FabSwingers.com forum: You're interested in someone...

By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
6 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

I would definitely prioritise and want the same.

Not able to see me because they’re meeting others?!? See ya! 🤣

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
6 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

I'd be patient for a while but if they were constantly meeting other people whilst not committing to arranging something with me then I'd give up hope ...

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By *tormidaysWoman
6 weeks ago

Manchester

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

I'm high maintenance and need to be a priority

Not going to apologise for it either 😁

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
6 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

When the one that has a wife and kids is too busy with family stuff for a while, that's okay, I understand that prioritisation and don't feel like I'm being undervalued for it, that hierarchy is well established and if he was neglecting his family for me he wouldn't be the man I care for. But if someone I value is making time for new people or choosing to spend so much of their time with a general partner that it means there's no time for me, it's probably time to reassess the relationship.

If it's just work or general life in the way, I'm okay being on pause until things settle back down for them.

New and casual connections, absolutely unfussed 💜

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By *harmedAndInChargeMan
6 weeks ago

Bath

For something on going I need to be a priority. But that person would also be a priority for me.

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By *a LunaWoman
6 weeks ago

o o OO o o

I would expect to be a priority. Not necessarily their number 1 because we all have lives and unless we were betrothed then yeah things get in the way. But I do like knowing I am important to them. I like to know where I am with someone. Don’t make me guess or second guess.

However, make plans with me and then fuck me off because you choose to make plans with someone else (whoever they are) then yeah, that won’t end well.

That said I’m a contrary bitch because I don’t really prioritise anyone except my family. Or rather I haven’t met anyone ?yet) that I want to put at the same level of priority as my family so there’s that.

tldr: I’m a selfish bint who likes things on her terms.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
6 weeks ago

Castlebar

If someone says that you are important and doesn't demonstrate that then it would be a red flag to me. Obviously that works both way...if my free time is preferentially given to someone and not returned then I know I am down the pecking order and I can make decisions based on that.

It's about communication and honesty.

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By *eoBloomsMan
6 weeks ago

Springfield

I think I'm happier not being a priority. I also don't want it to feel like an effort to meet. I'd prefer less frequent but more effortless time together.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
6 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

^ What Prey said, basically.

(I say that quite often, I know.)

I’m well aware that I’m usually the one causing things to be put on hold, or waited for. And I can only ever hope that I’m worth the wait.

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

I don't have much time and have told people it'll be months, if they don't want to wait they aren't my person, at the end of the day casual sex isn't a high priority when we have a small family and work etc.

I think sometimes people on here expect way too much of your time, time is precious.

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
6 weeks ago

The Velvet Den of Desire

If someone seems too busy for someone, they are too busy and I would advise people to back off, if they thought something of you I’m sure they’ll offer to get together, when or if they get the chance in the future.

Personally, I get a feeling if someone is making excuses, so those that appear genuine will get special treatment when we do meet.

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By *viatrixWoman
6 weeks ago

Redhill

If they can’t see me because they’re busy seeing others they can board the bus to kindly fuck off land.

If I am interested enough, I make a real effort to make meets happen. But that is the crux of the matter- I have to be *really* interested. Last time I hopped on a plane to Edinburgh in between shifts at work. ❤️ 🥹😍

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

These days I tend to go for guys that I know have other regular partners just so I'm not their priority. I make plans for months down the line, not in a few weeks time. Currently taking bookings for October if anyone is interested ...?

I would be telling them to get fucked if they ever cancelled our plans so they could meet someone else though, but I don't care if they meet others before we do. As long as we chat occasionally I'm good.

It helps me keep my emotions in check to keep a certain distance I guess, no-one will fall for me, and I won't fall for them. Works for me.

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By *aizyWoman
6 weeks ago

west midlands

I'm not that bothered about being prioritised as such, I'm not looking for exclusivity, but if they cancelled meeting me because they were seeing someone else then yeah that would put me off, I'd just back off and let them get on with it.

