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"If they asked for donations rather than flowers then I would give a donation rather than take flowers." This. Some folk don’t like flowers. | |||
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"Don't take flowers when they have specifically asked you not to. A card is always welcome with some carefully chosen words. " We ARE giving a donation in fact already have but a card is a good shout actually ![]() | |||
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"Going to a close family member funeral next week ( not after sympathy) they requested rather than flowers donations to nominated charity. Would it be bad to still get a small arrangement to take on the day with a small card ? Never know what to do ![]() Anybody that still ‘wastes’ money on flowers when they have requested none or a charity donation stands out as a bit of a see you next Tuesday to everyone - especially if you have included a card that identifies you. Just don’t. | |||
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"I would donate, as you have done already, and leave it at that. On a side note, don’t forget some tupaware , there’s always lots of food left over at the get together after. " ![]() | |||
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"It's interesting and a bit confusing to me that people suggest placing flowers afterwards. If someone requests no flowers does it only apply to the funeral, what's the difference? " My thoughts are that if you take flowers a few days later, it's your way of making a gesture and negotiating your own feelings for the deceased. It's sort of in public because it's at the graveside, but it's effectively private as you are the only person there. | |||
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"It's interesting and a bit confusing to me that people suggest placing flowers afterwards. If someone requests no flowers does it only apply to the funeral, what's the difference? My thoughts are that if you take flowers a few days later, it's your way of making a gesture and negotiating your own feelings for the deceased. It's sort of in public because it's at the graveside, but it's effectively private as you are the only person there. " ![]() | |||
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"It's interesting and a bit confusing to me that people suggest placing flowers afterwards. If someone requests no flowers does it only apply to the funeral, what's the difference? My thoughts are that if you take flowers a few days later, it's your way of making a gesture and negotiating your own feelings for the deceased. It's sort of in public because it's at the graveside, but it's effectively private as you are the only person there. " It just applies to the funeral then, they don't want you to continue making donations instead of flowers? | |||
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"I always follow what they have asked Maybe visit a few days later and lay some flowers at their final place of rest " Good plan | |||
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"When mum died she had said no flowers. We took some anyway because it's awfully bare without and in our opinion the funeral is as much for the living as the deceased. We donated to charity too so nobody lost out. " It’s nice to do it a couple of months after the actual event so that way the deceased is re-remembered with a bright arrangement | |||
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"It's interesting and a bit confusing to me that people suggest placing flowers afterwards. If someone requests no flowers does it only apply to the funeral, what's the difference? My thoughts are that if you take flowers a few days later, it's your way of making a gesture and negotiating your own feelings for the deceased. It's sort of in public because it's at the graveside, but it's effectively private as you are the only person there. It just applies to the funeral then, they don't want you to continue making donations instead of flowers?" I guess that like most things in life, "it's complicated". No rules. I just try to negotiate my way through life doing what feels right to myself while hoping to avoid causing any deliberate offense to others. Going to my wife's grave I like to take a few flowers cut from my own garden because I know how much she loved that garden. Sometimes I just take tears. I don't have any preferences for what anyone else might do. When I scatter my mum and dad's ashes later this year, in accordance with dad's wishes there won't be any flowers or fuss at all (though I'm bloody sure I won't be able to see straight for tears). And my brother won't be fucking up the occasion because he's never going to know where or when it's happening. | |||
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"Why would you disrespect their wishes. It's many years since I've been to a funeral that doesn't request donations instead of flowers" Jeeze I'm not disrespecting anyone, I love the person dearly and know she loved flowers and gardening it was only going to be something small maybe just a single flower as a personal mark of respect. But as I've said I have already donated to the requested charity. | |||
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"Why would you disrespect their wishes. It's many years since I've been to a funeral that doesn't request donations instead of flowers Jeeze I'm not disrespecting anyone, I love the person dearly and know she loved flowers and gardening it was only going to be something small maybe just a single flower as a personal mark of respect. But as I've said I have already donated to the requested charity. " All I can tell you is that in the last three years I've attended a lot of family members funerals (double figures). They all stated no flowers and at each one at least one, often more people, brought small floral tributes. Against all other advice I say go with what *you* want to do. You know them and you'll be discreet, the departed person would know your motives and you'll know if they'd approve or not | |||
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"Why would you disrespect their wishes. It's many years since I've been to a funeral that doesn't request donations instead of flowers Jeeze I'm not disrespecting anyone, I love the person dearly and know she loved flowers and gardening it was only going to be something small maybe just a single flower as a personal mark of respect. But as I've said I have already donated to the requested charity. All I can tell you is that in the last three years I've attended a lot of family members funerals (double figures). They all stated no flowers and at each one at least one, often more people, brought small floral tributes. Against all other advice I say go with what *you* want to do. You know them and you'll be discreet, the departed person would know your motives and you'll know if they'd approve or not " This. I mean you said you're a close family member too, presumably like the person/people who requested no flowers. | |||
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"If they asked for donations rather than flowers then I would give a donation rather than take flowers." it's about respecting the dead and the greiving. | |||
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"It's interesting and a bit confusing to me that people suggest placing flowers afterwards. If someone requests no flowers does it only apply to the funeral, what's the difference? My thoughts are that if you take flowers a few days later, it's your way of making a gesture and negotiating your own feelings for the deceased. It's sort of in public because it's at the graveside, but it's effectively private as you are the only person there. " This. It's more of a intimate treasured moment between the two of them, laying flowers in 1 min as part of an en mass moment looses the individuality, spending 20 mins chatting and reminiscing their life at their place of rest, is a special moment ![]() | |||
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"Some of it is about the deceased thoughts,they don’t want the money wasted in a flower arrangers pocket when the money could hopefully do positive things in the pocket of a charity " Charities tend to help research and help out in palliative care, this is the deceased's way of thanking those charities for their help. I'm not sure if Interflora and their rivals profits would be so helpful. | |||
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"Some of it is about the deceased thoughts,they don’t want the money wasted in a flower arrangers pocket when the money could hopefully do positive things in the pocket of a charity Charities tend to help research and help out in palliative care, this is the deceased's way of thanking those charities for their help. I'm not sure if Interflora and their rivals profits would be so helpful." I get that, say i give £20 to said charity then wanted to spend another £5 on a small gesture of flowers. That extra was never going to charity anyway. I'm not sure why that would be offensive. From reading the thread it seems it's generally not the done thing as it could upset someone and would be offensive. I guess I'm having trouble understanding why this might be? | |||
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"Some of it is about the deceased thoughts,they don’t want the money wasted in a flower arrangers pocket when the money could hopefully do positive things in the pocket of a charity Charities tend to help research and help out in palliative care, this is the deceased's way of thanking those charities for their help. I'm not sure if Interflora and their rivals profits would be so helpful. I get that, say i give £20 to said charity then wanted to spend another £5 on a small gesture of flowers. That extra was never going to charity anyway. I'm not sure why that would be offensive. From reading the thread it seems it's generally not the done thing as it could upset someone and would be offensive. I guess I'm having trouble understanding why this might be?" From some of my families point of a view leaving flowers which are dead as soon as they are picked seems wrong. They also dislike that people leave flowers at gtavesides and don't clear them up once they've died, happens so much at the graves I go to, always end up tidying random ones. So I kind of get that tbh, not that it is what I'd want. | |||
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