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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told " How could things be better? | |||
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"I eat well and get alot of exercise, but my sleep pattern is dreadful due to working nights and caring for my mum." Christ, that sounds like a lot. I hope you have people you can lean on for support and stuff. And plenty of self care. | |||
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"I don't. Madhatter " I feel like we're all pretty great at knowing we're not doing everything we could be. But what could we be doing to make things better?  | |||
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"Depends on my mood and if I care about the consequences. I try and get out of the house every day, even if just to the local spoons for food and chat. Keep trying to improve but then at times wonder if makes any difference " I think you're worth it. I think we all are. | |||
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"I'm doing ok, I could work on my emotional side but its how im wired it tend not to show much emotion " I don't think our wiring is set in stone. Maybe baby steps to opening up more? With someone you trust? | |||
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"OK, but wish I had more money " That would be great, right? How would you use more money to take of yourself better? | |||
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"Mentally I’m not in the best place x pressures of work at the moment really effecting me " Will that be a temporary thing? Where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel? | |||
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"Mentally I’m not in the best place x pressures of work at the moment really effecting me Will that be a temporary thing? Where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel? " At the moment it’s a constant thing x that tunnel is long and I can’t see the light yet x | |||
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"I'm pretty good at it I don't want to feel shit or miserable, so that's the motivation " I think I'm fairly comfortable at all of the emotions whether it's happy and content or absolutely miserable. Perhaps that's my problem? It isn't motivating me enough? | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better?" I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself | |||
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"Mentally I’m not in the best place x pressures of work at the moment really effecting me Will that be a temporary thing? Where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel? At the moment it’s a constant thing x that tunnel is long and I can’t see the light yet x " Well that sounds really hard. I hope you manage to find some things that you do to make yourself feel better when you're going through this. Or I hope you can talk about that pressure with someone else? Family? Workplace employee assistance programme? Something. | |||
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"It's my job to take care of others which sadly means I don't have much left for me and with what I'm going through at the moment it's the last thing I need x" Oh no What's that saying about filling ourselves first before we can fill others?
Sounds like whatever you're going through right now is fairly challenging and you could take a bit of someone looking out for you for once. | |||
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"I’m very good at taking care of everyone else but me🫤… " Admirable that you do. But can quickly lead to burnout. You're important and you should treat yourself so. (Easier said than done though!) | |||
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"It's my job to take care of others which sadly means I don't have much left for me and with what I'm going through at the moment it's the last thing I need x Oh no What's that saying about filling ourselves first before we can fill others?
Sounds like whatever you're going through right now is fairly challenging and you could take a bit of someone looking out for you for once. "If only. I have never felt more alone than I do right now 🥲 | |||
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"I’m very good at taking care of everyone else but me🫤… Admirable that you do. But can quickly lead to burnout. You're important and you should treat yourself so. (Easier said than done though!) " 💯 … spot on …. That burnout got me in the end …. X | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. " Oh god everything about this got to me. I recognise the signs of a depressive episode and I know the steps I need to take to get out of one. But that shit is HARD. And on your own, it's even harder. I know this response isn't at all helpful but I'm with you. | |||
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"Mentally I’m not in the best place x pressures of work at the moment really effecting me Will that be a temporary thing? Where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel? At the moment it’s a constant thing x that tunnel is long and I can’t see the light yet x Well that sounds really hard. I hope you manage to find some things that you do to make yourself feel better when you're going through this. Or I hope you can talk about that pressure with someone else? Family? Workplace employee assistance programme? Something." I don’t really have much support in Reading…. I travel up & down….. it’s difficult but I keep pushing x | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better? I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself " I think that's a great start! You absolutely deserve to be cared for. By yourself and by others. What does it look like to love and care yourself? | |||
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"Mostly good. More aware than I was a few years ago certainly. If I’m busy at work it still tends to go out of the window a bit though and I’m not always great at shutting my mind down. I try to make up for that at weekends though when my time is more my own and I can spend more time relaxing and doing the things I enjoy. L" That sounds like a balance that usually works out? Do other life things not usually get in the way of full relaxing weekends/ | |||
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"I need to get back to more exercise after being in hospital Mentally ok I think I take time out to meditate and reflect, plus work out best use of time … The big thing is not drinking alcohol by choice just now and for a while yet Plus eating is now 95% a vegetarian diet ( I can not give up on the odd bacon sandwich ! However I need to get back into swimming … I think like my old school reports which have said … could do better ! "Haha, I feel like we could do all do better. Mine would probably say 'Needs improvement' but I love that you've at least identified actual practical ways you could improve things in your own life. That feels like four steps ahead of where I am  | |||
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"Mostly good. More aware than I was a few years ago certainly. If I’m busy at work it still tends to go out of the window a bit though and I’m not always great at shutting my mind down. I try to make up for that at weekends though when my time is more my own and I can spend more time relaxing and doing the things I enjoy. L That sounds like a balance that usually works out? Do other life things not usually get in the way of full relaxing weekends/" I’m lucky that I don’t have kids so one thing I don’t have to worry about is activities, parties etc. Ideally I’ll get my cleaning etc done early then focus on the things I want to do. Doesn’t always work out but it’s certainly less pressured than weekdays! | |||
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"It's my job to take care of others which sadly means I don't have much left for me and with what I'm going through at the moment it's the last thing I need x Oh no What's that saying about filling ourselves first before we can fill others?
Sounds like whatever you're going through right now is fairly challenging and you could take a bit of someone looking out for you for once.
If only. I have never felt more alone than I do right now 🥲"I'm so sorry, that's a terrible feeling and I'm sorry if this thread hasn't made things better for you. I get how isolating things can feel but you'd probably be surprised at how not alone you are by maybe reaching out to someone unexpected in your life. I'm hopeful at least. I'd hate the idea of anyone being truly alone. | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better? I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself I think that's a great start! You absolutely deserve to be cared for. By yourself and by others. What does it look like to love and care yourself?" ♥️♥️ I think it needs to start with basic stuff like eating well, drinking water rather than wine, exercising... Gotta be one step at a time though xx | |||
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"I’m very good at taking care of everyone else but me🫤… Admirable that you do. But can quickly lead to burnout. You're important and you should treat yourself so. (Easier said than done though!) 💯 … spot on …. That burnout got me in the end …. X" You've got this. You're so practiced at caring for others that you know what to do - just turn some of that on yourself | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. " Sorry to hear you're not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm doing as well as I can with my mental health. What helps for me is human interaction and doing things I enjoy. I recently signed up to a course on an interest I have which is helping me feel fulfilled. I also spend time studying outside of the course which is also fulfilling. Besides that, doing other hobbies like playing the piano and gaming. Moreover, with the sun, it really helps going for a walk. Hope some of this can help and that you can feel better soon. ❤️ | |||
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"Terrible.....i push through everything im going through at the time and end up a big ill mess. Im lucky to have an amazing wife he understands me. X" Well we're all messy. I saw something somewhere that said something like ... it's okay to fall apart, tacos fall apart and everyone loves taco. It's a bit cheesy but I feel like we need to normalise the concept of not being fully put together all the time. Also, supportive partners are ❤️ | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. Oh god everything about this got to me. I recognise the signs of a depressive episode and I know the steps I need to take to get out of one. But that shit is HARD. And on your own, it's even harder. I know this response isn't at all helpful but I'm with you. " Sometimes it's just good to talk to others about stuff you're going through, so threads like this are always helpful  as much as the silly/funny threads that pick you up when you're feeling a bit glum and make you smile. | |||
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"Mentally I’m not in the best place x pressures of work at the moment really effecting me Will that be a temporary thing? Where you can see the light at the end of the tunnel? At the moment it’s a constant thing x that tunnel is long and I can’t see the light yet x Well that sounds really hard. I hope you manage to find some things that you do to make yourself feel better when you're going through this. Or I hope you can talk about that pressure with someone else? Family? Workplace employee assistance programme? Something. I don’t really have much support in Reading…. I travel up & down….. it’s difficult but I keep pushing x " It can be hard without support, I really hope it's something that changes for you! | |||
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"Honestly the only resolve that I have had from mental things is the gym. It’s the place that allows me to work on my headspace and the place I think the best " That's fantastic that you have that outlet. I think exercise is an amazing thing that helps settle all of my thoughts too. | |||
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"I could do more, but I'm better than I used to be." I'm sure we could all do more. What sort of things did you do to improve things for yourself? | |||
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"I've literally just wrote this on another site I'm a member of So. I've gone throught the wringer the last few years and like a few others of us, its taken it's toll I'm ashamed to say. There's a bit more of me than I'd like but it's a double edged sword, I work alone, so go to the local to socialise or i become a hermit . Anyway , is there a local lady that feels similar that feels they could help each other out ??? We could obviously encourage each other and praise each other which would give amazing results. Seems a win win.." It doesn't sound like anything to be ashamed of to me. Life can be hard. Hope you find what you think would help | |||
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"It’s always been a priority - and a pleasure. I’m no good to others and not productive if I don’t look after me. Tips - have a difficult conversation with yourself about why it’s not happening. Then invest in yourself to make the changes. " Thank you for commenting! It's lovely to come across someone who answers this question positively. And with practical advice on how to improve. ❤️ | |||
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"Mostly good. More aware than I was a few years ago certainly. If I’m busy at work it still tends to go out of the window a bit though and I’m not always great at shutting my mind down. I try to make up for that at weekends though when my time is more my own and I can spend more time relaxing and doing the things I enjoy. L That sounds like a balance that usually works out? Do other life things not usually get in the way of full relaxing weekends/ I’m lucky that I don’t have kids so one thing I don’t have to worry about is activities, parties etc. Ideally I’ll get my cleaning etc done early then focus on the things I want to do. Doesn’t always work out but it’s certainly less pressured than weekdays! " I'm so glad! God, even that is good advice for me. Get the shit out of the way so all you have left is the good. I'm learning as I'm going along! | |||
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"I make it a priority to take care of myself physically and mentally. No one else is going to do it for me. Actually people are likely to do me harm rather than good. I’ve a duty to keep myself right as I’ve others who depend on me. Kept your circle close, your lines tight and cover your basics every day along with your shit wired tight at all times. " I'm not sure what you mean by your shit wired tight?! | |||
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"I make it a priority to take care of myself physically and mentally. No one else is going to do it for me. Actually people are likely to do me harm rather than good. I’ve a duty to keep myself right as I’ve others who depend on me. Kept your circle close, your lines tight and cover your basics every day along with your shit wired tight at all times. I'm not sure what you mean by your shit wired tight?! " Personal admin….keep on top of it. | |||
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"How good are you at taking care of yourself? I try hard to thrive. I have a life philosophy, I stay fit, I eat well, i try and be kind to myself. I try and be a good friend to those who deserve my time. I'm ruthless with my boundaries. My only weak spot is I'm emotionally a bit closed off and I know it. "Honestly it sounds like you've got a lot of your ducks in a row. I'd love to be ruthless with my boundaries. Hell, Id' like to be fit, be kind myself AND eat well. So just the emotional thing sounds like not such a big hurtle. At least to me, I'm too emotionally available! Is it something you think you'd want to work on, being more open emotionally? | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better? I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself I think that's a great start! You absolutely deserve to be cared for. By yourself and by others. What does it look like to love and care yourself?♥️♥️ I think it needs to start with basic stuff like eating well, drinking water rather than wine, exercising... Gotta be one step at a time though xx" I read a great book the other month that said the way to build great habits was to change your outlook on your personal identity. So instead of setting yourself a goal to exercise three times a week you start thinking of yourself as a healthy person who embodies a healthy lifestyle. And by making that change you start to want to do the things a healthy person does. If that makes sense? It sounded groundbreaking to me. But then I'm a shit adult and a lot of basic things feel too complicated 😂 | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better? I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself I think that's a great start! You absolutely deserve to be cared for. By yourself and by others. What does it look like to love and care yourself?♥️♥️ I think it needs to start with basic stuff like eating well, drinking water rather than wine, exercising... Gotta be one step at a time though xx I read a great book the other month that said the way to build great habits was to change your outlook on your personal identity. So instead of setting yourself a goal to exercise three times a week you start thinking of yourself as a healthy person who embodies a healthy lifestyle. And by making that change you start to want to do the things a healthy person does. If that makes sense? It sounded groundbreaking to me. But then I'm a shit adult and a lot of basic things feel too complicated 😂" Change a negative mindset to a positive one ...xx | |||
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"I could do more, but I'm better than I used to be. I'm sure we could all do more. What sort of things did you do to improve things for yourself?" Exercise has been a big help, lifting weights to focus on something and punching a bag if I'm particularly angry or stressed out! Going back to old hobbies too. The worst thing is I'm terrible at following my own advice can help others out but if somethings bothering me it'll stay there. | |||
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"How good are you at taking care of yourself? I try hard to thrive. I have a life philosophy, I stay fit, I eat well, i try and be kind to myself. I try and be a good friend to those who deserve my time. I'm ruthless with my boundaries. My only weak spot is I'm emotionally a bit closed off and I know it.
Honestly it sounds like you've got a lot of your ducks in a row. I'd love to be ruthless with my boundaries. Hell, Id' like to be fit, be kind myself AND eat well. So just the emotional thing sounds like not such a big hurtle. At least to me, I'm too emotionally available! Is it something you think you'd want to work on, being more open emotionally?"I'd only be happy to be more open emotionally, if the other person was amazingly understanding and emotionally available & wise. Thanks for starting this thread OP, it's been thought provoking. | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. Sorry to hear you're not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm doing as well as I can with my mental health. What helps for me is human interaction and doing things I enjoy. I recently signed up to a course on an interest I have which is helping me feel fulfilled. I also spend time studying outside of the course which is also fulfilling. Besides that, doing other hobbies like playing the piano and gaming. Moreover, with the sun, it really helps going for a walk. Hope some of this can help and that you can feel better soon. ❤️ " This is such a lovely comment, thank you. I think a lot of people (myself included) really focus on ourselves physically. How much we sleep, how much water we drink, exercising etc. And forget how much an outlet for creativity or learning new things lifts us up. But absolutely, social connections, the sunshine. It all helps, doesn't it? | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. Oh god everything about this got to me. I recognise the signs of a depressive episode and I know the steps I need to take to get out of one. But that shit is HARD. And on your own, it's even harder. I know this response isn't at all helpful but I'm with you. Sometimes it's just good to talk to others about stuff you're going through, so threads like this are always helpful as much as the silly/funny threads that pick you up when you're feeling a bit glum and make you smile. "Yes, I agree. I did a thread a few weeks ago about joy and I felt like everyone's joy was such a balm to my soul. | |||
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"Mostly good. More aware than I was a few years ago certainly. If I’m busy at work it still tends to go out of the window a bit though and I’m not always great at shutting my mind down. I try to make up for that at weekends though when my time is more my own and I can spend more time relaxing and doing the things I enjoy. L That sounds like a balance that usually works out? Do other life things not usually get in the way of full relaxing weekends/ I’m lucky that I don’t have kids so one thing I don’t have to worry about is activities, parties etc. Ideally I’ll get my cleaning etc done early then focus on the things I want to do. Doesn’t always work out but it’s certainly less pressured than weekdays! I'm so glad! God, even that is good advice for me. Get the shit out of the way so all you have left is the good. I'm learning as I'm going along! " It’s hard to look after ourselves. We’re taught to be busy, lounging around is lazy, but in the last few years I’ve realised how much downtime I need to counteract busy weekdays and if anyone thinks that’s lazy, good luck to them 😂 | |||
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"In honesty I think it gets easier as you get older -there is less pressure to conform to societal expectations and demands x" I agree with you midnight, you get to a point when you realise life is too short to waste on anxiety | |||
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"I’m a lot better now than I used to be. The last few years have been quite a journey from a very low place. Being a parent, and Ailsa, have been my main motivation. I didn’t think I could properly care for them unless I was in a good place myself - and of course they have cared for me too. Being part of a unit has given me more than I have words to say x" I'm so glad that you had such strong motivators and a system of support to help you through. And I'm also so great you've seen such improvement from where you were! | |||
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"I've got a lot better at it since I started transitioning. I've got a reason to want to, and I actually like myself now!" Oh my word, I cannot even imagine the feeling of going through gender affirming care. And how monumental that would be. How incredible for you. | |||
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" I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. " 🙋🏼♂️Same here, emotionally, physically, mentally utter car crash at the minute. But it ebbs and flows things can and will get better, when you've hit rock bottom the only way is up. Dammit I've only gone and given myself an earworm again Yazz- The Only Way Is Up | |||
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"I'm pretty good at self care - I'm vegan, so reasonably healthy, I exercise and I like to walk and be in nature, which recharges my soul. I'm fairly resilient and realistic in my outlook and I take time out if I'm feeling fragile and I use friends for support if I'm dipping. I try to be kind to myself and have no issue having a sofa day if I need one. " Teach me your ways I'm so glad to hear that you've got a pretty great handle on caring for yourself. | |||
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"I’m a lot better now than I used to be. The last few years have been quite a journey from a very low place. Being a parent, and Ailsa, have been my main motivation. I didn’t think I could properly care for them unless I was in a good place myself - and of course they have cared for me too. Being part of a unit has given me more than I have words to say x I'm so glad that you had such strong motivators and a system of support to help you through. And I'm also so great you've seen such improvement from where you were! " To be honest, after all that happened to me, i could haven’t gone any lower. So the improvement is enormous. This is a lovely thread OP. I don’t know if I have any useful tips, but I can certainly commiserate. I hope you’re okay Xx | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. " Snap!! Today is my belated mums day...so I spent it in my garden pottering around doing projects that I've put off just because wasn't in the mood for it. Greif still hits me hard at time's I keep myself busy with activities I love..be it the gym swimming or just chilling out in my hammock watching the bats...won't be long before I see them again. | |||
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"I do ok. I generally eat well, sleep well and exercise well. I have made those things habits and if I don’t do them then I start to feel like crap but it is rare that I don’t do them for a prolonged period of time." That sounds pretty great. What about spiritually or challenging yourself mentally? or social connections? | |||
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"I make it a priority to take care of myself physically and mentally. No one else is going to do it for me. Actually people are likely to do me harm rather than good. I’ve a duty to keep myself right as I’ve others who depend on me. Kept your circle close, your lines tight and cover your basics every day along with your shit wired tight at all times. I'm not sure what you mean by your shit wired tight?! Personal admin….keep on top of it. " OH! That makes sense then. My car is currently broken down and I forgot to renew my breakdown cover ... I needed someone on top of my personal admin, that's for sure 😂 | |||
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"In honesty I think it gets easier as you get older -there is less pressure to conform to societal expectations and demands x" When does that kick in? I'm 42 and I still feel like I'm making all the same stupid mistakes I made in my 20s. | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. Snap!! Today is my belated mums day...so I spent it in my garden pottering around doing projects that I've put off just because wasn't in the mood for it. Greif still hits me hard at time's I keep myself busy with activities I love..be it the gym swimming or just chilling out in my hammock watching the bats...won't be long before I see them again." Grief is a tough one, you never get over losing them but you learn to live life differently without them. It will never be the same. But we adapt. Distracting yourself with happy memories and activities that bring you joy is a great idea | |||
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"Absolutely rubbish truth be told How could things be better? I guess a useful start would be me recognising I don't look after myself as I should, I think it is probably because I don't feel worthy of being cared for... So there's that.. I need to start loving myself and caring for myself I think that's a great start! You absolutely deserve to be cared for. By yourself and by others. What does it look like to love and care yourself?♥️♥️ I think it needs to start with basic stuff like eating well, drinking water rather than wine, exercising... Gotta be one step at a time though xx I read a great book the other month that said the way to build great habits was to change your outlook on your personal identity. So instead of setting yourself a goal to exercise three times a week you start thinking of yourself as a healthy person who embodies a healthy lifestyle. And by making that change you start to want to do the things a healthy person does. If that makes sense? It sounded groundbreaking to me. But then I'm a shit adult and a lot of basic things feel too complicated 😂 Change a negative mindset to a positive one ...xx" I was messaging someone earlier and kept recognising that I was having this extreme view on permanent something temporary is. Definitely need to change that. | |||
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"I could do more, but I'm better than I used to be. I'm sure we could all do more. What sort of things did you do to improve things for yourself? Exercise has been a big help, lifting weights to focus on something and punching a bag if I'm particularly angry or stressed out! Going back to old hobbies too. The worst thing is I'm terrible at following my own advice can help others out but if somethings bothering me it'll stay there." I keep saying I'm going to get back into running, even join a running club to keep me focused. And have I done it yet? No prizes for the correct answer. | |||
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"I’m very good at taking care of everyone else but me🫤… " Absolutely this..   | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. Sorry to hear you're not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm doing as well as I can with my mental health. What helps for me is human interaction and doing things I enjoy. I recently signed up to a course on an interest I have which is helping me feel fulfilled. I also spend time studying outside of the course which is also fulfilling. Besides that, doing other hobbies like playing the piano and gaming. Moreover, with the sun, it really helps going for a walk. Hope some of this can help and that you can feel better soon. ❤️ This is such a lovely comment, thank you. I think a lot of people (myself included) really focus on ourselves physically. How much we sleep, how much water we drink, exercising etc. And forget how much an outlet for creativity or learning new things lifts us up. But absolutely, social connections, the sunshine. It all helps, doesn't it? " Thanks for creating this. It's really nice to helpful to read through the posts and see how people handling their mental health. Do you have any creative outlets or new things you're learning? | |||
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"How good are you at taking care of yourself? I try hard to thrive. I have a life philosophy, I stay fit, I eat well, i try and be kind to myself. I try and be a good friend to those who deserve my time. I'm ruthless with my boundaries. My only weak spot is I'm emotionally a bit closed off and I know it.
