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Bad lessons that porn taught you as a virgin

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Contrary to porno films, most women won't react enthusiastically to an unsolicited finger in the anus.

Most women aren't up for a threesome with their 'mother' and/or twin sister.

and most women that hang around car washes/public parks in the day/the local shopping centre aren't up for going back to a strangers house for sex within 5 minutes of meeting.

Oh how I learnt these the hard way

Any more?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've yet to meet a woman that actually begged to have cum in her eye....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That not all plumbers actually want to sort you out over the washing machine with a big tool!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

15 min, shit i must be superman.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Contrary to the urban myth, black guys do indeed take their socks off when having sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."

I just think about Kryptonite!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Contrary to the urban myth, black guys do indeed take their socks off when having sex "

Ohhhh no they dont!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Contrary to porno films, most women won't react enthusiastically to an unsolicited finger in the anus.

Most women aren't up for a threesome with their 'mother' and/or twin sister.

and most women that hang around car washes/public parks in the day/the local shopping centre aren't up for going back to a strangers house for sex within 5 minutes of meeting."

Think you need to move. Happens all the time up here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on their face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."

Allow me to demonstrate mine then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."

I like cum on my face!

I like anal!

Luke lasts for however long I want him too! And it's normally way longer than 15 mins

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"15 min, shit i must be superman."
takes me at least that long to get the rhythm going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't enjoy having my face slapped whilst giving blow jobs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All men enjoy sloppy seconds

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"15 min, shit i must be superman.takes me at least that long to get the rhythm going "

You're not a drummer by any chance?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I was lead to believe that anal prolapses were suppposed to be an erotic bodily function

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By *lyce and Mister MCouple
over a year ago

Falkirk

My g spot isn't in my throat!!!! Thanks Linda Lovelace!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Apparently, women love it when a man spits on his hand and rubs it on her vagina as an impromptu lubricant, saves the time it takes to get her turned on and appropriately moistened.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybody Swallows.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All women must love deep throat (NOT) I'd do it if you want my dinner with it lol (miss d)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"15 min, shit i must be superman.takes me at least that long to get the rhythm going

You're not a drummer by any chance?"

No, but I have a large timbali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

hospital nurses have the permanent horn

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everybody Swallows."

You mean they don't?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everybody Swallows.

You mean they don't?"

..not everything you deposit in their mouth, no!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That no matter how much fun two women can have together, they will never be truly satisfied until they are fucked by a man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I found out that women are in fact not fond of havin their hair pulled immediately before you slap their face with your cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everybody Swallows.

You mean they don't?

..not everything you deposit in their mouth, no!"

Not even going to go there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:

Any Ladies like chipmunking?

Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?

Ladies who like to gag?

Guys who like cockdocking?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any more?"

..Younger women only shag blokes over 50 who look like Ben Dover.

..Pizza delivery guys still keep their jobs after spending an hour at the homes of every MILF they deliver to.

..Your wife will NEVER come home when you are in the middle of shagging the babysitter.

..Your best mates Mum has always had a thing about you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just thank the good lord above I'd learn that not everything you see on screen is true, before I caught a glimpse of the retina-wrecking retch-inducer that was 'two girls one cup'...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

When you pull your penis out of a woman's anus it'll be free of the standard coating of pooey slime and clean enough to put straight in her mouth. Which she'll love

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:

Any Ladies like chipmunking?

Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?

Ladies who like to gag?

Guys who like cockdocking?

"

Whats chipmunking?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To answer this I would direct you to the swingers chat forum on any given day and threads such as:

Any Ladies like chipmunking?

Ladies do you prefer cum in the ass or pussy?

Ladies who like to gag?

Guys who like cockdocking?

Whats chipmunking?!"

Its where the lady, whilst having an orgasm, sounds like Alvin, Theodore or Simon!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've yet to meet a woman that actually begged to have cum in her eye...."

....bloody stings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've yet to meet a woman that actually begged to have cum in her eye....

....bloody stings "

Yes it does!

But have you ever seen the porn where the women actually hold their eyes wide open to receive it from source? Good Grief!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

and 'cockdocking' ???? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"and 'cockdocking' ???? lol "

Its where a man and a woman re-enact the space scenes from Stanley Kubrick's '2001-A Space Odyssey' using their gentials whilst a third woman gives the guys balls a 'hummer'(from underneath)to the tune of 'The Blue Danube'

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By *atinaBabeCouple
over a year ago

casa caliente

Most men like to be punished like little boys lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Porn taught me that if your gonna fuck in a gym and film it I reserve the right to masterbate loudly.

That will teach the cheeky feckers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Most people in your work place are more than likely having sex with one another...actually, that's quite accurate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

all women in porn are yet to discover waterproof mascara as it ends up running down their cheeks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women have an internal vaginal capacity equal to, or greater than the task at hand.

This also included scenarios where they are loudly heard to proclaim 'Oh God is so big it will never fit' - but actually, it does!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Whenever you travel around the beautiful historic city of Prague on it's bus system, a young couple will get on and start having sex while they travel to their destination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you can stop random girls in the street, interview them on your shaky hand-held camera for a few seconds, and they'll agree to have outdoor public sex with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

porn actors and actresses will often fuck in random outdoor places when no one is watching.. this is because the camera crews and directors are all hiding under Harry Potters cloak of invisibility

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love this. Actually giggled.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

All women keep their dildo, buttplug and vibrator collection conveniently stashed under their pillow for safe keeping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All women keep their dildo, buttplug and vibrator collection conveniently stashed under their pillow for safe keeping"

erm.. we do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All women can now squirt 6ft

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

women never wear underwear whilst wearing short skirts especially when walking up stairs in high heels

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria


"All women keep their dildo, buttplug and vibrator collection conveniently stashed under their pillow for safe keeping"

Actually, I have a wand, a dildo and 2 bullets under the pillow...butt plugs in the drawer, bigger toys in the ottoman - all easily accessible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 07/05/13 17:53:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Typo !

