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"I don’t think anyone can honestly answer this Every single dynamic is different and what one likes an other will dislike If they are already your submissives then you know what they like. Don’t be generic or a copy of someone else. Make your dynamic unique to you Just my thoughts " Good thoughts. And I certainly have my own ideas for our dynamic. Was just interested in hearing others, as there will definitely be things I hadn’t thought of. Thanks for your perspective though. | |||
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"I don’t think anyone can honestly answer this Every single dynamic is different and what one likes an other will dislike If they are already your submissives then you know what they like. Don’t be generic or a copy of someone else. Make your dynamic unique to you Just my thoughts " Well said | |||
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"I am not a sub but my pennyworth is this. There is nothing wrong asking for technical advice on here as there are experienced and helpful practitioners on this site. However, as mentioned previously the question asked is one which is personal and not technical. A beginner mistake is to treat all submissives as being cookie cutter personalities. The second issue with the question is that no context is given. In what circumstances would you want to use the terms. Is it as a greeting? Is it during play? Is it when rewarding or is it when punishing? Etc. The preferences of the submissive will need to reflect the language used in the particular situation. Good luck" Thanks for responding. I definitely agree with your point about it being personal and that everyone is different, no one size fits all for sure. I was just asking as I was curious what other people had experienced and what worked well for them. Just to get some new/ fresh ideas. I’m interested in learning more about what other people had experienced, which would help me understand the dynamic a little more and how I could interpret that to open my eyes a little more. I’m sure I will get similar messages as my question is too vague / not enough info given and I apologise for that. Truly. But this is coming from a place of curiosity and interest from someone who is aware of the caveats and disclaimers, the personal and the uniquely individual circumstances but who has little experience. That’s all. (I’ve had some good responses along those lines messaged to me, which hve been really helpful.) Thanks. | |||
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"Is this a question to ask your subs surely something they like and get warm fuzzies when they hear it " Warm and fuzzies. Love it! Already asked them. As we’re all new to this, thought I’d ask you guys too. Wishing I could delete this thread now to be honest. Should have worded my original question better. My bad. | |||
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"Specifically asking about an FFM with a dom / sub / sub dynamic - what are some good things to say to my beautiful subs? I’m not short of ideas but I’d love to hear from you subs as to what really floats your boats (or maybe sinks your subs is more apt?) " I think it would all depend on who the FFM are in the dynamic OP. For me, D/s is a lifestyle rather than a scene thing and that complicates the situation with threesomes. If it’s a scene based dynamic only with a third being added to an existing dynamic it’s essential everyone knows and is happy with their role before the scene starts. Hope that helps a little and no it wasn’t a bad question at all. | |||
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"What I like being called varies from scene to scene. So I wouldn't like to recommend any in particular. I would recommend that if you are playing with 2 subs, you are very clear what names are being used towards who. Last thing you want is confusion, could make things so wrong quite easily. " That’s a good point. I’ve heard that eye contact can be good for this and will be sure to keep that in mind. Great advice. Thank you. | |||
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"Specifically asking about an FFM with a dom / sub / sub dynamic - what are some good things to say to my beautiful subs? I’m not short of ideas but I’d love to hear from you subs as to what really floats your boats (or maybe sinks your subs is more apt?) I think it would all depend on who the FFM are in the dynamic OP. For me, D/s is a lifestyle rather than a scene thing and that complicates the situation with threesomes. If it’s a scene based dynamic only with a third being added to an existing dynamic it’s essential everyone knows and is happy with their role before the scene starts. Hope that helps a little and no it wasn’t a bad question at all. " Good shout- I think making sure everyone knows where everyone is at / roles etc is essential for it to go well for everyone. Defo going to make sure the comms are good and threeway before, during and after. Thanks for the positive response. | |||
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"Specifically asking about an FFM with a dom / sub / sub dynamic - what are some good things to say to my beautiful subs? I’m not short of ideas but I’d love to hear from you subs as to what really floats your boats (or maybe sinks your subs is more apt?) " I find it’s all about making your subs feel exactly where they belong — beneath you, wanted, craved, and completely owned. Phrases like: • “Good girls wait for permission.” • “You’re mine to use, mine to please — and mine to break if I want.” • “I love watching you both try so hard for my attention… knowing I’ll reward the one who earns it.” • “Kneel. Hands behind your back. Show me you deserve it.” A good mix of praise, control, and a little teasing denial usually drives them wild. It’s all about that balance between making them ache for you and feel safe in it. | |||
