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"This happens to men too. I have been to a few socials where some women there thought it was ok to grope me as I passed them. If it was the other way around I would get kicked out on the spot. Been to 5 socials and this has happened at 3 of them and more than once too. When I said it I was told any of the other men would have loved it." · This makes for rather uncomfortable reading. 🫤 🩶 | |||
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"Hi all. We are looking for open candid views on the above to better understand where we 'fit' in the Swinging world. And whether clubs/events are for us. In our experience there's a very wide spectrum of views( and behaviour) So, at what point is touching inappropriate or even sexual assault? We are predominantly taking here about people who have never met or who have given no signal that they are remotely interested in the other party. Is it a hug? Is it hand/arm/feet touching? Running a hand through someones hair? Or is it only the touching of more intimate parts? Does it matter if the persons concerned are 'just naturally tactile'? We have experienced all of this. We realise this could provoke some emotive responses but feel this thread could add to the guidance for both established fabbers and newbies. Opinions invited" It’s a really difficult issue - there’s no right answer that fits all scenarios. Some fantastic play has initiated just from a stroke of a thigh, a wandering hand, just a fingertip stretched out on a playroom bed… There also rooms in clubs where it should be not unexpected when someone touches… a dark room, orgy room, cinema… The most important thing is that a ‘no thank you’ has an immediate effect | |||
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"Hi all. We are looking for open candid views on the above to better understand where we 'fit' in the Swinging world. And whether clubs/events are for us. In our experience there's a very wide spectrum of views( and behaviour) So, at what point is touching inappropriate or even sexual assault? We are predominantly taking here about people who have never met or who have given no signal that they are remotely interested in the other party. Is it a hug? Is it hand/arm/feet touching? Running a hand through someones hair? Or is it only the touching of more intimate parts? Does it matter if the persons concerned are 'just naturally tactile'? We have experienced all of this. We realise this could provoke some emotive responses but feel this thread could add to the guidance for both established fabbers and newbies. Opinions invited It’s a really difficult issue - there’s no right answer that fits all scenarios. Some fantastic play has initiated just from a stroke of a thigh, a wandering hand, just a fingertip stretched out on a playroom bed… There also rooms in clubs where it should be not unexpected when someone touches… a dark room, orgy room, cinema… The most important thing is that a ‘no thank you’ has an immediate effect " I was thinking of how to type what I felt and then you posted this ![]() | |||
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"This happens to men too. I have been to a few socials where some women there thought it was ok to grope me as I passed them. If it was the other way around I would get kicked out on the spot. Been to 5 socials and this has happened at 3 of them and more than once too. When I said it I was told any of the other men would have loved it." As relatively long term single woman on the scene, I’ve had as many issues in the past with women assuming it’s ok to touch without consent as men. | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield " Nero the hero ! 👏 | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield " Nero would just watch you burn… | |||
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"This happens to men too. I have been to a few socials where some women there thought it was ok to grope me as I passed them. If it was the other way around I would get kicked out on the spot. Been to 5 socials and this has happened at 3 of them and more than once too. When I said it I was told any of the other men would have loved it." I commented on another thread this week about this experience and an apparent reluctance to remove women from a social event when they do this whereas a man would be asked to leave immediately. I have only been to one private party and there was nothing like this and rules were clearly explained. At social events though where alcohol has been consumed it's all part of the fun where some are concerned. I wonder how well it would go down if women were told they should be flattered that a man chose to grope them or told to lighten up a little? | |||
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"I’ve been to Nightclubs and moved men out of the way by placing my hand on the small of their back and manoeuvring them to the side. ![]() I've had my arse and genitals grabbed by women at socials who then laughed it off when I asked wtf? I'm not a touchy feely person and the only time I would physically touch a stranger would be if we both consented to a hug or to shake hands. | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield " Why didn't you tell her to stop? | |||
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"I’ve been to Nightclubs and moved men out of the way by placing my hand on the small of their back and manoeuvring them to the side. ![]() The small of their back ![]() | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield " Wtf?! ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield · Wtf?! ![]() ![]() ![]() • KC², it really was one of those awkward and uncomfortable moments, witnessing it first hand from a man's perspective. I approached Míddèrs from behind to say _ello (we had already said _ello earlier) and she grabbed both my arms and wrapped them around her waist tightly, as a form of body language and rebuttal "please keep your distance!" sort of message. The other woman walked off but her husband remained, finished his groping, and then started to repeatedly ask Míddèrs where she was from and her •exact• location. Four times he was told the same generic location (i.e. none of your business!). He walked off as we both gave him a stern look. It was nauseating. | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield Nero the hero ! 👏" He was amazing, I'll be eternally grateful ❤️ | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield Nero would just watch you burn…" Nope he was simply the best ❤️❤️ | |||
