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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. " But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate. | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate." I'm emotionally dead inside. Outside I can be very warm and loving and nurturing but when it comes to anything serious or any kind of commitment then the brakes switch on. | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate. I'm emotionally dead inside. Outside I can be very warm and loving and nurturing but when it comes to anything serious or any kind of commitment then the brakes switch on. " Haha just the same. And sometimes I can get genuinely fond of someone and still be glad to be going home. Because I need my alone time so much. | |||
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"I think it depends how invested you are in the other party. I don't have any attachment at all to any of my liaisons, with the exception of one, which has been the most painful thing I've ever done " I think that's the worry about that emotional attachment, the closeness is great but the potential for hurt amplifies. Would you say not getting as invested now come naturally to you or do you still have to work at it? | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate. I'm emotionally dead inside. Outside I can be very warm and loving and nurturing but when it comes to anything serious or any kind of commitment then the brakes switch on. Haha just the same. And sometimes I can get genuinely fond of someone and still be glad to be going home. Because I need my alone time so much. " Love some alone time. | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate." If it evolves and you can’t help it.. Maybe it’s meant to be? | |||
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"Yeah it’s possible. And developing love for someone doesn’t mean you’re in love with them. " That's an interesting way to look at it? What are the differences and how do you separate the two? | |||
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"I also think it is possible. But what does develop is trust and respect. Keep the relationship focussed on sensational sex and let that grow. Let your inner fantasies out - but don't bring out personal feelings about your wife/husband and don't look for something you don't already have in your secure lifetime relationship" I think that's a good mindset to have. I think I've worried about having those ideas in case it gets misinterpreted for only wanting sex from people and nothing else. I suppose there's a balance there though. | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to?" Yes, some of us are very cold-hearted  | |||
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"I can totally do sexual connection without emotional attachment. After a few meets with the same person I would say for me the connection is better but that’s because there’s not as much nervousness and you know each others turn ons etc not because there’s emotions involved. It may be slightly different for me as I’m happily married and get my emotional needs met by hubby. " I suppose in a way, it's good to have those emotional needs already met so you know something deeper can't develop from any of your meets! | |||
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"If we were to meet someone regularly I'd expect to be their friend even if just for the time we were together. " Oh I completely understand that, but if they were regular enough, would you only contact each other to arrange another meet or would you message regularly regardless? | |||
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"It's possible, although it's not how I roll. " Teach me  | |||
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"Is developing deeper feelings for someone so bad?" Depends on individual goals I guess. | |||
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"I could meet someone with no connection and have sex, then leave and that's it...I don't need connection...but then when there is it's absolutely amazing 😈" I sort of get what you mean. Going off pure sexual chemistry can be great, it's why I don't believe you always need a strong connection to have great sex in the way I had previously thought. But it still doesn't mean I'd shag just anyone | |||
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"It's possible, although it's not how I roll. Teach me "Hold things back. Not like, lie, but withhold emotional vulnerability. It can be very much, you're alright, I'm alright, and if we do things together there can be _utual pleasure. It's not quite the same, but I just had a massage. I feel amazing right now. The therapist practices witchcraft. Is it love? No. Relief, gratitude, etc. Sex can be similar. (I'm not suggesting money changing hands here  - that's where the analogy comes apart, haha) | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to?" it is possible, I don’t have the time or inclination to have a relationship with all the day to day boring stuff, once a week contact face to face & a few texts thrown in is enough for me | |||
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"I think it depends on what you are ultimately looking for. If you genuinely want mind blowing sex with friendship as a bonus - then yes. If deep down you really want a relationship and are using Fab to fill that void - then I think it is harder to avoid emotional attachment. I am firmly in the former camp. " I didn't come to Fab looking for a relationship though, and I still don't want to. I think everyone wants mind blowing sex, but what stops the "bonus friendship" becoming more due to the time you end up spending together? | |||