Love this thread ! Very amusing

Thankyou all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men's cocks aren't always big and thick!!

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

That men love it when you grab their cocks hard and just yank!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"That men love it when you grab their cocks hard and just yank! "

I'm quite partial to a ball squeezing in all honesty, not a yanking though

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

This thread is brilliant! I had a couple bit they've both been posted already. Sure ill think of some more! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All womens orgasms are accompanied by a scream louder than a Tornado Jet at take-off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not all women who work in an office wear pencil skirts, red lippy and glasses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when having slumber parties, not once have i ever felt the need to lez it up with best mates and for it to turn into a mass fuck fest...

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

You can shag for ages in some weird positions and never get cramp so bad you wanna rip your leg off and throw it out the window!!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Women never fanny fart...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"not all women who work in an office wear pencil skirts, red lippy and glasses"

HERESY! That's the only thing that gets me through the day!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when having slumber parties, not once have i ever felt the need to lez it up with best mates and for it to turn into a mass fuck fest... "

I did ...ahhhh the memoreis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men come with the force of a thousand exploding suns, produce a volume of cum which would make a Blue Whale jealous and can fire off streams of white sticky goo like Spiderman!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ability to deep throat a cock is natural!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost my virginity before i discovered porn,we never had internet 16 years ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Porn Parodies can often have better plots than their Hollywood counterparts.

...Im looking at you Chris Nolan!

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By *lyce and Mister MCouple
over a year ago

Falkirk

sooooo funny lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"women never wear underwear whilst wearing short skirts especially when walking up stairs in high heels "
That should be made law

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women never have a hot friend who just shows up and lets herself into the bedroom while you're going at it.

If this site is a testament to anything, it's that getting a bisexual woman to show up at all is miraculous, let alone at a given time or place!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most men like to be punished like little boys lol"

That one's actually true...

Love this thread!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The back of a moving van really is the best place to have sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That plumbers are always getting it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"15 min, shit i must be superman."

Me too, or perhaps all the X men in one, it takes me 40-50 minutes ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apparently, women love it when a man spits on his hand and rubs it on her vagina as an impromptu lubricant, saves the time it takes to get her turned on and appropriately moistened."

Thats disgusting !! (own opinion)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Everybody Swallows."

I certainly dont, yuck

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Women dont like being repeatedly being cockslapped round the face.....especially in the frozen food aisle in Sainsburys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That champagne glasses are not actually used for cumming in and sharing round the females, especially at your wedding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learnt from porn that a little bit of spit on a finger wiped over a woman's anus will allow an erect 10" long and 6" circumference cock to enter without effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be overly loud

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By *xpresMan
over a year ago

Elland

All hitch-hikers are 18 year old sish girls on a gap year n love fucking older truckdrivers... NOT

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Rich girls sunbathing in the backyard will ALWAYS get turned on at the sight of a topless guy cleaning the pool.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Your best friend's mum is not only still sexy and gorgeous in her middle age, she's also a cock hungry nymph after your young balls.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ive never been into reading or watching porn, obviously ive seen it over the years, but for me id sooner be doing it and not watching it. I dont own a single item of porn

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

[Removed by poster at 08/05/13 06:54:06]

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Rich girls sunbathing in the backyard will ALWAYS get turned on at the sight of a topless guy cleaning the pool."

You must have the same film as me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best man doesn't always sleep with the bride before the wedding....well at least I think they usually don't lol!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't enjoy having my face slapped whilst giving blow jobs "

I do... Lol with the right person.. I got all my sexual preferences long before I watched porn.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learned that clogs and white ankle socks is not a good look

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Most women do not enjoy cum shot on thier face nor will they beg for anal right off the bat. Also...any man that can last 15+ minutes of straight boffing without cumming must have super powers."

Ive been known to the ex hated and I do sometimes its hatd work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All studs have a moustache

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If one film I watched is anything to go by then all German girls love to eat a slice of bread that's been spunked on by 10 guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Girls always have a broken webcam, text only chatrooms have all the teenage girls, and the term "teen" covers anything up to forty years old.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nowadays hot chics knock on your door, announce their name to your cam, flash their boobs, turn round, stand on tip toes and flash their arse. That's all the foreplay they need before sucking like Henry the vacuum cleaner.

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By *inful_coupleCouple
over a year ago

Frimley


"15 min, shit i must be superman."

I was just thinking that ... I don't actually think that's a very difficult one lol. Some girls love long hard constant fucking ... some don't ... but if they do, I've not had a problem :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bee got her first facial recently and loved it, anal she's not so keen and Stan can last as long as is needed but that's the joy of getting older as I had very little choice when I was younger lol!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Contrary to the urban myth, black guys do indeed take their socks off when having sex "
They certainly do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men love fake tits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once had a meet with a lady that had watched maybe too many porn films, I ended up pissing myself laughing because of some of the things she was saying, but i will say it was a Fun meet

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By *ushandkittyCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Porn has taught me that plumbers turn up within 5 minutes of being called, not saying 'i can be there in a couple of days', which turns into 4. then turns up in the 5 minutes i've gone to the local tescos for supplies as i've been constantly living in the house waiting for him to turn up! Coming back to find his calling card through the door, I'm sure he's been sitting round the corner waiting for me to go out!!!

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