FabSwingers.com forum: Claires law

By *IXEN200 OP Woman
1 week ago

newcastle upon tyne

My neighbour and friend has just used rule of Claires law to find out about a man she was dating, I won't go into detail but he turned out to be not so nice.

Has anyone thought about using/used this to find out about a potential new partner? How did you find it? How did you end it if it turned out the said new partner wasn't a good egg.

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By *nya NeesWoman
1 week ago

Brum

Never personally use it but certainly wouldn't hesitate to. I regularly encourage people to though x

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By *ortney FoxxxWoman
1 week ago

Cardiff

I’ve never had to use it but I’m so glad ‘Claire’s law’ is there for anyone who needs it 👌🏻

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By *ynamicnatureMan
1 week ago

Doncaster

Up until reading the op's post I'd never even heard of that before.

Sounds like a great tool to get some reassurance and peace of mind.

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By *parkle1974Woman
1 week ago

Leeds

I'd use it if I had any doubts x

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By *vaRose43Woman
1 week ago

Forest of Dean

I haven’t used it myself but I’ve supported someone who has. They needed the support of the police to arrange protections after she called things off with the new partner and he became abusive. There are times that I am not a big fan of the police but in this case they were fantastic. Restraining orders, followed phone recordings and anti harassment charges. She had a very lucky escape and got all the support she needed

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By *IXEN200 OP Woman
1 week ago

newcastle upon tyne

Thank you for all your comments.

My friends sister was contacted by this guys on/off relationship of 5 years urging her to find out more about him, she had a very lucky escape from what she was telling me.

Claires Law is a tool every woman and man I'm presuming can utilise to protect yourself against such abusive, coercive or manipulative actions

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By *agerMorganMan
1 week ago

Canvey Island

Claire’s law can be used by both women and men.

Personally I’ve used it three times and it came back twice with some very concerning results.

Use it if your gut is telling you something is amiss or their behaviour is increasingly getting erratic or violent.

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By *IXEN200 OP Woman
1 week ago

newcastle upon tyne

"Claire’s law can be used by both women and men.

Personally I’ve used it three times and it came back twice with some very concerning results.

Use it if your gut is telling you something is amiss or their behaviour is increasingly getting erratic or violent. "

That's good to know, I knew about it but thankfully I've never had to use it, but my friend has done just that and it's shocking what some people can and will do.

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
1 week ago

wonderland.

Also Sarah's law....

Yes I have used both of them in the past

Cali

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
1 week ago

Carlisle usually

It's a fantastic system that I have kicked myself for not using 💜

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By *yn888Couple
1 week ago

Kidderminster

Claire's law is a good idea, how ever it's executed terribly, like most things. Yes it's great and can warn women about dangerous men, but there doesn't have to be a burden of proof.

So woman can say what she likes about a person with out any proof or convictions/ charges and those accusations will be on the list.

Basically a list of accusations.

Not good when women tend to attack a person's character if they can't attack them physically.

Apart from that I think it will save lives

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
1 week ago

wonderland.

"Claire's law is a good idea, how ever it's executed terribly, like most things. Yes it's great and can warn women about dangerous men, but there doesn't have to be a burden of proof.

So woman can say what she likes about a person with out any proof or convictions/ charges and those accusations will be on the list.

Basically a list of accusations.

Not good when women tend to attack a person's character if they can't attack them physically.

Apart from that I think it will save lives"
this is actually a very good point. It isn't a list of convictions

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
1 week ago

Pontypool

Clare's law is open to everyone, it's not woman specific.

Anyone can submit a request but not everyone will get a disclosure.

It will only be given if there is information that would put someone at risk. They are given a sanitised version and it's their decision after disclosure as to whether they remain in the relationship or not.

Clare's Law only works on what has been reported to police, so it's not a fail safe. That being said, it is a very valuable tool and has safeguarded probably thousands of people since it was introduced.

I'm glad so many people have heard of Clare's Law and utilised it!

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By *yn888Couple
1 week ago

Kidderminster

Also there is no positive statements or examples given for relationship context.

For example.. if someone requests an interview, which is what it is.. an interview with police regarding a potential male partner.

