FabSwingers.com forum: What's the clumsiest thing you've ever done?

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

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The bottom of the River Ankh

Well last week at work I went to sit on a kick stool, it was lower than I thought, I missed and went past the point of no return... Ended up in a heap on the floor, scra ping and bashing my wrist in the process 🤣🤣

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By *uchessdoeWoman
24 weeks ago

Northampton

My list is far too long for this tiny text box...

I have no grace or balance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

There was a guy that was so bad at DIY that he gave himself a heart attack after he electrocuted himself when he tried to fix his washing machine.

He also had to have the entire street he lived in evacuated after he flooded it, when he attempted some plumbing.

I recall him getting an 'award', he was that bad/ inept..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
24 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I fell down the stairs, ended up with a leg broke in three places, broken knee, thirteen broken ribs a punctured lung and in a coma for three weeks.I now live in a bungalow

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By *inkShyWoman
24 weeks ago

near Windsor

Broke my ribs trying to kill a cockroach 🪳🪳

Fell up the stairs and broke my nose.

Fell in the snow and tore the ligament off the bone in my ankle.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Jools is like the female version of Frank Spencer.

If we ever go into a shop with glassware or anything breakable I make sure she doesn't go near it.

She's constantly got bruises on various parts of her anatomy as she's always walking into things, tripping over and breaking stuff, clumsy would be an understatement.

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By *inkShyWoman
24 weeks ago

near Windsor

"Jools is like the female version of Frank Spencer.

If we ever go into a shop with glassware or anything breakable I make sure she doesn't go near it.

She's constantly got bruises on various parts of her anatomy as she's always walking into things, tripping over and breaking stuff, clumsy would be an understatement.

I can relate 😂 My friends take my bag off me in duty free so I'm free to roam.

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
24 weeks ago

Ryde

It wasn't my fault, but still rather clumsy and embarrassing, but two years ago, I was hit by a bus. I was on the ground, with my leg pinned under the wheel - I had to convince the driver to back it up to release me.

Feeling relatively OK, I picked myself up and went to go shopping when then horrified onlookers told me that the grapefruit-sized lump on my head said otherwise! My head had cracked the front window of the bus!

Reluctantly going to hospital, I was told that I had no broken bones, and just tissue-trauma. I've always been a tough old bird, but the examining doctor told me - with no irony - "You're Wonder Woman!"

It took a lot of wrangling to get a photo from the bus company of the broken window!!

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By *inkShyWoman
24 weeks ago

near Windsor

More stupidity than clumsy, maybe 50/50. Let the impulsive thoughts win, and decided to see what it was like to break with my left foot. Ended up with a bruise from the seatbelt, and headbutted the steering wheel somehow.

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By *exxyyDy11Man
24 weeks ago

North West

Missed a step on the stairs, ended up with a sprained foot that looked black and blue. The pain at night was unbearable.

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By *ansoffateMan
24 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I often put the oven on grill instead of fan-assisted, as the symbols are similar and both have a fan on them.

Not much fun when you have spent an hour preparing something to be baked.

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By *arker secrets 321Man
24 weeks ago

West Bromwich

So many lol ..once fell of scaffolding wilst avin a piss still my cock in hand wen landed on lift below x

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Fell into a display stand of crystal glassware. That was a particular highlight.

Shattered my ankle stepping off a kerb

Broke my nose playing hockey

Broke my nose playing basketball

Broke my nose swimming

Dislocated toes falling off a table in Italy

There’s loads more

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By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Fell into a display stand of crystal glassware. That was a particular highlight.

Shattered my ankle stepping off a kerb

Broke my nose playing hockey

Broke my nose playing basketball

Broke my nose swimming

Dislocated toes falling off a table in Italy

There’s loads more"

how is your nose still existing..

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By *parkle1974Woman
24 weeks ago

Leeds

Fell out the back door, fractured ankle...walked on it for 3 days!!

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By *ynamicnatureMan
24 weeks ago

Doncaster

I once ran into a fine mesh security door face first at my mates place, well I can say that I definitely came off second best I bounced off that door hard and landed straight on my arse.

