FabSwingers.com forum: Do you live with someone how spends more than they earn

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

Am fed up of paying the Wife's bills. She just can't stop spending and filling the house up.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
2 weeks ago

Wallasey

My hubby does

, Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn.Wick.Man
2 weeks ago

The Continental

So stop paying them then.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy-RedWoman
2 weeks ago

pink panther territory

I did until her moved out just before Christmas

Nice to have some money again

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

I know this is nosey but what is she filling the house with that’s eating up all her money?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *o_yeur_eyes_onlyMan
2 weeks ago

Londontown

Yup..... Me!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
2 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"I know this is nosey but what is she filling the house with that’s eating up all her money? "

Is it hundreds of plastic ducks? 🦆

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ffervescentMan
2 weeks ago

winfrith

No I don't but I know somebody who is addicted to shopping for herself using my money lol slightly different in so far as I can afford it but she ran out of spending power with the several cards she had maxed out .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urry BlokeMan
2 weeks ago

Stalybridge

I had this for many years

Constantly managing the books to make sure we had enough left to pay bills

She earned a lot of money back then, but managed to spend it all, plus some of mine, plus run up credit card bills every month

It's exhausting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"I know this is nosey but what is she filling the house with that’s eating up all her money? "

Clothes, shoes, bags, ornaments, etc, and food shopping just bined a black sack of out of date food.

Things brought as they looked nice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards."

If the cards are in her name it's her problem.

If you took the cards out in your name and then gave her a card to use, cancel the cards and clear the bill. What she doesn't have she still can't use.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *HINKING ABOUT ITMan
2 weeks ago

Wales

Been there done that got the im an idiot T shirt. Walked away is what i did!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"Yup..... Me!

How bad is yours. Think mine is at least £1000 a month not sure about cards as its all online so I can't see..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohn.Wick.Man
2 weeks ago

The Continental

I’m being deadly serious when I say get a grip on it. Shit like that can only end in disaster.

I can very painfully testify to the aftermath of being spent into debt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards.

If the cards are in her name it's her problem.

If you took the cards out in your name and then gave her a card to use, cancel the cards and clear the bill. What she doesn't have she still can't use. "

Cards are all in her name. When I say she can't have cash it's just another row. Company's are both in joint names.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"I know this is nosey but what is she filling the house with that’s eating up all her money?

Clothes, shoes, bags, ornaments, etc, and food shopping just bined a black sack of out of date food.

Things brought as they looked nice.

Perhaps she’s using shopping as a way to cope with something she’s dealing with mental health wise.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sWyldWoman
2 weeks ago

Edinburgh

It's me, I do that. It's ok though I've no one else to answer to

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uzzleMan
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"Am fed up of paying the Wife's bills. She just can't stop spending and filling the house up."

That's what divorce is for!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards.

If the cards are in her name it's her problem.

If you took the cards out in your name and then gave her a card to use, cancel the cards and clear the bill. What she doesn't have she still can't use.

Cards are all in her name. When I say she can't have cash it's just another row. Company's are both in joint names. "

Unless you draw a line and stop it now you'll be someone that suddenly realises down the line you are severely in debt (potentially) because your wife is over spending and hiding it from you.

People loose everything all the time because of situations like these and are oblivious to it building up over months and years.

You either have to stop it now and tell her that's it or realise the consequences that come from it further down the line when no money is left but the debt is huge.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"It's me, I do that. It's ok though I've no one else to answer to "

So yiu can't be as bad I would guess an over spend of about £14k a year

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *sWyldWoman
2 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"It's me, I do that. It's ok though I've no one else to answer to

So yiu can't be as bad I would guess an over spend of about £14k a year "

In reality I've always lived beyond my means in some ways as I've brought my sons up solo and I never wanted them to feel they missed out. Now, what I spend and how I spend is no one else's business but mine and I love he freedom of that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

So how do I stop the card spending when there not in my name and I don't know how meany or the limits.

But would guess 8 cards probably over 100k if all maxed out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *viatrixWoman
2 weeks ago

Redhill

We did for many years!!

But now I think we have reined it in quite well. With age comes maturity lol

so I am just as happy wearing Primarni or Supermarket clothes as I am wearing high end couture. As long as I like it, we’re good. Our cars are at least 8 years old -bought from new, so paid off and in pretty good shape and we love them. Holidays, we save loads on airfare and we don’t go every year.

The teenagers and the uni student are true money bleeders but we stop them when needed. There were no presents this Christmas for them and they were ok with it. 🤷‍♀️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urry BlokeMan
2 weeks ago

Stalybridge

If you have joint assets, they may come after them if the defaults start

It's seriously not just a "her" problem

Have you done a credit check recently?

Are there any loans you don't know about too?

Try and see if you can find out what debt is registered to the address and minus your own

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"If you have joint assets, they may come after them if the defaults start

It's seriously not just a "her" problem

Have you done a credit check recently?

Are there any loans you don't know about too?

Try and see if you can find out what debt is registered to the address and minus your own"

Will do this, this week. Then I can put it in front of her.

She will probably storm out and say im being mean.I don't have any Debt. Have payed the mortgage off and I cover the house bills.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
2 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Am fed up of paying the Wife's bills. She just can't stop spending and filling the house up."

Joint account , destroy the card for it , pay all the bills, savings etc from it, then each month split what’s left in half and transfer to individual accounts. All individual spending is done from individual accounts.

Job done save you both a lot of money hassle & fights.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amie HantsWoman
2 weeks ago

Atlantis

Yes. The first flat I lived by myself in when I was 24. That was a recurring problem

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"So how do I stop the card spending when there not in my name and I don't know how meany or the limits.

But would guess 8 cards probably over 100k if all maxed out "

Stop bailing her out , this has to be the starting point.

Any loan or credit card that is not in a joint name is not your liability- married or not.

Those debts are not your problem - it's hers.

Where you will come unstuck is any joint ownership of companies and anything else you own.

This is why you need to have the conversation and put it all to her, if she starts a screaming match, don't rise too it but also don't back down until you have the truth and all statements showing you what's owed.

You could loose everything due to her debt , she's clearly in the mindset you'll always pay and she's not bothered about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exyScientistsCouple
2 weeks ago

Castlebar

Nope. Neither of us could put up with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orester891Man
2 weeks ago

Her credit card got pinched but I didnt report it coz the thief was spending way less.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exyScientistsCouple
2 weeks ago

Castlebar

Her credit card got pinched but I didnt report it coz the thief was spending way less.

🤣🤣🤣

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

Her credit card got pinched but I didnt report it coz the thief was spending way less.

Now that is an idear ✂️ at the ready..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
2 weeks ago

Wakefield

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards.

If the cards are in her name it's her problem.

If you took the cards out in your name and then gave her a card to use, cancel the cards and clear the bill. What she doesn't have she still can't use.

Cards are all in her name. When I say she can't have cash it's just another row. Company's are both in joint names. "

Doesn’t matter that the cards are in her name. If you get divorced it’s half your debt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
2 weeks ago

Wakefield

"So how do I stop the card spending when there not in my name and I don't know how meany or the limits.

But would guess 8 cards probably over 100k if all maxed out

Stop bailing her out , this has to be the starting point.

Any loan or credit card that is not in a joint name is not your liability- married or not.

Those debts are not your problem - it's hers.

Where you will come unstuck is any joint ownership of companies and anything else you own.

You could loose everything due to her debt , she's clearly in the mindset you'll always pay and she's not bothered about it."

They will be his problem if they get divorced.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luebell888Woman
2 weeks ago

Glasgowish

"Am fed up of paying the Wife's bills. She just can't stop spending and filling the house up."

If you keep paying she will never stop. You sometimes have to be cruel to be kind.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
2 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

"So how do I stop the card spending when there not in my name and I don't know how meany or the limits.

But would guess 8 cards probably over 100k if all maxed out

Stop bailing her out , this has to be the starting point.

Any loan or credit card that is not in a joint name is not your liability- married or not.

Those debts are not your problem - it's hers.

Where you will come unstuck is any joint ownership of companies and anything else you own.

You could loose everything due to her debt , she's clearly in the mindset you'll always pay and she's not bothered about it.

They will be his problem if they get divorced. "

Not necessarily but could be. Depends on the court and other factors. It’s not true that it’s not the other spouse’s problem. It can be. The debts can be classed as marital debts.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
2 weeks ago

yumsville

"I know this is nosey but what is she filling the house with that’s eating up all her money?

Clothes, shoes, bags, ornaments, etc, and food shopping just bined a black sack of out of date food.

Things brought as they looked nice.