Honestly it sounds like you've got a lot of your ducks in a row. I'd love to be ruthless with my boundaries. Hell, Id' like to be fit, be kind myself AND eat well. So just the emotional thing sounds like not such a big hurtle. At least to me, I'm too emotionally available! Is it something you think you'd want to work on, being more open emotionally?
I'd only be happy to be more open emotionally, if the other person was amazingly understanding and emotionally available & wise.
Thanks for starting this thread OP, it's been thought provoking. "I've done it for selfish reasons, ha. I WANT to hear all the responses and take from it what I can. I'm glad you've also found it useful though! | |||
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"Last 6 months I have lost over a stone and been focusing on my sleep. So overall much better" That's incredible, well done you! What's helped with both? | |||
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"I do ok. I generally eat well, sleep well and exercise well. I have made those things habits and if I don’t do them then I start to feel like crap but it is rare that I don’t do them for a prolonged period of time. That sounds pretty great. What about spiritually or challenging yourself mentally? or social connections? "I don’t know what spiritual means - I don’t need to do god or trying to find the meaning of life or whatever's. I am content with what I have and who I am. I know what I value and what I don’t and I can back those things up in how I live life. That’s good enough for me. I read a lot and run a business so the mental side is always being pushed. Social - I am naturally a loner so having the kids around and seeing a few people down the gym or on here is perfect. | |||
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"OP I feel for you, hope you find a route for you. Personally I'm quite good at protecting myself tbh. But oddly enough I was talking to a friend who was a work colleague who got fired on Thursday, she struggles with anxiety, I've been trying to help her. I'm also a part time carer for a sibling. So historically I have been the strength others rely on tbh. Sometimes we all need support. There's no shame in asking for help. We all need each other at some point." Absolutely there's no shame in asking for help and support. But also, you sound very giving of emotional support there - don't overextend yourself either! | |||
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"We all seem to be in the same boat. I know it's an old cliquey but if anyone wants to chat please message me. Mental health is so important and so often not spoken about. Due to denial or embarrassment. But please just being on this site alone should tell us we can be open enough to talk about anything. Love, peace and unity. Happy fabbing everyone xx" That's nice of you to offer. I find most people want to talk to people they already know or feel comfortable with (which is why I don't necessarily offer myself other than comments on this thread!) | |||
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" I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. 🙋🏼♂️Same here, emotionally, physically, mentally utter car crash at the minute. But it ebbs and flows things can and will get better, when you've hit rock bottom the only way is up. Dammit I've only gone and given myself an earworm again Yazz- The Only Way Is Up" Car crash high five, I guess. But I think when we hit rock bottom we still have to do all the work to claw our way up. Sorry for that downer! Thankfully I'm not familiar with that song | |||
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"I’m a lot better now than I used to be. The last few years have been quite a journey from a very low place. Being a parent, and Ailsa, have been my main motivation. I didn’t think I could properly care for them unless I was in a good place myself - and of course they have cared for me too. Being part of a unit has given me more than I have words to say x I'm so glad that you had such strong motivators and a system of support to help you through. And I'm also so great you've seen such improvement from where you were! To be honest, after all that happened to me, i could haven’t gone any lower. So the improvement is enormous. This is a lovely thread OP. I don’t know if I have any useful tips, but I can certainly commiserate. I hope you’re okay Xx" I'll be okay, I've seen comments on the thread expressing concern for me but honestly, the worry isn't warranted. I am shit at looking after myself and lots of things could be better ... but I'm mostly okay. | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. Snap!! Today is my belated mums day...so I spent it in my garden pottering around doing projects that I've put off just because wasn't in the mood for it. Greif still hits me hard at time's I keep myself busy with activities I love..be it the gym swimming or just chilling out in my hammock watching the bats...won't be long before I see them again." Oh I'm sorry to read this. Grief is such a heavy weight to carry around. It sounds like you've chosen some fantastic ways to work through it. I hope it continues. | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move " How could things be better? | |||
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"Absolutely fricking useless ". that seems to be the consensus here, lovely. Can you think of one thing that would help things (I'm about to go for a shower) | |||
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"I’m very good at taking care of everyone else but me🫤… Absolutely this.. "I hope we're all turning at least some of that care on ourselves. In small ways if they have to be. | |||
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"Not brilliant currently but onwards and upwards "That's not great - is there anything that would help? | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. Sorry to hear you're not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm doing as well as I can with my mental health. What helps for me is human interaction and doing things I enjoy. I recently signed up to a course on an interest I have which is helping me feel fulfilled. I also spend time studying outside of the course which is also fulfilling. Besides that, doing other hobbies like playing the piano and gaming. Moreover, with the sun, it really helps going for a walk. Hope some of this can help and that you can feel better soon. ❤️ This is such a lovely comment, thank you. I think a lot of people (myself included) really focus on ourselves physically. How much we sleep, how much water we drink, exercising etc. And forget how much an outlet for creativity or learning new things lifts us up. But absolutely, social connections, the sunshine. It all helps, doesn't it? Thanks for creating this. It's really nice to helpful to read through the posts and see how people handling their mental health. Do you have any creative outlets or new things you're learning?" I started writing poetry recently. But I'm still looking at other types of creative outlets and trying to find things to learn (that could also maybe include social engagement!) | |||
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"I do ok. I generally eat well, sleep well and exercise well. I have made those things habits and if I don’t do them then I start to feel like crap but it is rare that I don’t do them for a prolonged period of time. That sounds pretty great. What about spiritually or challenging yourself mentally? or social connections?
