FabSwingers.com forum: You absolute...

By *oeBeans OP Man
7 weeks ago

Derby

So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

Old school now but still say You Plank.

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

Sorry, You Absolute Plank ! 🤣

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By *parkle1974Woman
7 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter lying piece of shit

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By *cunthorpe123Couple
7 weeks ago

scunthorpe

You absolute lettuce 😂

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By *ools and the brainCouple
7 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

You utter legend

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

You floating teatowel!

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

You absolute turnip

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By *eliWoman
7 weeks ago

Utter twat. It's so satisfying to hear. Say.

Absolute weapon. Kind of cockney in my head. Swoon

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By *parkle1974Woman
7 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter bellend...I'm still deciding whether you're the weakest link or the missing link.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
7 weeks ago

London

You absolute melon.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
7 weeks ago

London

Change the letters around.

You absolute lemon.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
7 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Crayon.

In a Scottish accent.

Ye absolut cray-on 💜

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By *ittlebirdWoman
7 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

You absolute plum…

One of my favourites

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

You absolute cock-womble!

What genius first said that!

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By *parkle1974Woman
7 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter Gizmo..you look like someone fed you after midnight.

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By *he original AliceWoman
7 weeks ago

A magical wet land

You utter fucking cumsplat

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By *parkle1974Woman
7 weeks ago

Leeds

You absolute bastard

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By *inchestersBitchWoman
7 weeks ago

mid glam

[Removed by poster at 29/04/25 20:10:06]

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
7 weeks ago

in Lancashire

You sheeps cunt..

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By *rSuave88Man
7 weeks ago

Mirfield

You mushroom! 🍄

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By *carlettsWoman
7 weeks ago

Harpenden

You absolute knobhead

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By *vaRoseWoman
7 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

You absolute cheese grater

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By *j47Man
7 weeks ago

limerick

An absolute langer

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple
7 weeks ago

Neverland

You absolute wetwipe!

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By *ollyPocket75Woman
7 weeks ago

Aberdeen

You absolute twonk!

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By *evotee101Woman
7 weeks ago

Houghton le Spring

You Absolute Belter!

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
7 weeks ago

Brum

Shurrup joe you absolute doorstep.

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By *parkle1974Woman
7 weeks ago

Leeds

You utter wankstain

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By *ineapplePixie69!Couple
7 weeks ago

Neverland

You utter spoon

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
7 weeks ago

Altrincham

"So one of the things that makes me proud to be British is the fact that we can take any inanimate object and turn it into an insult, simply by putting "You absolute..." or "You utter..." in front of it.

So which are the best ones you've heard and does it work with any object? 🤔

Please tell me you absolute spanners!"

Absolute tool!!

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By *estructionDollyWoman
7 weeks ago

Manchester

You absolute melt

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By *ildTimes.Man
7 weeks ago

Wherever I May Roam

Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
7 weeks ago

South Wales

Random objects near me right now…..

You absolute cushion

You utter slipper

Kind of works! Xx 😄

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By *oeBeans OP Man
7 weeks ago

Derby

"You absolute wetwipe!"

I love this one so much!

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By *ortney FoxxxWoman
7 weeks ago

Cardiff

You absolute tool

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
7 weeks ago

Altrincham

"You absolute melt "

I like/use this one 😂

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By *oastal1968Man
7 weeks ago

London

Said in a Terry Thomas voice "You absolute shower!"

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

You absolute sigh.

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By *edSirenWoman
7 weeks ago

magic mountain

You absolute titwank

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By *edSirenWoman
7 weeks ago

magic mountain

"Cunt ..is the only acceptable answer , sorry 🥪"

And this one on the occasions where a titwank just won’t do 😂

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By *exxyyDy11Man
7 weeks ago

North West

"You absolute titwank"

Not heard titwank in a while 😂

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

You utter plum

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By *egDaySkipperMan
7 weeks ago

Liverpool

"You absolute melt "

That's sound that!

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By *tr8MrEMan
7 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

You complete flugelhorn.

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By *lueDressWoman
7 weeks ago

Bath

You absolute Twonk

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By *egDaySkipperMan
7 weeks ago

Liverpool

You utter Prince Andrew

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By *exxyyDy11Man
7 weeks ago

North West

You absolute pillock

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By *aizyWoman
7 weeks ago

west midlands

You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

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By *ugehandsMan
7 weeks ago

Fife/ Newcastle

If you had a brain cell it would be lonely.

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By *exxyyDy11Man
7 weeks ago

North West

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

I've literally never heard of that before but did make me laugh too 😂

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By *oeBeans OP Man
7 weeks ago

Derby

"You absolute pillock "

Is a Pollock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔

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By *oneyBee200Woman
7 weeks ago

Kent

Bell end, doughnut, trying to think of more

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By *oeBeans OP Man
7 weeks ago

Derby

"You absolute pillock

Is a pillock an inanimate object? Off for a Google! 🤔"

Ahhh it is, apparently a 16th century term for a penis. TIL

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By *h3rry Bomb80Man
7 weeks ago

the moon

Absolute sausage jockey 🌭 🏇

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By *eoBloomsMan
7 weeks ago

Springfield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh."

You can't beat that !

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By *tr8MrEMan
7 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

"You absolute whisk, is one that made me laugh.

You can't beat that !"

Groan

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
7 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

You absolute cockwomble

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan
7 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

fuckin' oxygen thief

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By *r.ZeistolfMan
7 weeks ago

Nottingham

After seeing the inbetweeners again recently.

You bumder

Although, the classic is "You're an absoloute Melon."

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By *indergirlWoman
7 weeks ago

somewhere, someplace

You absolute muppet

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By *ouble-SidedCouple
7 weeks ago

Voldsøy

You absolute dildo!

You utter mooncup!

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By *olvespairCouple
7 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

You absolute tool is still a personal favorite 😆

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By *cLovin2Man
7 weeks ago

Reading

You utterly limp shoelace sounds good to me.

Though not sure you'd want a stiff shoelace.

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By *eroLondonMan
7 weeks ago

Mayfair

You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)

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By *ad NannaWoman
7 weeks ago

East London

"You Absolut™ Vodka.

ㅤㅤ

(I think I'm getting the hang of this)"

I thought of that too

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By *ad NannaWoman
7 weeks ago

East London

You utter nutter.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
7 weeks ago

Markfield

Spoon.

Particular favourite.

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

Vodka absolute haha I like rum too of course

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By *ripfillMan
7 weeks ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

“ you absolute donkey “

Not fare on Donkeys may I add !

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