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 And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."It’s never easy, I met a man previously that I had been chatting with for weeks and we had agreed we would see each other again. He messaged me the next morning and all seemed good and then the radio silence. Months later he came back, apparently life had got in the way and he hadn’t been around. I knew that wasn’t true as he had another verification in the meantime. I try to think of these things as a good escape, if they can’t behave with decency and openness from the outset then you are better off without them. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? " It’s their loss. Haha. I sometimes don’t, that’s being honest. Not in a -shaking in the corner type of way, but if we get no explanation how do we deal with it? So we must just move on, which I do. My advice is always as long as you were true and it ends abruptly, you just didn’t match up and they figured it out before you did, and you would have done eventually  | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."Try not to overthink it. There xould be lots of reasons... It happens to everyone and you'll probably never know. 🤷 | |||
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"I've no issues with people ignoring messages. Women get a ton so I wouldn't take it personally at all if I were you, but I mean when you have spent time with a person and they abruptly stop contact. " I've had it a few times. It will sting for a day or 2 not gonna say it won't but just think there are plenty other guys on here. Your in luck cause the male to female ratio is in your favour. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection..." You don't, or at least with great difficulty when everything you had with that person transcended so many meaningful levels, with the expectation of continuity. I think aside from pondering and mulling things over it's really a case of letting time heal. A 'root cause' analysis just leaves you with more unanswered questions. It's not nice to feel discarded but it happens. I'm sorry to hear that it happened to you. | |||
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"Yeah I get some blokes especially the good looking ones will be meeting lots, this guy said he had only ever had one meet before. I hadn't had a meet in 7 months so was hoping he wouldn't be another fuck and chuck but nevermind lol" And they wonder why they never get meets..... | |||
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" Maybe he will message you in a few weeks when hes horny and give you some bullshit excuse. " 👆🏻this, block him if he does ❤️ | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 " • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."On reflection how much effort did he put in to get to meet you. Was he dishonest .. looking back do you think he lovebombed you .. implied he wanted more Important lessons for not being played  | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance." Yep. They're not losing out on anything if they decide you're not for them. Bit blunt, apologies OP! | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."You just can't dwell on it. You sound like your after an FWB set up. One will come along who suits. Enjoy the fun finding one and don't get too hung up along the way. Shit will always happen. | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance." Agreed | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."Unfortunately it is standard behaviour for a lot of men and people in general, especially the one's born with a phone in their hand. Lol! There's might be a bit of people-pleasing there. I don't look at who has looked at my profile unless, they wink at me. I kind of expect people that I've played with before to look at my profile.... Unfortunately people ghost for all kinds of reason and some of them don't even know the reasons themselves....like you have to have the skills of a psychotherapist ( joke at my profile) to tease out bit by bit why they do what they do. (in my case it was the teasing out of late diagnosed autism) 
Sometimes I literally forget to message people because I feel overwhelmed and/or I'm ill/triggered. It's annoying but it's not something I can change and I'm one of the lucky ones who recognise that my behaviours do make other people upset even if it's not my intention.
Sometimes if you are used to being blamed for something, your default setting is to take the blame for something that is not your fault.
Hugs...From what you describe, it's not you and even if it was how are you supposed to know if he doesn't tell you... cowardice and communication failure on his part.
My advice go out and do something that boost your mood and you will forget all about 2-meet guy. | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance." Well, Glad you know me so well that you can say that with absolute certainly 👍. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after.
It’s never easy, I met a man previously that I had been chatting with for weeks and we had agreed we would see each other again. He messaged me the next morning and all seemed good and then the radio silence. Months later he came back, apparently life had got in the way and he hadn’t been around. I knew that wasn’t true as he had another verification in the meantime.
I try to think of these things as a good escape, if they can’t behave with decency and openness from the outset then you are better off without them. "Yeah I can't deal with closed off people. We are incompatible. with my autism, I need a lot of direct and blunt to the point communication...otherwise it just goes over my head. Like my colleagues said I'm bossy. I said well just ignore me If you think I'm being bossy...and we had a good laugh about it. Then we found out about the autism and that explained my inadvertly wanting to have every detailed and done in a particular way....I'm still on a journey of letting go. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."I'm curious as to your self doubt when people don't text...... start 'knowing' that it is them not you and then you don't have to be so self critical. If you are sure you have done nothing wrong don't take the blame. Does your profile say you want a textual relationship and contact and validation after ? Might help if you look for someone that wants the same. Happier days to you xx | |||
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"Easy for me to say op, don't read into it too deeply, treat it as water off your back. If you have zero expectations, you will never feel let down. Sometimes people change their mind, sometimes they discover that they themselves are not compatible, sometimes it's outer influences. You could ask a million questions. It's best not to and just carry on... If things change great, if not ... Nothing lost. It's a common occurrence for us gentlemen and I have learnt that it's generally not a me problem but things that are beyond my influence or control... So don't worry about it. Big hug your way!!🥰" I'm neurotic to the point of joking with my paramours that I'm an uptight tight ass ( pun intended) I'm trying to let go of things beyond my control but it's so damned hard!! Like work...I want my supervisors and managers to support me with my conditions but I might just have to admit defeat they they aren't equipped and I have to find another way to make money/keep my brain and body active/stimulated...(staying at home only on disability doing nothing is a bad idea for me) I had to say this in a meeting that I can't control my supervisors and managers if they have no interest or capacity in learning what autism is and how to support it. Sad but true. I constantly have to remind myself to focus on what I can control and not other things and definitely trying to control other people is a futile exercise!! | |||
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"Don't take anything personal ever! " Me over here with a personality disorder: um...everything is personal with me. Lol! 
BPD/EUPD =
Autism SD = 
PTSD =  
Yeah, I spend a lot of time talking myself off a mental ledge because some part of my brain took something personal. MF'ers. ( my brain parts not other people) Lol! | |||
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"It’s not really ghosting is that if they don’t reply immediately? On the flipside of this, I think a lot of people wonder how to cope with over needy people from FAB." Bro, good luck to anyone wanting an immediate reply from me. Family, Friends and paramours know it's a 24 -48 wait if we are not meeting. My FAB messages have to wait 1-4 weeks for a reply. Lol!
I have a wonky brain....I forget to buckle my cycle helmet...Perimenopause is making it worse.  | |||
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"Don't take anything personal ever! Me over here with a personality disorder: um...everything is personal with me. Lol!
BPD/EUPD =
Autism SD =
PTSD =
Yeah, I spend a lot of time talking myself off a mental ledge because some part of my brain took something personal. MF'ers. ( my brain parts not other people) Lol!"Autism here. Fuckin great aint it  | |||
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"I wasn't over needy at all. Just sent one message the evening after he left, he didn't reply so I deleted his number and left it at that. " Hugs. I get the impulse. I only block and delete people who pissed me off and I now have the ingrained habit of psychoanalysing why exactly I was pissed off...was I hangry or did they cross a hard boundary which I had notified them of or based on basic decency. Often it's just me being hangry or dehydrated or overstimulated. | |||
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"I've popped a few messages out there,l on the past.always a polite introduction and include a face. I'd only send to ones I feel we have similar interests. Majority deleted or no response I just leave it and block after a few days. I'm never offended by rejection as a unique guy that most won't like" Whatever protects your sanity! There is mental fatigue to deal with the no-reply of lots of carefully crafted messages ( my graduate application process) or the flipside of too many low-quality, unrealistic messages. In my case I closed all my message filters to all single men,So I approach the man or if I meet him in real life he has to give me his Fab name to keep in contact. I have 6000 unread messaged in my personal email inbox. Lol! Luckily, most are do not reply. Lol! | |||
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"Some people prefer to keep finding new people instead of regular meets. They won't tell you that though....not until afterwards. Its a very difficult lifestyle to navigate. " This is very true. The thrill and adrenaline of something new can be an addiction. Going to clubs takes the edge off for me because I can go to the clubs regularly and meet someone or with some of the clubs I find them relaxing even without playing/sexual contact. It's more human and I get to know the regulars without even having to have sexual contact with them. Staff are good fun too! | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us..." • No they don't. The actions and inactions of other men on here has never affected my Fab journey or experience. I map my own path on here, irrespective of what other men are doing. ㅤㅤ ...also, men ·are· allowed to change their minds too. | |||
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"I think you just become a bit more conditioned and it makes you a little more cautious next time that it can happen. We’ve had heat building in chats and met had a great time and then they’ve barely been in touch afterwards. You can’t predict someone’s actions after the meet as everyone has different intentions. You’ll go mad overthinking it and some people will say it’s a swinging site so it’s expected and others will say that they wanted a FWB not a FB. Just be you - don't let it get you down and put it down to you know what you don’t like now and you’ll try and minimise that happening again… K " Me to my brain: What do you want? My brain to me: Whatever I can get? Me to my brain: Try again for a more adult response. My brain to me: Whatever I can get that doesn't repulse me or make me feel uncomfortable and unsafe within reason. Better.   | |||
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"I never find it easy. I'd rather build up something with 1 or 2 folk and have fun with them but even then it's a struggle to get off the ground Knocks my confidence tbf" Hugs. I spend a lot of time trying to boost my confidence and self esteem...it's like a job in itself...as I have to do lots of different things and meet lots of different people to even begin to feel ok. | |||
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"I try not to take rejection here seriously cause after all, this is not a dating site as far as I'm concerned. The last time it hit hard (& made me relax over rejection plus learn to not take this seriously) was NYE last year when I'd been in touch since Christmas with a cuckold couple who I'd discussed bout meeting up with in Shrewsbury failing to meet so last minute (cuck hubby fell ill on day & wife couldn't find a chaperone) that I only knew by the time I'd arrived in Shrewsbury 😕 I was willing to give them another chance but they never got in touch again & disappeared from the site a few weeks later" Life be like that sometimes. | |||
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"It happens OP. Life does get in the way sometimes. Or maybe he got caught out. Or maybe he felt you wanted more than he could give. Or maybe there are a host of other reasons. My advice would be to try to not read too much into it - I know other will disagree but I don’t think Fab is a dating site and people just come and go. " Respectfully, the only thing that gets in the way of meaningful communication is cowardice. | |||
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"It happens OP. Life does get in the way sometimes. Or maybe he got caught out. Or maybe he felt you wanted more than he could give. Or maybe there are a host of other reasons. My advice would be to try to not read too much into it - I know other will disagree but I don’t think Fab is a dating site and people just come and go. Respectfully, the only thing that gets in the way of meaningful communication is cowardice. " Or being absolutely bored to tears from endless meaningless wittering. Or loads of other stuff. | |||
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"Yeah I get some blokes especially the good looking ones will be meeting lots, this guy said he had only ever had one meet before. I hadn't had a meet in 7 months so was hoping he wouldn't be another fuck and chuck but nevermind lol" Unfortunately, he sounds inexperienced and they can be the worst offenders. Another reason I go to the clubs regularly so I'm not......gagging for it ( it being hope, expectations or sex). I know clubs aren't for everyone but I'm someone who actually feels safe in groups. I find people act very differently in groups than they do when they are alone with someone. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection... You don't, or at least with great difficulty when everything you had with that person transcended so many meaningful levels, with the expectation of continuity. I think aside from pondering and mulling things over it's really a case of letting time heal. A 'root cause' analysis just leaves you with more unanswered questions. It's not nice to feel discarded but it happens. I'm sorry to hear that it happened to you." Whoever discarded Lord Nero is a fool. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection... You don't, or at least with great difficulty when everything you had with that person transcended so many meaningful levels, with the expectation of continuity. I think aside from pondering and mulling things over it's really a case of letting time heal. A 'root cause' analysis just leaves you with more unanswered questions. It's not nice to feel discarded but it happens. I'm sorry to hear that it happened to you. · Whoever discarded Lord Nero is a fool. "• I offered you a bonk but you rejected me. I blame you Au Tism™.  | |||
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"I was talking to a chap yesterday who had arranged a 2nd meet, he drove from Portsmouth to Devon and got stood up. That's not on at all. Takes nothing to drop a message " I usually nip that in the bud quite quickly and shut down people who live far away. It's unrealistic with all the responsibilities all of us adults have...especially those of us above age 35... Might have more free time and energy in your 20s but at my age I like being home...alone..just to get a break from...life. I advise the men and women not to travel and commute more than an hour for cock or pussy. Road closures, traffic jams, train delays and cancellations, flight delays and cancellations and people cancellations put me in a very unsexy mood. So much I'm planning to cycle to one of my paramours this evening...short of a serious accident ( I cycle at snail's pace). I do get a perverse satisfaction whizzing past traffic and not being cooped up in a train. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….." Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. | |||
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"Long story short some guys are dicks. They message and arrange stuff when horny and back out when there clear headed. Some women do it toom" Unfortunately not gender specific at all. I've heard some horror stories from the LGBTQIA peeps. Not cute and demure behaviour at all. | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance." It was sarcasm, and posted for humour. Don’t worry about it if you didn’t pick up on it.  | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. " Personally I wish there were more of them that 'make it bad for the rest of us' because the rest of us would complete Fab. Bad people make it bad for themselves. | |||
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"There is no point in sour grapes, I block people so that I don’t forget and message them again." Same. I also put a note so I don't unblock them!! | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Personally I wish there were more of them that 'make it bad for the rest of us' because the rest of us would complete Fab. Bad people make it bad for themselves." I don’t need asshole next to make me look good. | |||
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"I've no issues with people ignoring messages. Women get a ton so I wouldn't take it personally at all if I were you, but I mean when you have spent time with a person and they abruptly stop contact. " It’s that abruptness the feeling of being left cold to some extent feeling used. It’s happened several times to me and it doesn’t get any easier to deal with. As someone else has recommended I try to limit it happening my trying to make sure I know what the other person is about getting a clear indication of their intention but inevitably people can lie. OP I’m sorry this happened hopefully in the future you won’t experience it again. | |||
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"Don't take anything personal ever! Me over here with a personality disorder: um...everything is personal with me. Lol!
BPD/EUPD =
Autism SD =
PTSD =
Yeah, I spend a lot of time talking myself off a mental ledge because some part of my brain took something personal. MF'ers. ( my brain parts not other people) Lol!
Autism here. Fuckin great aint it "I'm still trying to figure it out...sadly...only diagnosed a year ago. | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection... You don't, or at least with great difficulty when everything you had with that person transcended so many meaningful levels, with the expectation of continuity. I think aside from pondering and mulling things over it's really a case of letting time heal. A 'root cause' analysis just leaves you with more unanswered questions. It's not nice to feel discarded but it happens. I'm sorry to hear that it happened to you. · Whoever discarded Lord Nero is a fool.
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I offered you a bonk but you rejected me. I blame you Au Tism™. "Wait when was this rejection?! Might have been the club hurdle..many people fall at this hurdle. Lol! It's for your own safety and protection! There are people there who know what to do if I go catatonic... nearly went that way last night. Ended up in the recovery position and it wasn't due to alcohol... the alcohol might have been more fun. Re-match? Lol! At this stage it could be any one of my conditions..I forget to buckle my cycle helmet.....far more severe consequences than failure to message. A comic tragedy is my life. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. " Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. | |||
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"There are so many different ways to do this site and none of them are right or wrong. In an ideal world, everybody would be upfront about what they’re looking for - completely no strings one offs, friends with benefits, relationships, etc. It falls down when people aren’t honest, either about what they’re looking for or their intentions going forward. That’s one thing that can make this site difficult. OP it’s not easy, but I think it’s best to think of it as you weren’t looking for the same thing. I’d definitely recommend good boundaries - as others have said, he may well come back at a later date and want to pick up where you left off and that’s where you need to determine if you’re genuinely ok with that or not. L" Good advice. | |||
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"As I'm the worst at messaging ever, people probably think I ghost them, just sometimes I'm not in a place for conversation. I do think not your unique situation but in general people expect a lot from you on fab, I'll log on and not look at my messages for a week or so but I'll scroll the forums and that seems to piss people off. My time is precious and if I don't have enough to carry a decent conversation then I won't look at my messages until I do. I'll go weeks sometimes months between messages because fab just isn't that high on my priorities, my family, work, life all come 1st." This resonates with me..... sometimes I do put how many unread messages I have but I also let people know I'm not here to chat for long periods in my inbox. My health is my number 1 priority and it's kicking me in the teeth right now so They with accept it and we get on or they find someone...more healthy /less disabled? I only have so many spoons in a day and when they are gone they are done. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. " I've met men from all walks of life, with many different characters. Regardless of who they are, they just want uncomplicated sex. Sometimes, life gets busy, or they find a girlfriend in real life, or they find someone better than me. It's not my choices, it's theirs. | |||
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"OP I feel your pain. I’ve had numerous mess abouts on this site. From meets with couples that after I ask to be verified as it shows I’m genuine to my reply I get blocked. Or will be chatting away getting on well, even had cam sessions but when it comes to organising for a meet, guess what I get ghosted with no explanation. The worse for me was a couple I was speaking with, spoke a few times on phone/cam and they seemed so genuine. We had spoken for weeks about the fun but when it came to me travelling 60 miles there to the agreed social location, guess what they blocked me. Nothing surprises me on here anymore. I also find you now get a lot of OF or SC wannabes on here to get attention. It’s a shame as for the few that are genuine you just get overlooked or messed about. Stay positive OP you’re a very attractive lady. I’m sure guys will definitely be winking you lol "I've come to realise that a lot of people talk a good game but when it come to actual action: doing what they say and saying what they mean....it's damn near impossible for them. I should know I was married to one. Lol! Also I was one who never could say what I meant Lol!...because I didn't know myself what things meant (basically I lived a life mindlessly instead of mindfully) So now I don't spend a lot of time talking to people who I haven't met in real life. I chat enough to organise a meet and then I go off and meet them. It's simplified my process and cut out any possibility of being strung along..emotionally or sexually. | |||
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"It happens OP. Life does get in the way sometimes. Or maybe he got caught out. Or maybe he felt you wanted more than he could give. Or maybe there are a host of other reasons. My advice would be to try to not read too much into it - I know other will disagree but I don’t think Fab is a dating site and people just come and go. Respectfully, the only thing that gets in the way of meaningful communication is cowardice. " My autistic perimenopausal brain: Cowardice hold my beer and watch me work to fuck up her communication.
Dammit! | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Personally I wish there were more of them that 'make it bad for the rest of us' because the rest of us would complete Fab. Bad people make it bad for themselves." my autistic brain: There's good, bad and ugly....anyway look at that cute doggy over there. yeah my brain is going to do what it wants to do, so I spend very little time thinking about how other people are making it bad for me or themselves. Lol! | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Personally I wish there were more of them that 'make it bad for the rest of us' because the rest of us would complete Fab. Bad people make it bad for themselves. I don’t need asshole next to make me look good. " Well my brain went to anal with talk of arseholes... | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. I've met men from all walks of life, with many different characters. Regardless of who they are, they just want uncomplicated sex. Sometimes, life gets busy, or they find a girlfriend in real life, or they find someone better than me. It's not my choices, it's theirs. " Exactly. Nobody owes anyone an explanation of why they’ve chosen to disappear. And certainly nobody is responsible for representing the entire gender in any decision they make. Let that time with them be a nice memory and don’t tar it with overthinking 🙂 | |||
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"I never expect anything from men on here. If they stop messaging, regardless of how good we are getting on, I delete their number and get on with the important things in my life. I don't expect anyone to want to see me a second, third, fourth, etc time. Not even from dating sites." I know what you mean and it does happen. Not something I have done after a meet as I am too much of a gentleman. But has been done to me, put it down to life's challenges and you just move on | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance. · It was sarcasm, and posted for humour. Don’t worry about it if you didn’t pick up on it. "• I picked up on your sarcasm. The other person who quoted you didn't. I was replying to them. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it." · The day when other men ruin it for me on here will be the day I leave Fab. | |||
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"I've no issues with people ignoring messages. Women get a ton so I wouldn't take it personally at all if I were you, but I mean when you have spent time with a person and they abruptly stop contact. It’s that abruptness the feeling of being left cold to some extent feeling used. It’s happened several times to me and it doesn’t get any easier to deal with. As someone else has recommended I try to limit it happening my trying to make sure I know what the other person is about getting a clear indication of their intention but inevitably people can lie. OP I’m sorry this happened hopefully in the future you won’t experience it again. " I've come to the realisation that not everyone can fulfill all of my needs. Hence while I have a massive support network and also no-one person carries the burden of meeting all of my ridiculous needs. Lol! Needs are not ridiculous but I could do without a lot of the ones I have. My paramours fulfill my intimacy needs but they don't need to meet my emotional needs or connection needs. So I view the time we spend together as me using them for intimacy and they using me for intimacy and it's a mutual benefit. I get the "feeling used" but I more prone to thinking about what I actually got out of something/an interaction with someone...not sure why...blame the autism...Lol! I wonder if feeling used is when you put a lot of effort into something ( physical, emotional, etc..) but do not feel like you got a similar amount of enough back? Definitely a deeper disappointment there. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. " We all need an asshole filter...brain is still thinking about anal. apologies. | |||
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"I never expect anything from men on here. If they stop messaging, regardless of how good we are getting on, I delete their number and get on with the important things in my life. I don't expect anyone to want to see me a second, third, fourth, etc time. Not even from dating sites." There's a guy I met several times who ghosted me...but I know who he is and how he has several things on his plate and that straight men ( or socialised straight) in general have a problem expressing themselves... I know this from sitting in a support group with men for the last 11 years. We ( peers and psychologists) have to literally very uncomfortably, force it out of them. I don't hold it against the guy because I know my communication isn't perfect either! Not by a long shot. I haven't blocked him because I don't find him offensive..I just know that he is struggling mentally and physically and I have close friends and peers who are going through the same thing. I know that I can't expect them to be fully present. It's harder when you don't know a person. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. · The day when other men ruin it for me on here will be the day I leave Fab. " I’m sure you’ll be fine.