I don’t know what spiritual means - I don’t need to do god or trying to find the meaning of life or whatever's. I am content with what I have and who I am. I know what I value and what I don’t and I can back those things up in how I live life. That’s good enough for me. I read a lot and run a business so the mental side is always being pushed. Social - I am naturally a loner so having the kids around and seeing a few people down the gym or on here is perfect."It doesn't have to be religious. Just living a life with values would count towards spiritual needs. Having a purpose in life. That is, if you're looking at something like Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. | |||
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"Hard to ask for help when you have no one …. so you have to just get on with it …. keep grinding ! " That sounds incredibly hard. And lonely. I hope for your sake that you do have people in your life willing to listen, support or help. Coworkers, neighbours etc. | |||
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"Even on here, is great when people check on others who know are going through a tough time. Just a little check in not an intrusive way. I try to if I can. Especially if is someone I have been chatting too but have not been active much on the forums. Others have donevwith me too and much appreciated. " That sounds so lovely. It's nice to have that feeling of community and people checking in on each other. | |||
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"I avoid all those that bring stress & drama into my life , l'm with Helen Mirren on this one , learn to tell people to F**K off ..l give myself the best chance l can with everything , health , mentally and physically but that does not protect you from what life can throw at you , all you can do is jump the fence in front of you ..but those assholes with drama, conflict & confrontation & those oxygen leeches can stay da fuck away." Ha, sounds like you're doing pretty great on setting healthy boundaries. Good for you. | |||
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"Hard to ask for help when you have no one …. so you have to just get on with it …. keep grinding ! That sounds incredibly hard. And lonely. I hope for your sake that you do have people in your life willing to listen, support or help. Coworkers, neighbours etc." 🙄 | |||
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"Quite a popular thread here. Unfortunately. Is there something that could be arranged in ( an area ) to meet up and just chat. I know there are socials and great they are but not exactly pointed at this?? I'd be happy to take a walk with my dog and just talk shite with anyone, grab a drink of something and just chat. Would be good for me I know. "No harm in asking? Maybe look at setting something up in your area? If not on fab then somewhere else perhaps. I think social connection and healthy life habits are things everyone needs, not just specifically those on a swinger site | |||
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"Nope. I put my 2 kids before me, run myself ragged. I have cancer, incurable but manageable. I do look after my mental health & do rest at times. Its all a work in progress 😏" That sounds like so much on your plate, good god. I think that you're doing all of that is a testament to your own incredible strength. | |||
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"Absolutely fricking useless
. that seems to be the consensus here, lovely. Can you think of one thing that would help things (I'm about to go for a shower) "A better social care system would be very helpful. | |||
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"I've got a lot better at it since I started transitioning. I've got a reason to want to, and I actually like myself now! Oh my word, I cannot even imagine the feeling of going through gender affirming care. And how monumental that would be. How incredible for you." Haven't even started hormones yet, got a few years left to wait, so the "care" is what I've done for myself - the fake boobs, gym routine designed to feminise hips, thighs and butt, knowing how to dress to my body shape, changing gender with the NHS, changing my name legally, a huge trans symbol tattoo, being actively sexual as a woman. I'm proud to be me and I want to look after myself. It's funny, for all the fakery -makeup, prosthetics, shapewear, I feel more genuinely myself now. | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. " To be honest, since the start of 2025, I've really struggled across the board when it comes to looking after myself physically, emotionally and mentally. In fact, the last week has been particularly difficult, whereby my increasing lack of self-esteem and a general lack of fun and excitement has really got me down. Don't get me wrong, there has been the odd good moment, but they have been far too short and far too fleeting for what I really need right now. Personally, I think I'm suffering with a bit of depression due to the humdrum of life and work whilst also lacking a satisfactory means of escape, so I'm looking to see a doctor and see if I can get some treatment for it. I've had bouts of this kind of thing over the years, but it hadn't happened for a while until recently. I just keep telling myself things will get better, and just to keep battling away against the tough times like now. My advice would be to speak to close friends, family or a medical professional. Nonetheless, I hope you feel better about yourself soon, OP 🤗 | |||
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"Absolutely fricking useless
. that seems to be the consensus here, lovely. Can you think of one thing that would help things (I'm about to go for a shower)
A better social care system would be very helpful. "I bet that would be a great fucking start! | |||
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"Absolutely fricking useless
. that seems to be the consensus here, lovely. Can you think of one thing that would help things (I'm about to go for a shower)
A better social care system would be very helpful.
I bet that would be a great fucking start! "It would help with my own issues and with my Dad. | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. Sorry to hear you're not doing so well at the moment. I think I'm doing as well as I can with my mental health. What helps for me is human interaction and doing things I enjoy. I recently signed up to a course on an interest I have which is helping me feel fulfilled. I also spend time studying outside of the course which is also fulfilling. Besides that, doing other hobbies like playing the piano and gaming. Moreover, with the sun, it really helps going for a walk. Hope some of this can help and that you can feel better soon. ❤️ This is such a lovely comment, thank you. I think a lot of people (myself included) really focus on ourselves physically. How much we sleep, how much water we drink, exercising etc. And forget how much an outlet for creativity or learning new things lifts us up. But absolutely, social connections, the sunshine. It all helps, doesn't it? Thanks for creating this. It's really nice to helpful to read through the posts and see how people handling their mental health. Do you have any creative outlets or new things you're learning? I started writing poetry recently. But I'm still looking at other types of creative outlets and trying to find things to learn (that could also maybe include social engagement!)" That's nice. Would you ever think about sharing some or is it personal? | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. " Brilliant, army trained | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better?" More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally "A great book is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holliday. | |||
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"I was terrible at looking after every facet of my health, in the last 2/3 years I've got my mental health under control, I'm now in the process of working my physical wellbeing, I'm trading and getting fit and losing a little weight. " That sounds fantastic! Well done on what you've achieved! I guess it helps to work on things separately in that way. Otherwise you'd be trying to do too much at at once 😬 | |||
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"I've got a lot better at it since I started transitioning. I've got a reason to want to, and I actually like myself now! Oh my word, I cannot even imagine the feeling of going through gender affirming care. And how monumental that would be. How incredible for you. Haven't even started hormones yet, got a few years left to wait, so the "care" is what I've done for myself - the fake boobs, gym routine designed to feminise hips, thighs and butt, knowing how to dress to my body shape, changing gender with the NHS, changing my name legally, a huge trans symbol tattoo, being actively sexual as a woman. I'm proud to be me and I want to look after myself. It's funny, for all the fakery -makeup, prosthetics, shapewear, I feel more genuinely myself now. " I think you're doing something incredible, working towards who you were always meant to be
(God I don't know how to dress to my body shape!) | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. To be honest, since the start of 2025, I've really struggled across the board when it comes to looking after myself physically, emotionally and mentally. In fact, the last week has been particularly difficult, whereby my increasing lack of self-esteem and a general lack of fun and excitement has really got me down. Don't get me wrong, there has been the odd good moment, but they have been far too short and far too fleeting for what I really need right now. Personally, I think I'm suffering with a bit of depression due to the humdrum of life and work whilst also lacking a satisfactory means of escape, so I'm looking to see a doctor and see if I can get some treatment for it. I've had bouts of this kind of thing over the years, but it hadn't happened for a while until recently. I just keep telling myself things will get better, and just to keep battling away against the tough times like now. My advice would be to speak to close friends, family or a medical professional. Nonetheless, I hope you feel better about yourself soon, OP 🤗" I'm so glad you're reaching out for further specialist support. That's so important. I hope it helps! | |||
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"Think it depends on what's going on. If I need to be focused on my parents I tend to ignore some of my needs. " It can be really hard to keep up with ourselves when someone else's needs are so important. I hope everything is okay with your parents ❤️ | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally "Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬 | |||
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"The main thing I see in this thread is some peoples ability to see things in themselves, things they are unhappy with, some seem petty, some seem very major, but to those they affect, they all matter. To them. I try to avoid giving life advice, I know what work's for me, might not for others, but if they cannot see what is affecting them, or acknowledge it, they have no chance of doing anything about it. " Perhaps threads like these or other supportive things can help people realise it? Or having conversations with those around us. Not all of us are so self aware and not all of the stuff we need to be happy and healthy are easy to accomplish. | |||
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"Crap, honestly and it's got worse in the last year or so. I'm great at taking care of others and happily do so but turn off the noise in my head that tells me what I should be doing for myself. I have a brilliant group of people around me and they try their very best but I'm aware, ultimately it's up to me. " Sure, it's up to you. But I think it's great to have that group of friends that are trying to nudge you in the right direction, reminding how important it is for you to be looked after as well. | |||
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"I do okay. I’m healthy, active, have good relationships, and feel fairly content with life. It’s taken me many years to learn how to properly look after myself. I spent a long time caught in cycles of pushing myself too hard to meet society’s expectations, burning out, hitting a MH crisis, recovering, and then repeating the pattern. Getting my autism diagnosis helped, as did many hours of therapy. When I look back at the woman I used to be, the one who was in so much pain that she tried to end her life, I barely recognise her." I'm so glad that you found ways to still be here. The world needs you in it. I'm also a big believer that therapy has saved my life. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬"Depends which flavour? | |||
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"Absolutely fricking useless
. that seems to be the consensus here, lovely. Can you think of one thing that would help things (I'm about to go for a shower)
A better social care system would be very helpful.
I bet that would be a great fucking start!
It would help with my own issues and with my Dad."I think it'd massively improve many people's lives | |||
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"Thanks for creating this. It's really nice to helpful to read through the posts and see how people handling their mental health. Do you have any creative outlets or new things you're learning? I started writing poetry recently. But I'm still looking at other types of creative outlets and trying to find things to learn (that could also maybe include social engagement!) That's nice. Would you ever think about sharing some or is it personal?" I've written maybe 10 poems recently. It's definitely not anything worth sharing at this point! But I definitely enjoy reading, sharing, discussing and writing poetry with others! | |||
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"In terms of like physically, emotionally, psychologically the whole picture of yourself. I feel like I'm doing a shit job of it lately. And I either need people to commiserate with or tips on how to get my act together. Brilliant, army trained " Does that focus on things physically or also mentally and general wellbeing? | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better? More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. " No. I refuse to believe that you'd have to wait until you're IN YOUR FORTIES before things get better. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
A great book is The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holliday."I like book recommendations, thank you. | |||
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"I keep myself fit " Takes a lot of work and discipline for that 💪 | |||
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"Quite simply...i'm not..." You're in good company. What do you think you could do to improve things? | |||
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"Seems to be a lot of people here struggling with various issues, so one thing that helped me personally was a story about someone who went around interviewing the elderly living in old people's home about their lives. They were asked the question if you could do one thing differently in your life than you did, what would it be? The most popular answer by far was they said "I wish I hadn't worried so much about my life" Things will be fine, don't worry too much. It helped me, I hope it helps some of you. " Is it easy to adopt such a way of thinking, do you think? Or is that something that comes with age? | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬
Depends which flavour?"Sour cream and onion. Do not validate my poor life choices | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better? More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. No. I refuse to believe that you'd have to wait until you're IN YOUR FORTIES before things get better. " maybe not but the kiddo will be able to do more things for herself.
Really though I’m avoiding the reality. I’d be better at looking after myself if I liked myself. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬
Depends which flavour?"It really doesnt  | |||
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"Seems to be a lot of people here struggling with various issues, so one thing that helped me personally was a story about someone who went around interviewing the elderly living in old people's home about their lives. They were asked the question if you could do one thing differently in your life than you did, what would it be? The most popular answer by far was they said "I wish I hadn't worried so much about my life" Things will be fine, don't worry too much. It helped me, I hope it helps some of you. Is it easy to adopt such a way of thinking, do you think? Or is that something that comes with age?" I'd say it comes with experience, and the realisation that others don't know better than you. The article just helped me realise that I worried too much earlier in life, that I should just enjoy life. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬
Depends which flavour?
Sour cream and onion. Do not validate my poor life choices " you are beyond redemption  | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better? More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. No. I refuse to believe that you'd have to wait until you're IN YOUR FORTIES before things get better. maybe not but the kiddo will be able to do more things for herself.
Really though I’m avoiding the reality. I’d be better at looking after myself if I liked myself. "Well that's a much more honest but heartbreaking answer. I imagine that answer is the same reason that I such a shit job of looking after myself too. | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬
Depends which flavour?
It really doesnt "I agree. I'm the one fucking up here but I REALISE I AM | |||
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"Never been great. But, I am getting better at it!" Baby steps in the right direction! | |||
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"Seems to be a lot of people here struggling with various issues, so one thing that helped me personally was a story about someone who went around interviewing the elderly living in old people's home about their lives. They were asked the question if you could do one thing differently in your life than you did, what would it be? The most popular answer by far was they said "I wish I hadn't worried so much about my life" Things will be fine, don't worry too much. It helped me, I hope it helps some of you. Is it easy to adopt such a way of thinking, do you think? Or is that something that comes with age? I'd say it comes with experience, and the realisation that others don't know better than you. The article just helped me realise that I worried too much earlier in life, that I should just enjoy life." I wish I could be the type of person that could easily make a switch like that! I'm glad it helped you | |||
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"Just wake up every morning and think of one thing positive that you're going to get done....change will inevitably happen naturally
Like not eating Pringles for dinner? 😬
Depends which flavour?
Sour cream and onion. Do not validate my poor life choices
you are beyond redemption "This is definitely a more reasonable answer 😂 | |||
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" I've written maybe 10 poems recently. It's definitely not anything worth sharing at this point! But I definitely enjoy reading, sharing, discussing and writing poetry with others! " That's impressive! Hopefully you can keep at it. What sort of poetry do you read? Any recommendations? | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better? More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. No. I refuse to believe that you'd have to wait until you're IN YOUR FORTIES before things get better. maybe not but the kiddo will be able to do more things for herself.
Really though I’m avoiding the reality. I’d be better at looking after myself if I liked myself.
Well that's a much more honest but heartbreaking answer.
I imagine that answer is the same reason that I such a shit job of looking after myself too."On that note I’m going to cry into my pillow and get some sleep. | |||
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" I've written maybe 10 poems recently. It's definitely not anything worth sharing at this point! But I definitely enjoy reading, sharing, discussing and writing poetry with others! That's impressive! Hopefully you can keep at it. What sort of poetry do you read? Any recommendations? " That sounds like a fun new forum thread maybe | |||
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"Sleep and losing weight has I think gone hand in hand. I always used to be a 4 hour a night sleeper but now I force myself to try for 7 hours and obviously losing weight the body confidence helps" Yeah I usually find that improving one area of my life naturally lends itself to making improvements in other area. 4 hours sounds abysmal. | |||
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"Not very good at all tbh. But we move How could things be better? More time for myself. In my thirties and forties maybe. No. I refuse to believe that you'd have to wait until you're IN YOUR FORTIES before things get better. maybe not but the kiddo will be able to do more things for herself.
Really though I’m avoiding the reality. I’d be better at looking after myself if I liked myself.
Well that's a much more honest but heartbreaking answer.
I imagine that answer is the same reason that I such a shit job of looking after myself too.
On that note I’m going to cry into my pillow and get some sleep. "Sleep well x | |||
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"Sleep and losing weight has I think gone hand in hand. I always used to be a 4 hour a night sleeper but now I force myself to try for 7 hours and obviously losing weight the body confidence helps" Only works if you don't live near McDonald's!  | |||
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"Probably middling. I try and prioritise my mental health and my psychological needs more these days. I can see signs when I'm feeling down and I try and do things to pull myself out of the ether. But it is hard. Living alone can exacerbate things like loneliness but I feel lucky that I enjoy my own company more than most people. Do things that make you happy and make sure you put time aside for you if you can. Snap!! Today is my belated mums day...so I spent it in my garden pottering around doing projects that I've put off just because wasn't in the mood for it. Greif still hits me hard at time's I keep myself busy with activities I love..be it the gym swimming or just chilling out in my hammock watching the bats...won't be long before I see them again. Oh I'm sorry to read this. Grief is such a heavy weight to carry around. It sounds like you've chosen some fantastic ways to work through it. I hope it continues." Thanks. Hope you manage to find yourself again. Self care and love is essential for us. The week ahead is a.tough one far too many belated anniversary...dog and horse ...on a positive it's my birthday week too...so a Chinese with my friend and.time off work just to chill out. Making sure there's time for you too. | |||
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