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"When life with them is consistently worse than life without them 💜" This works as an answer. Our relationships should bring out the best in us not cause us to suffer xxx | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. " wow relationships are always hard work | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. wow relationships are always hard work " I find they're mostly pretty easy. But then I don't hang around if they're harder work than they seem to be worth 💜 | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. wow relationships are always hard work " Well then they aren't the right relationships. | |||
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"When all you have in common is the kids,live like brother and sister and sleep in seperate beds was my red flag." This 👍 | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. wow relationships are always hard work Well then they aren't the right relationships. " Really I’ve never had a relationship where you don’t have to work hard to keep them happy perhaps that’s why I’ve never been married | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. wow relationships are always hard work Well then they aren't the right relationships. Really I’ve never had a relationship where you don’t have to work hard to keep them happy perhaps that’s why I’ve never been married " Maybe there's a common factor there... | |||
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"As a family man, unless something serious has happened I think I would just deal with it until it started to impact the lives of my children. I wouldn’t destroy my family because I was unhappy." I get where you’re coming from, but it really depends how unhappy the parents are. Separation doesn’t equal destruction. My kids’ lives weren’t ruined when their dad and I split. They adapted, and we’re both better parents now we’re not miserable together. Sometimes staying “for the kids” does more damage than leaving. | |||
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"As a family man, unless something serious has happened I think I would just deal with it until it started to impact the lives of my children. I wouldn’t destroy my family because I was unhappy. I get where you’re coming from, but it really depends how unhappy the parents are. Separation doesn’t equal destruction. My kids’ lives weren’t ruined when their dad and I split. They adapted, and we’re both better parents now we’re not miserable together. Sometimes staying “for the kids” does more damage than leaving." But that’s exactly what I meant. If my unhappiness wasn’t making their lives worse I wouldn’t leave. If I could tell it was hurting them by us staying together then I would have a decision to make. | |||
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"As a family man, unless something serious has happened I think I would just deal with it until it started to impact the lives of my children. I wouldn’t destroy my family because I was unhappy. I get where you’re coming from, but it really depends how unhappy the parents are. Separation doesn’t equal destruction. My kids’ lives weren’t ruined when their dad and I split. They adapted, and we’re both better parents now we’re not miserable together. Sometimes staying “for the kids” does more damage than leaving." Agreed. When one partner has emotionally checked out and has literally found someone else you can’t just put up with it for the kids. My two sons are OK. | |||
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"As a family man, unless something serious has happened I think I would just deal with it until it started to impact the lives of my children. I wouldn’t destroy my family because I was unhappy. I get where you’re coming from, but it really depends how unhappy the parents are. Separation doesn’t equal destruction. My kids’ lives weren’t ruined when their dad and I split. They adapted, and we’re both better parents now we’re not miserable together. Sometimes staying “for the kids” does more damage than leaving. But that’s exactly what I meant. If my unhappiness wasn’t making their lives worse I wouldn’t leave. If I could tell it was hurting them by us staying together then I would have a decision to make." Gotcha. I think our definitions of “serious” or “impacting their lives” might differ a bit. For me, growing up around low-level misery, tension, or emotional disconnection is a serious impact, even if it’s not loud or dramatic. Kids pick up on way more than we think. | |||
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"When it becomes hard work. wow relationships are always hard work Well then they aren't the right relationships. Really I’ve never had a relationship where you don’t have to work hard to keep them happy perhaps that’s why I’ve never been married " You should never have to KEEP your partner happy, you should naturally MAKE them happy. When you or they don't, that's the time to move on. K. | |||
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"When do you know it’s time to end a relationship be it marriage, long term, casual or any other type of relationship Nothing can always be amazing all the time, things can fluctuate at any time, but what is your “trigger” to say I’m done? Or are you the person that will always hope it can be repaired?" When you’re more unhappy than happy. When you can imagine life without them not hurting. When you feel disrespected and disappointed on the regular. Personally I have no idea how anyone stays in sexless relationships! But that’s my own view as someone with an incredibly high drive | |||
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"Nothing can always be amazing all the time, things can fluctuate at any time, but what is your “trigger” to say I’m done?" I don't think I've ever had one specific trigger. Every relationship has its quirks and nuances. We all change over time. Something we could forgive in one relationship may be something untenable in another. Part of that will depend on the level of the relationship. We're swingers, we have people we know are intimate with, We may have FWBs, actual GFs/BFs, Wives/Husbands, BFFs, and family. Something an acquaintance does that will get you to cut them off is something you'd work to understand with your BFF. If there is a consistent bad sign, for me, it would be the inability to communicate. If you can't talk about problems they can't be fixed. If someone is consistently lying, or saying one thing and doing another (by this I mean deliberately or not even attempting to stick to a promise. We all slip, forget or need a nudge on things. This is the no intention of trying) | |||
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"As a family man, unless something serious has happened I think I would just deal with it until it started to impact the lives of my children. I wouldn’t destroy my family because I was unhappy. I get where you’re coming from, but it really depends how unhappy the parents are. Separation doesn’t equal destruction. My kids’ lives weren’t ruined when their dad and I split. They adapted, and we’re both better parents now we’re not miserable together. Sometimes staying “for the kids” does more damage than leaving. But that’s exactly what I meant. If my unhappiness wasn’t making their lives worse I wouldn’t leave. If I could tell it was hurting them by us staying together then I would have a decision to make. Gotcha. I think our definitions of “serious” or “impacting their lives” might differ a bit. For me, growing up around low-level misery, tension, or emotional disconnection is a serious impact, even if it’s not loud or dramatic. Kids pick up on way more than we think." I stayed in purgatory for 9 years for the kids and I'll tell you here and now - you are not doing them any favours. Yes you get to make memories for them if you in a family environment - going abroad for holidays etc, but they are living with a shadow of the man you would be if you was actually happy. Staying was the biggest mistake of my life and a genuinely wish I'd done it at least 6 years before I did. We never once argued in a blazing row, so the children never seen anything upsetting, but I would come home from offshore for my 3 weeks at home and the only words we would exchange would be to the children. There was a constant undercurrent of contempt and misery that they must have picked up on, at least subliminally. I was not the person I should have been and they didn't get the happy dad they should have got. Yes I was still there and didn't split up my family, but I can see now it was insanity to stay and feel like a spare part in my own home, breathing but not living. It takes courage but leaving is not a weakness and is almost certainly the right decision in the end. | |||
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