FabSwingers.com forum: Dealing with grief

By *idssissy OP TV/TS
11 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.

It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.

Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.

I have seen people well up when they remember losses they have had and makes me wonder if I'm abnormal that it doesn't have the same effect on me. I don't think I have properly cried over either loss or maybe I just don't show emotions.

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By *tr8MrEMan
11 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

I don't think your abnormal at all, we all deal with loss differently and grieve in different ways.

I know this is very current but I'll find a moment to inexplicably explode into tears over my loss

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By *nmyownio79Man
11 weeks ago

belfast

strange old thing grief, when I lost my father I wasn't too bad much the same as you describe and a melt down about 18 months later for one night believe that was triggered by having to put the family dog down. However I lost my partner of 17 years in October and I've been the opposite, when you think you starting to heal boom she sneak right into my head. Suppose it depends on circumstances my father was ill with a time frame, my partner was ill for a long time but death was unexpected at that stage.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
11 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

I lost my dad 31 years ago and still get down and upset.

The past 5 years has been awful losing so many family members including my mum and wife's parents, auntie's,uncles , family friends and more.

Kinda numb to it all.

I don't think you ever get over it, just learn to live with it.

It's hard 😭

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By *dalisqueWoman
11 weeks ago

land of make believe

Like you said grief is very personal.

Don't put pressure on yourself to grieve in a way others (or even you) think you should.

Every thought & feeling you have is valid ,regardless of if it is a shared experience.

You never get over losing someone special, you just lean to live with it.

Take your time to process & remember if you need someone to talk to i am always here xx

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By *ceKweenWoman
11 weeks ago

Bolton

We all handle grief differently… don’t feel guilty.

My father passed away over 5 yrs ago and the other night I dreamt of him (very rare) and we hugged.. such a long hug… gosh, I miss him

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By *ellhungvweMan
11 weeks ago

Cheltenham

For what it is worth OP - I don’t feel the need to cry or feel sad either. I remember the good things and that makes me smile.

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By *ealitybitesMan
11 weeks ago

Belfast

"I lost my dad 31 years ago and still get down and upset.

The past 5 years has been awful losing so many family members including my mum and wife's parents, auntie's,uncles , family friends and more.

Kinda numb to it all.

I don't think you ever get over it, just learn to live with it.

It's hard 😭"

I was only 21 when I lost my dad and I became the man of the house and as such couldn't or wouldn't grieve for a long time but it hit hard about a year later.

In the last 5 years I've lost 3 close family members, 2 life long friends and 2 pets. Each loss was difficult but because they all seemed to happen so close together there was no space to grieve for one before the next one landed.

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By *immers123Woman
11 weeks ago

South Molton

I lost my dad in December 2021. I loved him dearly but recently I lost my cat and I think I was more broken hearted and cried more.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
11 weeks ago

little house on the praire

It's been 2 1/2 years since my partner died and I haven't shed one single tear but the thought of another man touching me makes me feel sick. I think we just grieve in different ways

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By *wisted999Man
11 weeks ago

North Bucks

You carry that weight however you see fit.

There is no real right and wrong.

I suffer hideously with survivors guilt with a side of grief. I just keep going and have the odd moment of upset.

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By *nmyownio79Man
11 weeks ago

belfast

no answer the same already, looks like everyone has to navigate it their own way, think it's also good to let the mind run free sort of speak as well. Reckon it's important to speak to someone something personally I find difficuilt to do but hope one day.