In which they give information but also take information, so they ask the new partner about the relationship and behaviour. If it's bad behaviour with the new partner the police log, record and add it, but if potential partner only has good things to say it's not recorded or logged.. And I actually think that's a terrible thing.

Also the behaviour of past partners of the person being looked into is never explained.. was the person themselves a victim of domestic abuse, coercive abuse, financial abuse, parental abuse.

That's the problem with lack of context and a one sided law.. it's massively open to abuse and doesn't explain the type of behaviour.

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By *ympho6969Woman
1 week ago

glasgow

I think it's worth pointing out that this isn't just a service for women. This is available to everyone to check on their partners/potential partners.

I'm not so sure men know it's available to them.

I knew one woman who used it after a few very bad relationships. She was scared of the same song and dance. The peace of mind she got from it helped a lot

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By *meliaeWoman
1 week ago

Chester

I applied on behalf of someone else, someone I love dearly and was worried about.

Thankfully they are no longer with them.

I think it is a useful but slightly flawed tool and how easy / timely it is to navigate the process depends on the area you are unfortunately.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
1 week ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

My last lap had me checked after her best friend was found.out.to be on the register

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By *agerMorganMan
1 week ago

Canvey Island

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them "

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace.

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By *ympho6969Woman
1 week ago

glasgow

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace. "

I've seen first had both sides and an almost even split. Men unfortunately are told to suck it up or man up, mocked or downright destroyed. I'm thankful the stigma round men's mental health and abuse is turning

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
1 week ago

Pontypool

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace. "

It is most definitely available to anyone, male, female, same sex relationships etc.

And of course men are victims of DV/DA, as well. There is support available to men and there are refuges for men.

Clare's Law does sound weighted towards women, but it's the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme.

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By *IXEN200 OP Woman
7 days ago

newcastle upon tyne

When my friend enquired about her new partner, he had been sent to prison and arrested multiple times.

It should be promoted more to both genders, my brother was a victim of DA by his first wife and she made it out to us to be the other way around.

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
6 days ago

Carlisle

I've had to use it in the past. It was really easy, it also helped that the partner was very forward giving me details to help me do it. That, aside from the results told me more about him than anything did.

It's a good system and sometimes you can learn more about a person be it good or bad other than the results the police give you.

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By *onkeynutWoman
6 days ago

somewhere

Yes I’ve used it. Someone I was seeing scared me albeit very briefly, there weren’t any other red flags but that moment left me wanting to check… I’m glad I did and after seeing the information I ended things.

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By *aybeLadyWoman
6 days ago

West Dublin

Think they are talking about bringing something similiar in here in Ireland. Brilliant idea.

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
6 days ago

Pontypool

What I would say, is that if I was seeing someone and I was contacted to suggest I needed Clare's Law, I wouldn't take any risks and end the relationship.

That would be enough of a red flag for me.

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By *oneyBee200Woman
6 days ago

Kent

I wish people would use it and it definitely needs to talked about a lot more. So many still unaware of what it is and many could be saved physical and mental abuse.

A brilliant post Op!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
6 days ago

The Town by The Cross

I know people who have used it and is a really useful tool for people in doubt BUT it pays to know that you learn NO MORE than the person was involved in domestic abuse

e.g. an ex may bring an accusation that is investigated but you will never know whether they had a slanging match or punched the living daylights out of each other or whether one of them was a stalker etc...... you'll just have doubts

Saying that though, I'd use it at the drop of a hat

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By *urora1912Woman
6 days ago

Norfolk East anglia

Ive done one on an ex as his ex girlfriend was warning me about him

Nothing was on it at the time and it looks more like she was out to sabotage because she wanted him back

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
6 days ago

Swansea

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace.

It is most definitely available to anyone, male, female, same sex relationships etc.

And of course men are victims of DV/DA, as well. There is support available to men and there are refuges for men.

Clare's Law does sound weighted towards women, but it's the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme.

Number of beds available for domestic abuse victims 2022 - 4332 number available for men - 436

From the BBC

Facilities for men

Nikkie Gilbert, from domestic abuse charity Reducing the Risk, said: "I don't believe there's enough support in the area.

"I know in Oxfordshire there's a male outreach worker, but it's not advertised as much.

"There's a lot about domestic abuse all over social media and TV but it's about women and girls."

