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How do I tell my partner I want an open relationship?

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By *ittyKateUK OP   Woman
4 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

At the moment you are living a lie.

You have been a member here for 9 months.

You don't want him out of your life but you want to explore your sexual nature.

The EASIEST way to do it is open honesty.

Tell him you want to experience sex with others but that you don't want him out of your life.

How he reacts then is up to him. Be ready to allow him a reaction and don't turn it into an argument.

The only other alternative is to keep lying to him and surely that is going to eat away at your soul.

Choose a time and ask him what he thinks of open relationships. He might want to experiment too.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

P.S. If he decides it's not for him and says he will leave the relationship, will you be okay with that ?

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
4 weeks ago

your head

Its all about what you want. What if he doesn't want an open relationship? What if he doesn't want to stay with you after you've cheated on him or even stay friends with you? Be honest and hope for the best but be prepared you may not get what you want.

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By *ittyKateUK OP   Woman
4 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

I know I may not get what I want, I probably won't, but fuck

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

With difficulty at this point.

The I think we should open our relationship conversation can be tricky at best when you're not already seeing someone. The foundations of ethical non monogamy are built in trust and communication. One is lacking now, the other will be lacking when it isn't.

Be honest. Give them the information to make an informed choice on the matter. Hope for the best.

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By *3PO555Man
4 weeks ago

Lanarkshire


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

Could you do it by bringing a woman in to the picture to begin with?? Make it about him? As a 3 some? So he can see it's about the physical side.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

Could you do it by bringing a woman in to the picture to begin with?? Make it about him? As a 3 some? So he can see it's about the physical side. "

They don't get it on as a couple though

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By *ittyKateUK OP   Woman
4 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

Could you do it by bringing a woman in to the picture to begin with?? Make it about him? As a 3 some? So he can see it's about the physical side. "

I don't think he'd be up for that. We haven't had sex for years

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By *weetiepie99Woman
4 weeks ago

cardiff

Talk to him and be honest. It's really not that difficult

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By *rHotNottsMan
4 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Surely the first thing you should be doing is stopping the affair immediately, if you care about him at all. And then sort out what the pair of you’re gonna do

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"Its all about what you want. What if he doesn't want an open relationship? What if he doesn't want to stay with you after you've cheated on him or even stay friends with you? Be honest and hope for the best but be prepared you may not get what you want. "

I agree 100% with this and I think you need to look at why you cheated in the first place.

You need to be 100% honest with your partner and allow them to make a fully informed decision about what they want.

Yes they may choose to end the relationship and want nothing more to do with you but that was the risk you took when you cheated.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
4 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"Surely the first thing you should be doing is stopping the affair immediately, if you care about him at all. And then sort out what the pair of you’re gonna do "

Yup.

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By *lueDressWoman
4 weeks ago

Bath

Personally for me I don't believe in non-consensual relationships with other people. But I have been in a situation myself, when I was 21 where I'm literally did not want to be with him anymore. So I left. Met someone else and was with him for 14 years.

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds

Apologies if this has been stated previously but are you sure also that you’re not looking for the safety of the familiar combined with the excitement of the new?

If so, just leave him. This also means you probably needn’t tell him about the affair; I know that flies in the face of the 100% honesty crowd but they’re, ironically, not being honest themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

OP if you haven't had sex for years you need to address why that is and if you even really have a relationship. Bringing anyone else in or opening up your relationship would be a disaster if you don't already have strong foundations.

But as you've cheated ... it complicates things even more.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

4 weeks ago

East Sussex

Talk to him.

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By *carlettsWoman
4 weeks ago

Harpenden

Being honest would be a good start. It seems you don't want a relationship with him just be given permission to sleep with other people so what's the point?

You're already cheating so probably best you move on as not very fair on your husband

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By *mmaleiaWoman
4 weeks ago

Trowbridge

Are you close enough to have the conversation of is he happy? Maybe ask him if he wants to venture outside the marriage to see what his reaction is, tell him you want to keep the family unit but would be happy for an open marriage if he is willing? See what his reaction is, if you’ve not had sex for years, I can tell you now he’s been thinking about if not already had an affair

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By *rLipMan
4 weeks ago

Wrexham


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

I feel the question that is being missed here is if he agrees to the open relationship would that take away the guilt of cheating.

Open relationship can only work with honesty and clear boundaries. Think you may need to think about what you really want.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
4 weeks ago

Reading

End the relationship. It sounds dead.

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By *ittyKateUK OP   Woman
4 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Are you close enough to have the conversation of is he happy? Maybe ask him if he wants to venture outside the marriage to see what his reaction is, tell him you want to keep the family unit but would be happy for an open marriage if he is willing? See what his reaction is, if you’ve not had sex for years, I can tell you now he’s been thinking about if not already had an affair "

He doesn't leave the house, so I'm the only bad one. This sucks

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

4 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Are you close enough to have the conversation of is he happy? Maybe ask him if he wants to venture outside the marriage to see what his reaction is, tell him you want to keep the family unit but would be happy for an open marriage if he is willing? See what his reaction is, if you’ve not had sex for years, I can tell you now he’s been thinking about if not already had an affair

He doesn't leave the house, so I'm the only bad one. This sucks"

Is he depressed, ill, stressed, unhappy?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

What do you actually want from your partner OP?

It doesn't actually sound like you have or want an actual relationship with him 💜

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By *izeableGentlemanMan
4 weeks ago

Horwich

Probably best to talk to him. If nothing changes, nothing changes .. You've got to start somewhere.

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By *arri54Woman
4 weeks ago

Highway to Hell

This is a tough one as no one really wants that conversation, but opening the relationship up won't solve the root issue, whatever that may be.

Its not a case of having your cake and eating it....

At some point you must decide what you want but be prepared to lose it all.

It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks as long as you're comfortable with the choices you make..

Good luck, hope it works out for you.

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By *tephanie63Woman
4 weeks ago

BRIDGWATER


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

What if he wants to have sex with other women, will you be okay with that

What if he too is having an affair/s??

You need to have the conversation with him and take it from there. It may well not go the way you want and end your relationship.But at least you will be free to pursue the sex life you seek, he could well be devastated by your behaviour though.

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By *eliWoman
4 weeks ago

.

You can't start an open relationship on a foundation of lies so the best thing? Pause/stop whatever you have going on, start talking to your husband. He might be viewing things like you, see you as more of a friend and then perhaps you can both discuss what you want moving forward.

There's nothing wrong with a relationship ending if things aren't working - nothing lasts forever. You can have someone in your life but in a different capacity, one that's fair to them.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
4 weeks ago

Stratford

Credit for coming on here and being open and expressing it.

As others have alluded to, I think the easiest way is to be unapologetically up front about what you think, what to try and (possibly) why. Whether you reference the current affair is your call.

Trying to soften the blow, or downplay what you feel you need or crave will just lead to you both being unhappy.

Good luck OP. Hope it works out for you.

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By *ellhungvweMan
4 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I think everyone is being too nice to you on here OP.

Given that you are already having an open relationship but you are just not being open about it then I would suggest you treat him with some respect and finally just open up to him. Sit him down, tell him what you have done and explain why it isn’t working for you.

Let him make his decision and then own the outcome like an adult. It’s not pleasant and will likely cause a lot of hurt but that ship has already sailed.

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By *hat.coupleCouple
4 weeks ago

Dartford

Only way to truly know the answer is to come out and say it. You may even be surprised to find out he feels the same. It may even spice up tour love life together. We aren't all made to be monogamous.

Mrs x

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By *ittyKateUK OP   Woman
4 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Are you close enough to have the conversation of is he happy? Maybe ask him if he wants to venture outside the marriage to see what his reaction is, tell him you want to keep the family unit but would be happy for an open marriage if he is willing? See what his reaction is, if you’ve not had sex for years, I can tell you now he’s been thinking about if not already had an affair

He doesn't leave the house, so I'm the only bad one. This sucks

Is he depressed, ill, stressed, unhappy? "

We works from home

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By *eordieJeansCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Show him your profile on here.

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By *eordieJeansCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Also imagine a bloke posted this. The responses would be very different.

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By *parkle1974Woman
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"I think everyone is being too nice to you on here OP.

Given that you are already having an open relationship but you are just not being open about it then I would suggest you treat him with some respect and finally just open up to him. Sit him down, tell him what you have done and explain why it isn’t working for you.

Let him make his decision and then own the outcome like an adult. It’s not pleasant and will likely cause a lot of hurt but that ship has already sailed."

Well said. If the roles were reversed, the guy would probably be getting slaughtered.

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By *orny PTMan
4 weeks ago

Peterborough


"Also imagine a bloke posted this. The responses would be very different."

Yup.

How would she feel if she found him in a club?

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple
4 weeks ago

Neverland


"Also imagine a bloke posted this. The responses would be very different."

👏 👏

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By *eordieJeansCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"Also imagine a bloke posted this. The responses would be very different.

Yup.

How would she feel if she found him in a club?"

The double standards on here are ridiculous.

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By *lack FridayMan
4 weeks ago

Galway

I know of a very similar situation.

The couple had not had sex in years but still lived under the one roof.

She met a guy three times for sex, felt guilty about it and stopped seeing him.

Eventually she decided to bring up the subject, grabbed the Bull by the horns and stated to her husband that she was still a lady in her prime and she had decided that she was going to seek a male friend.

She never mentioned that she already had met a guy.

Sometimes, being economical with the truth is a wise decision.

His response was that he couldn't understand why she hadn't started meeting guys years ago !!

End result was that she went back to the same guy, relationship developed and 18 months later she left the husband on good terms and moved in with the new man.

That was over 7 years ago and all three are still good friends.

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston

You'd be amazed how many people are in exactly that position. It's known as Dead Bedroom. 20% of married couples have sex less than once a year - and that's just the ones who admit to it so it's likely much higher.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but lots of people have affairs in order to SAVE a marriage which is making them miserable by lack of intimacy.

You should probably see a relationship counsellor before dropping the Open Relationship bomb.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"You'd be amazed how many people are in exactly that position. It's known as Dead Bedroom. 20% of married couples have sex less than once a year - and that's just the ones who admit to it so it's likely much higher.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but lots of people have affairs in order to SAVE a marriage which is making them miserable by lack of intimacy.

You should probably see a relationship counsellor before dropping the Open Relationship bomb."

I had this for 7 years.... I didn't cheat ... I left him ... or rather threw him out ... so that I could be happier solo.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
4 weeks ago

Stratford


"You'd be amazed how many people are in exactly that position. It's known as Dead Bedroom. 20% of married couples have sex less than once a year - and that's just the ones who admit to it so it's likely much higher.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but lots of people have affairs in order to SAVE a marriage which is making them miserable by lack of intimacy.

You should probably see a relationship counsellor before dropping the Open Relationship bomb."

Pretty much agree with this and find everyone getting on their high horse about it quite amusing.

There are far more people here in the same situation, just not open about it who you’d be shocked to find out had a significant other at home. Even people who would come on a thread like this and lambast someone for doing the same thing they do 😭

No one is saying that it’s right, but it is what it is and far more prevalent than people think/want to admit.

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By *a LunaWoman
4 weeks ago

o o OO o o

You can’t have your cake and eat it forever OP, something has to give.

Do you know why you and your partner are not having sex? Have you broached the subject?

You may not want to lose him but that is incredibly selfish to expect to cheat on someone and not face any consequence for your actions.

And what will happen if he does agree? Will it be the “affair” person that you bring on board? Because that will cut like a knife if your husband was to find out, and he probably will - eventually.

You have two choices, and a difficult decision ahead of you whichever path you choose. Good luck.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
4 weeks ago

Brum

It’s probably time you got an air fryer

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By *eordieJeansCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"You'd be amazed how many people are in exactly that position. It's known as Dead Bedroom. 20% of married couples have sex less than once a year - and that's just the ones who admit to it so it's likely much higher.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but lots of people have affairs in order to SAVE a marriage which is making them miserable by lack of intimacy.

You should probably see a relationship counsellor before dropping the Open Relationship bomb.

Pretty much agree with this and find everyone getting on their high horse about it quite amusing.

There are far more people here in the same situation, just not open about it who you’d be shocked to find out had a significant other at home. Even people who would come on a thread like this and lambast someone for doing the same thing they do 😭

No one is saying that it’s right, but it is what it is and far more prevalent than people think/want to admit."

Has there been any lambasting? Go find any similar thread posted by a man and you’ll see what lambasting is.

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By *sStephenPickleMan
4 weeks ago

Ends

I wanna fuck other people. And I’m not willing to contribute to live my life in denial of who I am.

But say it in a more sensitive way

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By *orumiteMan
4 weeks ago

Kempston


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

If a guy posted this very same question, the wolves of fab would strip your carcass in seconds… women get an easier ride, but shouldn’t.

You’ve got two problems here… your relationship isn’t working for you, and you’re cheating by having an affair. So look at the problem you have and the problem you’re causing.

Clearly, your marital relationship isn’t working for you. What is the cause of intimacy disappearing from it? Look at how you are both communicating with each other and work on that, if you actually want to fix your relationship that is. Do you look at your husband and miss the sexual aspect of your marriage, or are you no longer interested in restoring that aspect of your relationship?

It is unlikely that opening up your marriage will save it. The fact is a swinging relationship can only be built on total, absolute trust, and having an affair isn’t swinging, it’s cheating.

It’s up to you if you tell your husband that you’re having an affair, but you absolutely should be telling him how you’re feeling, and that your needs are not being satisfied in the marriage. He may be feeling the same way, and you might agree to go your separate ways.

You’ve also got to be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions. Telling him could be a hammer blow, and end the relationship once and for all, and the fallout could be huge. You could ignore that and carry on as you are, until one day you slip up and get caught, and then the consequences could be far worse.

You want him in your life, but want sexual freedom? You want your cake and eat it? Convince him to join up with a couples account, or let him give you the freedom to carry on as you are, but either way, you’ve got to have a conversation… soon.

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam

If you can't find the words to say, write it down. Sit with him and show what you've written.

Be prepared for a range of reactions from anger to upset but also think about keeping calm. The reaction could be to go on the defensive, but, unfortunately you created the situation and need to accept you have no control if he decides he doesn't want to know you

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"Has there been any lambasting? Go find any similar thread posted by a man and you’ll see what lambasting is. "

Could you point me in the direction of one? I tried searching for open relationships and how do I tell her but didn't come up with anything relevant but gender swapped to compare it to 💜

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam

Hang on....

Your title is open relationship but then you just want him as a friend?

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By *eordieJeansCouple
4 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne


"Has there been any lambasting? Go find any similar thread posted by a man and you’ll see what lambasting is.

Could you point me in the direction of one? I tried searching for open relationships and how do I tell her but didn't come up with anything relevant but gender swapped to compare it to 💜"

I’m talking about cheating and using the sexless marriage excuse. There’s been loads over the years but you already know that.

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston

It's also worth pointing out that even if OP's husband agrees to it, open relationships aren't easy to navigate either - if a partner reluctantly agrees to it because they fear losing their spouse it's not really consensual, it's coercive. One person always feels like they are getting a bad deal out of it.

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By *entleman HammerMan
4 weeks ago

dublin

Be honest! He might be open too

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston

If you want to see real lambasting, post this on MumsNet and see what happens 🤣🤣🤣

There is definitely an assumption that men have affairs because "they can't keep it in their pants" and that men are generally untrustworthy and easily drawn in, but the research on infidelity suggests that the vast majority of men who have affairs do it because they miss intimacy and the feeling of being wanted. As for "having your cake and eating it", isn't it just as selfish to withhold something as essential as sex from a partner you claim to love and expect to have all the other benefits of married life?

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By *sStephenPickleMan
4 weeks ago

Ends

Oh shit you’re cheating?

Fairs

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"Has there been any lambasting? Go find any similar thread posted by a man and you’ll see what lambasting is.

Could you point me in the direction of one? I tried searching for open relationships and how do I tell her but didn't come up with anything relevant but gender swapped to compare it to 💜

I’m talking about cheating and using the sexless marriage excuse. There’s been loads over the years but you already know that."

Oh there's plenty of those. But I mean with a similar "how do I talk to my partner about this" vibe rather than a "partner's not putting out so I fuck sluts" vibe.

I don't really recall many threads like that, at least not any that didn't have the similar just tell em sort of answers. A statement of not being proud and then no further comments complaining that said cheated on partner is a boring fuck anyway go a long way to people not getting aggro 💜

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By *orny PTMan
4 weeks ago

Peterborough


"If you want to see real lambasting, post this on MumsNet and see what happens 🤣🤣🤣

There is definitely an assumption that men have affairs because "they can't keep it in their pants" and that men are generally untrustworthy and easily drawn in, but the research on infidelity suggests that the vast majority of men who have affairs do it because they miss intimacy and the feeling of being wanted. As for "having your cake and eating it", isn't it just as selfish to withhold something as essential as sex from a partner you claim to love and expect to have all the other benefits of married life?"

'Try googling it. I imagine there'll be various FAB options for SWINGERS.'

I just found that one right now.

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By *aughty driverMan
4 weeks ago

Romford

This may not be the best receivwd opinion. But what about instead of revealing your having an affair as that will be very upsetting and i understand you feel guilty. I would suggest talk to him about having an open relationship n tell him you would like to explore. This way maybe you can save your relationship and possibly help it prosper. I been cheated on myself its one of hardest things to take n tbh i would prefered to not know. Its a secret you may have to keep with you forever but it may somethings not said are better

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By *agic.MMan
4 weeks ago

Orpington

After months of cheating on him you want to "open the relationship"? Are you gonna address the fact you've been cheating on him, or do you just hope he'll agree to an open relationship, so you can continue sleeping with other people guilt free? Because that's more the vibe I'm getting. The one conversation you should be having (as adults) before anything else is the "I cheated on you" conversation. Do the right thing and take accountability rather than saying things like " I'm not proud, but it is what it is..."

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By *ookingFor.....Man
4 weeks ago

West Sussex


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

Could you do it by bringing a woman in to the picture to begin with?? Make it about him? As a 3 some? So he can see it's about the physical side.

I don't think he'd be up for that. We haven't had sex for years "

Any idea where he's 'getting his' from?

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston

This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich.

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By *ookingFor.....Man
4 weeks ago

West Sussex

What does your 'affair partner' want?

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By *allipygousMan
4 weeks ago

Leicester


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich. "

Now here's an interesting perspective.

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By *rHotNottsMan
4 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich. "

Actually, the sex life of a couple is largely reflective of the state of their relationship, in general when people are happy, love each other, & demonstrate it often, trust and respect to each other and are honest & faithful with each other , you tend to find they have great sex lives.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich. "

If it's not a conscious decision how can they have expectations of how their partner will take said decision?

Both parties are at fault for not considering the other or communicating effectively. But the one that fucks someone else and lies about it is definitely more at fault 💜

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By *end1Man
4 weeks ago

southend on sea

As a couple of others have said had this been a Male posting this he would of been slaughtered by just about everyone! And to the OP just be honest with him sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. You have no respect for him as you have already cheated.

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds

[Removed by poster at 28/05/25 19:17:14]

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds

Cheating happens. It’s a fact of life. I’ve never done it, and I wouldn’t forgive it, but morality is never an effective social barometer or means to judge somebody. It’s too personal and intimate to apply blanket judgement.

OP is guilty of nothing more than being human. Leaving a relationship is hard, being in one that’s dying is harder still.

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich.

Actually, the sex life of a couple is largely reflective of the state of their relationship, in general when people are happy, love each other, & demonstrate it often, trust and respect to each other and are honest & faithful with each other , you tend to find they have great sex lives.

"

That's an assumption which isn't supported by fact. Again, the research suggests that an awful lot of unfaithful men and women have marriages which incorporate all those good things but are still sexless.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
4 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

I think you are being incredibly selfish, personally.

Grow up,talk to him.

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

I think you are being incredibly selfish, personally.

Grow up,talk to him.

"

How, in particular, is that selfish? I’m not disagreeing but I’m curious

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich.

If it's not a conscious decision how can they have expectations of how their partner will take said decision?

Both parties are at fault for not considering the other or communicating effectively. But the one that fucks someone else and lies about it is definitely more at fault 💜"

"Not conscious" doesn't imply that they don't know what they're doing, it implies that there wasn't a single moment where sex was taken off the menu. It's generally a gradual process. I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness.

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton

What you want and what you need, sometimes turn out to be different things.

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By *inky PerkyCouple
4 weeks ago

Kingston

I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish.

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich.

If it's not a conscious decision how can they have expectations of how their partner will take said decision?

Both parties are at fault for not considering the other or communicating effectively. But the one that fucks someone else and lies about it is definitely more at fault 💜

"Not conscious" doesn't imply that they don't know what they're doing, it implies that there wasn't a single moment where sex was taken off the menu. It's generally a gradual process. I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness."

It is a gradual process, one person stops wanting and the other stops trying. Then it becomes this big unspoken thing. A lot of couples don’t know what to do about it, because it’s much easier to take it day by day and pretend it’s not a problem.

It’s all the more heartbreaking when there is still love there. Nobody wins, it’s either therapy, a tremendous amount of work or departure. I don’t personally agree with cheating but similarly, I’ve been in the position OP is describing and although I stayed faithful, I wanted to fuck other women.

OP clearly doesn’t feel good about it, moralising at them is gonna change nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish."

I agree which is why I ended my marriage.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
4 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

I think you are being incredibly selfish, personally.

Grow up,talk to him.

How, in particular, is that selfish? I’m not disagreeing but I’m curious "

If it needs explaining why cheating on someone is selfish then it's pointless my trying to explain.

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton


"I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish."

I will counteract that remark with.. who the FUCK walks into a job thinking 'yeahh babyy, this is exactly where I want to stay for my next ten or more years...*

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject

I think you are being incredibly selfish, personally.

Grow up,talk to him.

How, in particular, is that selfish? I’m not disagreeing but I’m curious

If it needs explaining why cheating on someone is selfish then it's pointless my trying to explain.

"

Ah right, you just mean cheating in general? This is why I asked, fairs

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish.

I will counteract that remark with.. who the FUCK walks into a job thinking 'yeahh babyy, this is exactly where I want to stay for my next ten or more years...* "

Wait, you mean you’re allowed to change your mind like a person with nuance and the ability to develop? When did this come in?

Thank you, I’ve now finally got the courage to leave O2

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By *orny PTMan
4 weeks ago

Peterborough

If OP's partner finds out, then "Why didn't you tell me? will be the hardest question to answer, there and then.

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By *iss..BlackMan
4 weeks ago

Wilts

Just carry on as you are with your secret life if I were you.

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
4 weeks ago

The Velvet Den of Desire

Start with the truth.

🤷‍♂️

Try - ive been having an affair behind your back, and was hoping you’d trust me enough to have an open relationship.

Let us know how you get on.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


""Not conscious" doesn't imply that they don't know what they're doing, it implies that there wasn't a single moment where sex was taken off the menu. It's generally a gradual process. I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness."

Choosing happiness over someone else's right to make an informed choice doesn't sit with me. If your partner is making you unhappy, leave. You can both find people who are better for each of you.

You don't want to have a dead bedroom, don't. Talk, agree to an open relationship or a path to restoring an active sex life, break up if that's the option.

Dead bedrooms are a symptom of a dying relationship, rather than a cause. It's just a symptom that people seem keener to stick a sparkly unicorn plaster over than to actually deal with the root cause 💜

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

I out rightly asked my ex husband and kept asking for about 3 years. I never did anything behind his back as I wouldn’t. He would always say no to the open relationship. We had many issues and then the love just went so it was time to end things.

We have now been separated and divorced for the last 6 years m. Although ending a 20 year relationship was very sad it was the best thing I ever did, for the both of us.

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By *eith142Man
4 weeks ago

stockton


""Not conscious" doesn't imply that they don't know what they're doing, it implies that there wasn't a single moment where sex was taken off the menu. It's generally a gradual process. I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness.

Choosing happiness over someone else's right to make an informed choice doesn't sit with me. If your partner is making you unhappy, leave. You can both find people who are better for each of you.

You don't want to have a dead bedroom, don't. Talk, agree to an open relationship or a path to restoring an active sex life, break up if that's the option.

Dead bedrooms are a symptom of a dying relationship, rather than a cause. It's just a symptom that people seem keener to stick a sparkly unicorn plaster over than to actually deal with the root cause 💜"

I’m not sure she actually said he was making her unhappy….

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

I wonder what the responses would have been if a man had written this ? Good luck OP

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By *eliWoman
4 weeks ago

.


"I wonder what the responses would have been if a man had written this ? Good luck OP"

Some exactly the same. The others different. There have been threads before from men asking for advice and people have responded in a similar fashion to this. I think a lot comes down to how it's worded. And the first few responses.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


""Not conscious" doesn't imply that they don't know what they're doing, it implies that there wasn't a single moment where sex was taken off the menu. It's generally a gradual process. I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness.

Choosing happiness over someone else's right to make an informed choice doesn't sit with me. If your partner is making you unhappy, leave. You can both find people who are better for each of you.

You don't want to have a dead bedroom, don't. Talk, agree to an open relationship or a path to restoring an active sex life, break up if that's the option.

Dead bedrooms are a symptom of a dying relationship, rather than a cause. It's just a symptom that people seem keener to stick a sparkly unicorn plaster over than to actually deal with the root cause 💜

I’m not sure she actually said he was making her unhappy…."

Oh that was a direct response to the line "I also don't necessarily agree that someone who chooses happiness over unhappiness is "definitely more at fault" than the one who causes the unhappiness."

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton


"I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish.

I will counteract that remark with.. who the FUCK walks into a job thinking 'yeahh babyy, this is exactly where I want to stay for my next ten or more years...*

Wait, you mean you’re allowed to change your mind like a person with nuance and the ability to develop? When did this come in?

Thank you, I’ve now finally got the courage to leave O2"

If you walked into a ten year contract with O2 and are happy then yayyy for you

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By *ayPrimeMan
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"I think that marrying someone and then later deciding that sex shouldn't be a part of that marriage and that their partner should just put up with it is incredibly selfish.

I will counteract that remark with.. who the FUCK walks into a job thinking 'yeahh babyy, this is exactly where I want to stay for my next ten or more years...*

Wait, you mean you’re allowed to change your mind like a person with nuance and the ability to develop? When did this come in?

Thank you, I’ve now finally got the courage to leave O2

If you walked into a ten year contract with O2 and are happy then yayyy for you "

I’m not happy, I’ve been using EE on the side with another device. I don’t know how to tell O2, the O2 Priority benefits dried up a while ago.

Plus, I’m scared of losing my Volt benefits. Maybe if I talk to them I can have two sims?

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By *hortieWoman
4 weeks ago

Northampton


"I wonder what the responses would have been if a man had written this ? Good luck OP"

Know your place, Boy.

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By *agic.MMan
4 weeks ago

Orpington

OMG, people and their "don't judge" 🐃💩 are sooo BORING...we all know (them included) that cheating, lying and being dishonest is inherently wrong...we all have a disdain for people like that when we meet them in real life (especially if we are on the receiving end), yet they want to put their "compassion" coat on making excuses for the cheater, and shifting the blame towards the partner, at the same time. Regardless of how complex the situation is, regardless if your partner is not giving you the sex you want (for whatever reason) if your reaction is to go and cheat on them, before having the conversation with them and making a clear choice of whether to stay or leave, you are in the wrong... period. The only acceptable situation is when your partner is no longer mentally capable of having that conversation (which is not the case for the OP)

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By *r Mrs FuckableCouple
4 weeks ago

Stoke

Show him your Fab profile 👍

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
4 weeks ago

Between Sudbury and Haverhill

Communication is the key, if you can’t talk about your problems then do you even have a relationship?

Mrs

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By *isskxxyvWoman
4 weeks ago

Reading

Shove open house on, get horny and say.. I want to try this!

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By *sStephenPickleMan
4 weeks ago

Ends

This is so funny.

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By *aybeLadyWoman
4 weeks ago

West Dublin

Do you want to have your cake and eat it? You are being selfish wanting him in your life but cheating on him.

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By *rikTheVikingMan
4 weeks ago

Swansea


"Show him your Fab profile 👍"

lol 😆

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By *inger_SnapWoman
4 weeks ago

Hampshire/Dorset

It's a bit late for that considering you're already cheating on him.

How's he going to feel if he finds out?

How can you live with him knowing the truth?

It's all very unfair.

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By *olo180Man
4 weeks ago

West London

Don’t think OP would have foreseen the responses here 🫣

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By *orumiteMan
4 weeks ago

Kempston

At the very least, you need to figure out why the sex dried up. Did you no longer desire your husband, or did he no longer desire you? If he is having issues that have killed his sex drive, then you should be supporting him to get back to the place he should be. Have you just gone off him? Did you think the grass would be greener on the other side? Offside relationships have the advantage of being about sex only, and free of the other complications that life brings.

It doesn’t sound like you want to actually fix the problems in your marriage, and instead just want the permission to play around with a clear conscience. So you need to seek that permission, and if that’s not forthcoming, end the relationship and start afresh.

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

You are a 38 year old woman.

Single 38 year old men prefer women in their 20s.

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By *a LunaWoman
4 weeks ago

o o OO o o


"You are a 38 year old woman.

Single 38 year old men prefer women in their 20s.

"

What does that have to do with anything?

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By *rHotNottsMan
4 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"OMG, people and their "don't judge" 🐃💩 are sooo BORING...we all know (them included) that cheating, lying and being dishonest is inherently wrong...we all have a disdain for people like that when we meet them in real life (especially if we are on the receiving end), yet they want to put their "compassion" coat on making excuses for the cheater, and shifting the blame towards the partner, at the same time. Regardless of how complex the situation is, regardless if your partner is not giving you the sex you want (for whatever reason) if your reaction is to go and cheat on them, before having the conversation with them and making a clear choice of whether to stay or leave, you are in the wrong... period. The only acceptable situation is when your partner is no longer mentally capable of having that conversation (which is not the case for the OP)"

That’s possibly one acceptable situation. There are others when the person needs caring for or there anre other complexities like children with severe special needs where leaving would be hugely detrimental to their mental health.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"OMG, people and their "don't judge" 🐃💩 are sooo BORING...we all know (them included) that cheating, lying and being dishonest is inherently wrong...we all have a disdain for people like that when we meet them in real life (especially if we are on the receiving end), yet they want to put their "compassion" coat on making excuses for the cheater, and shifting the blame towards the partner, at the same time. Regardless of how complex the situation is, regardless if your partner is not giving you the sex you want (for whatever reason) if your reaction is to go and cheat on them, before having the conversation with them and making a clear choice of whether to stay or leave, you are in the wrong... period. The only acceptable situation is when your partner is no longer mentally capable of having that conversation (which is not the case for the OP)

That’s possibly one acceptable situation. There are others when the person needs caring for or there anre other complexities like children with severe special needs where leaving would be hugely detrimental to their mental health."

You can live together and coparent without being in a relationship if that's what is needed. There's no reason to not be honest with the other competent adults in those situations 💜

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By *ack1971Man
4 weeks ago

Cork

So much help on this one but I can't help thinking

"What if a man made this post..."

Makes you wonder indeed.

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By *igJohn4uMan
4 weeks ago

Devonshire


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

My thoughts are what you did before your partner ?

Were you on fab or something similar as once you have experienced and enjoyed casual sex it is a hard decision to stay with the same partner for the rest of your life especially if the sex is bad or nothing at all.

Is the trill of the casual sexual driving your desire for this affair?

If it is i wonder if it’s an itch to scratch and that Will pass given time or the loss of excitement with the new partner ?

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By *yperspermicMan
4 weeks ago

high Wycombe

You have no courage or respect for your partner. End it.

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam


"So much help on this one but I can't help thinking

"What if a man made this post..."

Makes you wonder indeed."

That's already been addressed if you've read the whole thread

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By *oodmessMan
4 weeks ago

yumsville

It doesn't sound like you want an open relationship, it sounds like want an excuse for your cheating and continue to shag your buddy ++ others. If you were bothered about him you would have either left him or tried to fix things not create absolute distrust.

An open relationship would usually consist of a chats and common understanding before sex or any long term affair had taken place not after.

There seems a lot of advice posted on how to approach this rather than telling you what you already know that it's wrong. Your partner will no way agree to it if he finds out full details, you have immersed yourself into a free sex world where in the vanilla world these rules don't apply.

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"

What does that have to do with anything?

"

She might be able to get sex from online encounters for a few years but she's missed the boat on marrying prince charming or the average working man.

If she leaves a 38 year old work from home dad bod guy he will heartbroken but he will replace her with a 22 year old hottie eventually and forget she ever existed.

She needs to realize this or she will be a lonely old woman.

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

And I just think walk away wife syndrome is bad because you make vows to eachother forever.

I don't respect people who make promises they can't keep Asif it's ok. In my book that is lying.

Then again if she's not married and in a 7 year relationship at age 31 that's so fucked up.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
4 weeks ago

The Velvet Den of Desire


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜"

😟😞

I hated feeling lonely, one of the worst times of my life.

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By *i versMan
4 weeks ago

Kirkcaldy


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "
be honest and tell him that, you never know he might love to be a cuck but atleast he will know and maybe move on and find someone else. You made your bed so lay in it

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By *aizyWoman
4 weeks ago

west midlands


"

What does that have to do with anything?

She might be able to get sex from online encounters for a few years but she's missed the boat on marrying prince charming or the average working man.

If she leaves a 38 year old work from home dad bod guy he will heartbroken but he will replace her with a 22 year old hottie eventually and forget she ever existed.

She needs to realize this or she will be a lonely old woman."

So what age do women miss the boat on marrying prince charming? And where does the 38 yr old work from home dad bod guy's go to find 22 yr old hottie's? 🤔

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By *uckurcumMan
4 weeks ago

Bishop Auckland

These are never easy situations,but living a lie is unfair to the other party let alone to yourself ....

I'm a firm believer in, if it's over,it's over...

There's no way of sugar coating this,it's best to be honest than to become trapped in a web of deceit and spiralling resent leading to hate ...

It's not a pleasant thing to tell anyone it's over,but it's kinder to all concerned and to both move on....

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

😟😞

I hated feeling lonely, one of the worst times of my life. "

I think I enjoy my own company too much to be truly lonely. And I have an excellent network of friends for emotional support anyway.

It was more that when I'm too old and ugly to get penis on demand (spoiler alert, penis is always easy to come by whatever your status) I'd rather be 'lonely' in my twilight years than spend my whole life picking up after some bloke I decided to settle with purely because it was better than being alone 💜

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
4 weeks ago

Altrincham


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

If you still want him in your life, don’t admit to the affair. Just say you are bored with the status quo. If you are saying you ‘want to explore sexually’ , I note you are ‘bi curious’…maybe start with that. You may find his libido suddenly goes into orbit & then go from there

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

😟😞

I hated feeling lonely, one of the worst times of my life.

I think I enjoy my own company too much to be truly lonely. And I have an excellent network of friends for emotional support anyway.

It was more that when I'm too old and ugly to get penis on demand (spoiler alert, penis is always easy to come by whatever your status) I'd rather be 'lonely' in my twilight years than spend my whole life picking up after some bloke I decided to settle with purely because it was better than being alone 💜"

Amen. I have chosen to be a solo happy old woman rather than settling for a mediocre man or worse still a toxic man-child.

I may be alone and solo, but I am incredibly fortunate to be far from lonely.

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
4 weeks ago

Altrincham


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜"

Sad to hear. It’s always better to watch a sunset alongside somebody special ❤️

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

Sad to hear. It’s always better to watch a sunset alongside somebody special ❤️ "

Oh no doubt. But chosen friends and people that I want around me specifically for themselves sound better to watch it with than someone I stuck with despite being unsatisfied just to avoid being a lonely old woman 💜

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife.

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
4 weeks ago

Altrincham


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

Sad to hear. It’s always better to watch a sunset alongside somebody special ❤️

Oh no doubt. But chosen friends and people that I want around me specifically for themselves sound better to watch it with than someone I stuck with despite being unsatisfied just to avoid being a lonely old woman 💜"

Sure, but if you are in the right relationship it’s no contest imo

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By *inger_SnapWoman
4 weeks ago

Hampshire/Dorset


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜"

Me too 😂

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By *inger_SnapWoman
4 weeks ago

Hampshire/Dorset


"You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife. "

So you're doing the bare minimum, bravo 👏👏👏

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

Sad to hear. It’s always better to watch a sunset alongside somebody special ❤️

Oh no doubt. But chosen friends and people that I want around me specifically for themselves sound better to watch it with than someone I stuck with despite being unsatisfied just to avoid being a lonely old woman 💜

Sure, but if you are in the right relationship it’s no contest imo "

Oh absolutely.

But this is on a thread from someone who clearly isn't in the right relationship 💜

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"

So what age do women miss the boat on marrying prince charming? And where does the 38 yr old work from home dad bod guy's go to find 22 yr old hottie's? 🤔 "

30

Thailand

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife. "

Oof. She doesn't even make you dinner or do the dishes after you have a long day providing for her? Looks like someone doesn't know how to get a high value woman 😉

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"So you're doing the bare minimum, bravo 👏👏👏"

Coach handbag

Platinum and diamonds

Holiday to canaries

Holiday to turkey

Meals out very often

Help with car

Safari

Balloon ride

Cinema dates

Latest iPhone

Hair

Nails

All bills paid

Much much more..

In fact she's never paid a single thing....

No prizes for you.

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By *ecadentDeviantsCouple
4 weeks ago

Altrincham


"I cannot wait to be a lonely old woman 💜

Sad to hear. It’s always better to watch a sunset alongside somebody special ❤️

Oh no doubt. But chosen friends and people that I want around me specifically for themselves sound better to watch it with than someone I stuck with despite being unsatisfied just to avoid being a lonely old woman 💜

Sure, but if you are in the right relationship it’s no contest imo

Oh absolutely.

But this is on a thread from someone who clearly isn't in the right relationship 💜"

Yes at the moment it certainly isn’t. Is it salvageable in anyway? …“possibly”…but it clearly requires a major upgrade in communication asap if it is going to have anything akin to a happy future…

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

She's like "oh so you do the bare minimum"

No... She gets weekly flowers

I even clean the bathroom

And I helped her till she now has a really good job and I'm still providing...

So this proves my point entirely

You literally think I'd do that for you?

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham

Took her to safora the other day and got her perfume and lipstick etc...

Golf and cinema

Then we went on the train to get posh food and wine bars etc...

That's what men do for younger hot women.

Because old ladies reverberate in our heads living rent free with comments like "so you do the bare minimum"

....and that trauma led me to marry a younger African girl.

I'd rather spend money on her nails than you're kids.

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By *awpleasureMan
4 weeks ago

Sutton Coldfield

Thread hijacking at its finest

👏

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife.

Oof. She doesn't even make you dinner or do the dishes after you have a long day providing for her? Looks like someone doesn't know how to get a high value woman 😉"

She cooks fantastic food most of the time but she's also got an important job now.

This argument makes no sense because if I don't spoil her I'm "doing the bare minimum"

And if I do spoil her "she's taking liberties"

But I'd say it's better to have this while fucking a hot 24 year old childless woman than fucking a 40 year old with another man's kids.

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By *aizyWoman
4 weeks ago

west midlands


"You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife.

Oof. She doesn't even make you dinner or do the dishes after you have a long day providing for her? Looks like someone doesn't know how to get a high value woman 😉

She cooks fantastic food most of the time but she's also got an important job now.

This argument makes no sense because if I don't spoil her I'm "doing the bare minimum"

And if I do spoil her "she's taking liberties"

But I'd say it's better to have this while fucking a hot 24 year old childless woman than fucking a 40 year old with another man's kids."

So what happens when she is no longer a hot 24yr old? Do you trade her in for a new one?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"Yes at the moment it certainly isn’t. Is it salvageable in anyway? …“possibly”…but it clearly requires a major upgrade in communication asap if it is going to have anything akin to a happy future…"

The OP wants to ask for an open relationship. The other person is saying that if she loses her relationship now she'll be alone forever as if it's some kind of threat. Some relationships are worth fighting for. If you've been fucking around behind their back for months and have so little respect for them as a partner it's probably not actually worth trying, unless it was out of a sad fear of being alone.

It's healthy for people to be able to be alone instead of staying in situations that don't bring anyone joy 💜

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"You mean you ladies couldn't find a guy who picks up after himself?

I provide for my wife, spoil her and I still made her dinner and washed up 2 nights in a row.

It's because you are shit at picking men.

Mediocre women should expect mediocre men.

But I am blessed to have a good wife.

Oof. She doesn't even make you dinner or do the dishes after you have a long day providing for her? Looks like someone doesn't know how to get a high value woman 😉

She cooks fantastic food most of the time but she's also got an important job now.

This argument makes no sense because if I don't spoil her I'm "doing the bare minimum"

And if I do spoil her "she's taking liberties"

But I'd say it's better to have this while fucking a hot 24 year old childless woman than fucking a 40 year old with another man's kids."

Ah, sarcasm is difficult through text huh.

I hope she's got her ducks in a row for when she gets too old for you. If you've got her a good job then hopefully she's got a decent escape fund building 💜

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By *parkle1974Woman
4 weeks ago

Leeds


"

What does that have to do with anything?

She might be able to get sex from online encounters for a few years but she's missed the boat on marrying prince charming or the average working man.

If she leaves a 38 year old work from home dad bod guy he will heartbroken but he will replace her with a 22 year old hottie eventually and forget she ever existed.

She needs to realize this or she will be a lonely old woman.

"

There is no such thing as Prince charming.

Life isn't a fairytale....

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam


"Thread hijacking at its finest

👏"

Yep, he's got his knickers in a twist over nothing

But turned the thread quite sour unfortunately

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By *agic.MMan
4 weeks ago

Orpington


"Thread hijacking at its finest

👏

Yep, he's got his knickers in a twist over nothing

But turned the thread quite sour unfortunately "

When you can't afford a therapy session because all your money goes on your girlfriend, so you turn a forum thread into one 👀...

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

OP ignore the direction this has gone in. You've been given some good advice. Time to stop cheating and make a decision and have a honest conversation.

You can't control how your partner is going to react or what they are going to choose to do but know that whatever happens you and your partner will both be ok. Even if it's painful and not the result you want.

And if it happens being solo and starting again on your own terms will make you a happy. It's not the worst thing that can happen.

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By *iddick27Man
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"We've been together 7 years. I'm having an affair. Not proud of it, but that's what it is. My partner is more of a friend these days. I don't not want him in my life, but I want to explore my sexuality. It'd be so out of left field if I were to broach the subject "

So you’re a cheat

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam

Let's give the OP some time to reply it must be stressful

Plus, gives us time to work out room 6

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By *um n raisinWoman
4 weeks ago

taunton

open relationships are from already great relationships ... trying to get a open relationship from a already doomed or rubbish relationship just speeds up the process to fail its always been known that couples who successfully swing/poly/open are rock solid loving couples

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By *erryBramleyTV/TS
4 weeks ago

Not an easy subject, but certainly a lot of affirmation about this being Poly/Open rather than the end, would be important to convey xxx

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By *assionatepairCouple
4 weeks ago

Highbridge

Bookmark

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By *issmorganWoman
4 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I think you're being incredibly selfish, already cheating and looking to get the green light to continue to see others.

Your relationship doesn't sound like it's solid enough to withstand being open and does your other half even want to open it up?.

The adult thing to do would be to sit & talk about why you're more like friends than lovers and see if the relationship can be saved and if you both want to, then go from there.

He'll be so hurt if he finds out you're cheating on him, so either have the chat or keep on doing what you're doing and hope he doesn't find out.

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By *orny PTMan
4 weeks ago

Peterborough


"OMG, people and their "don't judge" 🐃💩 are sooo BORING...we all know (them included) that cheating, lying and being dishonest is inherently wrong...we all have a disdain for people like that when we meet them in real life (especially if we are on the receiving end), yet they want to put their "compassion" coat on making excuses for the cheater, and shifting the blame towards the partner, at the same time. Regardless of how complex the situation is, regardless if your partner is not giving you the sex you want (for whatever reason) if your reaction is to go and cheat on them, before having the conversation with them and making a clear choice of whether to stay or leave, you are in the wrong... period. The only acceptable situation is when your partner is no longer mentally capable of having that conversation (which is not the case for the OP)

That’s possibly one acceptable situation. There are others when the person needs caring for or there anre other complexities like children with severe special needs where leaving would be hugely detrimental to their mental health.

You can live together and coparent without being in a relationship if that's what is needed. There's no reason to not be honest with the other competent adults in those situations 💜"

I know someone in that situation and it can work, but you will need your own bedrooms, bank accounts and learn to live as flat mates, who have their own sex lives, friends and identities.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I know someone in that situation and it can work, but you will need your own bedrooms, bank accounts and learn to live as flat mates, who have their own sex lives, friends and identities."

Yes. It requires work. It's a lot more complicated than just lying to someone who thinks they're in a loving relationship with someone who respects them 💜

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
4 weeks ago

Leeds

Be honest with him, that's the least he deserves and if he considers it great, if not your single to do as you wish without hurting anyone so all good.

But at least give him the decency of being open and honest, don't start this based on lies.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago

Amazing the difference in responses when a woman admits she is having an affair behind her partners back to how a man is treated when he admits the same

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By *umagain58Man
4 weeks ago

London

I can’t add anything to the excellent advice you have already received. All I can say is a lot of guys have thoughts about sharing with partner. I don’t know if your guy like that of course but you might find he loves idea. Whether he takes further is another matter. It’s a risk you have to take

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By *ssex_gent_138Man
4 weeks ago

basildon

Would love to chat to genuine lovely mf couples, please feel free to send me a message . Xx

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"Amazing the difference in responses when a woman admits she is having an affair behind her partners back to how a man is treated when he admits the same "

Examples, please 💜

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By *ampireLoveMan
4 weeks ago

Essex

Hide upside down pineapples around the house for him to randomly find and see if he figures it out!

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"Amazing the difference in responses when a woman admits she is having an affair behind her partners back to how a man is treated when he admits the same

Examples, please 💜"

I think if you read many forum posts or men asking for profile advice where they cannot accommodate you’ll find the answers

For me it seems on here that woman that cheat are given far more grace than men do

Just my opinion

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"Amazing the difference in responses when a woman admits she is having an affair behind her partners back to how a man is treated when he admits the same

Examples, please 💜

I think if you read many forum posts or men asking for profile advice where they cannot accommodate you’ll find the answers

For me it seems on here that woman that cheat are given far more grace than men do

Just my opinion "

You think? I only really recall not being able to accommodate as being pointed out as a red flag for cheaters on such threads, not necessarily with any more vitriol than has been shown on here 💜

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"Amazing the difference in responses when a woman admits she is having an affair behind her partners back to how a man is treated when he admits the same

Examples, please 💜

I think if you read many forum posts or men asking for profile advice where they cannot accommodate you’ll find the answers

For me it seems on here that woman that cheat are given far more grace than men do

Just my opinion

You think? I only really recall not being able to accommodate as being pointed out as a red flag for cheaters on such threads, not necessarily with any more vitriol than has been shown on here 💜"

I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion

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By *ittlebirdWoman
4 weeks ago

The Big Smoke


"This topic certainly brings out the self righteous brigade. A sexless marriage happens because one side has unilaterally decided that's what will happen, maybe not consciously and maybe not suddenly, but it's a decision that they expect their partner to simply accept. the idea that they are now the innocent victim of the subsequent infidelity is a bit rich. "

Absolutely agree with this having it happen to me in both marriages. I didn’t cheat but had to decide to get divorced for my own sake even though that is incredibly difficult as I loved them both dearly.

It was once said to me that what goes on in a marriage is only known to those 2 people. That I know for a fact is true.

I also know people, even the ones you truly love, can in fact be cunts 😘

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion "

It's a very common opinion that's come up a lot on this one. I was just asking for an example because I don't actually see it.

I've not seen a man ask how to tell his partner and get any worse. Unless he took to insulting and blaming the partner, that does tend to provoke more ire, but that's about the action not the gender of the person performing it 💜

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By *ir SupremacyMan
4 weeks ago

Bolton

If a male wrote this on here he would get slaughtered ha ha .

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By *ardyLad52Man
4 weeks ago

Bag End..

Op how would you feel if he were the one having an affair and you thinking everything was normal?

If you are not happy make changes, both of you seeing other people is not going to save your relationship.

Finish your extra marital shenanigans and talk to him. Sounds like you still want to be with him. Go to bed in saucy underwear or ask him to give you a massage and initiate physical contact. If you don't want to be intimate with him, it is not fair on you both.

Not judging, just offering my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion

It's a very common opinion that's come up a lot on this one. I was just asking for an example because I don't actually see it.

I've not seen a man ask how to tell his partner and get any worse. Unless he took to insulting and blaming the partner, that does tend to provoke more ire, but that's about the action not the gender of the person performing it 💜 "

As in the OP where she admits she doesn’t want him but wants an open relationship

If you don’t want to be with your partner then leave them than ask him for an open relationship.

She wants to sexually explore but not with him or be with him

The to me is insulting. Insulting to her partner as its game playing

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By (user no longer on site)
4 weeks ago


"I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion

It's a very common opinion that's come up a lot on this one. I was just asking for an example because I don't actually see it.

I've not seen a man ask how to tell his partner and get any worse. Unless he took to insulting and blaming the partner, that does tend to provoke more ire, but that's about the action not the gender of the person performing it 💜

As in the OP where she admits she doesn’t want him but wants an open relationship

If you don’t want to be with your partner then leave them than ask him for an open relationship.

She wants to sexually explore but not with him or be with him

The to me is insulting. Insulting to her partner as its game playing "

She says that she doesn’t want him in her life

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
4 weeks ago

mid glam


"I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion

It's a very common opinion that's come up a lot on this one. I was just asking for an example because I don't actually see it.

I've not seen a man ask how to tell his partner and get any worse. Unless he took to insulting and blaming the partner, that does tend to provoke more ire, but that's about the action not the gender of the person performing it 💜

As in the OP where she admits she doesn’t want him but wants an open relationship

If you don’t want to be with your partner then leave them than ask him for an open relationship.

She wants to sexually explore but not with him or be with him

The to me is insulting. Insulting to her partner as its game playing

She says that she doesn’t want him in her life

"

op says she does want him in her life, she's just worded it differently x

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
4 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"I do think yes. As I say it’s just my opinion

It's a very common opinion that's come up a lot on this one. I was just asking for an example because I don't actually see it.

I've not seen a man ask how to tell his partner and get any worse. Unless he took to insulting and blaming the partner, that does tend to provoke more ire, but that's about the action not the gender of the person performing it 💜

As in the OP where she admits she doesn’t want him but wants an open relationship

If you don’t want to be with your partner then leave them than ask him for an open relationship.

She wants to sexually explore but not with him or be with him

The to me is insulting. Insulting to her partner as its game playing

She says that she doesn’t want him in her life "

She says she doesn't not want him. That's not the same thing.

Cheating is fucking insulting on the whole. I do not like to get involved with people who do that to people who think they care. But if someone is saying they actually want to stop cheating then I'm at least willing to be softer in the conversation about it. Regardless of gender.

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By *en1988!Man
4 weeks ago

cheshunt

WHY. Would you not want to explore and try things with your partner

Maybe he is bored also and wants to try all sorts but does not how to approach it people in relationships should be way more open sexually with each other from the beginning and i believe would make life easier and be more connected long term in all ways

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By *iss.BellaWoman
4 weeks ago

.


"I think everyone is being too nice to you on here OP.

Given that you are already having an open relationship but you are just not being open about it then I would suggest you treat him with some respect and finally just open up to him. Sit him down, tell him what you have done and explain why it isn’t working for you.

Let him make his decision and then own the outcome like an adult. It’s not pleasant and will likely cause a lot of hurt but that ship has already sailed."

Yep, this. Sorry, but you did ask. I do understand people have reasons for doing what they do but it would seem you both want different things so you might as well just come clean and move on, then allow him to deal with it how he needs to.

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By *sWyldWoman
4 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Surely to have an open relationship, your current relationship needs to be strong?

Speaking as a woman who cheated on her husband for years, because I just wanted to feel loved. Best thing I ever did was end the relationship and work on myself

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By *a LunaWoman
4 weeks ago

o o OO o o


"

What does that have to do with anything?

She might be able to get sex from online encounters for a few years but she's missed the boat on marrying prince charming or the average working man.

If she leaves a 38 year old work from home dad bod guy he will heartbroken but he will replace her with a 22 year old hottie eventually and forget she ever existed.

She needs to realize this or she will be a lonely old woman.

"

Hang on a minute. Are you seriously suggesting that because she is older that she should put up and shut up in an unsatisfactory relationship because nobody will want her?

Utter tosh. She may find it harder to find someone, she may not even want to find someone, but it is not impossible.

And yes I’m sure an average looking guy will be inundated by younger women (really?) throwing themselves at him, but I’m sure they’re not doing that out of lust. More for financial security.

And if you want to be partnered with someone who wants you JUST because you have money then I can’t see that relationship being a happy one either, despite that person being younger. Sure it’ll be a boost to the ego for a bit, the sex might be hot, for a bit, but long term? Doubtful.

I’m not condoning the cheating. But I’m not going to condemn her to a life of putting up and shutting up because her current situation is the best she can hope for either.

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By *inkystar1Woman
4 weeks ago

Heathfield

Be honest and ask him..but would you be happy if he slept with others as well?

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By *iddick27Man
4 weeks ago

Birmingham


"If a male wrote this on here he would get slaughtered ha ha ."

Facts

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By *inger_SnapWoman
4 weeks ago

Hampshire/Dorset


"Took her to safora the other day and got her perfume and lipstick etc...

Golf and cinema

Then we went on the train to get posh food and wine bars etc...

That's what men do for younger hot women.

Because old ladies reverberate in our heads living rent free with comments like "so you do the bare minimum"

....and that trauma led me to marry a younger African girl.

I'd rather spend money on her nails than you're kids."

I hope you know she can leave you for a younger man at some point 😊

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By *aveyougotmymarblesMan
4 weeks ago

3rd rock from the sun

Not sure it will go the way you want it to

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