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By *urry BlokeMan
6 weeks ago

I don't want to be anyone's priority

It would make me feel uncomfortable

I have my own priorities too

A meet from here with never top that list

If we get to the point of meeting, they will be near to the top, but never at the top

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By *ildTimes.Man
6 weeks ago

Wherever I May Roam

"I'm not that bothered about being prioritised as such, I'm not looking for exclusivity, but if they cancelled meeting me because they were seeing someone else then yeah that would put me off, I'd just back off and let them get on with it."

What about if they heard your bed is rumpled? If it's not ironed you might not use fabric softener, and if you don't use that then that opens questions about the temperature it's washed on leading to fibre degradation and a whole can of bedding related worms being opened, easier to find someone with nicely ironed bedding 🤷🏻‍♂️🥪

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By *oxychicWoman
6 weeks ago

Nottinghamshire

The meets wouldnt bother me but if they kept cancelling and meeting others I walk away 😊

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
6 weeks ago

The Velvet Den of Desire

"These days I tend to go for guys that I know have other regular partners just so I'm not their priority. I make plans for months down the line, not in a few weeks time. Currently taking bookings for October if anyone is interested ...?

I have October 31 free.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"I would definitely prioritise and want the same.

Not able to see me because they’re meeting others?!? See ya! 🤣"

Never change Nora.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"I'd be patient for a while but if they were constantly meeting other people whilst not committing to arranging something with me then I'd give up hope ..."

Don't give up hope! Lose interest and find someone who is more compatible instead.

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By *aizyWoman
6 weeks ago

west midlands

It's why I have hotel meets WT, someone told me hotel bedding is always ironed. And, my bedding might be rumpled and unironed but it is not wormy

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By *sWyldWoman
6 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I think it's understandable that people meet others,however I'd be a bit hurt if they were making time for them but not me . I'd question how interested they actually are .

Equally there comes a point where you're no longer flavour of the month so I make sure they're not mine either.

Matched effort, matched energy. If I'm not seeing that then I'm out .

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

I'm high maintenance and need to be a priority

Not going to apologise for it either 😁"

There's no need to. Does that mean you'd potentially only meet a couple of people at one time?

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By *exyScientistsCouple
6 weeks ago

Castlebar

"I think it's understandable that people meet others,however I'd be a bit hurt if they were making time for them but not me . I'd question how interested they actually are .

Equally there comes a point where you're no longer flavour of the month so I make sure they're not mine either.

Matched effort, matched energy. If I'm not seeing that then I'm out ."

This 💯

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
6 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"I'd be patient for a while but if they were constantly meeting other people whilst not committing to arranging something with me then I'd give up hope ...

Don't give up hope! Lose interest and find someone who is more compatible instead."

Meh.... I'm getting to a stage where I'm not sure I can be arsed with all this anymore....

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"When the one that has a wife and kids is too busy with family stuff for a while, that's okay, I understand that prioritisation and don't feel like I'm being undervalued for it, that hierarchy is well established and if he was neglecting his family for me he wouldn't be the man I care for. But if someone I value is making time for new people or choosing to spend so much of their time with a general partner that it means there's no time for me, it's probably time to reassess the relationship.

If it's just work or general life in the way, I'm okay being on pause until things settle back down for them.

New and casual connections, absolutely unfussed 💜"

Yep I understand the difference. Family, work, general life isn't the same as putting energy in to others. If it's someone I know well I tend to prioritise them as much as they are me. Keeps things neater and simple.

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By *ositiveVibesWoman
6 weeks ago

here there and everywhere

Definitely need to be some kind of priority in an ongoing situation… people have lives, fully understood, but if I’m making time to see them the least they could do is put the same effort in.

If they were too busy meeting others to see me then I would probably find someone that appreciated the effort

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

I don't need to be high on the priority list.

I also don't live inside a box labelled "In case of emergency, break glass".

Being a stunt cock when convenient is bad enough, but to be the last cock on the shelf is worse.

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By *issmorganWoman
6 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

It wouldn't put me off if I liked them. Especially if they'd already got plans with others.

There's been times in my fab life where I haven't been able to meet people for a while, due to work and caring etc.

If I felt they were making excuses, my interest would definitely wain though.

I don't expect to be a priority in anyone's life, apart form my long term partners.

