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" my question to you fabbers is, what would you do to shut them up ? " I would calmly and clearly ask them to stop. | |||
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"Is this person known to you? How did they know about your sexuality?" I believe OP is actually straight. Sounds like someone was taking the piss out of him, but OP didn't have a sufficient arsenal of banter to throw back at his detractor. OP, you should always have some go-to banter strategies in your locker, otherwise you can end up horribly exposed and embarrassed if you end up in scenarios like this. If the situation doesn't warrant a physical response, it's your only recourse. | |||
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"My behaviour saw red mist" So you bullied the bully ? | |||
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"OP your profile says you’re straight. If that’s correct, how were they giving you homophobic abuse? " The post says "homophonic" abuse | |||
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"OP your profile says you’re straight. If that’s correct, how were they giving you homophobic abuse? The post says "homophonic" abuse" Calling him gay, when he's not. Bullies crave attention. If they don't get it, they go away, eventually. 🤓 | |||
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"OP your profile says you’re straight. If that’s correct, how were they giving you homophobic abuse? The post says "homophonic" abuse" So it does ! Shows how conditioned we can be when reading...... So I guess the bully was saying There , They're Their or Where , wear , ware | |||
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"Went out of my comfort zone as a Scorpio… I was a bit extreme… but maybe that’s how to show the bully’s " I am very curious to know what you did | |||
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"if it goes on and on. maybe a swift kick in the bollocks" during an interview ? | |||
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" The post says "homophonic" abuse So it does ! Shows how conditioned we can be when reading...... So I guess the bully was saying There , They're Their or Where , wear , ware " I would find that more offensive written down than if it was said to my face | |||
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" Very calmly ask him what is obsession is with homosexuals and that you are ready to listen if he wants to come out to you " This. Ask what his obsession is. Switch your body language and questioning style to Joe Pesci a'la Goodfellas. Hard serious question "whats your point? Only you've been yapping all night. Do you have something to say?". See if a change of tack has any impact. Good luck 👍 | |||
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"If you’re straight, and find being called gay offensive, you need to ask yourself why you think being called gay is an insult. Right so all that homophobic abuse thrown at gay people isn't offensive either? What are you on about." If someone called me straight I wouldn’t find it offensive. | |||
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" If someone called me straight I wouldn’t find it offensive. " Exactly. If someone called me gay I wouldn't find it offensive. | |||
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"If you’re straight, and find being called gay offensive, you need to ask yourself why you think being called gay is an insult. " I get where you are coming from G.U.D but sometimes it's not the language but the intent. Wondering why someone is trying to make you the butt of their jokes in front of others is what causes discomfort - not always the words used.... it's the constant asking 'why' your supposed mate is trying to outshine by making you small that hurts. Why does anyone have to distinguish between the behaviours/features of people based on gender in any case? | |||
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"Violence is sometimes the answer. In this case, probably not. But for what it's worth, it's not your fault for not having "sufficient banter" to count him. And the people around you really should have stood in to tell him to wind it in." You can't go around punching people in the face just because they took the piss out of you, and it's not up to other people to stand up for you, as an adult you have to stand up for yourself. The only reasonable response is to give back banter as good as you get it. | |||
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"Violence is sometimes the answer. In this case, probably not. But for what it's worth, it's not your fault for not having "sufficient banter" to count him. And the people around you really should have stood in to tell him to wind it in. You can't go around punching people in the face just because they took the piss out of you, and it's not up to other people to stand up for you, as an adult you have to stand up for yourself. The only reasonable response is to give back banter as good as you get it." Homophobic abuse is part of how homophobes push homosexuality back underground, and it's a big part of why (especially young) gay people disproportionately take their own lives. It's not "banter", even if it's directed at a straight person - it's dangerous and it's harmful. Violence has been incredibly effective at making homophobes think twice about where and when they spout their homophobia. I'm not encouraging it - almost all of the time there's a better way of dealing with it - but yeh, sometimes violence has been the answer, and sometimes it will be. Ruling it out is a gift to people who want you dead and gone. | |||
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"Violence is sometimes the answer. In this case, probably not. But for what it's worth, it's not your fault for not having "sufficient banter" to count him. And the people around you really should have stood in to tell him to wind it in. You can't go around punching people in the face just because they took the piss out of you, and it's not up to other people to stand up for you, as an adult you have to stand up for yourself. The only reasonable response is to give back banter as good as you get it." I’m really against responding with banter. It creates a gamification where boundaries disappear and you can’t reassert them later. Calling out the motive works though. ‘Yawn are you a bit insecure mate? You seem to have one joke and begging for a bit of attention. Move on you’re getting a bit boring’. | |||
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"Simple, play off the fact that it's concerning that your sexual orientation is on your mind so much, maybe some repressed emotions? We're all a safe space here so feel free to open up to us all? ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Ur forehead right on the end of his nose m8 would have been the answer " This ![]() | |||
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"Violence is sometimes the answer. In this case, probably not. But for what it's worth, it's not your fault for not having "sufficient banter" to count him. And the people around you really should have stood in to tell him to wind it in. You can't go around punching people in the face just because they took the piss out of you, and it's not up to other people to stand up for you, as an adult you have to stand up for yourself. The only reasonable response is to give back banter as good as you get it. I’m really against responding with banter. It creates a gamification where boundaries disappear and you can’t reassert them later. Calling out the motive works though. ‘Yawn are you a bit insecure mate? You seem to have one joke and begging for a bit of attention. Move on you’re getting a bit boring’. " You set the boundaries by responding. It sets the boundary of "you ain't going to take the piss out of me in public and think I won't do it back". The problem with a lot of these situations is many people don't know how to moderate their response to match the scenario. They either get too emotional or don't respond at all, and this just makes other people think you're irrational or a soft-touch. I doubt OPs detractor was trying to make some kind of profound political point, it sounds like he was just a bully, and by getting upset (or appearing to get upset) you're giving them the kind of feedback that validates them. | |||
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"Is this person known to you? How did they know about your sexuality? I believe OP is actually straight. Sounds like someone was taking the piss out of him, but OP didn't have a sufficient arsenal of banter to throw back at his detractor. OP, you should always have some go-to banter strategies in your locker, otherwise you can end up horribly exposed and embarrassed if you end up in scenarios like this. If the situation doesn't warrant a physical response, it's your only recourse." It's not banter, though, if it's all one way. | |||
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"Is this person known to you? How did they know about your sexuality? I believe OP is actually straight. Sounds like someone was taking the piss out of him, but OP didn't have a sufficient arsenal of banter to throw back at his detractor. OP, you should always have some go-to banter strategies in your locker, otherwise you can end up horribly exposed and embarrassed if you end up in scenarios like this. If the situation doesn't warrant a physical response, it's your only recourse. It's not banter, though, if it's all one way." Only you can allow it to be all one way if you choose not to respond. | |||
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"Is this person known to you? How did they know about your sexuality? I believe OP is actually straight. Sounds like someone was taking the piss out of him, but OP didn't have a sufficient arsenal of banter to throw back at his detractor. OP, you should always have some go-to banter strategies in your locker, otherwise you can end up horribly exposed and embarrassed if you end up in scenarios like this. If the situation doesn't warrant a physical response, it's your only recourse. It's not banter, though, if it's all one way. Only you can allow it to be all one way if you choose not to respond." But what if someone doesn't want to get involved with the back and forth banter? Is it still banter then? | |||
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"Is this person known to you? How did they know about your sexuality? I believe OP is actually straight. Sounds like someone was taking the piss out of him, but OP didn't have a sufficient arsenal of banter to throw back at his detractor. OP, you should always have some go-to banter strategies in your locker, otherwise you can end up horribly exposed and embarrassed if you end up in scenarios like this. If the situation doesn't warrant a physical response, it's your only recourse. It's not banter, though, if it's all one way. Only you can allow it to be all one way if you choose not to respond. But what if someone doesn't want to get involved with the back and forth banter? Is it still banter then?" What is your definition of banter? I consider any kind of combative verbal exchange that doesn't have any other agenda behind it besides belittling the other person, and doesn't carry any threat of violence, to be banter tbh. You don't have to like someone's banter/ribbing/piss taking or whatever you want to call it, but if you don't respond in a proportionate way to the situation, you're the only one who comes off looking bad. | |||
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"Had a situation where someone was constantly goading me calling me homophonic abuse at a social event… I tried to laugh and joke it off but said person wouldn’t stop with insults .. making me feel , tbh like shit and completely ruined my 1 night of precious social time. my question to you fabbers is, what would you do to shut them up ? " Walk away with my head held high. People like that don't deserve my time. | |||
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"My understanding is homophobic abuse can include abuse to people who are perceived to be gay. I don’t think calling someone straight ‘gay’ is what I’d include in it but can see how in certain contexts calling someone gay (whether they are or not) can be insulting. But I also think that people can direct violent (not just physical) homophobia at cishet people who you perceive to be gay even if they are not. The abuse is homophobic whether the person receiving it is belonging to that group or not. How you feel about it will likely be different of course but yeah. Happy to be corrected and to learn on this" I dunno if I have anything to "teach", as such. A common thing I've seen is for people to rip someone else for being gay, that they know isn't gay, to "correct" perceived gender transgressions, or just more generally to project that being gay isn't okay in their view. One of the reasons it works so well is that the defense isn't "it's fine to be gay, fuck off mate", but more often "I'm not gay so leave me alone". And if you take the former route then others will perceive you as white knighting (since you're not actually gay, so why are you fighting someone else's battles). It reinforces, without any gay people being in the room, that being gay is wrong and undesirable - and discourages other men from doing anything that could be perceived to be gay. And notably, they don't tend to do it to anyone they think might respond violently, because if you win that fight you just beat someone up for being gay (which looks bad) or you just got beaten up for insulting someone (which doesn't endear people to your cause). | |||
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"Had a situation where someone was constantly goading me calling me homophonic abuse at a social event… I tried to laugh and joke it off but said person wouldn’t stop with insults .. making me feel , tbh like shit and completely ruined my 1 night of precious social time. my question to you fabbers is, what would you do to shut them up ? " Prove him wrong Shag him | |||
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"Had a situation where someone was constantly goading me calling me homophonic abuse at a social event… I tried to laugh and joke it off but said person wouldn’t stop with insults .. making me feel , tbh like shit and completely ruined my 1 night of precious social time. my question to you fabbers is, what would you do to shut them up ? " This is not clear, is that someone saying you are homophonic or was that someone scared of men getting to close to him? | |||
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" no matter what gender we are , if your slandered it is racism and it can’t be tolerated… " Racism ? | |||
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"I know you are straight O.P. so I am guessing that the bully was implying you were gay and doing it out loud. It's still homophobic if they are using it as a slur as it implies that being gay is wrong or something to be ashamed of. Don't get angry - and don't retaliate whilst feeling angry. Very calmly ask him what is obsession is with homosexuals and that you are ready to listen if he wants to come out to you " All over this... My only caveat would be prospective retalition through volience. The individual might be goading because they don't like the OP and want a bust up. I would definitely remove myself from the negativity first and foremost. I would also inform the event organisers of the incident. Most will not tolerate such behaviours and will ask individuals to leave and if the don't, then they should a least have individual banded in the future. | |||
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