FabSwingers.com forum: Letting friendships 'die'

By *estructionDolly OP Woman
16 weeks ago

Manchester

Do you let friendships die if you feel they have run their course?

At what point do you decide to call time?

Do you keep battling on to keep those connections going if you feel you're not getting the same energy back?

As I've gotten older the more at peace I am with letting friendships die off. In the past where I might have put more effort in to keeping things going where the other person was giving less energy I just don't feel like I have the time, energy or inclination for doing that anymore. Some people who were my best friends in my 20s I now rarely speak to and haven't seen in ages. I am kinda okay with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *IXEN200Woman
16 weeks ago

newcastle upon tyne

I've fought to keep friendships going in the past but now it feels like pulling teeth. You can only do so much before it wears you down and you're not getting anywhere.

I leave the door ajar should they ever want to come around again but I'm too old to chase someone who doesn't want to be in my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lying-fiendsCouple
16 weeks ago

East Sussex

I feel you girl I had a best friend of nine years. She came down for my birthday and didn’t even bother making me a cup of tea saying happy birthday to me before I went off to work no time or energy but in nothing. Sometimes you have to do your own benefit there’s nothing wrong with being happy on your own! As long as you’ve got people around you Love you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uri00620Woman
16 weeks ago

Croydon

I've let lots go. I've moved too much to find them sustainable. If I'm not going to see someone regularly then I don't see the point in continuing. I'm fine with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eoBloomsMan
16 weeks ago

Springfield

Being very old I've let plenty of friends go, and tbh I regret a lot of that. I wished I'd kept some basic communication alive - I've learned that just as you drift apart from people you can drift back together, and the common bond you shared can sometimes be restored.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sWyldWoman
16 weeks ago

Edinburgh

There are some friends who I love dearly but we rarely talk or see each other. However we know we would be there for each other in a heartbeat.

There are other friends who have drifted and while I tried ,they chose not to. It hurts but that's part of life sadly. Gone are the days I'd assume I was the problem.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ai Hard 2 - Dai HarderMan
16 weeks ago

Manchester / Cardiff

The real friends are the ones that you don't have to make a false effort for. Doesn't matter how often you speak (or not), but when you do it's like no time has passed 🤎

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
16 weeks ago

Durham

Yes I've let them die. Friendships should be a 2 way thing and when it becomes one sided all the time then I feel like it's not a worthwhile friendship.

I also let one friendship 'cool' because she disappointed me and didn't understand me, and also she's very judgemental. It hurt though as we were very close at one point, but somethings you just can't get back to the way how they used to be.

You only need a handful of true friends in life and I am so very lucky to have 2 wonderful best friends (girls) and my very best friend , my husband.

Ruby

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elloWoman
16 weeks ago

alpha centauri

When I was in a situation where I was unable to give so much time/effort/treats to my friends I realised not everyone stuck around, I didn't chase after the ones who disappeared very happy with the loyal ones that have remained

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *batMan
16 weeks ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

Just another point of view.

Relationships need to be worked at. Perhaps there were friendships that were worth saving but neither of you tried to save it. Rather than the other person not putting "enough" into it, perhaps neither of you put enough into it??

Gbat

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *batMan
16 weeks ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

And I heard from an old friend yesterday that hadn't messaged me in a few years. That was nice!

Gbat

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estructionDolly OP Woman
16 weeks ago

Manchester

"Just another point of view.

Gbat "

There is only so much you can give though without feeling like the other person is taking advantage or doesn't really care as much. I always try and keep a friendship going as much as I can but I won't go to the levels I would have when I was younger.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andy_tomMan
16 weeks ago

wolverhampton

True friendship never dies.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
16 weeks ago

Reading

I don't have that many friends so the ones I do have are pretty important to me.

Some would argue that not all of the connections in my life are right for me or giving me what I need. And I would probably agree.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issLickalottapusWoman
16 weeks ago

La La Land

"The real friends are the ones that you don't have to make a false effort for. Doesn't matter how often you speak (or not), but when you do it's like no time has passed 🤎

Couldn't have said it better myself! 🫶🏻

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
16 weeks ago

Belfast

I don't have a single friend from my schooldays.

In my mid to late 20s I realised that the friendships were all one way.

Up to that point I had been the one calling and visiting and supporting them when they lost family members.

When I was struggling there was silence and that was telling so I just stopped making any effort and haven't heard from any of them in more than 30 years.

I've never had a close relationship with work colleagues and could only class one or two of them as friends.

I've walked away from friendships I've made in more recent times mainly because they were draining the life out of me with their erratic behaviour.

I have no regrets for letting any of them go because there was zero effort on their part to maintain the friendship.

My circle of friends now are all people I've met in the last 10 years and I can confidently say we are all there for each other.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
16 weeks ago

East Sussex

Yes my last is littered with the corpses of dead friendships.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inaTitzTV/TS
16 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Yes. All things run their course. I had one friend whom I only ever saw once a year when I popped around with their Christmas card, so I let that die.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
16 weeks ago

Swansea

Friendships ebb and flow, they come into your life through certain connections, whether it's educational years, employment in particular companies, introductions through other friends or partners etc. The friendship builds and peeks at a time that suits you all but then it ebbs away. I let the ebb and flow of friendships happen, I don't fight for the closeness that once was. I appreciate those times, I don't burn my bridges but I do move on.

I don't have a big circle of friends, I have a few friends that I trust and value. We could go for weeks, months or years without contact but could very easily pick up where we left it.

My very best friend is my husband, and I absolutely love our friendship. We make each other laugh... pssst I am the funnier one in this marriage.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousBBWoman
16 weeks ago

cambridgeshire

I have had friendships fizzle out, usually when I stop making the arrangements to meet up. I have also been ghosted, which I think is immature and disrespectful, especially if the friendship was very historic / close etc and also, there is no closure when this happens. A friend of mine was also sent a very matter of fact text message by someone she had been very close to, ending the friendship. My friend was distraught and confused, because of the way it happened and no reason being given (it’s helpful to have feedback if we are doing something wrong, right??)

I think friendships absolutely do come to a natural end, we change as we get older and our needs change…but I think, as with relationships, it is better to discuss this face to face with honesty.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estructionDolly OP Woman
16 weeks ago

Manchester

"I've fought to keep friendships going in the past but now it feels like pulling teeth. You can only do so much before it wears you down and you're not getting anywhere.

I leave the door ajar should they ever want to come around again but I'm too old to chase someone who doesn't want to be in my life."

I think this is kinda where is am at too at this point in my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estructionDolly OP Woman
16 weeks ago

Manchester

I think that's it, I am quite happy in my own company and I don't feel like I need to force friendships where I don't get anything from them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estructionDolly OP Woman
16 weeks ago

Manchester

"The real friends are the ones that you don't have to make a false effort for. Doesn't matter how often you speak (or not), but when you do it's like no time has passed 🤎

I do have a couple of friends like this (one I've known since I was 11) and I value that bond we have and the fact nothing has changed when we do meet up. Those are the kinda of relationships that I value.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
16 weeks ago

little house on the praire

Over the years I've drifted from many friends but the last 30+ years my friends have stayed consistant

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
16 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Yes, I do.

I'm still have my best mate of 39 years, we don't see each other as much as we used to, but that's life, jobs etc that get in the way.we'd both be there for the other if they needed anything, anytime.

I've let a friendship go quite recently, I felt it was me putting all the effort in, to text or ask to meet etc. So I stopped, they still made no effort and I realised it just wasn't worth it anymore. I've deleted their number & that will be the last they hear from me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
16 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Do friendships die that often?

I'll sometimes go months without seeing or speaking to someone, just because life happens. We're still friends when we finally reconnect 💜

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oeBeansMan
16 weeks ago

Derby

I have thought this in the past, but I genuinely don't mind making an effort if it means good memories and spending time with friends. If I had initiated it and things were largely ignored, then I might think differently.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

The only people I can think of where I've let connections completely die is if the person takes too many drugs and the time spent with them isn't really constructive anymore.

I'm open to rekindle friendships that have phased out for other practical reasons if our paths cross again. I recently got in touch with someone I was friends with when I was about 9, so hadn't seen for them 40 years. Now I'm good friends with them again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eavy-Metal-CoupleCouple
16 weeks ago

Liverpool

I think with friendships there are ones you just let go or you both drift away due to a multitude of factors. We both still have close friends and does help we all gamers so we usually on discord while playing Mario Party, EA FC, Arma etc and we try to all met up for a few drinks once a month.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *antasticMrFucks07Man
16 weeks ago

plymouth

"Do you let friendships die if you feel they have run their course?

At what point do you decide to call time?

Do you keep battling on to keep those connections going if you feel you're not getting the same energy back?

Friendships, like any relationships, have a natural lifespan. Some last forever, while others are only meant for a certain phase of life—and that’s okay.

I don’t see the point in forcing a connection that no longer feels mutual. If I’m always the one reaching out or putting in the effort, at some point, I take the hint and let it go. Not in a bitter way, just with the understanding that people change, priorities shift, and life moves on.

That said, some friendships just go through quieter periods and are worth keeping. The key is knowing the difference and being at peace with letting go when it’s time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mileyculturebelfastMan
16 weeks ago

belfast

When it gets to be a hassle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouble-SidedCouple
16 weeks ago

Voldsøy

I feel I give way more than I get in my friendships. I'm fine with that, most of the time. It can feel like pulling teeth, trying to schedule a date that most - if not - all of us can do. We're a close group of girl mates. I have a different relationship with each one, but we all have the best times when we get together. It's always like no time has passed. We talk and laugh about the same old crap. As frustrating as it is that it's always me (or our friend who lives 200 miles away) who plan things, it's fiiine. I'd never let them fizzle out. Any other friends can come and go, but they are my girls! 🫶

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ildatheart30Couple
16 weeks ago

Gorebridge

I've had the same friend since primary school when she helped me zip up my pink body warmer and she's just turned 40 and me 39 we hardly see eachother anymore but we had a night away together before Christmas and txt regularly, it doesn't take effort with real friends and everyone else can fade all they want for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *h3rry Bomb80Man
16 weeks ago

the moon

Let it 🔥

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *idssissyTV/TS
16 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

There are a small group of people I make the effort to keep it going.

For others it's a two way street and if I don't feel they are making effort to keep it going I let it die off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread