan
9 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"Jealousy is horrible to feel, particularly physically, that twisting in your stomach and heaviness in your chest. I think anyone who says they don’t get jealous isn’t being honest with themselves.

Despite that I’ve found jealousy really useful. Why am I feeling jealous? Am I feeling insecure? Do I need more time with someone? Is something missing that I can do something about?

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Especially the mindfulness to be able to to listen to what the emotion is telling you, where it is coming from then it empowers us to make a choice: sit and wallow in it or make a change.

I find the process builds emotional resilience over time and whilst jealousy still isn't pleasant, I quite quickly think of the tale of the two wolves and smile, because I am about to have an opportunity to learn something about myself.

I agree also, for me - 'I don't get jealous' - is something of a red flag. In the very least, we have such a different way of perceiving what it fundamentally means to be human attempting to have an intimate relationship is probably going to be very hard work for us.

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By *vaRoseWoman
9 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

Despite that I’ve found jealousy really useful. Why am I feeling jealous? Am I feeling insecure? Do I need more time with someone? Is something missing that I can do something about?

Agree wholeheartedly with both of you. Compersion could be said to be the opposite of jealousy and I’m not sure you can have one without sometimes experiencing the other. It’s how it’s handled that’s the big key issue

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By *aggyballs98Man
9 weeks ago

Cheshire

I got jealous when someone other than me has a Rice Krispie square bar

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By *quirrel!Man
9 weeks ago

I tend not to do jealously - it’s a negative emotion! But we’re all susceptible to it to some degree!

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By *quirrel!Man
9 weeks ago

"I got jealous when someone other than me has a Rice Krispie square bar "

It’s if someone has a bigger slice of cheesecake for me!

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By *ansoffateMan
9 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"I got jealous when someone other than me has a Rice Krispie square bar "

Everyone has their hard boundaries, for me it's Ribeye steak. That's why date vegetarians.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
9 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

I think jealous is a normal human emotion that everyone feels from time to time. And like others have said, it's about how you process and deal with your feelings of jealousy that is the important factor. Lots of people deal with it in unhealthy ways, and it becomes toxic. Others learn to process it better, and use it to improve their relationships and connections (or to discover that maybe they weren't compatible with that person after all).

I don't think it should be demonised as an emotion. And if a partner explains to you that they feel jealousy, it's important to talk about why and where those feelings stem from. Don't minimise or negate those feelings.

Lots of people unfortunately have very unhealthy/negative ways of processing their emotions/feelings and then jealousy becomes an issue.

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