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Disabled Partner

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By *incsM69 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Lincoln

Does anyone else have a disabled partner who is no longer able to be involved in the physical aspect of the relationship.

I joined the site a couple of years back because my partner became disabled 6 years ago and can no longer participate in anything physical, previously she had already lost that urge and our physical side was rare.

I did get a couple of meetings and then started to feel guilty and came off but because I still wish to feel sexually active have rejoined.

Has anyone else had experience with this and how have you dealt with it?

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

Instead of talking to us, try talking to your partner about your feelings and desires. See if there’s a compromise that can be made.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

Oh God. My opinion is that you’re doing the wrong thing by cheating and you should be honest about your desires and needs. One thing your partner needs is commitment, not someone that won’t communicate.

Good luck. Hope you find the answers you seek from others that have been in similar.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
25 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

How does your partner feel about it?

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By *incsM69 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Lincoln

Yes that has been an early discussion however since the injury resulted in paralysis from the chest down along with traumatic brain injury which has led to her being confused and sometimes disorientated as well as problems remembering and concentrating these kind of conversations are difficult.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex

I don't have experience but quite a few do.

I think you must do what is best for all concerned and that isn't always what strangers on the internet think is right.

Hopefully someone who does have experience of this will be along and you'll be able to have an open discussion

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Yes that has been an early discussion however since the injury resulted in paralysis from the chest down along with traumatic brain injury which has led to her being confused and sometimes disorientated as well as problems remembering and concentrating these kind of conversations are difficult."

That's awful for you both.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place

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By *incsM69 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Lincoln


"Yes that has been an early discussion however since the injury resulted in paralysis from the chest down along with traumatic brain injury which has led to her being confused and sometimes disorientated as well as problems remembering and concentrating these kind of conversations are difficult.

That's awful for you both.

You're caught between a rock and a hard place "

Hence my question and whilst this isnt the obvious place to ask there may been many reasons why some people are here and one or two could be for something similar.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

The problem with asking here, is that nobody knows your relationship as well as you, so any advice is likely to be of little use.

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By *incsM69 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Lincoln


"How does your partner feel about it?"

I did an earlier response where i explain the disability is not only physical so discussion with her on this is not an easy one or one that she could now comprehend in the capacity that we can.

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By *incsM69 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Lincoln


"The problem with asking here, is that nobody knows your relationship as well as you, so any advice is likely to be of little use. "

Youre correct but when i first joined i did see a couple of profiles that did mention disabled partners and never spoke to them about it. And whilst we would have the same experiences they may have a better understanding.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex


"The problem with asking here, is that nobody knows your relationship as well as you, so any advice is likely to be of little use.

Youre correct but when i first joined i did see a couple of profiles that did mention disabled partners and never spoke to them about it. And whilst we would have the same experiences they may have a better understanding."

There are a few men. Hopefully they'll see this and you can have a discussion with people who've lived your situation.

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By *penmindedpleaserMan
9 hours ago

Amble

I’ve just been reading through your thread there.

I don’t give advice, I don’t have opinions and and don’t assume. But I’m a logical thinker, so hopefully I can help.

If I were you, now, and if I’d already broken the seal by sleeping with someone else then it’s done. The guilt is the opposite payment to you for the act of being with someone else. If the guilt is to overpowering then I’d stop. If it wasn’t then I’d carry satisfying my needs if thru are that strong in need. But I’d keep it to myself, and then no one else can say anything to make me feel worse.

And I’d ask myself, just out of curiosity and it won’t change what I choose to do. But I’d ask myself, would my wife be ok with this knowing it’s just physical and not emotional.

I hope this halos my friend

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By *lexm87Man
8 hours ago

Various

You have to look after yourself before you can help anyone else.

The patience and emotional drain of caring for someone with any type of cognitive impairment also comes with the sense that you've already lost the person.

If you are the sole carer, and also working, you run the risk of burning yourself out, so it depends on what care package(s) you have in place, what support you have from your family, and from her family.

You might just need to arrange cover and have a day or two on your own to recharge.

If you meet someone in a similar position, you might be able to hide together for some mutually required release.

As you have no intention of leaving your partner, you are only fucking someone who, in turn, is fucking you. Given the logistics in arranging care, once you've arranged something, you and you equally knackered co-shagger, will probably just have dinner and talk.

But, if that's what you need to get you through, you have to look after yourself before you can help anyone else.

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
8 hours ago

Carlisle


"Yes that has been an early discussion however since the injury resulted in paralysis from the chest down along with traumatic brain injury which has led to her being confused and sometimes disorientated as well as problems remembering and concentrating these kind of conversations are difficult."

So, I sometimes get the confusion, disorientation, remembering etc also from brain stuff. I am not however paralysed, I use a walking stick to help with balance that worsens with everything else when fatigued.

So what I'm trying to say is I have some slight understanding.

Personally I'd talk to the Mrs. Take it from there. It can go a million different ways from that start. It's up to you whether it's a 'ive been thinking about x,y,z' to 'this is what I have been doing and why' and then it can go from there. Or obviously there is the don't say anything and continue or don't say anything and stop.

I know it can be tricky, but ultimately you will do what you feel is best. Good luck. If you wanted to talk further about disability, brain problems and how that transfers to swinging, msg. I'll try and answer my best.

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
7 hours ago

Ryde

It's one of the main reasons why my wife sees other guys, as I have my own (non-visible) disabilities to deal with, so just want to make sure that she has her needs met.

I get to watch and record, so a happy arrangement.

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