FabSwingers.com forum: Bad memories from the past

By (user no longer on site) OP
23 weeks ago

Anyone else with solutions?

I've been through many events in which I think "what if I did something different" could I have had a better result, and self criticism of falling short of the mark.

I try compartmentalizing why happened.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
23 weeks ago

London

Rumination is not helpful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
23 weeks ago

"Rumination is not helpful.

Yep! Definitely correct there mate.

Sometimes can't help it. Seeing smelling etc. brings things back and I mentally try to kbep it as "in the past" so the unwelcome thought comes back less and less .. usually

Is it common for people to ruminate?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
23 weeks ago

*label

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield

"Rumination is not helpful.

Yep! Definitely correct there mate.

Sometimes can't help it. Seeing smelling etc. brings things back and I mentally try to kbep it as "in the past" so the unwelcome thought comes back less and less .. usually

Is it common for people to ruminate?"

Very common, especially with age and perfectly normal.

Solutions are more difficult! Most things from our past can't be undone or replayed unfortunately. For me it's about a balance where I also make positive plans for now, and the future, learning any lessons from the past where possible. That makes it easier to deal with past pain and regrets.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
23 weeks ago

"Rumination is not helpful.

Yep! Definitely correct there mate.

Sometimes can't help it. Seeing smelling etc. brings things back and I mentally try to kbep it as "in the past" so the unwelcome thought comes back less and less .. usually

Is it common for people to ruminate?

Very common, especially with age and perfectly normal.

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By *punk n gushCouple
23 weeks ago

deal

"Rumination is not helpful.

Yep! Definitely correct there mate.

Sometimes can't help it. Seeing smelling etc. brings things back and I mentally try to kbep it as "in the past" so the unwelcome thought comes back less and less .. usually

Is it common for people to ruminate?

Very common, especially with age and perfectly normal.

Excatly this we all have bad experiences but its how you deal with it

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By *idssissyTV/TS
23 weeks ago

Nr cricket ground birm

Recently heard the quote

Look back at the past but don't stare

Often for some easier said than done

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
22 weeks ago

Central

Learn, take decisions and live for now

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By *aryportmanMan
22 weeks ago

Whitehaven

You can’t move forward by holding onto the past, use it to learn and put that into your next situation, but again don’t drag Baggage with you, no one nee wants to help you drag your bags round with you.

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By *AYENCouple
22 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

Painful memories = memoroids.

You can't change them but you can learn and improve from them. K.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
22 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

You are the solution.

The past does not exist unless you keep it in your head.

You are the solution.

You have 'had' an experience but you are living NOW in this moment.

You are the solution and can make decisions about what you do next and how you spend your time AND to a large extent what you think about.

Choose a future.

It starts now.

No one else is your solution.

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By *usty kayWoman
22 weeks ago

Burnham on Sea

Have you tried counselling. Sometimes in order to let go of the past you need to share it and let it out.

It can help you see the choices you made which can help you learn from it but it can also show you to look at it fromm all perspectives. Was there really a different path at the time or are you looking back with knowledge you didn't have then and blaming yourself for things that couldn't have been any other way?

As everyone else has said, learn from it, look back when needed to help you move forward but don't live in the past. Don't let it consume you or you stay stuck.

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By *eoBloomsMan
22 weeks ago

Springfield

"Painful memories = memoroids.

You can't change them but you can learn and improve from them. K.

Memeroids, very good

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

You always look back and think that was a fuck up but you just move on and hope you don’t make the same mistakes

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
22 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

Move on, stop trying to relive things you can never change, people who dwell on the past stay living in it, live for the future not the past.

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By *rHotNottsMan
22 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Rumination is stuck processing and re-living the past but not really learning from

It. It’s fear, shame, anger etc

It’s very easy to say the past belongs to the past, move on, but for most people the consequences of their past actions or events have very real implications into the present and future.

For example, you might be lonely or have poor finances , bad health or a job that you hate because of bad decisions you made in the past. Or it might be because you have bad parents, or both. Or older siblings / in laws that didn’t support you properly, bad role models maybe

And so a more practical approach is required where you come to terms with and learn lessons the past events so that you’re then free to move on from them and apply wisdom going forward.

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By *upanovaMan
22 weeks ago

Sheffield

As a victim of emotional and physical abuse and controlling behaviour I managed to get away over 2 years ago but still struggle at times with the impact. That person remains in my life as I have a child with her. So coping is very difficult at times.

But I am stronger for it and and many people say I am very strong for getting where is have now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
22 weeks ago

"Have you tried counselling. Sometimes in order to let go of the past you need to share it and let it out.

As everyone else has said, learn from it, look back when needed to help you move forward but don't live in the past. Don't let it consume you or you stay stuck."

Yeah I have had counselling.. fw years ago. Sometimes I slip though.

Thanks everyone who's replied. I can't thsnk you all individually but thanks

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By *vonne5exMan
22 weeks ago

Doncaster

"Anyone else with solutions?

I've been through many events in which I think "what if I did something different" could I have had a better result, and self criticism of falling short of the mark.

I try compartmentalizing why happened. "
I personally have never had any such problems eventhough I've been through a lot, I have had lads who have called at mine to chat, my advice is try your local Andys man club, good luck and God bless

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By *midnight-Woman
22 weeks ago

...

I would say consider a friend had asked you this - how would you reply to them? Now replace their name with yours and give yourself a break.

None of us are perfect or have all the answers. We stuff up so much. All we can hope to do is be the best version of ourselves, accept responsibility when we fuck up and say sorry to those who need to hear it.

We can't change the past, so be kind to yourself and let it go xxx

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By *acchus LyaeosMan
22 weeks ago

London

A therapist is probably best. Being able to speak to a professional about your deep inner thoughts really allows some perspective on how important they actually may or may not be to you. I've found that thoughts that were constantly plaguing went away very quickly once I spoke to a therapist about this.

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By (user no longer on site)
22 weeks ago

"Anyone else with solutions?

I've been through many events in which I think "what if I did something different" could I have had a better result, and self criticism of falling short of the mark.

I try compartmentalizing why happened. "

The song says " 🎵don't look back ...you should never look back 🎵 " ...it's futile., it really is , things that you look back on are dangerous to your well being..learn from them ok but leave it at that ..

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By *layfullsamMan
22 weeks ago

Solihull

"Anyone else with solutions?

I've been through many events in which I think "what if I did something different" could I have had a better result, and self criticism of falling short of the mark.

I try compartmentalizing why happened. "

Talk to an expert in this field they’ll have multiple ways of getting you back on the right path although it might be work in progress rather than a quick fix

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By *riar BelisseWoman
22 weeks ago

Holibobs

Therapy is there for a reason

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