FabSwingers.com forum: All laid bare...

By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care?

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By *nesCouple
22 weeks ago

Milton Keynes, city of dreams

I do not care.

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By *all me FlikWoman
22 weeks ago

Galaxy Far Far Away

I never look so it has no effect and don't think it should anyway. Add to that I swing with plenty of people who aren't on Fab so again would never know.

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By *ellhungvweMan
22 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I don’t judge anyone else’s sex life. I don’t really care to know who they have slept with - it’s none of my business.

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By *parkle1974Woman
22 weeks ago

Leeds

This is the wrong place to be if you care.

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By *hiversMan
22 weeks ago

Dinas Powys

It's not my business. Every body has personal preferences and a history, it doesn't have any impact on me, so I pay it no heed.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
22 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

[Removed by poster at 09/03/25 09:06:23]

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"Add to that I swing with plenty of people who aren't on Fab so again would never know."

That was my line of thought... away from here, you'd never know. I've had sex with more people who aren't on Fab than with those who are.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"This is the wrong place to be if you care."

I'm not sure. I think it depends on what you're on the site for. As long as it's hurting others etc... everyone should be able to use the site.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
22 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

Yes, it is a good thing.

Yes, it has put me off of people.

No judgement on other people’s sex lives - Do what you want 🤷🏽‍♂️ But we don’t know these people. And safety should be priority no.1 for us all.

Especially when engaging in kink, dogging or group sex

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

You don’t really know who each other has had sex with. You only know the ones they talk about. Publish veris from.

You know the ones they want you to know.

So … is it weird that they want you to know? Or do you find it kind of hot? Or do you just not care?

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By *uteinasuitMan
22 weeks ago

Herts

"I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care? "

Well it stopped you shagging me!

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By *ealitybitesMan
22 weeks ago

Belfast

With someone I've only chatted to online it doesn't bother me at all and would only influence my decision if I knew there would be drama.

With someone I know well and trust it doesn't bother me at all because I trust their judgement.

With someone I know is playing games and playing one off against another by saying one thing and doing another it doesn't bother me either but I would have no interest in having sex with them.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"Yes, it is a good thing.

Yes, it has put me off of people.

No judgement on other people’s sex lives - Do what you want 🤷🏽‍♂️ But we don’t know these people. And safety should be priority no.1 for us all.

Especially when engaging in kink, dogging or group sex"

I suppose it comes down to measured risk. What we feel comfortable with. Everyone has different approaches to safety; find those you're compatible with.

And yes, for me, certain things require more? Which is a tad odd.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
22 weeks ago

kent

I think on balance, it is probably a good thing. Meeting strangers online is inherently dangerous, and any mechanism that allows for validation - however imperfect - is better than no mechanism at all. Of course, trip advisor reviews for sex is a strange thing. Some veris are gleefully crude, others can be erudite and revealing. They can be used to fuel animosity and jealously and, at times, come loaded with all kinds of political baggage (you met someone who was mean to me, so I don’t like you now etc. etc.). They can also be quite lovely, written with sensitivity and humour and provide an accurate insight into the nature of the person or couple. However, none of this invalidates the principle reason for them - to prove a profile is genuine, and so mitigate the risk of meeting in real life Xx

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By *bitofaslutWoman
22 weeks ago

Cannock

The last thing I'm looking for is exclusivity, so as far as I'm concerned, they could be with a different person every day of the week.

I don't need to know what they're doing it who with as long as they're with me in the moment.

If I remember, I'll check veri's and photos but if we're meeting, them it means the conversation has been going well for a while and pics and testimonials aren't really all that important.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care?

Well it stopped you shagging me!

I don't think it did. But we can go with that.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"With someone I've only chatted to online it doesn't bother me at all and would only influence my decision if I knew there would be drama."

But you never know where there’s going to be drama. The drama comes out of nowhere and catches you unawares. That’s why it’s so dramatic. Fucking drama. 🤬

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

In theory if everyone is playing safely - using condoms I guess - then it shouldn't concern me who they are meeting.

The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"You don’t really know who each other has had sex with. You only know the ones they talk about. Publish veris from.

You know the ones they want you to know.

So … is it weird that they want you to know? Or do you find it kind of hot? Or do you just not care?"

That's very true! We only know as much as another chooses to share - directly or indirectly.

I don't know if someone wants you to know, it's more they don't care if you do. Unless they actively want you to. Hmm.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think"

“How dare you shag that person without me? I want a go!” 😂

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"With someone I've only chatted to online it doesn't bother me at all and would only influence my decision if I knew there would be drama.

With someone I know well and trust it doesn't bother me at all because I trust their judgement.

With someone I know is playing games and playing one off against another by saying one thing and doing another it doesn't bother me either but I would have no interest in having sex with them."