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"The rules that apply at a club should be the same rules that apply in everyday walks of life. You should NEVER put your hands on another without permission. You wouldn’t do it in the supermarket, or on the street. So why would it be deemed acceptable at a club ?" I completely agree. I hate being touched by people don't know. It's one of the main reasons I don't go to clubs. | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield Why didn't you tell her to stop?" Well it's a good question - i didn't understand what was happening at first. I'm actually quite shy and don't like conflict and I was kinda frozen in spot once I realized what was happening ... when I tried to move out of her reach she dragged me back. I did get away in the end. Her husband came later and I asked him not to touch me and kept moving out of his reach. I literally had to thrust Nero at him and in panic I said Nero was my husband. The guy shook Nero's hand and congratulated him 😆😆 Poor Nero had no idea what was happening, but he was bloody brilliant. I kinda felt that perhaps it was my fault for kissing my friends that I'd arrived with earlier. They were d*unk so perhaps I was fair game for them 😕 | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield Wtf?! ![]() ![]() ![]() Thanks ! It reinforced my view that I should avoid d*unk people!! | |||
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" Why didn't you tell her to stop? I kinda felt that perhaps it was my fault for kissing my friends that I'd arrived with earlier. They were d*unk so perhaps I was fair game for them 😕" 100% not your fault, please do not feel that anything you might have said or none prior is an excuse for their behaviour, they touched without asking and ignored your actions and words for them to stop. I can't stand victim blaming attitudes that make people feel like it's their fault | |||
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" Why didn't you tell her to stop? I kinda felt that perhaps it was my fault for kissing my friends that I'd arrived with earlier. They were d*unk so perhaps I was fair game for them 😕 100% not your fault, please do not feel that anything you might have said or none prior is an excuse for their behaviour, they touched without asking and ignored your actions and words for them to stop. I can't stand victim blaming attitudes that make people feel like it's their fault" They were d*unk arseholes, and are probably the same sober. I hope they are not invited to future Socials.🤬 | |||
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"I’ve been to Nightclubs and moved men out of the way by placing my hand on the small of their back and manoeuvring them to the side. ![]() If ever I have been in a very crowded (and noisy) place (i.e. a nightclub) and I've been trying to getbthrough a crowd, I too have placed my hand on someone's back (both male and female), to try to gain enough room to manoeuvre through. This normally illicit the person to turn in my direction, which enables me to mouth "Sorry! Need to get through!" or similar. In a swingers club, unless I'm trying to do the same thing, I don't believe I would touch anyone unless consent is requested first. I certainly wouldn't touch any intimate areas! At one of my very first parties, however, I did upset someone by a touch. I misunderstood but I very much learnt from what happened. No definitely means no, whether you're male, female, or anywhere in between. 🤷🏻♀️ | |||
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"For me, pretty much any unexpected physical contact from a stranger is skin crawling and unpleasant. But some happens in circumstances and that's okay. Tapping my shoulder to get my attention because you'd like to get past, okay. Putting your hand on my waist or small of my back on the way past, no. Unsolicited outright fondling, get to fuck 💜" 100% this. ✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️✅️ No physical contact without express consent. Most of the time that will be verbal. On rare occasions there may be times when (as mentioned earlier above) you may be on a large open bed with others, and eye contact and a nod may suffice - but only if it's 110% obvious that they're giving the ok. The fact people may be naked and indulging in sex doesn't give anyone, man or woman, the right to assume people are OK with being touched. | |||
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"I would say any unwanted attention is not acceptable I had a situation at a social where I kept stepping away from a lady who was running her hands up and down my body, including my boobs, bum and other intimate places....and then later her husband did the same. I ended up enlisting poor Nero as my personal shield Nero would just watch you burn… Nope he was simply the best ❤️❤️" Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear flat caps❤️ Sorry to hear this though, Midnight. Nobody should have to experience that. | |||
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"This happens to men too. I have been to a few socials where some women there thought it was ok to grope me as I passed them. If it was the other way around I would get kicked out on the spot. Been to 5 socials and this has happened at 3 of them and more than once too. When I said it I was told any of the other men would have loved it." This goes for women groping women too. I've often had my breasts grabbed by women, if it had been by a man I would have told him to fuck off. I was unsure what to say to a woman so I approached the club owners, they said that it's never been presented as a problem before but to just say that it's polite to ask. I just don't go topless anymore. | |||
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"Yeah I don't understand women who think it's okay to touch people without asking either. Having a vagina doesn't give you privileges in that department. " I do think the ratios and how valuable women are to clubs and events gets to some of their heads though to where they think it's acceptable and can get away with it. I've seen women heckling group scenarios in open playrooms; fuck her harder. You won't make her cum like that etc. whereas if a man was doing that, it absolutely wouldn't be tolerated 🤷♂️ | |||
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"Yeah I don't understand women who think it's okay to touch people without asking either. Having a vagina doesn't give you privileges in that department. I do think the ratios and how valuable women are to clubs and events gets to some of their heads though to where they think it's acceptable and can get away with it. I've seen women heckling group scenarios in open playrooms; fuck her harder. You won't make her cum like that etc. whereas if a man was doing that, it absolutely wouldn't be tolerated 🤷♂️" Eurgh, that is not cool behaviour. Sadly I think you may be correct. The gender politics of swingers clubs baffles me no end. Some people genuinely don't know how to behave whatever gender they are ![]() | |||
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"Yeah I don't understand women who think it's okay to touch people without asking either. Having a vagina doesn't give you privileges in that department. I do think the ratios and how valuable women are to clubs and events gets to some of their heads though to where they think it's acceptable and can get away with it. I've seen women heckling group scenarios in open playrooms; fuck her harder. You won't make her cum like that etc. whereas if a man was doing that, it absolutely wouldn't be tolerated 🤷♂️ Eurgh, that is not cool behaviour. Sadly I think you may be correct. The gender politics of swingers clubs baffles me no end. Some people genuinely don't know how to behave whatever gender they are ![]() Something we've experienced over the years in clubs. Women who are bad apples do get a sense of impunity in clubs and will rarely be challenged. I think what's important is to raise problems with any guests to the management regardless of sex. And to most clubs credit they will deal with any issues raised against a woman. Because although women are in general an important asset to a club the harmony and enjoyment of others is a bigger priority. | |||
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"I think it boils down to your ability to read a room (which I accept people have differing degrees of skill in). I would always say if in doubt don't, verbalise your intentions. I think for us we have wider tolerance for it in the swinger environment than the vanilla environment. I mean touch in general to test the waters not like a full on intrusive action. Because we know that consent isn't always verbal. There has be times we've entered in to play with other people just based on eye contact and not a word spoken. For example in a hot there maybe a wondering hand on a leg. Not a big deal if unwanted, just politely moved away. We understand in this environment people are looking to show their intrest and can sometimes get it wrong with their aproach. Obviously if they were to do it again after we've made our intentions known that's a whole different story. However that's us, other people may have a whole different approach to unsolicited touching." The problem with assuming that it's okay to touch and you'd be directed to stop, if not, is that it doesn't provide a clear red line, that consent is always required before physical touch. | |||
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"Thanks again all. I should give my view I think as I asked all you lovely people for yours My view is pretty extreme apparently. I happen to think that ANY unsolicited touching of ANY sort is wrong. It doesn't matter where you are, whether you're in the street or a bar or in a room where there's an orgy going on. An offered hand on meeting was always the way in society when I was growing up - what's wrong with that? Covid brought us fist bumps, a great tactic I often employ to avoid the unwelcome kisses on the cheek lol Nowadays everyone likes to hug and kiss, I'm always at the back trying to avoid them ... So in a playroom situation why on earth would I want more? In a place where unspoken signals are so easily misconconstrued - we want to play with others but don't need to be touched up to make our minds up! And in close quarters there's always good old fashioned talking - ask before doing anything! Can't stand perves claiming it's just 'innocent' 'non sexual' touching just to get a cheap thrill! Excuse the rant. But in the words of Paddy Mayne this shit gets my goat! Maybe I'm not cut out for swinging ![]() I don't think this is extreme at all I think it's perfectly reasonable. Don't be made me feel otherwise. It's your body and you are free to exercise autonomy over your own body. | |||
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"Thanks again all. I should give my view I think as I asked all you lovely people for yours My view is pretty extreme apparently. I happen to think that ANY unsolicited touching of ANY sort is wrong. It doesn't matter where you are, whether you're in the street or a bar or in a room where there's an orgy going on. An offered hand on meeting was always the way in society when I was growing up - what's wrong with that? Covid brought us fist bumps, a great tactic I often employ to avoid the unwelcome kisses on the cheek lol Nowadays everyone likes to hug and kiss, I'm always at the back trying to avoid them ... So in a playroom situation why on earth would I want more? In a place where unspoken signals are so easily misconconstrued - we want to play with others but don't need to be touched up to make our minds up! And in close quarters there's always good old fashioned talking - ask before doing anything! Can't stand perves claiming it's just 'innocent' 'non sexual' touching just to get a cheap thrill! Excuse the rant. But in the words of Paddy Mayne this shit gets my goat! Maybe I'm not cut out for swinging ![]() Unwanted physical contact is horrible and I have to say I experienced flicking behind the ears from a divorcee who kept referring to her ex as a 'knobhead' in the work place. Similarly I was shocked to see a good male friend, now deceased, grope women at a swingers'club called The Annex without consent. Disgusting female and male behaviour. | |||
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"We were in a playroom at a club and getting busy. A guy came in and put his hand on my leg while I had my eyes closed... and I just said no. I knew people were watching but in hindsight we'd have used the playrooms with the viewing windows where they couldn't join in. Rookie mistake" I was sat in a hot tub at a naturist spa with a friend of mine once and felt a hand on my thigh, it took me a second to realise it was not my friends hand but a complete strangers ...I moved sharpish | |||
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"Yeah I don't understand women who think it's okay to touch people without asking either. Having a vagina doesn't give you privileges in that department. " And if the same women were groped by a man they would be likely outraged. | |||
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