Reading Borough Council said there was "limited evidence" that male refuges were needed as there was a "wide range of support" for victims regardless of gender, which would remain under review.

Statistics on Male Victims of Domestic Abuse

Every year in the UK one in three victims are male, according to the Office for National Statistics

26% of incidents investigated by police were committed against men

Half of male victims fail to tell anyone they are a victim and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than female victims

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By *rthur WrightusMan
6 days ago

Round the Bend

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace.

I quite agree it happens both ways. My son married in 2018, the abuse intensified, kept it to himself because of the stigma, finally left and divorced but the toll on his mental health and his business has been catastrophic. If only he had known.

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By *ntraditional_GentMan
6 days ago

Notts

I remember advising someone to use it to look in to her new fella. Turns out he’d broken his ex’s jaw in front of their child because she spoke back to him. Sadly this acquaintance excused it as him being under a lot of stress and just a terrible mistake. Fast forward 5 years and she’sMMO had two kids with him and has a restraining order out on him because he abused her and her disabled mum to the point the former weighed just 7 stone and the latter has developed severe agoraphobia and will likely spend her last 10-20 years never leaving her home.

I would implore everyone to avoid relationships with violent men at all costs. They’re not wired correctly.

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
6 days ago

Pontypool

" I'm not so sure men know it's available to them

It’s because it’s been portrayed as something for women mostly, it’s up to us to promote it and make it clear that men can & should use it.

The other side to this is that there is a social stigma that only women can be victims of DA/DV whilst men have to shrug it off, thankfully that stigma is changing at a rapid pace.

It is most definitely available to anyone, male, female, same sex relationships etc.

And of course men are victims of DV/DA, as well. There is support available to men and there are refuges for men.

Clare's Law does sound weighted towards women, but it's the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme.

Number of beds available for domestic abuse victims 2022 - 4332 number available for men - 436

From the BBC

Facilities for men

Nikkie Gilbert, from domestic abuse charity Reducing the Risk, said: "I don't believe there's enough support in the area.

"I know in Oxfordshire there's a male outreach worker, but it's not advertised as much.

"There's a lot about domestic abuse all over social media and TV but it's about women and girls."

Reading Borough Council said there was "limited evidence" that male refuges were needed as there was a "wide range of support" for victims regardless of gender, which would remain under review.

Statistics on Male Victims of Domestic Abuse

Every year in the UK one in three victims are male, according to the Office for National Statistics

26% of incidents investigated by police were committed against men

Half of male victims fail to tell anyone they are a victim and are two and a half times less likely to tell anyone than female victims

We could both quote statistics either way, but that's not the point of this post. The post is highlighting that the DVDS is available and it's available to all, irrespective of sex, gender, sexual orientation or trans status.

I would encourage ANYBODY who is experiencing domestic abuse to report it to a specialist DA service - there's no need to involve police if they don't want to. And I would encourage people to make use of the DVDS.

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By *IXEN200 OP Woman
6 days ago

newcastle upon tyne

Thankfully I've had no use for the service, but it helps and makes you aware of possible things to look out for or avoid completely.

Yes men too suffer DV/DA as do any gender so it's advisable to report and don't feel stigmatised by it. There's help out there for everyone. Don't suffer in silence

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By *yn888Couple
6 days ago

Kidderminster

So you would just allow a jealous ex ruin a relationship??

And if that jealous ex has been abusing your new partner for years and insisted on continuing to control and destroy their life.. out of nothing but narcissistic cruelty, you would be happy to help continue that cycle??? And in doing so empower her control and weaken his mental health in seeing a future and you wonder why so many men end their own lives.

Sad really

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By *he Flat CapsCouple
6 days ago

Pontypool

"So you would just allow a jealous ex ruin a relationship??

Sad really"

Without knowing the specifics of the situation, no-one can answer that.

The DVDS will tell a person if their partner has a history of abusive relationships. If that history isn't there, for whatever reason, there won't be anything to tell.

It's worth bearing in mind that a DVDS can still be given after a relationship has ended and there is evidence of stalking or there are shared children, meaning could continue.

Again, I can only reiterate, if anyone is experiencing abuse, it needs to be reported to a specialist service and/or police. There is support available.

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