So it could influence your decision (apologies for starting with a so, it's a Sunday), that's fair.

How well we know someone definitely factors in - there's the element of trust, there's also... I don't know. I suppose for some I'd be more willing to go blind?

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

"The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think

“How dare you shag that person without me? I want a go!” 😂"

, more that could have been me having sex times!

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
22 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

"In theory if everyone is playing safely - using condoms I guess - then it shouldn't concern me who they are meeting.

The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think"

There’s still things you can catch even when you use protection. Hence why verifications are useful for discernment

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By *uteinasuitMan
22 weeks ago

Herts

"I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care?

Well it stopped you shagging me!

I don't think it did. But we can go with that.

"
sounds plausible

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

"In theory if everyone is playing safely - using condoms I guess - then it shouldn't concern me who they are meeting.

The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think

There’s still things you can catch even when you use protection. Hence why verifications are useful for discernment "

Agree, but how you'd know that from veris I don't know?

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

"With someone I've only chatted to online it doesn't bother me at all and would only influence my decision if I knew there would be drama.

But you never know where there’s going to be drama. The drama comes out of nowhere and catches you unawares. That’s why it’s so dramatic. Fucking drama. 🤬"

Drama on a sex site is an amusing concept

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I think on balance, it is probably a good thing. Meeting strangers online is inherently dangerous, and any mechanism that allows for validation - however imperfect - is better than no mechanism at all. Of course, trip advisor reviews for sex is a strange thing. Some veris are gleefully crude, others can be erudite and revealing. They can be used to fuel animosity and jealously and, at times, come loaded with all kinds of political baggage (you met someone who was mean to me, so I don’t like you now etc. etc.). They can also be quite lovely, written with sensitivity and humour and provide an accurate insight into the nature of the person or couple. However, none of this invalidates the principle reason for them - to prove a profile is genuine, and so mitigate the risk of meeting in real life Xx"

Oh George! Gosh I adore your replies. They're so very eloquent and moreish. 🩷

Yes, the main reason for them - I'm completely on board with. Can see how they'll benefit, help people. At the same time - having that glimpse isn't always a good thing, some of the reasons as to why you've mentioned.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
22 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

"In theory if everyone is playing safely - using condoms I guess - then it shouldn't concern me who they are meeting.

The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think

There’s still things you can catch even when you use protection. Hence why verifications are useful for discernment

Agree, but how you'd know that from veris I don't know? "

You don’t. But it’s a guide.

EXAMPLE - It’s a turn-off for a lot of straight women, if a prospect man has been with another man

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
22 weeks ago

Reading

Honestly I wish I could be one of those people who can have all the sex without all these obstacles in the way.

I'm kind of a pervert about hearing about the people I'm having sex with having sex with other people. As long as everyone is happy for shared storytelling it is one of my favourite things.

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By *urry BlokeMan
22 weeks ago

It's a funny one Meli

The more info I have one someone, the more I am likely to find things I don't like about them

As for veri's, which is the only way of seeing (without being told) who someone has bedded, it is very easy to disappear down a veri wormhole

For me, they rarely end well

So, I'd sooner not see any veris, unless they were social ones

I think, for a lot of people, veris open the gates to Judgement City!

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By *ea monkeyMan
22 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that it’s very clear that it does influence people. I know of quite a few people that have and do use ‘degrees of separation’ theories in regards to people that they don’t like or judge people based on who they’ve met.

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By *parkle1974Woman
22 weeks ago

Leeds

I don't display veris from people I've met 1-1 as it's nothing to do with anyone else....however because fab is fab and people talk...displayed or not, people know!

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

As someone else has said, we only see the ones people publish. I definitely don't have verifications from everyone I've ever had sex with from here or a club either. So in some ways it doesn't really make any difference, as its a tiny snapshot.

I do admittedly look at verifications though before deciding to meet someone, partly to guage a sense of what they are like and party to guage if they are having frequent risky sex, as I would find that a bit of a red flag.

The only time it has really put me off talking to someone was actually when a young woman (she was around 21) messaged me and she had triple figure verifications and every single one of them was from much older men degrading her. They sounded awful to me, talking about her in disgusting, dehumanising ways and they were all risky sexual encounters from the graphic discriptions. But she obviously displayed them with pride. And if that's her kink, then go get it girl. But that type of risky behaviour is not for me and I chose not to engage with her or any of the men on her verification list.

So I guess it helps me to make informed decisions about risk in that way? I probably do judge a little bit. But I'm extremely picky anyway about who I meet full stop and verifications would only play a part in that.

If I like someone though and they had one verification where they'd had sex with someone I just didn't like or get on with personally, that wouldn't bother me. And the amount of veris doesn't bother me in itself. It's more just when I see risky behaviour on display that alarm bells ring for me. I want to minimise the risk to myself and make informed choices as much as I am able.

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By *ife NinjaMan
22 weeks ago

Dunfermline

I enjoy sex. I hope anyone who deigns to enjoy my company does too. How much sex they enjoy worries me not, but I also don't want to be a back up 🤓

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
22 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

I've read about the first 8 - 10 responses.

Sometimes it's crystal clear that people don't even know themselves. They don't THINK. It's clear that some go for the societal expected moral answer e.g. Would you ever kill someone - answer NO. 2. Would you ever have an affair - answer NO. and obviously 3. Do you care who someone else had sex with ? - answer NO.

We would all answer 'no it doesn't matter,' but fuck it does. It really does.

I'll admit for a one off ....... who cares is probably a pretty good response as you are in the moment and may never see this person again and it's no reflection on you - as long as you don't know.

When you begin to 'know' and 'think' it can change who you thought THEY were and it can change what YOU thought they saw in you and it most certainly changes the type of person you thought they were and how they choose even fleeting partnerships.

FAB / SWINGING are not immune from reality. These are human relationships and our relationships are all that ever cause us problems and they are our reality and self perception.

Short answer - Yes/No

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
22 weeks ago

kent

I'm kind of a pervert about hearing about the people I'm having sex with having sex with other people. As long as everyone is happy for shared storytelling it is one of my favourite things. "

Interesting. Does the veri system work for you in this way, or do you like to hear stories first hand, written or spoken directly to you? Xx

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
22 weeks ago

Reading

I'm kind of a pervert about hearing about the people I'm having sex with having sex with other people. As long as everyone is happy for shared storytelling it is one of my favourite things.

Interesting. Does the veri system work for you in this way, or do you like to hear stories first hand, written or spoken directly to you? Xx"

The verifications just give an indication of potential stories! Written stories are more common because I can't get anyone to meet me face to face 🙈

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By *herrybakewellCouple
22 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Were a special type of swinger, accounts with hundreds of verifications aren't of interest.

I hate being asked what experiences we have and if were seeing other people.....I always tell people my experiences are just that....my experiences and I dont like talking about them.

Each to their own I guess.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"The last thing I'm looking for is exclusivity, so as far as I'm concerned, they could be with a different person every day of the week.

I don't need to know what they're doing it who with as long as they're with me in the moment.

If I remember, I'll check veri's and photos but if we're meeting, them it means the conversation has been going well for a while and pics and testimonials aren't really all that important."

This isn't quite directed at you but... I don't understand why exclusivity is mentioned if you discuss this kind of thing. Someone might not want exclusivity and might not want to have sex with lots of people. That exists and it's okay.

Someone mindfully being with you is important. If someone is focused/mainly talking about others - that's a definite turn off.

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

There's a local lady that I was considering meeting, at the time she had no verifications displayed. Shortly after she decided to display them and my friends updates were full of ... received a verification. I figured maybe an organised social, so had a nose to find out and they were all graphic veris about unprotected 1:1 meets.

It turns out I'd also been chatting to two of the men that had left veris for her. In that case I was thankful I'd read it because that to me screamed red flag. I now read veris for that reason.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"In theory if everyone is playing safely - using condoms I guess - then it shouldn't concern me who they are meeting.

The only time it messes with my head is when I have an emotional attachment and that's more to do with FOMO I think"

Ah - the emotional attachment element can change things can't it? I won't ask you any more questions but, I get it.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"Honestly I wish I could be one of those people who can have all the sex without all these obstacles in the way.

I'm kind of a pervert about hearing about the people I'm having sex with having sex with other people. As long as everyone is happy for shared storytelling it is one of my favourite things. "

What are these obstacles in the way for yourself? Do you ever think you make things difficult for yourself?

Because I do. I know I do.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
22 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

"…The only time it has really put me off talking to someone was actually when a young woman (she was around 21) messaged me and she had triple figure verifications…"

Triple…figure…verifications

You wonder what a person’s weekly schedule looks like, when they’re having that much sex 😝

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

👀

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

"…The only time it has really put me off talking to someone was actually when a young woman (she was around 21) messaged me and she had triple figure verifications…

Triple…figure…verifications

You wonder what a person’s weekly schedule looks like, when they’re having that much sex 😝 "

Could be gangbangs?

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"It's a funny one Meli

The more info I have one someone, the more I am likely to find things I don't like about them

As for veri's, which is the only way of seeing (without being told) who someone has bedded, it is very easy to disappear down a veri wormhole

For me, they rarely end well

So, I'd sooner not see any veris, unless they were social ones

I think, for a lot of people, veris open the gates to Judgement City!"

They do! Even if people don't realise it as such.

It could be something like (because a few years people were proudly exclaiming blocking a certain van's veris)... oh I won't meet them now because they've had unprotected sex

To something like

Oh; they've met them? But their way of doing things is very different to my own.