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By *HUSH-Man
6 weeks ago

London

I didn’t sign up here thinking that I would be someone’s priority. They also need to realise that works both ways. I do have complex feelings about this but I ultimately know where those thoughts come from so I don’t get carried away or project them onto others.

I understand that there’s a cooling off period once you’ve been with someone a few times. They might be talking to others and want to make arrangements to see them. That’s fine. I’ll do the same. If I don’t see someone for a few months but we’re still catching up over messages from time to time I am still interested. If it’s completely no contact then I’ll assume they aren’t interested anymore and I move on. Once I do, I don’t come back.

One thing for me is that when I’m with someone I want us to be present with each other. It’s our time.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
6 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

We aren’t prolific ‘meeters’, so we only reach out when we are hunting. So we’d likely be free rather than have a full diary where we couldn’t fit someone in.

So we’d expect someone to be wanting to meet sooner rather than later.

I think it depends on the connection but if someone was saying they couldn’t meet because they had a current backlog then we’d be less likely to pursue anything.

If weve been chatting a while and not arranged anything due to no room in diaries

and then seen veri’s go up left, right and centre, then I don’t think we’d be impressed.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"For something on going I need to be a priority. But that person would also be a priority for me.

How would being a priority look to you? As in, what kind of things show you are, when another does them?

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By *asty tatsyMan
6 weeks ago

london

If it's just work or general life in the way, I'm okay being on pause until things settle back down for them.

New and casual connections, absolutely unfussed 💜"

This

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"If someone says that you are important and doesn't demonstrate that then it would be a red flag to me. Obviously that works both way...if my free time is preferentially given to someone and not returned then I know I am down the pecking order and I can make decisions based on that.

It's about communication and honesty. "

When you say it's about communication... how do you approach this kind of conversation? Do you tell people how often you'd hope to see them or see how things organically develop over a few months?

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

Bookmarking for later...

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By *ildTimes.Man
6 weeks ago

Wherever I May Roam

It's why I have hotel meets WT, someone told me hotel bedding is always ironed. And, my bedding might be rumpled and unironed but it is not wormy

Well you hotel bedding was rumpled yesterday, make your mind up. 🥪

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By *aizyWoman
6 weeks ago

west midlands

It's why I have hotel meets WT, someone told me hotel bedding is always ironed. And, my bedding might be rumpled and unironed but it is not wormy

Well you hotel bedding was rumpled yesterday, make your mind up. 🥪"

Was that you in the wardrobe?? 😱

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By *eroLondonMan
6 weeks ago

Mayfair

"Bookmarking for later..."

•

I was just about to say the same, for I have much to say on this matter. Unfortunately it's 'bin day' today and then dinner to prepare and parenting to do and all the other confounded whatnots...and now I'm rambling and going off kilter.

I like this thread...

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
6 weeks ago

Reading

If we are both too busy then I would give it up. I would also give it up if he canceled a lot not from a hissy fit but because again it's just not going to work. So yes availability is important just from a practical standpoint.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
6 weeks ago

Brum

We’re terrible at it.

We make so many great connections online and in person at socials but then struggle to find time to see them again.

We’re both very sorry if we’ve not followed through with any lovely people reading this.

Genuinely.

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By *midnight-Woman
6 weeks ago

...

If it's just work or general life in the way, I'm okay being on pause until things settle back down for them.

New and casual connections, absolutely unfussed 💜"

I think this is pretty much the same for me

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By *harmedAndInChargeMan
6 weeks ago

Bath

"For something on going I need to be a priority. But that person would also be a priority for me.

How would being a priority look to you? As in, what kind of things show you are, when another does them?"

I’d say good communication. Proactive when it it comes to finding that next time we are both free is the biggest one.

Ofcourse everyone is busy and there will be rare cases of people who can’t plan ahead but in general I am a firm believer that if a person wants to see you then they will make every effort to find a time….even if it’s months away.

I actually use it myself as a gauge of how into someone I am….am I proactively finding time for them? If not then I maybe into that person but am I into them enough? I want to give as much effort as I want in return.

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
6 weeks ago

Reading

I’m in a situationship where I seem to give him a million chances. I’ll probably still continue doing so.