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By *ustlooking26096Man
11 weeks ago

around

All different all go through it our own ways ! Remember the joy they gave x

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
11 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

Appreciate the responses

Think there is also guilt as they lived and loved life when I don't to the same and would rather they were still here and it was me gone

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By *aughty driverMan
11 weeks ago

Romford

Lile you i have also recently loat quite a few members but i dont feel the emotional hit like other members of the family but i still think about them regularly when im lost in my own thoughts. I feel weird like i dont have the same connection to that person as other family members but inside i still got memories with them that are a constant reminder

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By *aughty driverMan
11 weeks ago

Romford

There are moments when i even feel angry or cold hearted that people are over reacting when i know i was close to those friends and family but i cant control it

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By *eadymade31Man
11 weeks ago

northumberland

Ive lost a couple loved ones in the space of a few month and i honestly thought i was cold hearted/emotionless until the day i lay on the vets table cuddled into my dog while she was euthenized and that right there broke me. Ive never sobbed like that

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
11 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"Ive lost a couple loved ones in the space of a few month and i honestly thought i was cold hearted/emotionless until the day i lay on the vets table cuddled into my dog while she was euthenized and that right there broke me. Ive never sobbed like that "

Hugs xx

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By *ena AmourTV/TS
11 weeks ago

Chard

Agree with a lot of the above, everyone is different. It is just over a year since both my parents died approx 6 months apart. I am not sure how I am "supposed" to grieve, but I keep their memories alive and every time something reminds me of what I have lost I cry for that and then remember their love and try to be happy because that is what they always wanted for others.

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By *tr8MrEMan
11 weeks ago

somewhere near Sheffield

"We all handle grief differently… don’t feel guilty.

My father passed away over 5 yrs ago and the other night I dreamt of him (very rare) and we hugged.. such a long hug… gosh, I miss him "

This is so beautiful

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By *assy69Man
11 weeks ago

sussex and Wales

"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.

It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.

Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.

My father died a long time ago now, but have never shed a tear. We had too many good times and nothing left unsaid when he died. I do still miss not being able to phone him and chat, and sometimes things happen that I know he’d have enjoyed that make me think of him, but have never felt sadness, just joy for having known him

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

My mum is buried in another city.

I'm an atheist, but also I feel I should visit more often..

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

We've had two family losses so far this year, it's been a rough year already but I can't cry, I'm not sure why, I've maybe blocked all my feelings off or buried them I'm not too sure.

Sorry for your loss op.

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

I posted a message to dad in a sibling what's app group, maybe trying to get closure. I was mostly honest but bore in mind that we all had different relationships and I can't derail their memories. Was expecting a back lash from them but the one reply so far has been supportive.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
10 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

It's five years since I lost my Dad to covid. Still seems strange not visiting him every month.

Sadly death is part of life, but there's no timescale on grief or how long (if ever) things become easier.

Hugs.

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By *rHotNottsMan
10 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

A friend of mine who lost his father was talking about how during the funeral and all the arrangements there was this expectation that he should be brave keep it together, stiff upper lip and all that and the flat refused and said no he’s gonna grieve and he bawled his eyes out for a few days. This was great advice for me when I had a similar situation to deal with. You deal with it at the time, you’re not only entitled to do that I think you owe it out of respect to put your grief before keeping up appearances. So that’s what I did. I dealt with it at the time I still miss them of course and loss hurts and I remember them and do things to keep the memory , but its a happy memory, doesn’t cause me any concern that I’ve not dealt with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

I'm stuck in the 'guilt' stage.

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By *rHotNottsMan
10 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I'm stuck in the 'guilt' stage.

I keep their birthday in my phone’s calendar and try and do something nice every year to remember the good & the not so good is fully dealt with, I don’t go there any more

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By *ature curvyWoman
10 weeks ago

Sheffield

I lost my husband last year, we were together for 61 years. Grief doesn't get any easier you just learn to live with it. I go through so many different emotions daily but one thing I treasure

"You may not get to spend the rest of your life with them but they got to spend the rest of their life with you" ❤️

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

I lost my dad last year. I thought I had dealt with it and I didn’t really cry at all but as the year went on I got more and more depressed I tried talking therapy but they kind of tell you what you already know. I still think of him every day and miss him so much. Every one is different I don’t think you really get over it you learn to live with it x

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By *Wgent72Man
10 weeks ago

Manchester

Since October 2020, I've lost my dad, my mum, my aunty, dad's partner, 5 neighbours and 3 pets...so it's been a terrible time for me...still have panic attacks over my mum and dad as well.

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

"Since October 2020, I've lost my dad, my mum, my aunty, dad's partner, 5 neighbours and 3 pets...so it's been a terrible time for me...still have panic attacks over my mum and dad as well."

Sending hugs

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By *Wgent72Man
10 weeks ago

Manchester

"Since October 2020, I've lost my dad, my mum, my aunty, dad's partner, 5 neighbours and 3 pets...so it's been a terrible time for me...still have panic attacks over my mum and dad as well.

Sending hugs "

Thanks...and to you too

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
10 weeks ago

Pontypool

I lost my Dad at the end of March. He has had various health problems for a number of years, but was given another diagnosis on top last year. I think I saw the inevitable and had a period of pre-grief - even though his passing had not been expected quite so soon. Still, I don't think it's hit me yet.

Yesterday, I was told my mum's cancer has returned, and mutated, so the chemo needs to be different which could also affect her heart. This treatment isn't going to cure her, it's going to give us a few months. I am experiencing pre-grief again, having not fully come to terms with my dad. I'm tearful but, at the same time, numb.

Heartfelt love and support to all of you experiencing loss, in whichever way feels right for you.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
10 weeks ago

London

It affects everyone differently my friend. Don't over think it.

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By *rill PhilMan
10 weeks ago

Crediton

"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.

It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.

Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.

I lost my mum 9 years ago, like you I just got on with things because, what else CAN you do?

I find I get waves of grief that hit me seemingly at random. They've got further apart but, I wouldn't go as far as to say I've "dealt with it" was does that even mean anyway?

To me, to have really dealt with something, you must either forget or not care. That being the case, I'm relieved I haven't dealt with it. That seems kinda psychotic to me.

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By *orester891Man
10 weeks ago

Lost my wife nearly 10 years ago and it fucking devastated me but my sons and family were a great support. . I started having casual meets after a year and haven’t got away from that yet, would be really great to meet a loving lady friend but I no longer really want a permanent relationship. Days out, wine , food and occasional sex. And a deep understanding and curiosity for the natural world and travelling to find it . Any age considered , lol

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

"Lost my wife nearly 10 years ago and it fucking devastated me but my sons and family were a great support. . I started having casual meets after a year and haven’t got away from that yet, would be really great to meet a loving lady friend but I no longer really want a permanent relationship. Days out, wine , food and occasional sex. And a deep understanding and curiosity for the natural world and travelling to find it . Any age considered , lol "

Sorry for your loss but are you trying to hijack the thread with an ad?

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By *xfordjohnMan
10 weeks ago

Oxford

Getting back to the subject, we all suffer in different ways. I lost my wife 18 months ago and still have a cry most days but have other symptoms which have led me to seek counselling. If you are bothered by your reactions, OP, maybe you should seek counselling. There are some charities that offer it for free.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
10 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

I think we are all looking at it wrong.

Rather than lament their passing maybe think of it as a mark of respect and love that even after so many years ( over 30 in my dad's case) we are still missing and mourning them ❤️

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By *nmyownio79Man
10 weeks ago

belfast

"Getting back to the subject, we all suffer in different ways. I lost my wife 18 months ago and still have a cry most days but have other symptoms which have led me to seek counselling. If you are bothered by your reactions, OP, maybe you should seek counselling. There are some charities that offer it for free. "

Has counselling helped you, I'm thinking of getting in touch with my gp more around constant tiredness, which is confusing cause apart form we local walks I'm doing not very much, even reduced the booze. It's now 7 months by and large thinking I'm.not doing to bad, but from nodding off.

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By *orny PTMan
10 weeks ago

Peterborough

This sounds a bit different, but it works for me.

Grief is a bit like toothache:

Life was just dandy

Then it went wrong

The pressure builds up

The pain becomes unbearable

Even sleep offers no relief

it won't get better by itself

You feel like lashing out a lot

Even murderous

Patience is a virtue: they can fuck the right off

You need an expert to remove the source of the pain.