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"Totally possible. My longest FWB was over 20 years...Did I have feelings for him....yes absolutely, I cared for him as I do for any of my friends x" So you think it helps separate that emotion because you see him as a friend first with the sex coming second? And would you feel the same if the sex didn't happen? | |||
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"Totally possible. My longest FWB was over 20 years...Did I have feelings for him....yes absolutely, I cared for him as I do for any of my friends x So you think it helps separate that emotion because you see him as a friend first with the sex coming second? And would you feel the same if the sex didn't happen?" We haven't had sex for a very long time and yet he's still an important part of my life. He did ask me years ago for something more but I told him straight that wasn't what I wanted. I think people just need to more open and honest. If the "feels" start creeping in then speak to the other person involved x | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. But then how do you make sure it doesn't evolve beyond that? The more you see someone, the more you get to know them which can make it harder to keep it all separate. If it evolves and you can’t help it.. Maybe it’s meant to be? " I'm not sure, I wish it was that simple! I think there could often be more factors at play, especially when it comes to Fab | |||
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"Oh, if by connection you mean love, then yeah that's absolutely how I operate. If by connection you mean friendship - I don't like to do it without that, but I have done " I suppose "emotional" can cover different things from love to friendship. In the spectrum of sex, does that friendship always have to be there? | |||
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"I havnt been here long, I met the lady of my dreams first time. You can imagine how I felt. Got way too involved. Long story short. We had to end our arrangement, Completely understood the dynamic but I learnt really early and really hard that it's a dangerous game sometimes for me anyway. But I think that says more about me than anything else. I just need to harden up a bit more I think." Ouch, I'm sorry to hear that. I think there's a danger to herdening up in that you can become jaded and cynical. I never want to be that person, but at the same time, it's not easy to stop being emotional and taking things to heart. | |||
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"Oh, if by connection you mean love, then yeah that's absolutely how I operate. If by connection you mean friendship - I don't like to do it without that, but I have done I suppose "emotional" can cover different things from love to friendship. In the spectrum of sex, does that friendship always have to be there?" I strongly prefer it that way, but no. Sometimes it's a _utually beneficial "use" of one another, or a step up from that | |||
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"I think it depends how invested you are in the other party. I don't have any attachment at all to any of my liaisons, with the exception of one, which has been the most painful thing I've ever done I think that's the worry about that emotional attachment, the closeness is great but the potential for hurt amplifies. Would you say not getting as invested now come naturally to you or do you still have to work at it?" It's all about the amount of contact and whether they have existing connections/partnerships. When you are talking to someone for 1-4 hours daily and sharing everything in your life it's hard not to invest | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to?" You just switch it off the beans! That's what I've done the last few years. Helps if you like them sexually but their personality, while bearable, isn't wifey goals either. | |||
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"Yeah it’s possible. And developing love for someone doesn’t mean you’re in love with them. That's an interesting way to look at it? What are the differences and how do you separate the two?" Over time you grow to care about people but it doesn’t mean you’re in love with them. You just care about them in a way you might do an acquaintance or work colleague. | |||
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"I could meet someone with no connection and have sex, then leave and that's it...I don't need connection...but then when there is it's absolutely amazing 😈 I sort of get what you mean. Going off pure sexual chemistry can be great, it's why I don't believe you always need a strong connection to have great sex in the way I had previously thought. But it still doesn't mean I'd shag just anyone "Exactly...I wouldn't just shag anyone for the sake of it either! | |||
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"Well for a start there are lots of different types of feelings. I love my close friends I love my family I also like lots of different people as friends and close acquaintances None of those are sexual Liking someone I’m fucking is kind of a pre-requisite. I’m not jumping into bed with someone I don’t like. Im also poly so perhaps not best placed to answer this I can like a fwb, I can love them too - on that same plane of close friendship. I can also be in love with a partner, spouse or other type of deep connection. I don’t think anyone can help catching feelings. No matter how hard you try without breaking off the connection full stop at the first thoughts of feelings. Feelings imo are wonderful things, it doesn’t mean I want to skip off into the sunset together, nor even that I want anything to change (in fact for me it means I’m in a really good place and don’t want or need anything else to change at all). I guess what I’m saying is that feelings aren’t always to be feared " Love this response 👌 I think this swinging community can be too cold at times. | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"?" Is the sex stopping _utual, or is it a one person wants it and the other doesn't situation? If I'm the person who doesn't want sex anymore I can find that a bit difficult. In all honesty sex stopping isn't a problem, if the dynamics in the relationship change and it's not explicit, there's no conversation - then I can get weirded out. | |||
