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A body positivity discussion

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By *lue Eyed Joker OP   Man
13 weeks ago

Always on the move

Good Morning Fabbers,

First and foremost, this is not another "spread positivity" thread. Nor is it a shaming thread.

Recently I was having a chat with a couple of pals, and one of them (let's call him Charles) stated that he did not believe body positivity existed for men.

Now Charles is an educated chap and is certainly note a Tate following incel type. But he strongly believes that the body positivity movement only exists for women and trans women. He went on to produce a host of examples.

It was at this point when a female friend (let's call her Camilla) engaged in the conversation. Now I thought Camilla would counter dicuss Charles' viewpoint, but ahe actually went on to agree with him.

Personally, I don't think it's that "black and white", but they both made a compelling argument.

Looking at Fab a lot recently, and there is a lot of evidence to suggest Charles and Camilla are right. BBW lover threads, Curvey woman events, and a whole raft of profiles that claim any male engaging MUST be Gym fit.

So, people of Fab. I ask you. What is your opinion on this? Curiosity has me by the knackers, and I feel this is the kind of place I'll get complete honest opinions.

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By *ou only live onceMan
13 weeks ago

London

I think Charles and Camilla are wrong. I think the reason Charles could rattle off more examples is that more adverts are aimed at women, generally speaking. I still think the pressure on women to look a certain way is greater than it is for men.

As for Fab, on the perennial Dad v Gym bod threads (yawn!), the former normally comes out on top...

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By *oxdawgMan
13 weeks ago

Linthorpe

It is dependant on the audience looking. Don't get me wrong I enjoy looking at a gym body but I am very open to other types.

I find age and expectations of the viewer has a big impact too.

On fab guys there is a much wider request for chubby/bear/dad bod types.

I think more men need to be complimented also for the positivity to start.

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By *ealitybitesMan
13 weeks ago

Belfast

On fab, women receive both positive and negative comments from men, some of which are from the same person and are dependant on the response from the woman.

They often receive positive comments from other women about body positivity.

Men rarely get either positive or negative body comments from women on fab but may have a similar experience to women in private messages from other men once again depending on what response they give.

IRL body positive comments from men towards other men are extremely rare and any self doubt they may have is passed off with jokey comments or banter from their mates.

I've no idea how frequently women will experience what they believe to be genuine body positive comments from other women but from growing up in a family of mostly women and having 3 daughters I've found that most of the nastiest things said to women have been from other women.

That has also been my experience on fab where things have been said to me in private messages from women about other women on fab that they wouldn't dare say in public.

I've never been a big believer in "movements" because in my experience so much of what is said is just lip service.

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By *eoBloomsMan
13 weeks ago

Springfield

Our culture is more dominated by the visual image than ever so I think both sexes are under huge peer and commercial pressure to look a certain way. I'm not convinced any body positivity 'movement' offers much counterweight to that.

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By *eliWoman
13 weeks ago

.

They're not really compelling...

I think that there should be more acceptance for men, generally. I also think that women have more pressure to look sexually attractive, more adverts, media in play to say "women this is how you should look".

The BBW threads? A lot of them, the recurring one that went in to three figures, were a few people talking about their day. That's not exactly body acceptance.

The ones that say "phwoar, I love to bend a fat arse over and fuck her senseless"? Not exactly body positivity. More horny men.

With regards to profiles that say gym fit? That's confirmation bias. I'd stake my home, savings and future earnings on there being more profiles that don't say they want gym fit compared to those who do. I've viewed a fair few in my years on here.

Fab isn't really a good sign of body positivity - not the examples Charles gave. Someone fetishising isn't body positivity. I like when people actively find my body attractive, not find me attractive despite of/couldn't care less about it.

Maybe instead of making it a VS thing it could be more of a "Hey, let's all encourage more body positivity, less shaming".

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

Personally I’m not bothered by it at all and I don’t think “body positivity “ is particularly positive or beneficial to an individual. So in that respect it’s an advantage to men! It’s kinda Emperors new clothes stuff which I don’t think is mentally or physically healthy for a person. Not to say you can’t be comfortable with yourself, but this is just another of life’s power struggles and soon there will be a body positivity POSITIVITY movement to enable people to feel confident with there body positivity views.

Just be yourself, wake up on the morning and do the best with your day and enjoy the simple things without comparing yourself or worrying about the unfairness of life. This is my way and I think that’s pretty positive but I don’t need to post pics of my bloated belly or big ears on national big ear day for likes to feel better about them…

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By *eliWoman
13 weeks ago

.

Oh and growing up as a woman, with sisters, nieces, going to an all girls school, dating women exclusively for a period of time (got to get my woman credentials in)...

Men and women are as bad when it comes to nasty comments about appearance.

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By *rHotNottsMan
13 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think I agree body positivity doesn’t exist for men or women. People get sucked into all kinds of made up stuff peddled around on the Internet by people using their taxes to create some crap sculpture

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By *agic.MMan
13 weeks ago

Orpington

I think nicki minaj said something along the line ..."body positivity and all that, but fu*k them skinny bitches!" - which perfectly reflects what the body positivity movement has always been about, which is "fat acceptance ". Plenty of women that are slim and petite might have body image issues (specifically because they are slim) and they get gaslighted and are rejected by these body positivity communities. I probably have more low self esteem and body image issues than 90% of men on fab, but these will never be validated by society at large, because based on the way I look I should not feel that way. When I was younger I was very self conscious about my height and took rejection (based on that) very hard...which led me to seek support from these body positivity online communities only to be rejected by most of them. So no, I don't believe in body positivity , however "fat acceptance " yes that is a thing, but most men don't care about it that much.

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By *ansoffateMan
13 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"On fab, women receive both positive and negative comments from men, some of which are from the same person and are dependant on the response from the woman.

They often receive positive comments from other women about body positivity.

Men rarely get either positive or negative body comments from women on fab but may have a similar experience to women in private messages from other men once again depending on what response they give.

IRL body positive comments from men towards other men are extremely rare and any self doubt they may have is passed off with jokey comments or banter from their mates.

I've no idea how frequently women will experience what they believe to be genuine body positive comments from other women but from growing up in a family of mostly women and having 3 daughters I've found that most of the nastiest things said to women have been from other women.

That has also been my experience on fab where things have been said to me in private messages from women about other women on fab that they wouldn't dare say in public.

I've never been a big believer in "movements" because in my experience so much of what is said is just lip service.

"

You are talking some solid points there, quite consistent with my own experience.

I have met some women in my life who will go straight in with something akin to: Have you got a problem with me? Those moments make me smile, I've always admired women like that - who cut through and expose the bullshit. They have definitely been prepared to say it in public.

Men and women can both have very different behaviours, when in groups. I think that's at least as much of a factor as gender.

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By *ansoffateMan
13 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"They're not really compelling...

I think that there should be more acceptance for men, generally. I also think that women have more pressure to look sexually attractive, more adverts, media in play to say "women this is how you should look".

The BBW threads? A lot of them, the recurring one that went in to three figures, were a few people talking about their day. That's not exactly body acceptance.

The ones that say "phwoar, I love to bend a fat arse over and fuck her senseless"? Not exactly body positivity. More horny men.

With regards to profiles that say gym fit? That's confirmation bias. I'd stake my home, savings and future earnings on there being more profiles that don't say they want gym fit compared to those who do. I've viewed a fair few in my years on here.

Fab isn't really a good sign of body positivity - not the examples Charles gave. Someone fetishising isn't body positivity. I like when people actively find my body attractive, not find me attractive despite of/couldn't care less about it.

Maybe instead of making it a VS thing it could be more of a "Hey, let's all encourage more body positivity, less shaming"."

Agreed on the fetishising and the point about women being under more pressure. I'm a bit unclear about the find my body/not me comment. I think that's possibly because I can't separate the two, in terms of sexual attraction.

My credentials (made me laugh that one 🤣) are similar and different. The culture was more don't shame people and if you wouldn't say it to their face don't be a shitbag and say it behind their back. If it's just a veneer then it's not civilised. That applied to everyone.

Still to this day, I ask myself would I say this to a person's face?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
13 weeks ago

Reading

It's up to chubby men to create it.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
13 weeks ago

Manchester

I honestly feel the "body positivity" movement was a complete fallacy. It was a marketing ploy for companies and influencers to make money. Now the ozempic/mounjaro etc train in is full flow skinny is cool again, and even those celebs and influencers who promoted body positivity have lost weight. There's numerous articles online about this.

Weight loss is a personal decision. But I think it just goes to show to it was all a fad and body positivity never really existed. The same way "greenwashing" and "rainbow washing" happens. It's all superficial and meaningless.

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By *eoBloomsMan
13 weeks ago

Springfield

I don't want do reply quote both but I think Mike and Kinkyy make excellent points.

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By *_hot_hornyCouple
13 weeks ago

Sutton Coldfield

Our anecdotal experience is that men judge men's bodies more than women, and women judge women more than men.

In the swinging world, most men we know aren't too bothered about the shape of a woman's body, or whether she has stretch marks etc. Likewise, a lot of women we know can admire a nice athletic physique, but if the attitude is poor, the attraction evaporates.

We've both experienced negative comments about our bodies in the past, but always from the same sex; "you need to hit the gym, lad!" or "You must starve yourself to be that slim!" -and whilst at the time it didn't feel malicious, it definitely put a dent in our self-esteem as we've both struggled with our bodies and appearance.

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By *ansoffateMan
13 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"I honestly feel the "body positivity" movement was a complete fallacy. It was a marketing ploy for companies and influencers to make money. Now the ozempic/mounjaro etc train in is full flow skinny is cool again, and even those celebs and influencers who promoted body positivity have lost weight. There's numerous articles online about this.

Weight loss is a personal decision. But I think it just goes to show to it was all a fad and body positivity never really existed. The same way "greenwashing" and "rainbow washing" happens. It's all superficial and meaningless. "

There's a government white paper that directly links the pressure to lose weight, focus on BMI etc - in school children - to the rise in the cultural acceptability of body shaming and increase in eating disorders.

If you've ever stood in a pharmacist queue with someone who has Anorexia Nervosa and watched them physically shaking in front of the walls of weight loss products - it's pretty obvious.

I appreciate that some of it came from a positive agenda of trying to improve people's health, but there was no forethought given to the damage it could cause through shaming.

No as you say it's a thriving market. Of course the trends will shift - that's great for sales.

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By *ondiego85Man
13 weeks ago

nottingham

I guess it depends on the audience. There’s a lot of deluded people here who would only entertain with “gym fit” people, ask for BBC only or put a minimum of 8.5 inches.

I would say that as a man, once you hit the age of 30-35 there is less demand to be fit & beautiful than there is for a woman of the same age.

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By (user no longer on site)
13 weeks ago

Firstly I believe most of the pressure to look a certain way is driven by commercial interests trying to sell you something you don’t actually need.

Secondly body positivity can only truly come from within are you comfortable in your skin, validation might be nice but that’s all it is.

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By *aggyballs98Man
13 weeks ago

Cheshire

What gender are plus size models

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By *estructionDollyWoman
13 weeks ago

Manchester


"I honestly feel the "body positivity" movement was a complete fallacy. It was a marketing ploy for companies and influencers to make money. Now the ozempic/mounjaro etc train in is full flow skinny is cool again, and even those celebs and influencers who promoted body positivity have lost weight. There's numerous articles online about this.

Weight loss is a personal decision. But I think it just goes to show to it was all a fad and body positivity never really existed. The same way "greenwashing" and "rainbow washing" happens. It's all superficial and meaningless.

There's a government white paper that directly links the pressure to lose weight, focus on BMI etc - in school children - to the rise in the cultural acceptability of body shaming and increase in eating disorders.

If you've ever stood in a pharmacist queue with someone who has Anorexia Nervosa and watched them physically shaking in front of the walls of weight loss products - it's pretty obvious.

I appreciate that some of it came from a positive agenda of trying to improve people's health, but there was no forethought given to the damage it could cause through shaming.

No as you say it's a thriving market. Of course the trends will shift - that's great for sales."

Unfortunately, I think more often than not psychological impacts are overlooked sadly.

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