Apply some wadding

And feel the release

OOh what sweet, sweet relief

Welcome back to the human race

and relax

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By *ogmark1Man
10 weeks ago

Reading

Lost my mum 5 weeks ago

Quite sudden , and very unexpected

Know it's a relatively short time but can't sleep , when I do I wake up about the time I got the phone call to goto the hospital

Not functioning on the lack of sleep , hoping it gets easier but it's not at present

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By *lix CoxMan
10 weeks ago

CF39

[Removed by poster at 02/05/25 22:43:42]

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By *lix CoxMan
10 weeks ago

CF39

My partner died after being together for 21 yrs, travelled all over the world, There's not one day that goes by that I don't think how nice it was and that I was lucky to meet such a kind and beautiful person. The grief doesn't end for me unfortunatley. But somehow dreams make it better.

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

"Lost my mum 5 weeks ago

Quite sudden , and very unexpected

Know it's a relatively short time but can't sleep , when I do I wake up about the time I got the phone call to goto the hospital

Not functioning on the lack of sleep , hoping it gets easier but it's not at present "

Sorry for your loss

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By *oxy-RedWoman
10 weeks ago

pink panther territory

Like you said op we all greive in different ways

My 7month old Grandaughter passed away in March and most days I have to drag myself out of bed,the pain is at times unbearable

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By *edSirenWoman
10 weeks ago

magic mountain

"I know grief like most emotions is very individual and affects people in different ways and people deal with it differently.

It's coming up to almost 2 yrs since I lost my dad and 18 months since I lost a close friend who was almost a second dad.

Not sure I have dealt with the losses yet or my way with dealing is just to get on with things.

Firstly, sorry to hear of your loss 😕

Grief is one of the most personal emotions we experience. How we express it can depend on a lot of factors such as their relationship to you , your mental health state, the adjustment shock level (eg reason of death, time between last speaking and them passing). You can have 2 people equally affected by the loss of a loved one, but the expression of that grief is different for both. It doesn’t lessen the feelings they feel. So I’d say there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

I lost my mum 5 years ago. Don’t feel like I cried at all tbh, instead I made myself busy making sure everyone else was ok in their grief. To this day I still don’t get upset. But it doesn’t mean I don’t think about or miss her every damn day. I guess for me it’s just a quiet acceptance of what is and a massive appreciation for what once was.

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

"Like you said op we all greive in different ways

My 7month old Grandaughter passed away in March and most days I have to drag myself out of bed,the pain is at times unbearable"

So sorry to read this

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By *di3491Man
10 weeks ago

Sandbach

It’s ten years on Monday since I lost my dad and I still haven’t grieved for him I just don’t know how to

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
10 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

Unfortunately the relationship I had with dad is affecting my ability to grieve normally.

Also recently being mentioned that may be on the autism spectrum so that may affect how I deal with emotions

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By *spenfallsMan
10 weeks ago

Northamptonshire

Lost my Dad four years ago, holding his hand in hospital as his passed. Though there were some immediate tears at the time, I've never really felt a process of grieving or of needing to. I spend a lot of time outdoors and whenever I do things he liked or was good at, like gardening, fishing, decorating or construction, I have a very real sense he is with me. As if I'm some sort of continuance of his knowledge and experience. I mostly feel happy when I think of him, but I suppose I'm just very lucky in this.

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By *lix CoxMan
10 weeks ago

CF39

What gets me is why should someone elses grief be different becuse of the loss or a younger person to an older person??

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
10 weeks ago

little house on the praire

"What gets me is why should someone elses grief be different becuse of the loss or a younger person to an older person??

"
I don't think anyone on this thread is saying different, we all experience grief in different ways young or old

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
10 weeks ago

Swansea

I didn't cry when my dad died until many years later. 8 just started crying out of the blue while driving home from work. There is no right or wrong with grief.

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By *idssissy OP TV/TS
8 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

Another person I used to be very friendly with has passed away.

There's part of me that wants to go to the funeral whenever it's arranged but there's another part of me thinking it won't be good for my mh as there will be people I don't want to see there and am afraid may say the wrong thing.

And stupidly another part of me is envious that when it's my turn, I won't be missed as much as as they will be.

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