In essence? I don't think knowing more about someone and it being more likely to put you off is weird.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I think that it’s very clear that it does influence people. I know of quite a few people that have and do use ‘degrees of separation’ theories in regards to people that they don’t like or judge people based on who they’ve met.

Yes, I'd agree. It does influence people, however right or wrong that might be.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

"…The only time it has really put me off talking to someone was actually when a young woman (she was around 21) messaged me and she had triple figure verifications…

Triple…figure…verifications

You wonder what a person’s weekly schedule looks like, when they’re having that much sex 😝 "

She was obviously very active which I don't have a problem with. If your schedule allows and you want it, go for it! It was the fact all of them discussed graphic unprotected sex that I found alarming. That's her choice to make, and to display. I'm not trying to shame her. As it is my choice to use those verifications to decide not to engage with her beyond pleasantries.

I suppose the point I was making, possibly badly, is it's more about the type of sex people are having for me, rather than just the fact they're having sex with others. I like to feel as reassured as I can that the people I am having sex with are as thoughtful about sexual health as I am.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

I'm going to shut up now before I dig myself into a hole

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By *bitofaslutWoman
22 weeks ago

Cannock

"The last thing I'm looking for is exclusivity, so as far as I'm concerned, they could be with a different person every day of the week.

I don't need to know what they're doing it who with as long as they're with me in the moment.

If I remember, I'll check veri's and photos but if we're meeting, them it means the conversation has been going well for a while and pics and testimonials aren't really all that important.

Someone mindfully being with you is important. If someone is focused/mainly talking about others - that's a definite turn off."

My housemate is on fab too and she gets regular "I want you to myself" messages. To me that's huge red flag and grounds for immediate blocking.

Everyone's different though, and we're all after different things from the site.

Like I'm not actively messaging anyone and never have, I'm here to get on VIP lists due club events. I do reply to messages though and have a meet in a few hours. That's a bonus on top of what I came here for though, y'know?

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By *h3rry Bomb80Man
22 weeks ago

from mars

Yep …. Kills the vibe for me …. 🥴

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By *uchessdoeWoman
22 weeks ago

Northampton

Other people's sex lives are none of my business; yes even those people I fuck. I do look at verifications, but only once or twice to establish they're a real person and have had positive interactions with other people, rather than judging who they've chosen to spend time with. And I play safe and test regularly, so if someone is being unsafe in other interactions, my risk is minimal.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
22 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'm neutral on whether it's a good thing.

Yes, it has put me off someone.

I suppose that means I do care. 🤔

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
22 weeks ago

Leeds

I'll be honest it can put me off, I'm not really sure why though.

Mrs

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By *r TriomanMan
22 weeks ago

Malmesbury

Only in so much as understanding their demographic; especially if their parameters are wide open (aged 18 to 99, looking for M,MM F, FM, FF..); looking through their verifications and seeing that they only have met with MF couples between the ages of 35 and 40 gives me an idea of my chances; I'll still message them, I might get lucky 😃

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

"I'm going to shut up now before I dig myself into a hole

I've just read your reply, that would put me off the woman and the men leaving those veris too. As it did with the local lady I mentioned above.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

"I'm going to shut up now before I dig myself into a hole

I've just read your reply, that would put me off the woman and the men leaving those veris too. As it did with the local lady I mentioned above.

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By *issmorganWoman
22 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Yes, sorry, it has put me off in the past.

There used to be a married woman who was a very prolific meeter in my area, she had bareback gangbangs and once admitted on her status she'd got an sti.

If I saw a veri from her on a profile, it was an immediate no way.

Some people didn't display her veri, often they'd have verified her though, so I always had a look at her verifications if someone new messaged me and we got on well.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"I'm going to shut up now before I dig myself into a hole

😂

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By *eoBloomsMan
22 weeks ago

Springfield

It's a very good thing so I can keep my spreadsheet updated.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
22 weeks ago

Lincs

I think people saying they don’t read them or care aren’t being fully truthful.

On a site where initially you only have a profile, pics and maybe a message to see how someone sells themselves, then you look at all the evidence available to you.

Obviously conversations will sway you more one way or the other but verifications can give a good indication of the type of people they are.

Whilst no one displays rubbish veri’s what they’ve agreed to show gives you an insight into their sexual mind.

If all the veri’s were overly graphic or went against how you play then you’d be less likely to meet them.

Veri’s are another filter to us.

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By *bi HaiveMan
22 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

If anyone thinks veris are are true reflection of someone's sex life, either on or off Fab, then i have a bridge to sell you.

We're all adults. We're all responsible for making our own choices re who we sleep with. How those choices are made will be individual of course.