But I usually have better judgement with other people.

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman
6 weeks ago

Birmingham

It's so important to me. And I actually feel hurt and start to distance myself if I feel like I'm not being valued. I would also never be one of many with someone I genuinely really like, so that scenario wouldn't work for me and we wouldn't be a thing.

I don't mind if someone is busy, or if they have others to prioritise such as kids etc, but making an effort to check in every day even through message/call and then finding the time to see each other as often as possible is important to me when I'm highly interested in someone. And if they can't give me that, I'm not sticking around.

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
6 weeks ago

Maidstone

[Removed by poster at 28/04/25 18:06:43]

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
6 weeks ago

Maidstone

I don't expect anyone to prioritise me as I don't prioritise anyone from fab. If the interest is there though i do like to have a date in the diary and feel confident they aren't going to mess me about and/ or at least be reminded they have an interest still. I've enough insecurities without having to wonder if they're still interested. I wouldn't be overly happy if they prioritise someone else from fab over me really. I'd like to think they would show everyone they meet the same respect.

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
6 weeks ago

Maidstone

"Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you."

Oh i didn't read this bit properly

Spending time with me is no effort at all. I'm a fucking legend

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By *ellinever70Woman
6 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

I'd be inclined to think it a lame excuse if they claimed to like me but couldn't find time- nobody is that busy without it being a bit suspect.

And I wouldn't wait in a line until they were done seeing others

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By *tormidaysWoman
6 weeks ago

Manchester

I'm high maintenance and need to be a priority

Not going to apologise for it either 😁

There's no need to. Does that mean you'd potentially only meet a couple of people at one time?"

I also make them a priority for me and so yes, I limit who I'm meeting so I can prioritise them how I expect to be treated

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
6 weeks ago

your head

One thing I lack, is free time. Between family, work, life etc there just aren't enough hours in the day so planning something isn't easy and takes time. I have to forward plan and it's still limited. I'm the one that books things weeks or months in advance. I get that doesnt work for everyone and that's fine. I don't expect to be anyone else's priority because I can't generally make them mine but what I will do, is find the time and when we are together, my time is theirs and only theirs. All I ask for is the same in return, if that isn't possible, we just aren't compatible.

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By *egDaySkipperMan
6 weeks ago

Liverpool

"It's so important to me. And I actually feel hurt and start to distance myself if I feel like I'm not being valued. I would also never be one of many with someone I genuinely really like, so that scenario wouldn't work for me and we wouldn't be a thing.

Why did you abandon me LBC

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By *lirty_fit2Couple
6 weeks ago

Northumberland

We're all in the lifestyle on here and ENM is just that, they are probably interested in several people/couples. I accept that however if they can't commit to a meet and I feel they're prioritising others over us, we'll just block them and move on.

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman
6 weeks ago

Manchester

I think a lot of this depends of the individual circumstances of the connection/relationship you have with someone, plus their and your life circumstances.

To start with, if it's a very casual/new connection then I don't expect to be a priority so much. If it's an established "fwb" or open relationship then I would expect to be more of a priority.

If someone is worth making time for, I will try and make time for them as much as I can. Sometimes other life priorities get in the way like work, family, other friends, other connections and sometimes I just can't afford the costs of travel when they live quite far away (not being able to drive is a hindrance) so I won't see them as often as I like. But I will always keep in touch and make sure they still feel valued. I would expect the same in return.

Long gaps in seeing eachother because of other life priorities I have no issue with, as long as we keep in touch and the spark is still there.

Long gaps because of distance I have no issue with. As long as we keep in touch and keep the spark there.

If they lived close by, had the time but just not the inclination to see me (and were actively making time to meet lots of other people or meet new connections) I would be put out by that I think, yes.

If we live close to eachother, we work similar shift patterns, they don't have kids or caring responsibilities, I would hope they would make time for me where they could.

As others have said, it's more about matched energy.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"If they can’t see me because they’re busy seeing others they can board the bus to kindly fuck off land.

Ha, brilliant Avia.