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"Specifically asking about an FFM with a dom / sub / sub dynamic - what are some good things to say to my beautiful subs? I’m not short of ideas but I’d love to hear from you subs as to what really floats your boats (or maybe sinks your subs is more apt?) I find it’s all about making your subs feel exactly where they belong — beneath you, wanted, craved, and completely owned. Phrases like: • “Good girls wait for permission.” • “You’re mine to use, mine to please — and mine to break if I want.” • “I love watching you both try so hard for my attention… knowing I’ll reward the one who earns it.” • “Kneel. Hands behind your back. Show me you deserve it.” A good mix of praise, control, and a little teasing denial usually drives them wild. It’s all about that balance between making them ache for you and feel safe in it." That is an absolutely awesome shout right there ^ That really helps me get in the zone. Thanks so much. Gonna put something like that into practice. Thank you. | |||
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"Specifically asking about an FFM with a dom / sub / sub dynamic - what are some good things to say to my beautiful subs? I’m not short of ideas but I’d love to hear from you subs as to what really floats your boats (or maybe sinks your subs is more apt?) I find it’s all about making your subs feel exactly where they belong — beneath you, wanted, craved, and completely owned. Phrases like: • “Good girls wait for permission.” • “You’re mine to use, mine to please — and mine to break if I want.” • “I love watching you both try so hard for my attention… knowing I’ll reward the one who earns it.” • “Kneel. Hands behind your back. Show me you deserve it.” A good mix of praise, control, and a little teasing denial usually drives them wild. It’s all about that balance between making them ache for you and feel safe in it. That is an absolutely awesome shout right there ^ That really helps me get in the zone. Thanks so much. Gonna put something like that into practice. Thank you. " You are more than welcome 😘😘 | |||
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"Before play begins (and I'm talking days, weeks, and even in some cases months), I will build up a mental profile of the players involved. . The two most important questions I ask them are :. . What are your Needs? What are your Desires ? . I patiently explain that they are NOT the same thing, and I frame the difference as thus : . A Need is "something that absolutely must be delivered in a session. It is fundamental to that person's physical and emotional well-being." . Things I have been asked in the past include but are not limited to : . 1. To feel valued 2. To feel desired 3. To feel safe / cared for 4. To orgasm 5. To have my left nipple sucked. ...you get the idea. . Desires are a bit different. They are framed as "Something which is a nice to have if the situation presents itself in play. If it is not delivered, then the session is not a failure. But if it can be delivered, it's "icing on the cake"." . Examples can be.. . 1. To feel valued 2. To feel desired 3. To feel safe / cared for 4. To orgasm 5. To have my left nipple sucked. . You'll notice that a Need can be a Desire, or vice versa. What's fundamental to one person can be fair to middling or even inconsequential to another. . I would respectfully suggest you absolutely know the Sub's Needs before play and can mentally call them to mind in the middle of play. Know the Desires too. This will give you a good foundation to build a session plan around. . And it is worth pointing out, a Domme should make a list of their own Needs and Desires too, because I have my own Needs and Desires when I Dom too. It is a shared journey and we are all moving in a direction for everyone's benefit." Great advice. We’ve been talking lots about likes, dislikes, boundaries and expectations but I think framing it in the terms of desires and needs is a really good idea 👍 It will help clarify the really important stuff. Appreciate the message massively. Thank you. | |||
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" Great advice. We’ve been talking lots about likes, dislikes, boundaries and expectations but I think framing it in the terms of desires and needs is a really good idea 👍 It will help clarify the really important stuff. Appreciate the message massively. Thank you. " You are most welcome and from your reply it's clear that you are on a good footing already with boundaries and expectations. The communication and feedback pre-session sounds really well thought out too. You've got a good handle on this already. . When I am about to start a session, I have a "ritual" which serves 2 main purposes, and fulfils several others as well. Main purpose 1 is to set a clearly felt shift in mindset, both for the Dom/Domme and the Sub/Subs. It helps all of us "get in to our roles", if that makes sense ? Main purpose 2 is to get information relevant to the scene and those within it. . This is achieved with the following framing technique. . 1.The Welcoming I welcome the sub to the environment and ask them to take a seat (or stand) and face me. I thank them for their arrival. (I'm already asserting gentle dominance at this point by being the meeter and greeter). 2. Acknowledgement I verbally acknowledge that the sub has come here today for submission/instruction/punishment/whatever the core theme is going to be. I thank them for their presence. 3. Health : Physical and Mental I ask the sub if there are any physical or mental issues I need to be aware of today. How are they feeling ? What is their mood ? Is anything preying on their mind which might be a distraction ? (I do look for signs of intoxication) 4. Appreciation I make sincere comment about something I find attractive about the sub. It might be clothing, personal appearance, a body part. I thank them for presenting themselves to me. (reinforcement of the Dom/Sub relationship). 5. Overview I give a brief overview of what the play will involve. (this is because folks are nervous and it's good to settle them). 6. Safety I will cover any important issues re safety that need to be refreshed in minds. I'll go over the agreed "safe" words for stop, ease off, or all is good. 7.Consent. At the end, I will ask them for their consent to proceed. If "intimate" play is on the agenda, I will explicitly ask "Do I have your consent to be intimate with you?" . I typically find, by the end of step 7, I am in the right "headspace" to Dom, they are in the right "headspace" to Sub, and a clear tone and feel to the affair has been set. I also find the Sub is now ready and waiting for me, and that's exactly where I need them to be. | |||
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