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"Yes it’s a choice. You can actually be in control of your feelings if you don’t want to fall In love with someone you won’t " You can. It is damn hard, and it takes time and a lot of effort to get that amount of self-control, but once you master it, the situation-ness becomes much more enjoyable as there’s still the amazing sex and the closeness but without pesky romantic feelings that can ruin everything. | |||
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"If we were to meet someone regularly I'd expect to be their friend even if just for the time we were together. Oh I completely understand that, but if they were regular enough, would you only contact each other to arrange another meet or would you message regularly regardless?" I think we'd message semi regularly. 🤔. | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"? Is the sex stopping _utual, or is it a one person wants it and the other doesn't situation? If I'm the person who doesn't want sex anymore I can find that a bit difficult. In all honesty sex stopping isn't a problem, if the dynamics in the relationship change and it's not explicit, there's no conversation - then I can get weirded out." That's a very good point, I suppose it just varies person to person as to what the situation of their dynamic is and how it grows | |||
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"Depends on what you mean by emotion. Without romantic love? Yes. I have swinger friends who I care deeply for in a platonic way and they've become some of my best friends in the vanilla world, we have sex but there is no romantic attachment. We are simply close friends who also happen to have good sex. I would find it hard to have sex with someone regularly and be devoid of any emotions at all. For me, the friend part of friend with benefits is very important. That doesn't mean I am in love with them. For the best sex I need a connection and trust, and that doesn't have to be with a romantic partner. If I put up a barrier and the sex was cold and transactional, without any emotion whatsoever I wouldn't want it. " This! | |||
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"As long as the person is HONEST it doesn't matter how often you see them if you DONT want a relationship, one will never happen..I've got a 25yr FWB and shortest is 3YRS. I Do not will not and never will want a relationship with them. I care about them as guys but they aren't relationship material." This. Friendships can last years without becoming more. What a person wants in a relationship partner is vastly different to what they want in a friend with benefits. | |||
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"Personally, I (f) think people think too strictly about emotions, I love my friends, I love my family, I love my husband, all differently. And I wouldn't repeatedly have sex with someone I didn't have some sort of feeling towards, either friendship or as with my husband deep romantic love, and I need connection at least to play. A huge part of enjoying sex for me is mental and a big part of that is connection for me. We are not looking for marriage, we already have that, not looking for a partner or anything serious either, just someone(s) who we can have conversation, enjoy some good times with and not have bad feelings about after. " Perfectly stated..as a TRUE unicorn it's these types of couples I prefer..if you can't be in bliss with him why should I want to share him for a moment with you. Plus I'm a person too if we aren't compatible enough to have a care about each other then how can I expect you to respect me as I respect you/you two. | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"?" It's really shit Beanie | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"?" It depends on the people. Some yes and we have discussed our desire to stay friends even if we wanted to stop swinging, others no. | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to?" Yes absolutely. I've never been in a place for emotion. As part of a couple I was completely able to detatch emotionally. And since being single I've not wanted emotional involvement. My longest fab friend of about 10 years has never involved anything emotional. We still meet and have a perfectly lovely time sexually. We get on great and are quite capable of going about our lives while apart. It takes sordid people for it not to go weird but when you find the right people it's great. | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to? Yes absolutely. I've never been in a place for emotion. As part of a couple I was completely able to detatch emotionally. And since being single I've not wanted emotional involvement. My longest fab friend of about 10 years has never involved anything emotional. We still meet and have a perfectly lovely time sexually. We get on great and are quite capable of going about our lives while apart. It takes sordid people for it not to go weird but when you find the right people it's great. " Special not sordid | |||
