FabSwingers.com forum: Being a gentleman.

By *allGuy1000 OP Man
11 weeks ago

Reading

Has the age of being a gentleman passed? I’m mainly referring to the younger generation. I’ve just been on a busy train there were no seats left and the aisles were full of people standing. Standing in front of me was a lady with her young baby. I would say that in my immediate vicinity the seats are full of people predominantly younger than me. The lady was also struggling with a push chair. Obviously I offered the lady my assistance and asked if I could help her with the push chair. At no time did anyone offer her their seat. I couldn’t help myself and said loudly to her “honestly love if I had a seat I would’ve given it to you” and glared around the cabin. To my surprise, a young girl offered the lady her seat. Fairplay to that young girl. But the young men should be ashamed of themselves.

Perhaps I’m old-fashioned that being a gentleman and good manners seem to be lost on the majority (not all!!) of the younger generation.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
11 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

I totally agree with you. Unfortunately when some men offer to help women they are met with a load of abuse. For example when I saw a woman struggle with a pushchair going down the stairs at a tube station. A kind man offered to help and she just shouted would you have fucking offered if I was a bloke. So part of me doesn’t blame men for not wanting to offer help. I find it very sad.

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By *heel markMan
11 weeks ago

beside the sea

I try and instill good manners in my two boys . Teach them etiquette etc and be nice humans.

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By *uriousBBWoman
11 weeks ago

cambridgeshire

They’re likely too busy with their heads in their phones to notice!

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 30/01/25 17:17:42]

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By *offiaCoolWoman
11 weeks ago

Kidsgrove

There is a view from some (not me, but I have seen posted on here), that offering a seat or holding a door open for women, is a form of misogyny. Their view is that implies women need help/assistance from men.

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By *ightower2021Man
11 weeks ago

donegal

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
11 weeks ago

your head

Why should just men offer? What happend to people just being courteous to eachother? I've given up my seat many times to someone who might need it more than me.

Flip side, how many of those people were unable to stand but you wouldn't have known just by looking at them? I'm just musing but it's easy to judge a book by it's cover sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

You're pretty much describing exactly how most old people act. It's pretty well documented that millennials are notably more civic minded and conscientious than their elders, for example. Young people constantly complain that their parents don't seem to live the values they thought they were brought up on - live and let live, kindness to strangers, etc.

It's rare for me to see anyone over 50 do anything kind or thoughtful. Just a generational thing.

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By *ightower2021Man
11 weeks ago

donegal

"I totally agree with you. Unfortunately when some men offer to help women they are met with a load of abuse. For example when I saw a woman struggle with a pushchair going down the stairs at a tube station. A kind man offered to help and she just shouted would you have fucking offered if I was a bloke. So part of me doesn’t blame men for not wanting to offer help. I find it very sad. "
totally agree with this I've been told in past too fuck off or you get a totally ungrateful stare like who do you think you are thing it's the younger generation in general male or female have no manners

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By *ympho6969Woman
11 weeks ago

glasgow

I think manners cost nothing but I don't expect any special treatment cos I'm a girl and he's a guy. I'd happily get up out my seat for a mother and child too.

That being said, it seems like manners and curtesy are optional extras now to some people

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By *allGuy1000 OP Man
11 weeks ago

Reading

"Why should just men offer? What happend to people just being courteous to eachother? I've given up my seat many times to someone who might need it more than me.

Flip side, how many of those people were unable to stand but you wouldn't have known just by looking at them? I'm just musing but it's easy to judge a book by it's cover sometimes. "

I do agree with your point regarding why should it only be men that offer. As a civilised society we should all be courteous to each other. But for discussion sake, I’d still prefer that a man offers before a lady. It’s just the way I’m wired. X

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By *naswingdressWoman
11 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Several years ago I was on crutches and struggling on public transport.

It was universally the younger people who offered to help me. No gender divide.

I prefer offering on the basis of perceived need - quietly, once, and taking no for an answer.

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By *mileyculturebelfastMan
11 weeks ago

belfast

Load of nonsense to be honest.

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By *apienterMan
11 weeks ago

Boston

I am afraid you are right when I was young I remember my mother informing me that I should walk on the roadside of the pavemennt when walking beside a lady,on a double decker bus walk behind the lady on the way up the stairs and in front on the way down in case they fall,always give up your seat to a lady or elderly gent and of course hold the door for the person behind.simple things I still use and have passed on to my son.

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By *ou only live onceMan
11 weeks ago

London

No, I don't think young people are any less considerate than in the past. All the young people I know are perfect gentle men and women.

Us oldies just chuck on our rose tinted specs about how different things were in our day.

I travel on the tube every day and will nearly always see someone give up a seat for others - and nearly always received gratefully and graciously. Maybe I'm just lucky.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
11 weeks ago

in Lancashire

"You're pretty much describing exactly how most old people act. It's pretty well documented that millennials are notably more civic minded and conscientious than their elders, for example. Young people constantly complain that their parents don't seem to live the values they thought they were brought up on - live and let live, kindness to strangers, etc.

It's rare for me to see anyone over 50 do anything kind or thoughtful. Just a generational thing."

Or a generalisation thing..?

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By *ou only live onceMan
11 weeks ago

London

"No, I don't think young people are any less considerate than in the past. All the young people I know are perfect gentle men and women.

Us oldies just chuck on our rose tinted specs about how different things were in our day.

I travel on the tube every day and will nearly always see someone give up a seat for others - and nearly always received gratefully and graciously. Maybe I'm just lucky."

Sorry, meant to add, there will be some who don't - either they don't notice or don't think it's expected - but I think that was the same in the past. My Mum often retold of not being offered a seat when pregnant in the 70s...

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By *ealitybitesMan
11 weeks ago

Belfast

I gave up my seat to an elderly woman on a tram in Geneva last year. She thanked me but another woman who was already seated started having a rant at me. No idea what she said as it was in French but she was angry over my actions.

I hold doors open for anyone coming behind me regardless of gender and on a number of occasions have been told to fuck off by women for doing so.

One actually said she didn't need a man to do anything for her and she was well able to open a door and asked if my parents were proud of raising a cunt?

One other point that these discussions often raise is that being a gentleman doesn't discriminate between genders and opening doors and giving up seats shouldn't just be for women.

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By *eordieJeansCouple
11 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

SOME women get angry if you hold a door open for them. For once I don’t think it’s the men that put a stop to this.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
11 weeks ago

Holibobs

"SOME women get angry if you hold a door open for them. For once I don’t think it’s the men that put a stop to this."

We are definitely an angry nation atm, It's sad people are too scared to help others, for fear of being turned on

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By *eroLondonMan
11 weeks ago

Mayfair

For me it's about courtesy, consideration and graciousness, irrespective of gender or age. I've noticed good and not-so-good manners from both young and old.

Unfortunately the root cause for the erosion and decline of chivalrous deeds by men lies squarely with (some) women from what I have witnessed on the London Underground. These days I am reluctant and fearful to even think of being 'gentlemanly' because my self respect and feelings are worth a tad more than the disproportionate and unnecessary backlash from the opposite sex.

If and when I offer a seat on the train it's usually to those who 'need' it for a genuine reason - men, women and children. I don't do it for any gentlemanly values or chivalry, for I no longer prescribe to that, despite the notion of it being 'instilled in me' or 'me being old fashioned'.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
11 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Younger than you does not mean able bodied. You can't see anything wrong with them doesn't mean they don't have an issue that makes their need greater than or equal to those with more obvious issues 💜

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

East Sussex

In my experience younger people are far more polite than older.

Just be a decent person whatever your gender.

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By *eoBloomsMan
11 weeks ago

Springfield

"https://www.readersdigest.ca/health/relationships/how-polite-are-we/

Many older people we encountered complained that courtesy was less prevalent among the young. But we found that the under-40s were, by a small margin, the most helpful of all age groups. Toronto ranked second globally for courtesy among the young; Montreal came tenth. In fact, overall, the over-60s were the least courteous.

I think this is partly just an old person thing (they stop giving a fuck) and partly just the culture they grew up in ("fuck you, got mine").

It does seem to be an indicator of old age that you start complaining about the manners of young people, mind 🙂"

Lol, that's Canada. Now try in Croydon. 🤣

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By *obilebottomMan
11 weeks ago

All over

I was brought up to be respectful, polite and offer help wherever needed. So yes, I hold the door if someone is behind me, man, woman ir child. Yes I give my seat to someone that might look as they need it more than me (I once was very unwell tralling i tube and I actually asked someone if I could have a seat as was not feeling well and were happy to do that). These things have nothing to do with gender, just common manners and consideration for others. Society has lost a lot of that sadly but will not change me or the way I behave towards others. If it's not for you, I will not do it again of course if the same situation arose. Btw, I do talk to people at the bus stop, I smile if you walk very close and happen to look up. I also chat to everyone in my local shop if they are not busy. At work, I compliment people, men or women, if they wear something nice or had a new haircut. I fab pics on here with no motive despite two guys blocking me before because I did so. I am in the main very happy with how I interact with others.

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