She'll likely only use a few favourite companies more than others. Write a generic letter giving name and address about being highly in debt due to being a shopaholic, ask to be barred from making any future purchases from all cards (ending last 4 digits), be removed from emails, advertising and any deliveries.

For the companies you miss, Worldpay facilitate a good majority of transactions so maybe mail or write to them in a similar way. If she's 100k in debt, for the price of a few second class stamps it could have outcome

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uri00620Woman
2 weeks ago

Croydon

Genuinely couldn't. Have been financially independent since 17 when I moved out. I'm really careful bc I've had to be. I wouldn't let someone put me in a position of debt, I've never allowed that myself (even when there could have been good reason) and would find it hard to respect a partner that does so frivolously and expect me to bail them out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etitesaraTV/TS
2 weeks ago

rochdale

When younger I shared a house with a series of friends.

One had bailiffs turn up for unpaid Council Tax debts from a previous address. He kept hiding from them & left me to deal with the bailiffs.

Eventually they got heavy & threatened to break down the door & take goods to the value of.

I'd researched the law & told them that if they could prove what was his they'd be welcome, but if one single item of mine was taken I'd drag them through courts til they were blue.

Eventually he did a flit leaving me with debts. He'd had a 2nd phone line fitted for his computer (90's) so I rang up sex lines for two weeks them told them he'd left.

When he turned up back in the country, I found out where he was & passed on his details to all his creditors.

Vindictive? Maybe, but I was in the process of getting a mortgage & he was putting my credit score at risk.

Revenge is best served cold...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

"Stop paying them for her, she'll soon realise she has an issue when she realises the debt can't be cleared.

That's just it she will just spend more on cards.

If the cards are in her name it's her problem.

If you took the cards out in your name and then gave her a card to use, cancel the cards and clear the bill. What she doesn't have she still can't use.

Cards are all in her name. When I say she can't have cash it's just another row. Company's are both in joint names.

Doesn’t matter that the cards are in her name. If you get divorced it’s half your debt. "

Yer I know that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Silver FuxMan
2 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

You have to give her an ultimatum. Stand up for yourself and make plans to separate finances. She will ruin you and walk, then go on to create a world of shit that you will have to eat for years to come.

All that money borrowed from the businesses, the credit, all your hard work will be worth nothing when you want to enjoy it most.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *antasycouple31Couple
2 weeks ago

Between Pontarddulias and Gorseinon

Just have to face up to it, have that serious conversation and speak to the card companies to put a block on new credit. She needs to understand it’s not on and that’s cash that could be spent on family stuff.

We’ve been there and going through resolving it ATM. Stuff like buying 20 pairs of Nike airs in one go or a couple of grand a week on clothes it’s just a waste. (Just don’t ask how my by cars are costing me

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ummerSun_1Woman
2 weeks ago

York

"Perhaps she’s using shopping as a way to cope with something she’s dealing with mental health wise.

Sounds like it's a symptom of an underlying issue. Like many addictions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
2 weeks ago

Southampton

"If you have joint assets, they may come after them if the defaults start

It's seriously not just a "her" problem

Have you done a credit check recently?

Are there any loans you don't know about too?

Try and see if you can find out what debt is registered to the address and minus your own

Will do this, this week. Then I can put it in front of her.

She will probably storm out and say im being mean.I don't have any Debt. Have payed the mortgage off and I cover the house bills. "

Sorry to sound mean but it sounds like she's treating you like a mug. You need to sit down and have a conversation with her. Good luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xperiencing-newCouple
2 weeks ago

Nottingham

Haha yes R does , however I always buy him a little treat too!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ove2pleaseseuk OP Man
2 weeks ago

Hastings

Going to do a credit check print it off and then light the blue touch paper..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady CurvaceousWoman
2 weeks ago

Kent

Yea. Me. I'm the one who spends. My husband is so tight he squeaks when he walks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ermite12ukMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull and Brentwood

"Yea. Me. I'm the one who spends. My husband is so tight he squeaks when he walks. "

Thought it was the hush puppies.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny salesmanMan
2 weeks ago

Preston

Mine does but l don't mind not all relationships are financially equal l pay more tax then she earns and I would rather see the woman l love happy then give it to the government to squander on illegal immigrants overseas aid and the bet zero lie

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
2 weeks ago

Southampton

"Going to do a credit check print it off and then light the blue touch paper.."

Good luck I hope you can get a resolution

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
2 weeks ago

Reading

Sounds like she needs some help with a shopping addiction.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread