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BDSM switching

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By *etKatproject88 OP   Woman
2 weeks ago

Bristol

First off, we really need a BDSM forum please!

This question if for other switches;I'm working through some random stuff in my head and was wondering how does it work for others...

Recently I noticed that I can dom just about anyone, even if I'm not into them, even if they aren't a sub(🤭🤭). On the other hand I'm insanely picky when it comes to subbing to someone.

Does that mean I'm just more dom or should I go deeper and investigate a possible trust issue or something?

On kind of the same topic, could you dom/sub to someone you're not into if it's non sexual?

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By *ensualMan
5 days ago

Sutton

For your first point, a snowflake has more chance in hell than a BDSM forum being started. I have been on Fab 9 years and have seen more than half a dozen attempts to start a BDSM thread (some attempts getting a lot of traction) each attempt studiously ignored by Fab. Although the usual suspects write in to say this is a swinging site and to go elsewhere for BDSM.

For,your second point, I don't switch but I play with a few switches. Some switches just like to play, some like to play with people with whom they feel comfortable, others can only play with people they feel deeply connected. Some felt initially confused as their Domme style needs were completely different from their sub style needs. There is never a need to force yourself. It is about doing what comes naturally.

Third point, apart from one person, I only play non-sexually and it works for me and my play partners. However, everyone has their own approach. For me it is the process which is key and not an end goal of sex. Clear negotiation and consent on both sides as to what happens is needed. There are some subs (male and female) who feel their sexual relief is part of Dominant's role. The fact that sex is not included needs to be clear upfront and sometimes reinforced.

Good Luck

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By *rostgiantMan
5 days ago

Wilts

Someone helped me realise I'm a switch last year, but more for the contol and giving of pleasure

I'm in a similar position to you OP, I can be dom most of the time, but for me to switch, someone needs to understand me and my chaotic mind.

I will say, it's something I crave more than a cold drink on a hot day

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
5 days ago

Carlisle usually

I don't submit, but I'm happy to bottom for the right people.

For me, being bottom needs trust and understanding with the person on top. But I can top anyone without quite so much foundation needed 💜

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By *ittlebirdWoman
5 days ago

The Big Smoke

I really wish I could switch OP as I would love to try being the Top or Domme sometimes. But I don’t have it in me. At all

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By *rHotNottsMan
5 days ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Not sure why a swinging site should have a BDSM forum it’s a different thing altogether.

I’ve met and know a few women that would fall into the ‘switch’ definition. I don’t think it’s good to generalise though each person is very different.

But it does seem the ones I know are very picky about who they will be submissive to and less icky who they will top, that makes sense. I’m very dominant in life & in the bedroom. I wouldn’t call myself a Dom or anything like that, but it’s a very rare I’d let a woman top me, not only do I need to trust them, I need to do things that I might not particularly enjoy that much so I am doing it for her pleasure, so they need to be pretty special to me

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By *EAT..85Woman
5 days ago

Nottingham


"Not sure why a swinging site should have a BDSM forum it’s a different thing altogether.

I’ve met and know a few women that would fall into the ‘switch’ definition. I don’t think it’s good to generalise though each person is very different.

But it does seem the ones I know are very picky about who they will be submissive to and less icky who they will top, that makes sense. I’m very dominant in life & in the bedroom. I wouldn’t call myself a Dom or anything like that, but it’s a very rare I’d let a woman top me, not only do I need to trust them, I need to do things that I might not particularly enjoy that much so I am doing it for her pleasure, so they need to be pretty special to me"

😁 Can I tie you up and sound you?

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By *ittlebirdWoman
5 days ago

The Big Smoke


"Not sure why a swinging site should have a BDSM forum it’s a different thing altogether.

I’ve met and know a few women that would fall into the ‘switch’ definition. I don’t think it’s good to generalise though each person is very different.

But it does seem the ones I know are very picky about who they will be submissive to and less icky who they will top, that makes sense. I’m very dominant in life & in the bedroom. I wouldn’t call myself a Dom or anything like that, but it’s a very rare I’d let a woman top me, not only do I need to trust them, I need to do things that I might not particularly enjoy that much so I am doing it for her pleasure, so they need to be pretty special to me"

It would be great to have one as “the other place” doesn’t have one. But get it wouldn’t be to everyone’s taste. Then the virus and politics forums aren’t either

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman
5 days ago

Manchester


"Not sure why a swinging site should have a BDSM forum it’s a different thing altogether.

I’ve met and know a few women that would fall into the ‘switch’ definition. I don’t think it’s good to generalise though each person is very different.

But it does seem the ones I know are very picky about who they will be submissive to and less icky who they will top, that makes sense. I’m very dominant in life & in the bedroom. I wouldn’t call myself a Dom or anything like that, but it’s a very rare I’d let a woman top me, not only do I need to trust them, I need to do things that I might not particularly enjoy that much so I am doing it for her pleasure, so they need to be pretty special to me"

Lots of people who swing are kinky? There is a politics forum, what has that got to do with swinging? 😅

People who don't like kink don't have to engage with it, but I think it would be useful for those swingers who do like to engage in kink.

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By *vaRoseWoman
5 days ago

Ankh-Morpork


"First off, we really need a BDSM forum please!

This question if for other switches;I'm working through some random stuff in my head and was wondering how does it work for others...

Recently I noticed that I can dom just about anyone, even if I'm not into them, even if they aren't a sub(🤭🤭). On the other hand I'm insanely picky when it comes to subbing to someone.

Does that mean I'm just more dom or should I go deeper and investigate a possible trust issue or something?

On kind of the same topic, could you dom/sub to someone you're not into if it's non sexual?"

Hey OP,

I’m a switch too, but honestly, the men who’ve managed to draw that side out of me are very rare. So rare, in fact, that I usually don’t describe myself as a switch at all. For me, it’s not just about trust. It’s about that undeniable urge to hand over control, and it takes someone truly exceptional to awaken that in me. It’s not just trust it’s about having the courage to let yourself be seen fully and embracing all your layers.

Just because you lean more one way than the other doesn’t mean you’re not a switch. It’s like any preference - some flavours simply appeal more than others, but the menu’s still there.

As for BDSM without emotion or sexual charge, I’ve done it. I’ve helped another Dom run a scene, for example, and it ticked the box. But honestly, it felt more like a garage sausage roll. It takes the edge off, but it’s never going to be deeply satisfying. For me, the intensity comes from connection, chemistry, and that lovely sense of being completely seen.

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman
5 days ago

Manchester


"First off, we really need a BDSM forum please!

This question if for other switches;I'm working through some random stuff in my head and was wondering how does it work for others...

Recently I noticed that I can dom just about anyone, even if I'm not into them, even if they aren't a sub(🤭🤭). On the other hand I'm insanely picky when it comes to subbing to someone.

Does that mean I'm just more dom or should I go deeper and investigate a possible trust issue or something?

On kind of the same topic, could you dom/sub to someone you're not into if it's non sexual?"

To answer your question OP I think the psychology of kink is very complex and there is no black or white answer as people engage with kink for all sorts of reasons and get all sorts of different things out of it.

For me personally, kink is part of sex and I wouldn't engage with kink play without a sexual element or with someone I wasn't attracted to. Though I know many people keep them separated, but that's not for me.

I enjoy playing both Top and Bottom at times and it varies wildly. Even with the same person. May go through a couple of months where I feel far more submissive and I want to bottom the majority of the time. Other times where I feel far more dominant and I want to Top. Sometimes I can feel both in the same evening with the same person.

So much of it also depends on the dynamic I have with specific people. Some people bring things out of me in ways the others can't. I can't just Top/Bottom with someone without feeling it is right within out dynamic. Some people I don't want to do either and our dynamic is totally vanilla.

I also don't think you need to label yourself.

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
5 days ago

Reading

I really struggle with this. I've always thought I was more submissive. But I had an incredibly intense and influential relationship where the power play between us flowed back and forth with it quite often being me that was more the dominant partner. But quite often I meet people and I don't feel particularly sub or dom with them and feel no urge for power or control to come into our sexual activities. I have an on/off partner who triggers all my sub leanings and I mostly just feel a little bit confused as to my own preferences and why I feel pulled in one direction or the other or not at all.

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By *vaRoseWoman
5 days ago

Ankh-Morpork


"I really struggle with this. I've always thought I was more submissive. But I had an incredibly intense and influential relationship where the power play between us flowed back and forth with it quite often being me that was more the dominant partner. But quite often I meet people and I don't feel particularly sub or dom with them and feel no urge for power or control to come into our sexual activities. I have an on/off partner who triggers all my sub leanings and I mostly just feel a little bit confused as to my own preferences and why I feel pulled in one direction or the other or not at all. "

You don’t have to be pulled in any D/s direction with someone to have a fulfilling happy sex life with them. I know sex would become very boring if I was in control all the time.

Vanilla (I don’t really like the word because it’s somehow become synonymous with boring and beige) is a mighty fine flavour on its own

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By *r.ZeusMan
5 days ago

Basgiath War College

This really got me thinking, because I’m a switch too and I relate to parts of what you’re saying, just with a bit of a twist.

For me, I can’t really dom or sub unless there’s at least some attraction. It can be mental, physical, emotional or a combination of all three. l It doesn’t have to be instant or overwhelming, but I need something to spark that connection. And once I know someone better, it gets even hotter because I can really start getting into their head and that’s where the fun is for me. The reactions, the micro-expressions, that’s gold, whether I’m topping or bottoming.