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"I guess it depends if there's friendship that lasts after sex stops. In my experience sometimes people aren't incentivised to remain decent as a mate after the sex stops - but they were never really your friend. Friends don't mess you around, and those you can have platonic friendship with for years after. " I don't think it's not decent to not want to be friends when the sex stops though. At that point it's surely just two people wanting different things. You can easily be messed around and led on sexually as well because the communication wasn't there. | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"? It's really shit Beanie" Yeah, it really is! | |||
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"Sorry, I wanted to reply to everyone as it's quite a deep question and I appreciate everyone's thoughts. I agree there are evarying degrees of emotion other than loving someone, but if it started out with sex and the friendship part came later, how easy would you find it if the sex aspect stopped and you're only left with the prospect of friendship only? Are you emotionally invested enough to only be friends or would you feel like something is missing from your "situation"? It depends on the people. Some yes and we have discussed our desire to stay friends even if we wanted to stop swinging, others no. " That's interesting, have you ever decided to stay friends with someone who wanted differently and it eventually worked out or is it something you both have to want to make it work? | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to? Yes absolutely. I've never been in a place for emotion. As part of a couple I was completely able to detatch emotionally. And since being single I've not wanted emotional involvement. My longest fab friend of about 10 years has never involved anything emotional. We still meet and have a perfectly lovely time sexually. We get on great and are quite capable of going about our lives while apart. It takes sordid people for it not to go weird but when you find the right people it's great. " I think that's what sort of surprises me. You've been seeing him for 10 years and not let emotionfor anything more get in the way. How have you managed that? | |||
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"It's always been a case for me of knowing what the type of engagement is and then keeping each of them within these very tight constraints. I've never had a time when I've had a gap and really needed an emotional connection that was different. I've curtailed fbs where they've strayed to the wrong connections. I can sense and know if something is right or not and be willing to take tough decisions. You need self awareness and trust in yourself " I suppose that comes down to your own boundaries as a barrier to protect yourself as well. I can see that working, but feel I may become jaded as a result which I also don't want. | |||
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"Totally possible. My longest FWB was over 20 years...Did I have feelings for him....yes absolutely, I cared for him as I do for any of my friends x So you think it helps separate that emotion because you see him as a friend first with the sex coming second? And would you feel the same if the sex didn't happen? We haven't had sex for a very long time and yet he's still an important part of my life. He did ask me years ago for something more but I told him straight that wasn't what I wanted. I think people just need to more open and honest. If the "feels" start creeping in then speak to the other person involved x" Sometimes friendship without the sex is more important and valuable than just fucking. But you both need to be on the same page: if you aren't, that's when problems arise | |||
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"Totally possible. My longest FWB was over 20 years...Did I have feelings for him....yes absolutely, I cared for him as I do for any of my friends x So you think it helps separate that emotion because you see him as a friend first with the sex coming second? And would you feel the same if the sex didn't happen? We haven't had sex for a very long time and yet he's still an important part of my life. He did ask me years ago for something more but I told him straight that wasn't what I wanted. I think people just need to more open and honest. If the "feels" start creeping in then speak to the other person involved x Sometimes friendship without the sex is more important and valuable than just fucking. But you both need to be on the same page: if you aren't, that's when problems arise" That's true, I suppose that's where the open and honest communication comes in. That way, people know where they stand straight away instead of allowing feelings to escalate when they think more can still happen. | |||
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"But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to?" Absolutely, provided there is communication and boundaries on all sides. I have a female playmate who has met my wife 4 times now. We all discuss the engagement / arrangement like grown-ups. The lines are defined and agreed. . My wife has boundaries, my FWB has boundaries and I have boundaries. Emotional connection is one such boundary and we all manage and review it accordingly. Because we discussed this, and we monitor it like responsible people. . We all know if that line is crossed, this "fun" ends, so everyone loses. Stay within the line, and the fun continues. . It does come down to the people. None of us are the type to be ruled by our hearts. If my FWB has a "romantic" side, then I've not seen it, nor do I wish to. But she knows enough not to express that anyway. . It might sound like a cold, unemotive arrangement but it is far from it. Emotions do emerge , but they have "guard-rails". We do our thing and them separate, happy. . Frank open transparency, communication and boundary-setting are key. | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to? Yes absolutely. I've never been in a place for emotion. As part of a couple I was completely able to detatch emotionally. And since being single I've not wanted emotional involvement. My longest fab friend of about 10 years has never involved anything emotional. We still meet and have a perfectly lovely time sexually. We get on great and are quite capable of going about our lives while apart. It takes sordid people for it not to go weird but when you find the right people it's great. I think that's what sort of surprises me. You've been seeing him for 10 years and not let emotionfor anything more get in the way. How have you managed that?" Maybe partly because we don't see a lot of each other we do have completely separate lives. But also because neither of us want or need that emotional involvement i guess. It just works the way it is. Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely heartless and there's care and respect there but I can honestly say in all that time it has never felt like one of us wants more and it's never got awkward. | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. " Yes this  . I just view fab meets as simply sexual based so not something I am going to emotively attach to remotely | |||
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"I can totally do that. I'm genuinely not looking for anything serious. I can like people and do the whole FWB/FB thing but I'm not going to dream about being whisked aways for long weekends or getting his and hers bathrobes. Yes this . I just view fab meets as simply sexual based so not something I am going to emotively attach to remotely "Do you ever worry that only viewing Fab as sexual based can lead to certain perceptions that other people can have for people looking for that or do you not really care about that? | |||
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"Is it possible on Fab? I've been wondering more and more about the connections people like to find on Fab to an extent, I can understand that you can have a sexual connection without the emotional attachment. But is it possible to avoid the latter the more you meet up with them or would you not want to? Yes absolutely. I've never been in a place for emotion. As part of a couple I was completely able to detatch emotionally. And since being single I've not wanted emotional involvement. My longest fab friend of about 10 years has never involved anything emotional. We still meet and have a perfectly lovely time sexually. We get on great and are quite capable of going about our lives while apart. It takes sordid people for it not to go weird but when you find the right people it's great. I think that's what sort of surprises me. You've been seeing him for 10 years and not let emotionfor anything more get in the way. How have you managed that?" It's easy to do if your fwb is someone you like as a friend but also not someone you would want to date. | |||
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"I don’t think it’s as black and white as having feelings or not having them. It’s more a spectrum. I can love deeply, and yet still have enough capacity to develop feelings for others. Whether that be as friends or more. On the other side, Im also friends with quite a few of my ex’s. One I considered the love of my life at a point. Just don’t think of him or the others in that way anymore. Once I’ve let go of someone emotionally I don’t stop caring about them, but it evolves into a different kind of love. One that isn’t sexual. My point is that if you fully embrace emotions rather than hide or ignore them, it can lead to a much more fulfilling experience. I just don’t believe that if you care it has to necessarily equal a relationship must develop. Free love and all that 😉 Jesus. I sound more hippy every damn day 🙈" You've actually raised some very good points and I reasonate a lot with that second paragraph. If you considered him the love of your life, did you naturally not love him in that way anymore and what did you do to live him as a friend? | |||
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"Totally possible. My longest FWB was over 20 years...Did I have feelings for him....yes absolutely, I cared for him as I do for any of my friends x So you think it helps separate that emotion because you see him as a friend first with the sex coming second? And would you feel the same if the sex didn't happen? We haven't had sex for a very long time and yet he's still an important part of my life. He did ask me years ago for something more but I told him straight that wasn't what I wanted. I think people just need to more open and honest. If the "feels" start creeping in then speak to the other person involved x Sometimes friendship without the sex is more important and valuable than just fucking. But you both need to be on the same page: if you aren't, that's when problems arise That's true, I suppose that's where the open and honest communication comes in. That way, people know where they stand straight away instead of allowing feelings to escalate when they think more can still happen." Exactly - it's the Comms that make it a friendship that can last or not last, before, during and after the sex stops. | |||
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"I get so emotional baby …… Seriously though yeah I always get the feels as I only really meet people on a regular basis. I’ve never been scared of feelings though, I like them. I can just as easily turn them off. I really do think it depends what type of person you are. I’ve always known what I want and I can easily compartmentalise x" It's good that you're able to compartmentalise your emotions while also not being afraid of your feelings. I think I've been very up and down emotionally when it comes to feelings that keeping them on an even keel would do me well. | |||
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"I get so emotional baby …… Seriously though yeah I always get the feels as I only really meet people on a regular basis. I’ve never been scared of feelings though, I like them. I can just as easily turn them off. I really do think it depends what type of person you are. I’ve always known what I want and I can easily compartmentalise x It's good that you're able to compartmentalise your emotions while also not being afraid of your feelings. I think I've been very up and down emotionally when it comes to feelings that keeping them on an even keel would do me well." I wouldn’t meet someone who says things like I don’t do feelings or comes across (to me) as cold though. I think if you chat to someone for a while before meeting you kinda get to know what they’re like. I’ve always managed to get it right compatibility wise so far. Every single person I’ve met I’m still friends with too. | |||
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"I don’t think it’s as black and white as having feelings or not having them. It’s more a spectrum. I can love deeply, and yet still have enough capacity to develop feelings for others. Whether that be as friends or more. On the other side, Im also friends with quite a few of my ex’s. One I considered the love of my life at a point. Just don’t think of him or the others in that way anymore. Once I’ve let go of someone emotionally I don’t stop caring about them, but it evolves into a different kind of love. One that isn’t sexual. My point is that if you fully embrace emotions rather than hide or ignore them, it can lead to a much more fulfilling experience. I just don’t believe that if you care it has to necessarily equal a relationship must develop. Free love and all that 😉 Jesus. I sound more hippy every damn day 🙈 You've actually raised some very good points and I reasonate a lot with that second paragraph. If you considered him the love of your life, did you naturally not love him in that way anymore and what did you do to live him as a friend?" I mean. The break up was tough. That doesn’t change. There’s still a mourning for the loss of that era and a release of those old emotions. I felt very much inlove at the time, but sometimes that’s not enough. My mum always used to say ‘It’s not who you love. It’s who you can live with’. And I fully agree. I suppose it’s almost like a transition into a new relationship. Time helps. And being able to separate the ending of one feeling, while supporting the beginning of a new one. I guess ultimately it’s about learning to let go. Why be bitter, and ill wishing towards someone who meant so much at one point? Stay true to that. Respect it. And don’t turn it into something bitter and shit just because it didn’t work out as a relationship. Doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the end really is the end, there is nothing left for each of you to give. But if a friendship does have potential, why would you waste that just because you loved each other differently previously? Where is it rigidly set that if one falls for another, that’s all it will ever be? I will say though that once that transition is complete for me, I never look back. Just don’t see them sexually in way at all. Friends yes, more? Nope. | |||
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"I mean. The break up was tough. That doesn’t change. There’s still a mourning for the loss of that era and a release of those old emotions. I felt very much inlove at the time, but sometimes that’s not enough. My mum always used to say ‘It’s not who you love. It’s who you can live with’. And I fully agree. I suppose it’s almost like a transition into a new relationship. Time helps. And being able to separate the ending of one feeling, while supporting the beginning of a new one. I guess ultimately it’s about learning to let go. Why be bitter, and ill wishing towards someone who meant so much at one point? Stay true to that. Respect it. And don’t turn it into something bitter and shit just because it didn’t work out as a relationship. Doesn’t always happen. Sometimes the end really is the end, there is nothing left for each of you to give. But if a friendship does have potential, why would you waste that just because you loved each other differently previously? Where is it rigidly set that if one falls for another, that’s all it will ever be? I will say though that once that transition is complete for me, I never look back. Just don’t see them sexually in way at all. Friends yes, more? Nope." Thank you for taking the time to write this, these are all very good points, especially regarding the bitterness not replacing how you once felt about them. Did it take time for that transition to happen? I know it's not the same amount of time for everyone, but if it was, it would be a lot easier to deal with 😅 | |||
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"Thank you for taking the time to write this, these are all very good points, especially regarding the bitterness not replacing how you once felt about them. Did it take time for that transition to happen? I know it's not the same amount of time for everyone, but if it was, it would be a lot easier to deal with 😅" Depends. For me it’s weeks, maybe a couple of months if it was serious. The variety of feelings we are capable of are what makes us amazing as humans. Spend enough time with anyone and they’ll develop. Maybe as respect and liking a casual fb, to love or care for a more regular friend with benefits, to full blown in love with your soulmate. They’re all valid. And all hurtful to different degrees when lost. but I’d much rather experience that and live in full colour than become a pseudo cyborg 🙃 | |||
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