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By *oeBeansMan
22 weeks ago

Derby

It has bothered me a bit in the past because if it was with someone that I haven't felt particularly endeared with (say someone on the forums, for example), it makes me wonder about my own judge of character if that makes sense?

But for the most part, I largely tend to ignore that and just focus on my experience with them and how they've treated me.

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

I’ve been put off by people who have met people I don’t like at all. But I don’t care anymore, I just know it could never be more than sex between them and I

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By *n at the DeeP endCouple
22 weeks ago

Manchester

We have been put off in the past by crude, graphic verifications. When it's just us in the bedroom we can talk real filthy. We say things that would make a vanilla persons toes curl but for some reason we don't like to read about it in a verification.

The way some people describe a person/people in a verification sometimes comes across as demeaning. The fact that the verification then gets displayed shows that they are fine with this. Fair play to them, it's their profile but this would not appeal to us.

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By *a LunaWoman
22 weeks ago

o o OO o o

Not so much the fact that they’ve had sex, but who they had sex with yes.

There are some folk that give me bad vibes, and it makes me question their judgement.

But 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m a funny cow at the best of times so what do I know.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"It has bothered me a bit in the past because if it was with someone that I haven't felt particularly endeared with (say someone on the forums, for example), it makes me wonder about my own judge of character if that makes sense?"

Boom. Yes. This is definitely a thing.

When someone you like, get on well with, or even fancy … when they’ve slept with someone you think is a dick. That can tarnish your feelings a bit. Give you pause.

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By *reat Guy BazMan
22 weeks ago

Rustington

I look & think to myself…you lucky bastard / s!

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"When someone you like, get on well with, or even fancy … when they’ve slept with someone you think is a dick. That can tarnish your feelings a bit. Give you pause. "

Sometimes it can do the opposite, too. Like … I trust you, I respect your tastes … maybe that person I thought was a shit isn’t such a shit after all? If you like them enough to fuck them, maybe I had them pegged all wrong?

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By *eroLondonMan
22 weeks ago

Soho

I don't think about it being a good or bad thing. I look at it as a useful tool to loosely determine the 'type' people they are meeting and if I wish to be part of that. I'm not a swinger. I'm looking for substance, a certain type of empathy, and a smaller nexus of people to engage with who fit my mindset.

Has it put me off someone? Yes.

Do I care? Absolutely. I care about my journey on Fab. I have to care.

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By *bitofaslutWoman
22 weeks ago

Cannock

" maybe I had them pegged all wrong?"

More lube

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By *riar BelisseWoman
22 weeks ago

Holibobs

Only from a I'm Nosy point of view tbh. Ive been on fab long enough to have shared sexual partners with a few of my friends, we dont discuss them, but it's interesting to see who chooses to fuck who

Put off wise, no. I treat everyone like they have BB their last partner and stick to keeping my sexual health protected. Drama wise I dont get pulled into it happily, as I have zero tolerance for it

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"More lube "

🤣

I asked for that.

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
22 weeks ago

In fair Verona.

I don’t care, and it doesn’t put me off them as I probably still like them, however it would change my mind about certain things because I’m aware of who their ‘type’ is, and just imagine for a moment if I think the person they got that intimate with or is infact friendly with, is someone I think is a complete cockhead.🤷‍♂️

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By *ornycougaWoman
22 weeks ago

WHEREVER I LAY MY HAT

Absolutely it has put me off. I know it's only a snapshot of someone's sex life and some people embellish veris on here but I read them, follow veri trails and will own the fact that I have made judgements about people based on who they have met which determines if I will meet them. People are free to do the same to me - entirely their prerogative.

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By *ad NannaWoman
22 weeks ago

East London

What you don't know can't hurt you.

I met a man who chatted to me as he dropped me home after we'd had sex.

He said he wouldn't meet anyone who had sex with black or bi men, as he works in the UEA and he would be thrown out if he was HIV positive.

Oh dear, I thought, as I recalled the men I'd met before him.

That was a conversation we should have had before we met.

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By *hoirCouple
22 weeks ago

Clacton/Bury St. Edmunds

"I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care? "

It's a mix really. We like to skim verifications as they could have met family or someone we know who engages in risky sex.

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By *ad NannaWoman
22 weeks ago

East London

I have been put off of men in the past because of who they had sex with, why they had sex with them, and where.

My brain says no.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"… I read them, follow veri trails and will own the fact that I have made judgements about people based on who they have met which determines if I will meet them."

I know we’ve chatted about it before, but that thing about following veri trails always blows my mind. Some of you Fab women are like private detectives* - I’d love to see a film noir where the hard-boiled gumshoe solves the case by following a trail of veris on Fab …

(*Private dicks! Ha!)

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By *illy IdolMan
22 weeks ago

Midlands

As RTG mentioned, people only share what they want you to see.