So in your case, I don’t think it necessarily means you’re “more dom”, it might just be that domming feels less vulnerable or personal for you. Subbing often requires a different level of trust and surrender, and if you’re picky about who gets that side of you, that’s honestly a good thing.

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By *midnight-Woman
5 days ago

...

I didn't think I can switch... I think I'm sub forever

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
5 days ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"I didn't think I can switch... I think I'm sub forever "

Snap! Tried it, absolutely not me

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
5 days ago

North West

Oh I just posted a journal entry about switching. I may or may not copy it here.

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By *vaRoseWoman
5 days ago

Ankh-Morpork


"Oh I just posted a journal entry about switching. I may or may not copy it here."

Hahahahaha I nearly did that with mine 🤣

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By *ensualMan
5 days ago

Sutton

In regard to the last two posts, I would suggest useful information about real experiences can be helpful.

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By *idssissyTV/TS
5 days ago

Nr cricket ground birm

Most of my bdsm experiences have been non sexual

Most were as sub but a few as dom.

When sub I find I sometimes can sub to people I would not normally connect to or have much in common with, but that may just be for one off scenes.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
5 days ago

Reading

I switch but prefer sub.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
5 days ago

North West


"In regard to the last two posts, I would suggest useful information about real experiences can be helpful."

Indeed. But it’s also very personal and relates to others. Nobody is entitled to that information and this is a very different place to where I post my journal.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
5 days ago

North West

My journal entry:

When I chose Switch on here (where I posted my journal) it was done from a place of feeling rather than knowing. I thought for the longest time that I’m sub. Submissions delights me and giving up control quiets my mind wonderfully. But there have been times when I’ve found myself topping from the bottom. So the pondering became “am I a brat?” and yet I couldn’t answer yes. Playful with mischievous eyes that glint, yes. Bratty no.

Then in a threesome I found myself whispering in her ear. Words of control and domination. The sort of things that make me melt. And as I watched her shiver and submit I realised that I’m both. That different people bring out different sides of me. And rare people can bring out both.

I still thought I was probably only Domme with women. Except recently I was pegging a man, and as his eyes rolled back with pleasure I said firmly “Look at me when I’m fucking you.” His eyes locked on mine and the immediate reply was “Yes Mistress”. And something primal sparked.

So it’s new. But it’s both powerful and a privilege.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
5 days ago

North West

And to answer the other part of the OP, I couldn’t do it with someone where I feel no connection and to be honest it probably has to be a sexual connection unless it’s rope.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
5 days ago

your head

I'm a switch but for a long time I didn't realise I was. I genuinely didn't think my sub side existed. It took a lot of me wanting to explore and finding the right person to bring it out. My go to is always my dominant side except with my partner, I can't domme him no matter how hard I try 😂

Trust can definitely be a thing in not being able to let go and explore, it was a huge thing for me but some people just aren't naturally switches either. There's no right or wrong with this stuff. Do what feels right for you.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
5 days ago

your head

I forgot all the questions 🙈 I can top someone that I'm not sexually attracted to if I have a good connection with them. I have to at least like them as a person and have some sort of friendship to do it though. The only time I would bottom with someone non sexually is if it involves rope.

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By *OTSOSUBTLEMan
5 days ago

DUBLIN

For BDSM there is another well know site:

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By *ear NecessitiesMan
5 days ago

The woods


"For BDSM there is another well know site: "

There's also other sites for discussing hair colour and tips, what's for your dinner, latest fashions in butt plugs and e-stim or any other myriad of subject but sometimes people like chatting with fab forumites about stuff instead of the 'other' site.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
5 days ago

The Big Smoke

I forgot to answer the question too 🤣

For me OP I cannot be fully submissive to anyone unless I have fully submitted to them.

In a sexual way that means I can play sub with FWBs but only in a limited way.

I’ve only ever been able to truly submit when I have agreed to a dynamic in a D/s. It’s not just a sexual thing either. Not even mostly.

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By *ensualMan
5 days ago

Sutton


"My journal entry:

When I chose Switch on here (where I posted my journal) it was done from a place of feeling rather than knowing. I thought for the longest time that I’m sub. Submissions delights me and giving up control quiets my mind wonderfully. But there have been times when I’ve found myself topping from the bottom. So the pondering became “am I a brat?” and yet I couldn’t answer yes. Playful with mischievous eyes that glint, yes. Bratty no.

Then in a threesome I found myself whispering in her ear. Words of control and domination. The sort of things that make me melt. And as I watched her shiver and submit I realised that I’m both. That different people bring out different sides of me. And rare people can bring out both.

I still thought I was probably only Domme with women. Except recently I was pegging a man, and as his eyes rolled back with pleasure I said firmly “Look at me when I’m fucking you.” His eyes locked on mine and the immediate reply was “Yes Mistress”. And something primal sparked.

So it’s new. But it’s both powerful and a privilege."

Thank you for sharing

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