Yep, I'm similar in terms of the last paragraph. I have to be interested enough to actually want to put the effort in and then I think I really do. If it's not returned, for whatever reason, I'm more inclined to not. At all.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"I think it's understandable that people meet others,however I'd be a bit hurt if they were making time for them but not me . I'd question how interested they actually are .

Equally there comes a point where you're no longer flavour of the month so I make sure they're not mine either.

Matched effort, matched energy. If I'm not seeing that then I'm out ."

Is it important for you to feel like flavour of the month or would you be happy being one of several seasonal specials?

Matched effort and energy is recurring on this thread and it's good to read.

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By *sWyldWoman
6 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"I think it's understandable that people meet others,however I'd be a bit hurt if they were making time for them but not me . I'd question how interested they actually are .

Equally there comes a point where you're no longer flavour of the month so I make sure they're not mine either.

Matched effort, matched energy. If I'm not seeing that then I'm out .

Is it important for you to feel like flavour of the month or would you be happy being one of several seasonal specials?

Matched effort and energy is recurring on this thread and it's good to read.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be the favourite but I'm realistic enough to know that's not what fab is for most people and it's not for me either.

Fab is like a menu of treats. Its good to not have the same thing all the time. However I do need to feel they are excited to have me. I do want to feel special in the time we spend together.

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By *ildTimes.Man
6 weeks ago

Wherever I May Roam

It's why I have hotel meets WT, someone told me hotel bedding is always ironed. And, my bedding might be rumpled and unironed but it is not wormy

Well you hotel bedding was rumpled yesterday, make your mind up. 🥪

Was that you in the wardrobe?? 😱"

Are you suggesting I'm in the closet? 😱🥪

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"I don't want to be anyone's priority

It would make me feel uncomfortable

I have my own priorities too

A meet from here with never top that list

If we get to the point of meeting, they will be near to the top, but never at the top"

It's not so much about being someone's top priority in the world as it is... being a priority in terms of people you meet from Fab.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"I don't need to be high on the priority list.

I also don't live inside a box labelled "In case of emergency, break glass".

Being a stunt cock when convenient is bad enough, but to be the last cock on the shelf is worse."

Oh you paint such an image. Yeah last cock/vag on the shelf isn't what anyone wants to feel like. Maybe it's a kink for someone, out there. Must be.

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
6 weeks ago

Altrincham

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

If the person I was seeing said they couldn't see me for a couple of months, didn't make plans because they were seeing someone else they'd be in the bin!

No way would I put up with that, I'm good enough to be a priority

My situ is the opposite of this... I'm married and have permission to have a BF. Before I got physical with BF I asked him for exclusivity and he agreed. Our situation has been ongoing for a while now, he prioritises me, we make plans and I wouldn't have it any other way with anyone else

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By *edSirenWoman
6 weeks ago

magic mountain

Depends on the situation.

I’m well aware that when I’m dating married couples for example, that while I’m a priority to them in terms of others, their relationship will always come first.

But if someone was seeing other people whilst saying I was a priority but not making time for me? Yeah it would put me off. Just comes across as manipulative and a touch narcissistic to me. I don’t need them to chat to me every day, nor do I require reassurance, but I’d expect a behaviour consistent with their words if they’re going to chuck them about. Or just don’t say them 🙃

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By *urry BlokeMan
6 weeks ago

"I don't want to be anyone's priority

It would make me feel uncomfortable

I have my own priorities too

A meet from here with never top that list

If we get to the point of meeting, they will be near to the top, but never at the top

It's not so much about being someone's top priority in the world as it is... being a priority in terms of people you meet from Fab. "

Same applies

I don't want to be a priority

Being 'in the mix' works for me

If we can make a meet happen, that's great

If we need to wait to get to that point, I can do that too

I have a very horizontal view on life

With Fab, it's just as horizontal, but with snacks & nibbles to see me through

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By *IXEN200Woman
6 weeks ago

newcastle upon tyne

I'm like this, if they say I miss seeing you but then go weeks on end without a message of any kind, it's just ignorance I'm insecure as it is and that no contact makes it worse

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By *ake_or_deathMan
6 weeks ago

Manchester

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

It would depend on what kind of interest we were talking about and why they would be unavailable. For example I went on a date with someone who told me she was about to be out of the country for 6 weeks. The second date took place when she got back. It was no big deal.

If it were something more serious but the lady in question had a big reason to be away (going travelling, working away for a while, etc) then I obviously wouldn't stand in their way or begrudge them.

On the other hand if they just didn't seem bothered about seeing me then...I could do without.

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By *oughmanMan
6 weeks ago

Sunderland

[Removed by poster at 28/04/25 19:34:32]

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By *oughmanMan
6 weeks ago

Sunderland

Someone interested in me? Imagine. But if that were the case, I'd be patient. Not like I've got them braking down the door and demanding my attention. I'd be willing to see if it can potentially go anywhere. But only for so long. I want to be messed around as much as the next person.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
6 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I wouldn't mind waiting if they've already got plans but I wouldn't expect them to make new plans before me

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By *ouble-SidedCouple
6 weeks ago

Voldsøy

Finding time is difficult because they always live hundreds of miles away. That takes planning in advance, and travel budgets. If we have actual plans and they cancelled to meet someone else or they just cba, yeah... That'd put me right off, like a switch.

If I was waiting months to see them again, it depends on circumstances and how I feel about them. If they have a partner or it's family/home responsibilities, obviously those are their priorities. And I'd like them to understand and respect that on my side too, or it ain't gonna be a match. Matched effort is everything, imo. 🫶

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By *oeBeansMan
6 weeks ago

Derby

"Depends on the situation.

I’m well aware that when I’m dating married couples for example, that while I’m a priority to them in terms of others, their relationship will always come first.

I completely agree with that second paragraph and it can lead to some serious self doubt and trust issues if they say one thing (even if they mean it), and their actions say something totally different. If your priorities have changed, just tell me and let me decide whether I'm happy with my place in the pecking order

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By *a_brunetteWoman
6 weeks ago

Wiltshire

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

If I was interested in you I would make sure I spend time with you and would expect the same in return. If they said they couldn’t see me for a couple of months oh well.. their loss 😉

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By *urves and MischiefWoman
6 weeks ago

North West mainly. Sometimes London/SouthWest

"Depends on the situation.

I’m well aware that when I’m dating married couples for example, that while I’m a priority to them in terms of others, their relationship will always come first.

Aligned with this. If I feel I am not a priority with someone I have a connection and the energy is no longer matching then I will back off. I’m interested in consistency not a path of crumbs.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

So you wouldn't prioritise anyone and don't want anyone to make you a priority but you'd be less than pleased if they were to prioritise someone else over you? Got it.

Yeah actively feeling like there's interest is important. How frequent that communication is can vary a lot but it's about the intent. The effort. I'm not really the sort of woman who wants to be low in priorities in terms of Fab. I'd rather pass.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"We’re terrible at it.

We make so many great connections online and in person at socials but then struggle to find time to see them again.

We’re both very sorry if we’ve not followed through with any lovely people reading this.

Genuinely."

You own it though. I'm certain if people have met, spoken to you and know you? They'd understand.

Love you both.* ❤️

*got to be niceish for once.

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
6 weeks ago

South Wales

If we’re interested in someone we always make the effort to prioritise a meet, sometimes that involves a little travelling or juggling childcare and dates but if we feel like they’re as keen as we are then it’s worth it xx

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By *ittlebirdWoman
6 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I’m now in the mindset of matching their energy. If they make the effort to make time for me, I will do the same for them. But only in that order. No longer the other way round 😘

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
6 weeks ago

North West

"I think a lot of this depends of the individual circumstances of the connection/relationship you have with someone, plus their and your life circumstances.

To start with, if it's a very casual/new connection then I don't expect to be a priority so much. If it's an established "fwb" or open relationship then I would expect to be more of a priority.

Long gaps in seeing eachother because of other life priorities I have no issue with, as long as we keep in touch and the spark is still there.

Long gaps because of distance I have no issue with. As long as we keep in touch and keep the spark there.

If we live close to eachother, we work similar shift patterns, they don't have kids or caring responsibilities, I would hope they would make time for me where they could.

As others have said, it's more about matched energy. "

Thank you for typing this so I don't have to. You've worded it beautifully.

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By *isskxxyvWoman
6 weeks ago

Reading

‘Nothing worth having ever comes easy’ springs to mind ☀️

For someone as impatient as myself, I find myself being pretty fucking patient for the right person😄

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By *exyScientistsCouple
6 weeks ago

Castlebar

It's about communication and honesty.

When you say it's about communication... how do you approach this kind of conversation? Do you tell people how often you'd hope to see them or see how things organically develop over a few months?"

I think its an organic development but that leads to a conversation. If you agree to prioritise each other over other meets and that doesn't happen then you know not to put as much effort into that situation.

It needs a trust level that I don't think I'd ever be prepared to give again. Keep things on a more fluid and flexible level. No expectations.

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By *exyScientistsCouple
6 weeks ago

Castlebar

Great to see lots of different variations on a theme here. Helpful.to see how other people view those situations

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By *aveyougotmymarblesMan
6 weeks ago

3rd rock from the sun

They are never interested in me so it's not an issue

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By *ickedtiesWoman
6 weeks ago

limerick

If they don't make time for me then I will generally just move on.

Begging and apologising for a second chance wouldn't work either..I have more respect for myself than waiting around for a guy who is NOT interested!

I can't understand why anyone would!

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By *tr8MrEMan
6 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

"I would definitely prioritise and want the same.

Not able to see me because they’re meeting others?!? See ya! 🤣"

This!

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By *ansoffateMan
6 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Prioritise me over others - not important.

Consider me important enough to put the time and effort in with me - That's important.

Even so, if I or they, don't have the time then it's just life I guess.

I've probably missed opportunities for relationships with some wonderful people and put my time into relationships to discover... we weren't as compatible as we thought we were. (working on my diplomacy).

Level of involvement can be a fine balance.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
6 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I think a lot of this depends of the individual circumstances of the connection/relationship you have with someone, plus their and your life circumstances.

To start with, if it's a very casual/new connection then I don't expect to be a priority so much. If it's an established "fwb" or open relationship then I would expect to be more of a priority.

Long gaps in seeing eachother because of other life priorities I have no issue with, as long as we keep in touch and the spark is still there.

Long gaps because of distance I have no issue with. As long as we keep in touch and keep the spark there.

If we live close to eachother, we work similar shift patterns, they don't have kids or caring responsibilities, I would hope they would make time for me where they could.

As others have said, it's more about matched energy. "

I was hoping someone had already given the long and complicated answer I wanted to give, and here it is! All of this.

Mrs TMN x

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By *each needs some creamWoman
6 weeks ago

Ilfracombe

It's normal 2/3 months between visit between me and my FWB. It doesn't put me off at all.

I am not a needy person and need someone at thinks the world revolves around me.

They have a life and so do I.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
6 weeks ago

Colchester

I'm very low maintenance (I believe).

I don't expect messages or "check-ins".

I value others commitments to others. I don't set any demands or expectations. I'm just kind of here if needed. I neither behold nor are beholden.

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By *eroLondonMan
6 weeks ago

Mayfair

Hmmm...I don't really prescribe to the "matched energy" conundrum, because to me it implies that if her level of effort is waning then mine should too in response...or vice versa? If it's down to mutual apathy then I would rather we nudged each other to put ourselves back on track and expedite a meet when we've been chatting for months. Anyway my musings are...

• I desire her undivided attention (because clearly she's interested in me)

• I want to be at the forefront of her thoughts (because she's agreed to meet presently)

• I don't want to be lower down her pecking order. Instead I'd rather she would just take me off it completely. That way I know where I stand.

• I want that verve between us to continue, because it's been there all along over months of protracted chatting. Otherwise there's no point.

• If you're telling me that you're busy but you're seeing others then you're making me feel expendable. You're no longer for me.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"Great. Yay. They're interested in you.

How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you.

If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?

P.S This isn't about me at all. It's a general thing.

I'd be inclined to think it a lame excuse if they claimed to like me but couldn't find time- nobody is that busy without it being a bit suspect.