I find it a very useful tool to work out whether I think they'd be for me or not. There type of verifications and who they're from would influence me.

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By *urls and DressesWoman
22 weeks ago

Somewhere near here

It would put me off at times however much I talk myself around it. I’m sure at times people I have slept with in the past would put them off me - puts me off me at times. We learn lessons and have more defined thoughts through our experiences, but I have not yet managed to overcome that for other people

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

"… I read them, follow veri trails and will own the fact that I have made judgements about people based on who they have met which determines if I will meet them.

(*Private dicks! Ha!)"

Come on. You know how fussy we are about shoes and handbags…. We’re gonna be really particular about penises (peniiii?)

I’m all for a vintage treasure, but I don’t want a mouldy antique…

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By *electableicecreamMan
22 weeks ago

The West

Really on fab all I have is surface detail with which to make a decision so I do use all the information available to me in order to maximise the compatibility factor.

So I would read veris and take note of their nature, frequency and tone. Not in any kind of excruciating detail but it all adds up to a vibe.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
22 weeks ago

kent

"… I read them, follow veri trails and will own the fact that I have made judgements about people based on who they have met which determines if I will meet them.

(*Private dicks! Ha!)

Come on. You know how fussy we are about shoes and handbags…. We’re gonna be really particular about penises (peniiii?)

I’m all for a vintage treasure, but I don’t want a mouldy antique…"

If you knew it was one of a kind and priceless, would you be cautious about being too rough when you played with it?

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By *eoBloomsMan
22 weeks ago

Springfield

" maybe I had them pegged all wrong?

More lube "

🤣🤣

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Come on. You know how fussy we are about shoes and handbags…. We’re gonna be really particular about penises (peniiii?)"

Precious and particular about penises?

I just don’t dig as deep, personally. I read veris. Of course I do! But I don’t follow them and read veris of veris. I don’t follow the trail and construct a noticeboard with photos and printouts connected by pushpins and red string with scribbled Post-It notes saying things like ‘Did he fuck her?’ and ‘gangbang???’

"If you knew it was one of a kind and priceless, would you be cautious about being too rough when you played with it? "

From experience, I’m going to say no. No, she wouldn’t. 😅

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By *bitofaslutWoman
22 weeks ago

Cannock

If you knew it was one of a kind and priceless, would you be cautious about being too rough when you played with it?

From experience, I’m going to say no. No, she wouldn’t. 😅"

Gonna take a leaf from my BDSM play, here - nobody likes playing with broken toys

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By *anctionedSecretsCouple
22 weeks ago

S. Northants

Everyone makes mistakes, why should we be judged on them? Makes no difference who they WERE with, the past is the past.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

Boom. Yes. This is definitely a thing.

When someone you like, get on well with, or even fancy … when they’ve slept with someone you think is a dick. That can tarnish your feelings a bit. Give you pause. "

What if the person is unaware of the dickhead's behaviour and hasn't witnessed it? I've met people at clubs before who seemed perfectly lovely and fine to me, to be later told by others who have met them in the past, or know people who have met them, that they've done pretty dickhead things. But if nobody has told me and I haven't witnessed it myself I can only make a judgement based on my own interactions. And people can behave very differently in different environments and with different people.

I'd like to hope if I was friends with someone and they saw I'd met someone they thought questionable they would give me a heads up (and in the past they have). And then it's up to me to make my own decision around whether I would see them again depending on what the behaviour was. But if you don't know, you don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some of the biggest dickheads can be absolutely charming when they want to.

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By *ellinever70Woman
22 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I think they're useful in shaping an overall view of someone

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Some of the biggest dickheads can be absolutely charming when they want to."

Indeed. Wise words, Kinky.

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By *uchessdoeWoman
22 weeks ago

Northampton

" Some of the biggest dickheads can be absolutely charming when they want to. "

100%, and I've met someone from Fab before who had multiple *glowing* veris, only for him to be an utter dickhead in real life, leading to us having a stand-up shouting argument about consent. Why is why I only treat veris lightly and prefer to use my own judgement now.

Plus, in my sex life away from Fab I don't have them or someone's sexual history to refer to; you learn to listen to your instincts and pay attention to potential red flags.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
22 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

I can be a dickhead, but not *that* kind of dickhead.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

" Some of the biggest dickheads can be absolutely charming when they want to.

Plus, in my sex life away from Fab I don't have them or someone's sexual history to refer to; you learn to listen to your instincts and pay attention to potential red flags.

Very true. Sometimes you can only go off your own instincts and people's experiences can be very different.

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By *ou only live onceMan
22 weeks ago

London

As others have said, you clearly only know about the people someone has had swx with if they let you know, and I'm not in the habit of asking for a full breakdown...

...but, that said, happy to be 'put off' if I see they've had sex with someone I think is a bit of a dick.

Also if they've very clearly met someone who they have such a connection with that it almost feels weird in my head to intrude on (cue all the "you know it's a swingers site" replies. Yes, I do. I didn't say it was rational).

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

I'd just be a bit sad if someone went off me not for anything I had done, but because someone *they* thought was a dickhead but who I'd had a nice interaction with left me a verification 😅 unless of course I was aware they were a total dickhead in which case that's on me!

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off. "

I don't think jealousy is the main reason behind someone putting off of someone because of someone else. Also - jealousy is more oft than not an umbrella term for a whole range of emotions. That's my opinions on jealousy done (for now).

Yeah, being messed around is valid. That's a good example!

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I've read about the first 8 - 10 responses.

We would all answer 'no it doesn't matter,' but fuck it does. It really does.

I'll admit for a one off ....... who cares is probably a pretty good response as you are in the moment and may never see this person again and it's no reflection on you - as long as you don't know.

FAB / SWINGING are not immune from reality. These are human relationships and our relationships are all that ever cause us problems and they are our reality and self perception.

Short answer - Yes/No"

I'm really glad you posted this Granny - you're spot on. It can change what you think they saw in you. And "how they choose fleeting relationships"? That's exactly how I view it.

For some? They might not care. Others might. As long as you're not a throbber about it it's all good.

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By *ushrangerMan
22 weeks ago

Hampshire

I do tend to read veri's, there has been a few where I've read and looked at the profile and they seem like the type that would be on the Jeremy Kyle show and it has put me off.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I'd just be a bit sad if someone went off me not for anything I had done, but because someone *they* thought was a dickhead but who I'd had a nice interaction with left me a verification 😅 unless of course I was aware they were a total dickhead in which case that's on me! "

Understandable, kind of but also... just because you think someone is nice it doesn't mean everyone will. Maybe one day you'll be the person who puts someone off of another? Or you'll be put off by someone.

So many possibilities.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I don't think about it being a good or bad thing. I look at it as a useful tool to loosely determine the 'type' people they are meeting and if I wish to be part of that. I'm not a swinger. I'm looking for substance, a certain type of empathy, and a smaller nexus of people to engage with who fit my mindset.

Has it put me off someone? Yes.

Do I care? Absolutely. I care about my journey on Fab. I have to care."

I like this attitude.

I also like that you proudly state you're not a swinger, DooLittle.

Caring isn't a bad thing. Far from it. Also tickled with the whole small nexus thing - when I'm trying to explain my approach on Fab I'll be using that.

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

"I've been thinking about a conversation from yesterday evening (fuelled by rum) - on Fab, do you think the ability to know/see who someone has had sex with is a good thing?

Has it ever put you off someone?

Do you care? "

In general it doesn't matter to me - as long as they practiced safe sex, that's what matters.

That said, if I were to chat to someone on Fab I would look at their verifications to see if they're in any way like me - if they only seem to go for gym-fit musclemen with cocks they are at risk of tripping over if they walk around naked then they probably aren't going to be interested in me so in that sense I guess it does matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

"I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off.

Yeah, being messed around is valid. That's a good example!"

I think I was coming from a different angle on the jealousy.

I’ve had someone(s) comment on new veris. Why did you meet them? Etc. being questioned about it puts me off the questioner

A) stop stalking my profile

B) don’t question me.

C) it’s not like a have a ticketed queueing system like the old deli counters had.

Rant over.

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By *oughmanMan
22 weeks ago

Sunderland

Not a feature I'd use. Mostly because it doesn't matter.

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By *cott73Man
22 weeks ago

brighton

"I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off.

Yeah, being messed around is valid. That's a good example!

I think I was coming from a different angle on the jealousy.

I’ve had someone(s) comment on new veris. Why did you meet them? Etc. being questioned about it puts me off the questioner

A) stop stalking my profile

B) don’t question me.

C) it’s not like a have a ticketed queueing system like the old deli counters had.

Rant over. "

In my mind you had one of those announcements instead, "Cashier number 4 please."

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By *rgasmatron1970Man
22 weeks ago

Bromley

"I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off.

Yeah, being messed around is valid. That's a good example!

I think I was coming from a different angle on the jealousy.

I’ve had someone(s) comment on new veris. Why did you meet them? Etc. being questioned about it puts me off the questioner

A) stop stalking my profile

B) don’t question me.

C) it’s not like a have a ticketed queueing system like the old deli counters had.

Rant over. "

Old deli counters 🤣🤣

Reminds me of going swimming, red arm bands please come in

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I’ve found a surprising amount of jealousy on here.

I’m not a jealous person. I’m a very much not monogamous person. I love my people to be living their best lives and having fun with or without me.

BUT - the second I get a sniff of being a back up decision, being messed around etc. Then yes - I am put off.

Yeah, being messed around is valid. That's a good example!

I think I was coming from a different angle on the jealousy.

I’ve had someone(s) comment on new veris. Why did you meet them? Etc. being questioned about it puts me off the questioner

A) stop stalking my profile

B) don’t question me.

C) it’s not like a have a ticketed queueing system like the old deli counters had.

Rant over. "

Oh I see! You weren't talking about it from your pov as a person put off etc, more... your pov if a person might be and questions you. No one needs a hundred and one questions on here.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I have been put off of men in the past because of who they had sex with, why they had sex with them, and where.

My brain says no."

Once your brain says no, that's it over and done with. It doesn't matter if it doesn't seem rational to another; it's about what you're comfortable with. Who, why and where can be a real turn off.

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By *eroLondonMan
22 weeks ago

Soho

Has it put me off someone? Yes.

Do I care? Absolutely. I care about my journey on Fab. I have to care.

I like this attitude.

I also like that you proudly state you're not a swinger, DooLittle.

Caring isn't a bad thing. Far from it. Also tickled with the whole small nexus thing - when I'm trying to explain my approach on Fab I'll be using that."

•

"Doolittle".

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By *estructionDollyWoman
22 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

So many possibilities.

Oh I'm absolutely sure

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. Veris exist, can be hidden or not, and that's that.

I have been put off by veris that indicate an approach to sex and connections that isn't compatible with mine. Whether that's fair is debatable as it's possible that I jumped to incorrect conclusions on occasion.

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By *antra MassageMan
22 weeks ago

Galway

I don't care.

And I suspect nobody cares who I've had sex with.

I only display a few veris, most are hidden.

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
22 weeks ago

South Wales

I’ve found veris are good for determining the type of person someone is attracted to and I do like to have a little read through however I know that it’s not really the most reliable source of information 😄

Saying that I have been put off by very graphic veris but that’s mainly when they describe sex acts that I wouldn’t be interested in. No judgement on them but I’m probably a waste of their time and they can message people more suited to them xx

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By *exyScientistsCouple
22 weeks ago

Castlebar

I love reading the verifications but I know that it doesn't necessarily indicate who you may or may not be having sex with. Some are more subtle than others. And some don't leave one for various reasons. I do like to see the type of people someone meets but not necessarily who's having sex with who.

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

That's so delicately phrased, good job Joe. ⭐️

It does make sense, a whole heap of sense. It doesn't even have to be someone is a full spectrum dickhead, it can be that they've not endeared themselves to you. That's enough.

RTG described it as giving pause which I rather liked; it ties in with Granny's earlier comment on the ways in which that can happen. Like you, I do try and remember it's how they treat you but sometimes? I pause.

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By *hilly1515Man
22 weeks ago

coastal

I never get laid off here so zero impact ... for me lol..

serious note i guess some do some dont ...

But i tend to take people as i find them in person

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By *eli OP Woman
22 weeks ago

"I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. Veris exist, can be hidden or not, and that's that.

Oh so you're not a nawty girl looking for playdates? You think you know a woman.

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By *ergus1622Man
22 weeks ago

Dundee

I am not fussed, we're all here for connection with different people in more ways than one.

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By *he_turtle_movesMan
22 weeks ago

ankh morpork

I definitely read verifications to see if it's the sort of person I'd get along with.

I'd like to pretend I've never been a bit judgy about them but sometimes you can't help it

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By *ealitybitesMan
22 weeks ago

Belfast

"With someone I've only chatted to online it doesn't bother me at all and would only influence my decision if I knew there would be drama.

But you never know where there’s going to be drama. The drama comes out of nowhere and catches you unawares. That’s why it’s so dramatic. Fucking drama. 🤬"

I disagree up to a point. Sometimes it's blatantly obvious from their previous history.

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By *ealitybitesMan
22 weeks ago

Belfast

I'll give an example in order to elaborate on my original post.

Many years ago on a previous profile I met a woman who at that point had 3 fbs or fwbs and I wasn't aware of that until after I had met her a couple of times.

She decided she wanted me to be exclusive to her but she would continue to meet others wherever and whenever it suited her.

I declined because I had no interest in being exclusive and certainly not when it was so one sided.

I then had a couple of social verifications with others and this lady convinced herself that I'd had sex with them which wasn't true but it all kicked off at that point between her and the other women and I was stuck in the middle and not in a good way.

I walked away from fab as a result and didn't come back for over a year with this profile and a clean slate.

I deliberately avoided contacting anyone I had met previously and anyone within her circle because I knew it would just start over again.

I follow the verification trail and always adopt the six degrees of separation approach that someone else mentioned as a result.

As I already said above, it doesn't bother me who people are having sex with but it can and will influence my decision to not have sex with them if I know it could be weaponised.

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