I remember being so confused at the time,as to what just happened? because I couldn't even see the fucken thing

I cut my nose and lips and have a nice little scare on my cheek as a reminder.

I don't know if the above qualifies for clumsy or just plain dumb,🤣

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

"Fell into a display stand of crystal glassware. That was a particular highlight.

Shattered my ankle stepping off a kerb

Broke my nose playing hockey

Broke my nose playing basketball

Broke my nose swimming

Dislocated toes falling off a table in Italy

There’s loads more

how is your nose still existing.."

It’s not pretty 🤣

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By *exxyyDy11Man
24 weeks ago

North West

"Fell into a display stand of crystal glassware. That was a particular highlight.

Shattered my ankle stepping off a kerb

Broke my nose playing hockey

Broke my nose playing basketball

Broke my nose swimming

Dislocated toes falling off a table in Italy

There’s loads more"

How did you fall into a display stand made of crystal glass?? 🤔🤔

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By *atgirl and RobinCouple
24 weeks ago

Durham

On the firing range doing wrong-hand shooting drills.

I'm right handed and have very good trigger discipline, so my trigger finger naturally falls straight against the body just above the trigger. On this occasion I was firing left handed, my right hand on the front grip. Muscle memory made the trigger finger on my right hand naturally fall into the position it normally does......and then I pulled the trigger.

The pain that ripped through my right hand was unreal. The position my finger had fallen in to was along the outside of the muzzle, and when I pulled the trigger the white hot round and the gasses, and the flash seared my finger black.

I genuinely thought I'd shot my finger off, the pain was that bad

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
24 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

As a teenager, I fell off the back of a Route Master into the path of an oncoming bus full of kids from my school

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By *ooBulMan
24 weeks ago

SNottingham

I was trimming a willow tree & wanted to climb the fence to the other side. put one foot on the fence then the other foot to balance. The fence was week & gave way... I fell backwards & to the left side and hit my rib cage on the bricks that surrounded the base of the willow.

It didn't hurt immediately. But a couple of days later it hurt to laugh, cough, fart. In the end I went to an Acupuncturist. He put loads of needles in my rib cage. A day or two later I went every colour of the rainbow in bruising ...

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Washing up clumsy, I always forget there's a sharp kitchen knife under those fairy liquid suds.

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By *vaRoseWoman
24 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

Most recently, falling into a river and causing a haematoma on my leg that is still scarred almost a year later 🫣🤣

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By *aughtylist DuoCouple
24 weeks ago

Kilmarnock

Be born? 🤣

Nah I'm currently still feeling the shame of a customer at work asking for sour cream, me taking her to it and proudly announcing "there's the sour queen"

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
24 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"Most recently, falling into a river and causing a haematoma on my leg that is still scarred almost a year later 🫣🤣"

On the plus side, almost a whole year with no further major clumsiness incidents.

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By *atgirl and RobinCouple
24 weeks ago

Durham

[Removed by poster at 18/02/25 20:39:25]

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By *atgirl and RobinCouple
24 weeks ago

Durham

This wasn't either of us, but it is however my favourite Reddit story ever:

I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4

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By *vaRoseWoman
24 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

"Most recently, falling into a river and causing a haematoma on my leg that is still scarred almost a year later 🫣🤣

On the plus side, almost a whole year with no further major clumsiness incidents."

No only minor ones, I am very clumsy

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 18/02/25 20:48:58]

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By *inkShyWoman
24 weeks ago

near Windsor

Just been reminded by a friend:

"Remember on the quad bikes, and you hit the sand bag barrier in the test area so fast flew over the top and they banned you?"

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By *reachersdaughterWoman
24 weeks ago

Someplace

Fell out of car d*unk and broke my wrist

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By *oughmanMan
24 weeks ago

Sunderland

Burned my ass on a gas heater.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

He was peeking out through the peep hole of the hotel door, I tickled his balls and he headbutt the door 🤣🤣

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By *iFruityCoupleCouple
24 weeks ago

Watermouth

"Fell out of car d*unk and broke my wrist "

At least you never dove into the tree.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Turned my head too quick and cracked it off the side of a wardrobe. I’m convinced I broke it.

Tried to rip the plastic off an empty crate of juice at work and punched myself in the face, in front of my new coworkers, on the first day.

Two of my personal favourites.

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By *upanovaMan
24 weeks ago

Sheffield

Cycled into a parked car

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
24 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

"Missed a step on the stairs, ended up with a sprained foot that looked black and blue. The pain at night was unbearable. "

My ankle rolled when I was playing squash one night.. oh my god I've never known pain like it, I was hobbling for weeks afterwards

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

"He was peeking out through the peep hole of the hotel door, I tickled his balls and he headbutt the door 🤣🤣 "

You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that🤣🤣🤣

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

"He was peeking out through the peep hole of the hotel door, I tickled his balls and he headbutt the door 🤣🤣

You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that🤣🤣🤣"

🤣🤣🤣 iv never laughed so much...

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Probably clumsiest was leaving my finger in the rebar snapper as was too distracted trying to annoy the lad who’s bench was next to the snapper

Also had maybe 10 electric shocks over the years the ones off the lighting circuit aren’t too bad the ones off the ring main are canny bad though haha

A few months ago I was pushing the wacker in the wheelbarrow (easier than dragging it if moving long distances) and forgot to watch for the handle, hit a bump and it snapped down and smashed my nose, lucky it’s still straight I’m fucking ugly enough as is haha

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By *oholdupsguyMan
24 weeks ago

Colchester

Gave out my real number once, how clumsy was that..😜

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By *ouble-SidedCouple
24 weeks ago

Voldsøy

Kicked the front door, mid-meltdown, and fractured my big toe and foot. Not my finest hour, and still suffering 🫣

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By *over of ladiesMan
24 weeks ago

cannock

Fell out my campervan last week,went to step down missed twisted my ankle tried to stop my self falling smashed my arm against door,then ended up on my arse,the pain was real lol

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By *urves and MischiefWoman
24 weeks ago

North West

Clumsy is my middle name … far too many incidents to recount. Most recent rendered me immobile for a couple of weeks and after months of physio I am still dealing with the consequences 🙈

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By *oughmanMan
24 weeks ago

Sunderland

"Clumsy is my middle name … far too many incidents to recount. Most recent rendered me immobile for a couple of weeks and after months of physio I am still dealing with the consequences 🙈"

Ouch. That sounds pretty serious. Wishing you speedy recovery.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Whacking the kettle on the tap silly little things like that get my gears

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By *tagge_fyxeCouple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire

Put my foot in someone’s coat pocket then launched myself across a busy cafe.

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By *a LunaWoman
24 weeks ago

o o OO o o

Broke my ankle tripping over a loose carpet thread.

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By *veragecouple2000Couple
24 weeks ago

South Wales

Got scared by a huge daddy long legs and fell down an entire flight of stairs. Somehow made worse by that fact that it was my birthday and I also realised hours after that I had broken my coccyx! I’m pretty sure the daddy longs legs was out to get me that day! Xx 😄

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By *ookie46Woman
24 weeks ago

Deepest darkest Peru

Knee’d myself in the face and dislocated my nose is right up there

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By *nsaneronMan
24 weeks ago

PO7

Fell over (sober) fractured my skull 😵‍💫

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Walked in on celebrity in the shower

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By *2000ManMan
24 weeks ago

Worthing

Dismantled a pc and left parts scattered on floor ready for next day. Forgot about them, went into room next day and fell over the case. By some miracle, I managed to avoid the parts.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
24 weeks ago

North West

I'm not generally clumsy but yesterday, I dropped my tablets and spilled the fresh glass of water all over the table, all in a deft single clumsy movement. The waitress had JUST put the water down, too.

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By *erynewcouplenwCouple
24 weeks ago

warrington

Threw some stuff into a rubbish skip with my car keys in my hand...... Yes keys went as well

Hubby wasn't impressed

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

I once broke a £5000 3D printer by doing EXACTLY what my boss had just explained not to do.

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By *rMrsbeCoolCouple
24 weeks ago

London

Lol!

Hubby broke two Champagne glasses with his bum during our last 3way, miraculously nothing happened to that bum

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