And I wouldn't wait in a line until they were done seeing others "

Yeah, a few months is quite some time isn't it? I've found that when people want to see me, really want to see me, it happens. Surprisingly quickly how quickly it can. Sometimes schedules are difficult to align.

I don't think there's any one on this site I'd wait in line for either.

Fuck that.

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"Hmmm...I don't really prescribe to the "matched energy" conundrum, because to me it implies that if her level of effort is waning then mine should too in response...or vice versa? "

I don't see the same kind of implication. I think it doesn't mean an exact match in behaviour - you don't need to send a message when they do. Mirror them etc. But it's more... say you'd quite like to see someone again and they've said similar but there's not that effort, energy to make it happen from them?

Match it. Pour the energy in to others who do. I think it's also like when a poster spoke about flavour of the month. If you're someone's late night shameful post pub chips and kebab, don't treat them like they're a limited run of an exclusive flavour.

If you're always one to do the organising and planning, that can feel a bit frustrating can't it? I think that's another thread though. *hint hint*

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By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan
6 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

"How good are you at finding time to spend with them?"

I'm not very good at finding time full stop, but that's my own doing, my time is limited and fleeting. I find it hard to commit to a long time out because my work diary is so fluid I only have a vague idea what future opportunities will be (and my real world as it is, Fab life is predominantly set around work time). So my approach is somewhat 'last minute', which I know can be a turn off for some, but I don't hide it and (like to think) I communicate accordingly.

"Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you."

No, I don't want to be anyone's priority; yes I want to be on their mind, I want THEM to ask ME when can we meet (only ever happened three times my whole life), I want to have a rapport and regular contact yes, but prioritise me? NO. I cannot prioritise anyone as 'life' takes priority so would not expect the same. I prioritised someone once in 'this life' the point of exclusivity and as much as I loved her and that time, it broke me when it ended (another story for another time), I don't want to go through that again. So, fast forward a couple of years from now, I'd like to be in a place where I have a group of friends all of whom I can meet as and when suits both them and me and meet new people as and when. While I rebuild friendships after four years away, I may be sharing my time, I don't apologise for that, nor hide it.

"If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?"

No, I look at this place as a swingers site and want to enjoy different times with different friends, and hope, finding people I'd align with, they do the same. So long as there's continued contact (doesn't even have to be regular, but a check-in every now and again), coupled with my limited availability and want to have a circle of friends, it may be a month or two before I could see someone again. Anticipation makes the desire stronger too if you want to put a positive spin on it! I think this is another example of alignment and wanting the same thing when you connect with someone. Everyone wants different things out of this site/life/experience, and everyone's circumstances are different; so long as those wants are aligned and circumstances are appreciated and commnicated, then it'll all work out.

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By *eroLondonMan
6 weeks ago

Mayfair

"..If you're always one to do the organising and planning, that can feel a bit frustrating can't it? I think that's another thread though. *hint hint*"

•

Hint taken. I have 'writer's block' at the moment. 🙂

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

"How good are you at finding time to spend with them? Is it important to you that people prioritise you? Not put you first but make the effort to spend time with you."

I try my best to make time - life depending. If they are important enough then I'll make large changes to make sure we have time.

I can accept them having life getting in the way but if I've made a lot of effort, I would expect something back. As you say, not being the number one at all times but some element of showing that it is appreciated and reciprocated. Not having that would make me lose interest.

"If someone you liked said they couldn't see you for a couple of months/didn't make plans with you because they were seeing others - would that put you off?"

That's another of those Fab 'it depends' moments. If it was 'I'm going to try my luck with Person X and I'll get back to you, depending on how it goes' then that would probably be a no.

As long as there is some contact, I'd be ok but there is a much higher likelihood that I would lose interest and make less and less time

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Central

I'd let them know I'd guage their prioritisation of me, by their offers of time to me. And leave it with them to follow through

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By *eli OP Woman
6 weeks ago

"..If you're always one to do the organising and planning, that can feel a bit frustrating can't it? I think that's another thread though. *hint hint*

•

Hint taken. I have 'writer's block' at the moment. 🙂"

Even in this apocalyptic wasteland of despair and depravity you can find a muse. Get one. Problem solved.

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