But men do give women an image of how men behave on Fab or other social media sites and in some ways when swing is face to face.
It wouldn’t, and not everyone, so those of us that are given the chance to present ourselves with no preconceptions are lucky.
A lot of men are swept away before we can say hello, because of the last interaction that pushed that woman over the edge and they though - all men can fuck off!’
And I repeat, it’s not just the men that do this, women do too.
But going back to the post, ghosting… I assume they ghost me before we say hello. Haha. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. I've met men from all walks of life, with many different characters. Regardless of who they are, they just want uncomplicated sex. Sometimes, life gets busy, or they find a girlfriend in real life, or they find someone better than me. It's not my choices, it's theirs. " True. my friend with benefits has a girlfriend. I'm glad he has one because I can't be his or anyone else girlfriend due to spending most of my time looking after my health or recovering from when it takes a nose dive. yeah there are healthier people than me and if that's what people want/need I can't hold that against them. | |||
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"..As Baron said.. It's definitely their loss! You would certainly be getting a message back from me 🙂. 👋 • It's not their loss. When people resort to disingenuous clichés such as this they really don't have much to offer in way of substance. · It was sarcasm, and posted for humour. Don’t worry about it if you didn’t pick up on it.
•
I picked up on your sarcasm. The other person who quoted you didn't. I was replying to them."Me getting none of the sarcasm or non-sarcasm. | |||
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"It's a fine balance. I have had a meet after a great build up and seen pictures, not overly outrageous flirting but really good, interesting chat. We met and there was very little attraction at all. She didn't resemble the person in the picture or chat. Nerves or not (and I would like to consider myself as someone who is super chilled and can relax anyone (without chloroform)). I carried on the social in my normal chirpy self knowing though that I didn't want to pursue. She probably read this wrong and kept the messages going where I just wanted to bail out. I told her there was no connection but she thought there was. I then told her that she wasn't for me. She had a full embolism. It would have been easier to have frowned on the social (too difficult), cut it short pointing to my watch and muttering Auntie Beryl's funeral and ghost her later on. " my autistic brain: *screams* at the entire plot. extra uncomfy. Did you have to call an ambulance for the embolism?
I totally get men ghosting because who wants to deal with an unexpected meltdown from something simple as saying there's no connection, no compatibility, no spark.
This is coming from person who has regular meltdowns/episodes and watches people leg it. Apologies for my uncontrolled brain. | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. We all need an asshole filter...brain is still thinking about anal. apologies." You filter your anus? Well there’s a thread of its own 😉 But yeah. Why waste energy on someone and something that isn’t right for you? Move on with dignity and find the next adventure 🙂 | |||
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"I’m well aware some men on here make it bad for the rest of us... • No they don't….. Yes they do. (Kind of) but it also works for women, some women make me wary of speaking to women in the future. A lot of people tar with the same brush, it happens and we get used to it. Rubbish. If someone is an asshole (man or woman), I see that as THEIR issue, not the entire gender’s. If I find that there’s a repeated pattern, I would question myself and why I am attracting a certain calibre, than again blaming the entire gender. We all need an asshole filter...brain is still thinking about anal. apologies. You filter your anus? Well there’s a thread of its own 😉 But yeah. Why waste energy on someone and something that isn’t right for you? Move on with dignity and find the next adventure 🙂" Lol! Autism communication problem By asshole filter I meant setting firm boundaries so that it puts off most assholes. Lol! A form of self-protection/self-defence. I'm learning now that I need a lot of psychological self-defence...not just from men..... you know those female friends who always drag you into some sort of drama? lol! Yeah those ones.... run for the hills!!
Exhibit A: Goes with lesbian friend for moral support to a lesbian vanilla non-play chill pub social and meetup. Lesbian friend feel awkward and starts drinking. Everyone is going home...lesbian friend clearly intoxicated now wants to go to a nightclub to chase pussy....battle to get lesbian friend back on the tube to own borough and get called boring and "no fun". A few days later lesbian friends says they were not d*unk.
hard boundary: only going out with lesbian friend with other mutual friends so I can leave her in someone else's care while I leg it. Lol!
Hard boundaries: block all single men. Lol! | |||
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"I would look at that as a blessing in disguise, I really don't want to get involved with someone who hasn't got the courage to say what needs to be said. It's far too much unnecessary drama for me." This for sure! ^^^ | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? " Badly. This is definitely worse than early rejection, which is already disappointing. I guess you can get better at coping if it happens multiple times, but honestly, I don't want to be that jaded guy - it's worse for me and whoever I may want to talk to in the future. This leads me to avoid engaging preemptively, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so 🤷 " And I always think did I do something wrong?" Always. I'll spend time trying to pinpoint what I did wrong even though it's never obvious and perhaps non-existent. Oh well, only concrete thing I can do is not do it myself. | |||
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"I tend to think many on here, are on the look out for the next meet etc. yeah I think many just like the chase of women on here! Try not to take it to heart op, he may be busy or he may have moved on. If you've messaged and he hasn't replied, I'd just delete the message and try not to give it another thought. " | |||
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"How do you cope with the feeling of rejection after you thought you were getting on well? I had 2 meets with a guy, I felt like we had 2 really good nights. Was in regular contact after first meet but after 2nd he didn't message. I sent one in the evening and he ignored me so I left it at that. Is this standard behaviour? I get we aren't forming a relationship but it just feels a bit cold to me And I always think did I do something wrong? Even more puzzling when you notice they have looked at your profile after."It can appear cold to some people but to others it's not cold, just is what it is. I understand many people here really enjoy the constant messaging as you build up before a meet. However that communication style isn't for me. Also, the thrill ebbs away. Whether this is after one meet or more. I am guilty of this, in fact it's extremely easy for me to walk away. For me, it's been lovely and I enjoyed myself, and I am ready to get back into my normal life until the craving for naughtiness sparks up between my husband and I. I very rarely return to the same person for pleasure. Although we have returned to a lady when she is in a relationship or hosting a private party. This way the extra people add a new level of excitement. Some may think my mindset is cold, it's not in my opinion. I am not looking for intimate friendships, I am not looking for a pen pal or someone to share daily updates with, I am not looking for a FWB or FB, or potential partner. I have a beautiful marriage and want completely uncomplicated no strings attached sex with similar minded people. Getting back to the OP. I am sorry that the experience you have had ended in a negative way for you. But that doesn't mean the experience was negative for the other person, quite probably the opposite. It's just how two people view the same situation in different ways. I also don't agree with all the white knighting and his loss comments. Nobody owes anyone anything, it's not bad manners to simply end communication. Your question about how to deal with the feeling of rejection. You may not have been rejected by the other person, it's you that has labelled it as rejection based on what you perceived his actions to mean. My advice would be to recognise within yourself the balance of protecting your feelings. You may then enjoy the moment for what it is... great sex and nothing more. Take care Mrs | |||
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"I was talking to a chap yesterday who had arranged a 2nd meet, he drove from Portsmouth to Devon and got stood up. That's not on at all. Takes nothing to drop a message " That's happened to me too. Very keen then stood me up and blocked me everywhere. It takes a second to say "sorry, I've changed my mind". I think some people prefer the build-up rather than the actual meet. Having looked at your pictures OP, it's DEFINITELY his loss | |||
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"OP use reply and quote when responding to particular replies. Otherwise we don't know who you're answering
Mrs"Oh ok I'm new to this sorry I didn't see that option just hit reply | |||
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